Disclaimer – I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters and I'm not making any money of these writings.
Beta'd – Very much unbeta'd so please forgive my mistakes.
AN – Just a small drabble written at 3 am. I was feeling blue and angsty and this is what came out…
You're leaving. I guess I always knew you would…Funny that doesn't make it hurt any less. I should have seen it coming I suppose. You were always better than this. Everything here is small…Small town, small minds and no opportunities for one like you.
You radiate, you shine and cut through the dreary and grey darkness of everyday life. You burn and you blind me with your brightness. It makes me crawl back into the shadows that I know I'll never escape. Still I thought I could be your shadow, be the thing that made you burn brighter, I guess not.
I'm not like you; I can't speak four languages fluently and know how many decimals Pi have. But I do know every plane of your body. I can account for every freckle on your skin, I know that your eyes are cobalt blue when you're happy and almost a steely grey when you're pissed. I know that your hair is as soft as it looks and that you're biting you're lower lip when you're nervous. I know that you absolutely hate to be called short and that you fit perfectly in my arms. I know that your voice get low and hoarse when you scream my name and I know that the carpet matches the drapes. Does that count for anything? Or are they just more small, insignificant things to be left behind.
I realize that you're not cruel, you are doing what's best for you and I should be happy. I can't be though…You're leaving me behind.
Sometimes I wish you didn't burn so brightly, I wish you were grey and drab like the rest of us. But then you wouldn't be you and I wouldn't love you. I wish I could cage you, keep you here with me forever and stifle your dreams. You would hate me but maybe it would be worth it if you were here.
It sounds cliché and maybe it is but my life began when I met you. I don't know who I was before you touched me with your fire, lit me up to burn like you. Will my flame go out now? Will I fade back into the nothing where I came from and will you even care?
I love you. I can say it now that I know you won't hear it. I love you, your temper, your lips, every fucking strand of golden hair on your head…I love you.
Years from now, when you are someone, when the world has been touched by your light…Will you remember me then? Will you remember the lanky, awkward good for nothing redhead that always followed you with his eyes and would never amount to anything? It's probably greedy and selfish but I hope you will. I hope that sometimes you will stop in your perfect life and wonder what could have been.
I love you and I'm letting you go. That's the only thing I can give you…Your freedom. You always were better than this, better than me. It would be wrong to hold you back and to weigh you down. I'm older and I should know better. You have your whole life ahead of you and you should be free to live it. To find love over and over again and learn all there is to know. I want that for you…I really, truly do but it hurts so fucking much. I know that I'm sounding melodramatic and that if you were here you would probably roll your eyes…Hell I would. You're not dying and maybe someday I'll see you again but you won't be mine. I'm releasing you, cutting all bonds and it hurts.
The bitterness rises inside me like bile, drowning every sweet word and happy memory we've shared. You're leaving and I can't get out…I will never get out. Tomorrow, next week, next year and ten years from now you will find me right here. Working the same job, walking the same streets, seeing the same people. But you will be gone.
Spread your wings and fly baby. Test yourself everyday and strain your mind until you know everything.
I hope I made you happy. For the short time that you were mine and you burned just for me, smiled for me, cried for me and shared your dreams with me, I hope I was a good man.
Who knew that the taste of love would be so bitter? I didn't and for that I'm glad. It's bitter and vile and it corrodes my insides until there's nothing left but a black hole. I'm glad I didn't know because if I had I would have never let you in…And that would have been a tragedy.
I may be empty now but I regret nothing. I had you….You! We had each other, held each other and loved each other…Even if I never told you.
I'll never watch you sleep again; never see how your long lashes shadows your cheeks and how your nose scrunches up when you dream. I won't wake up with you in my arms or feel you clench around me as we make love in the moonlight. I wish I could say that it's okay and maybe someday it will be but right now I'm drowning. I'm drowning in my own bitterness and jealousy. Hopefully those feelings will fade…One day.
Make me proud out there beloved. Live, love, laugh and burn…Most of all burn. Burn as bright as the sun and chase away all the darkness.
Good bye. I won't say it to your face. I won't be there to see you off. I won't let you see a grown man break down.
Good bye my sunshine…
My burning flame…
My best friend…
AN – Thank you so much for reading, I have a companion piece in Roxas POV…Let me know if you want to read it.