Title: Captcha is Xenophobic
Pairing: Implied Spock/Uhura (which I don't ship), but it's really a gen.
Rating: G
In response to a kink meme about captcha frustrating Spock because he's not human.

Kirk POV

[../:S-af//t:y.::.//PA.n-ts'.]

Please confirm you are human.

[________________]

***

"Most illogical."

Shit. 'Illogical' usually means there's some scary scape anomoly floating out there in front of us, preparing to violate all my personel. Well, it was quite for a little while. "What's illogical Mr. Spock? Energy beings? Invisible ships? Space hippies maybe?" I swivel in my chair to face him. He's frowing lightly at his consoule.

"No such anomolies have occured as of late Captain. I was, in fact, referring to a security system titled 'Captcha'." Captcha? That's that word generator thing. But isn't that only on those blog sites where emo's whine about their inability to fit in with the world?...Oh...

"Yeah, it's a word generator right? You just type the words you see Mr. Spock." He nods.

"That would be the normal course of action Captain. But I wish to continue with my conversation and it is not allowing me to do so. The website insists that I use captcha to proceed."

"Yeah, and?" He swivels in his chair to face me. I know the rest of the crew is listening and pretending not to. Who knew Spock's social awkwardness could betray him on a computer of all things.

"Captain, captcha insists that I type the words I see to assure the system that I am human. I am not." Mr. Literal.

"You're half human." He nods again.

"I thought of that scenario as well. But as it turns out one of the two words presented is not sufficent enough to allow further access to the discussion boards." Was there a replicator malfunction I wasn't paged about. Or maybe Uhura gave him Syphilis or something...hm...where would she get syphillis? Back to the matter at hand!

"Well, no, that wouldn't work. You need both words. Just type them anyway Mr. Spock."

"That would be dishonest Captain." I drop my head a little. He must have something, there's no way Spock could be this dumb unless he's sick or on something.

"Spock, it's a computer, it doesn't care if you're being honest. Captcha is used to filter out viruses. You're not a virus, so it's okay to fill in all the words." Spock turns back to his consoule, but he doesn't finish whatever it was he was doing before. He looks...dejected...maybe, just a little bit.

Well damn...

_________

I checked later after his shift was over, during his meditation time. He had been chatting with some little Vulcan girl named Kaavik. Obviously she didn't have the same hang ups with Captcha. Their little messageboard was full of a bunch of Vulcan and Romulan words I didn't know, but I saw 'Amanda' written a few times, my own name too. Now I feel bad about telling Bones all about what happened. I honestly thought he was just trying to talk to other genius's about chemistry or something.

Well I am James Tiberius Kirk and I'm a couple of things. Womanizer, Friend, Starfleet captain, and one hot piece of ass if I do say so myself. And as a friend I am going to fix this stupid little mixup. Saving Earth from a massive blackhole and becoming the youngest captain in Starfleet history has to hold some weight right?

***

It does. I really can't believe it went over as well as it did. I was expecting a long process that involved yelling, charm, maybe a few credits, and possibly even bribery. But no. Apperantly the owner of the website is some 16 year old computer genius, much like myself at her age, who almost fainted after seeing me on her vidscreen.

She thinks I'm hot. She's got good taste, she'll do well in the future. But after she calmed down I asked her if she could do something about Captcha. She said she couldn't remove it off her site, but she was willing to fix it.

**the next day***

There's no disaster floating our way, no paperwork piling up, and no repairs to be made. That means Spock should be logging on soon.

"Fascinating." Bingo.

"Called in a favor Mr. Spock. My ship can't run at it's best if my 1st's mind is stuck pondering captcha." He doesn't 'say' thank you, but I know he's thanking me. All in a days work.

"May I inquire as to how you--"

"I contacted the site creator and gave her your two IP adresses and asked her to hack captcha for me. No big."

***

[..'/Pl,'`ome-+ek//So:;.u-p/]

Please confirm you are S'chn T'gai Spock.

[_______________]

***

Okay so it ended fluffy. And I guess it wasn't as funny as it could have been but I couldn't resist. And this is the first het I've published in like ever, even if it was only implied. Hope you liked it.