A/N – Sorry it has taken me AGES to update, but basically I am writing an original story with original characters, so I'm kinda stuck on that one at the moment, so yeah, I might add it too fiction press, I'm not really sure yet to be honest =)
For the record '60 days' WAS a story, I don't have cancer =|
Anyway, on with the story, eh?
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, but I totally own this plot, and if you think of copying it, I will be on you faster than you can say BACON.
"Edward, you haven't spoken to me all day." I noted quietly, biting into my sandwich.
Ever since the morning Edward has been avoiding me, as in if he sees me in the hallway, he'll walk the other direction. I would normally just accept it, if it were another person. But, this is Edward, and he is my life. I can't just ignore that like everything else.
"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't want you to think that," he whispered back, running his fingers through his hair, grabbing it by the roots.
"Stop, you're going to damage your hair, what's wrong with you?" I asked, gently pulling his hands away from his hair. Even though he did not know it, Edward meant a lot to me, probably more than he should.
"It's just…What's wrong with you, Bella?" He asked, pained, his bloodshot eyes giving me an intense stare, that I couldn't find myself to look away from.
"What are you trying to imply here?" I muttered, bitter. Edward was the one person who I thought would take me better and worse, no questions asked. I am hoping he will just drop the subject.
"I didn't mean it like that. You seem…so…lost. I want to help you, Isabella, but I don't know what's wrong. I feel like you aren't telling me the whole truth. Actually, I feel like you haven't told anyone the whole truth. Why can't you trust me? I have told you everything about my life. Yet, I seem to get nothing in return," he snapped, slamming his drink down so fast it spilled a little. He looked at me impatiently. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes.
"I want to tell you, Edward. I really, really do. It is not that I don't trust you, I do. A lot, but as you said, I can't tell anyone, I can't get close to anyone… it's just so, I'm just so… I…can't, just can't bring myself to tell you. I'm sorry. I will though, soon. But, I…" I trailed off, tears forming in my eyes. I shook my head quickly and blinked back the tears. I wasn't going to cry anymore.
I cringed as the tears slipped out and down my face, so much for not crying.
"Uh, I-I gotta g-" I coughed and walked off, pushing my lemonade bottle over and pulled my hood up. I shivered as tears just…fell.
I wish I could tell him. I want to. I trust Edward. I do. But…I'm scared that he wont like me when he finds out how terrible I am. I'm so broken and I can't be fixed, ever. Once, you can make up for, twice is a crime. I'm in jail. My life is a sentence.
I collapsed on the ground and did what I did best, cried. I cried because I'm pathetic, and a waste of a human life. All those babies in heaven just waiting for release, and here I am, in a perfectly healthy body, just wasting my life away.
I opened my eyes and saw Edward leaning over me with platonic worry in his eyes, I wanted to close my eyes again, but once transfixed on his emerald orbs, I was hooked like a drug abuser.
"Are you alright?" he croaked, flopping beside me. My eyes followed his movements as he lied down and then sat back up again. I was silent, and I don't know for how long. It must have been a long time since Edward began to look at me funny. I blinked and ate air as I tried to speak, gaping like a fish.
"Uh…I…guess," I sighed, defeated. Everything was so different lately; we weren't carefree like we were. Edward was more distant, if he wasn't trying to figure me out. It hurt, I was beginning to think I was an experiment of his, and I knew it was true because once he got an answer out of me; he would go off with Tanya or someone else. He was becoming one of them.
"Why are you so upset, Bella?" he whispered, his voice cracking. I shivered as I felt his breath on my neck; I looked at my knees in distraction. I wasn't going to tell him. But I will reveal something, something that I had not seen in a long time.
"Can you come with me? I want to show you something, please," I smiled slightly, standing up. He stood up with me and held my hand, it was a simple, friendly gesture and I shivered again as the electricity flowed through us, bonding him and me together.
The drive to my house was quite, but comfortable. We were still silent as we walked into the house and into the living room.
"Make yourself comfortable," I smiled slightly, letting go of his hand. Edward's eyes flicked to his arm briefly, but then he looked up and smiled. "I'll just go and get them, be right back," I hurried, running out of the room and up the stairs.
In the attic, I got the dark, dusty box and lifted it down, carefully walking down the stairs as the box was huge, and I couldn't see above or below it. I made it back to the living room okay.
When I could see again, I noticed that Edward was standing by my 4th Grade photo. I had a slight gap in my tooth and plaits. I blushed immensely at the little girl I was, but I was smiling at her as well, she was only someone I could envy nowadays.
"Yeah, that's me." I said, and Edward jumped at the sound of my voice, "You seriously didn't hear me? The stairs creak…" I bit my lip, "Sorry" I finished before I could embarrass myself further.
"You were cute," Edward smiled, sitting back on the sofa, "So what's this, then?" he asked, tapping the box. I grinned involuntary.
"If you like the picture, you might love this. These are my home videos; I thought we could watch them…if you like. I mean it's kind of stupid, but it's my way of opening up to you more, because you know, I can't really tell you the whole truth…but if you don't want to do it-." Edward's hand covered my mouth in order to stop me talking. I obeyed and closed my mouth.
"I would love to see these," he smiled softly, sitting back on the sofa. I nodded and went to the box. I picked on at random, it said on the side 'Bella, 1995'.
"Okay then, don't laugh…" I warned as I pressed play and the memories were right in front of me.
*START OF VIDEO*
A camera is zooming on a little girl playing in the sand box. This little girl is three-year old Bella Swan. She has her curly, brown hair in two short pigtails, and her smile is huge, she just had all her teeth. She laughed as threw sand up in the air.
"What you doing there, Bella?" Renee, Bella's mom, asked, laughing gleefully at her daughter. Bella stood up at the sound of her mother. She waved quickly before brushing herself free of sand.
"I do my hair so it looks like the sun," she squealed, her voice high and full of delight. Renee laughs behind the hair.
"You're beautiful just the way you are, Bella," Renee says to Bella, which catches her attention, Bella smiles at her mother, her brown eyes sparkling.
"Well I think you're the beautifullest' she replies, her voice final, her eyes shining.
"Thank you, Bella," Renee laughs, leaving Bella to colour her hair.
*END OF VIDEO*
I look at Edward anxiously. I was a completely different girl back then. Edward's look of shock turned into a wide grin suddenly. He looks over at me, his green eyes alive with excited flames.
"Can we watch another? Can I choose?" he asked, quickly, standing up and looking in the box excitedly. I laughed at his enthusiasm.
Edward picked a tape and put it in, running back to the couch next too me. He scopes me up and holds me on his lap. I blushed at the overly friendly gesture, but it still felt lovely to be in his strong arms.
"I didn't know you could ride a bike," Edward whispered into my ear, making me shiver, before the next tape started.
*START OF VIDEO*
Bella is seven years old now. Her hair is just past her shoulders and she was still small for her age, she was equipped with a helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads – she was learning how to ride a bike.
Next to her, is her father, Charlie, he has curly brown hair and brown eyes, just like Bella. He was walking the bike whilst Bella skipped down the clear road.
"There she was just walking down the street singing do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!" Bella sung as she skipped, then she stopped suddenly. "This is it! This is the spot where I shall learn," she declared.
"Finally, we've been walking for half an hour trying to find the spot," Charlie grumbled, setting the bike down, and picked up Bella, placing his girl on the bike.
"Dad, I don't know anymore…" Bella squeaked, anxiously. But, Charlie was already pushing her forward.
"If you don't live now Bella, when will you ever? These are the moments!" Charlie yelled, running faster, which makes Bella yell with him.
"What does that mean?" Bella screams, but Charlie has let go. Bella is riding by herself. She continuously screams as she clumsily steers the bike…right into a lamppost. Bella falls off her bike and rolls over on the road.
"Oh my goodness, Charlie help her! Bella?!" Renee calls from behind the camera, running towards Bella. You could see hands pulling her up, but you could see Bella's face tensing before she bursts in giggles.
"Oh my gosh, Bella! This isn't funny, you could have been hurt!" Renee scolded her handing the camera to Charlie before taking Bella and hugging her.
"I'm sorry mommy," Bella whispered into Renee's shoulder.
*END OF VIDEO*
I remembered that, I was so scared that mom would be mad at me. Turns out we made cookies. I never did ride that bike again…
"There she was just walking down the street singing do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!" Edward laughed, rummaging through the box again. I just smiled, happy that he was happy.
The afternoon carried on like that, us watching videos. Some made me laugh, smile, and cry a little bit. I cried for the little girl, how she got so lost. She was so happy, and that happiness will never find its way back to me. I had left this little girl to go down the dark path, and now I can not find her again.
"Bella with our boy" Edward questioned, "Hm, this should be interesting…"
"No, Edward wait-," I tried to stop him, but the video was already playing.
*START OF VIDEO*
You could hear screaming in the background. Bella was ten and on the floor with her hands over her ears.
"Oh, hush little Bella, this is a good thing, you're mother is having baby!" the nanny, Clarice, rejoiced from behind the camera. Bella looked up with tear stained eyes.
"But she's in so much pain…"She whispered, her voice wobbling as she heard a loud scream and covered her ears again quickly.
Then, Charlie bursts through the room doors, pumping his fist into the air, out of breath but grinning. Bella jumps up and tries to make sense of her father and to why he was so happy.
"It's a boy! It's a boy! Ten Fingers, Toes, and dimples on his cheeks!" Charlie shouted, picking Bella up and bringing her back into the room, Clarice following in suit.
In the room, Renee is holding a tiny baby in her hands, her face sweaty and red, but she's smiling and crying. Bella rushes up and sits next to her mom.
"Bella, I would like you to meet your Brother Jayden," Renee whispered, putting one arm around Bella. Bella's eyes are teary still, but she's smiling and playing with the baby's small hands as if they were a precious jewel.
"Baby Jayden," she murmured, stroking his rosy cheeks, "I love you little brother," she smiled, kissing his smiling dimpled cheek.
*VIDEO GOES BLANK *
I wiped my eyes and looked at Edward anxiously. I had lied to him. He knows. Karma, I hate you. I bit my lip and just stared at his unmoving face. Slowly he twisted towards me.
"Bella, what is…how did…why didn't you tell me?" he questioned, his voice raising, standing up and above me. I cowered under his stare, his penetrating green eyes.
"Because, he's my brother, and I couldn't protect him!" I shouted, standing up to face him, "Two years old, Edward. I had to look at my two year old brother and see a cold, hard, DEAD face looking back at me! I was his big sister, I promised to protect him from any harm, and now he's dead! Imagine that was Alice…your little sister, who you would never let any harm ever come to her, imagine you were there when she died, one second alive, and the next…gone, and never coming back," I started sobbing and shaking by the end of what I was saying.
When I was near collapsing, Edward caught me in my arms and hugged me, squeezing the warmth back in me. I clung to him, crying into his shoulder, trying to get a hold of myself.
But, the video wasn't done yet. A dark haired figure appeared on the screen, his white teeth grinning.
"Jacob," I whispered, grabbing Edward's shirt.
*CONTINUATION OF VIDEO*
"Is this thing working yet? Are you even aloud to borrow it?" A deep voice chuckled. This is Jacob; he has long, black hair, and black entrancing eyes to match. His tanned skin was radiant, but no match towards his white gleaming smile.
"Well since it was my parents, and now they're dead, I don't think they'll mind," a sweet voice sang a puff of smoke forming around Jacob, to which he inhaled. The sweet voice laughed, putting the camera on the hood of the car.
The once innocent Bella was now a different girl. She was fourteen, and had already gone through puberty. Her face was sickly pale; she had a nose stud and thick black eyeliner. What she was wearing could barely class as clothing since it didn't cover her body much. She had one arm around Jacob and the other holding a bottle of beer.
"Hush Bella, they are still alive…haha…in your heart," Jacob burst out laughing; loosing his balance for a second but regains it. He flops to the floor next to Bella.
Bella was looking at the floor, but when she looked up for a second or two, she had tears in her eyes. Jacob sighed and hugged her.
"I'll always be there, Bella, for life," he whispered, before the camera falls and switches off.
*END OF VIDEO*
Oh Jacob, why did you have to leave me? Oh yeah, I killed you too. Just like the rest of them. I looked at Edward nervously. He was angry.
"What the hell, Bella? Who was that? Was that girl you?" his voice raised, he released me and stood back, his eyes ablaze.
"I can't tell you," I whispered, covering my eyes. I didn't want to see him. Sadly, Edward took my hands and ripped them away from my face.
"Why not?!" Edward pleaded, throwing his hands up.
"Because, you won't like me if I tell you!" I begged for him to understand, to drop it. I wanted us to sit back and watch the videos again, peaceful. But it was too late now, the bag was opening. The bag I had kept so secret.
"Why won't you tell me?! Why are you so scared that I won't like you?!" he shouted, pulling at his hair again.
"Because, I love you!" I raised my voice to his level, barely recognizing what I said. Then I did. I gasped and covered my mouth, closing my eyes tight. I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing there in shock.
"Uh." Was all he said. He just stood there with his mouth slightly open. I nodded quickly and went to tidy up my videos. I brought them up to the attic, and when I brought them back done, he was gone.
I sat on the couch, hugging my knees, numb. The only thing I could recognize was the tears streaming down my face.
A/N – okay, I hope that was a good enough chapter for such a delay in its presence!
I have had a really rough time lately and things have been crazy so, I hope you enjoy it(: