Here is the next chapter - dedicated to all the Alice/Jasper fans.
His hand was moving up my thigh now and it wasn't stopping – not that I was complaining. He stroked me tentatively there, as if wondering whether to go further.
"Please," I murmured, begging him to keep going.
I looked down at my body and noticed that we were both naked now, but for some reason, I couldn't see all of him; it was too dark. Why was it so dark? However, I was still smiling because despite my impaired eyesight, I knew that he would be beautiful.
His hand reached me there and I instantly moaned in pure ecstasy, wondering whether I would give out just by his one touch. All this time of missing orgasms and playing silly games with him was too much for my body to handle.
"I knew it would be good," I whispered into his ear as he rubbed me ever so skilfully. I managed to emit some sort of laugh slash groan in the midst of this passion. "I knew I would finally give in."
His other hand was moving around the rest of my body, which was certainly intensifying the pleasure elsewhere. His thumb grazed my nipple and then back down around my navel, then to my back before returning to massage my breasts. God, this man was good. Why had I been resisting him for so long?
"Yes," I breathed.
I stared into his eyes as my impending release was building up beyond control; it was finally happening and I was welcoming it with open arms. I could see his gaze permanently on me and his expression never wavering. His intense stare was melting me, as was the feeling that was overwhelming my body. I didn't know whether I was going to live or die. I had forgotten how amazing sex was, but this was just the beginning.
I could feel it coming and there was no way I would let it stop this time. Not with him. "Oh God," I moaned, feeling it beginning to hit me. It was almost here. I bucked my hips up to his touch, merciless and speared. I had known from the first day that this mans stare was different; something intoxicating. And fuck, his fingers were fantastic.
"Bella," he whispered, stopping his hand movements before the most important moment.
"Please," I begged him, tones of desperation dripping off my voice. "Keep going."
"Bella?" he said, his lips not moving. He sat up, leaving my body throbbing and sweating with anticipation and confusion. I needed him to keep going before I burst.
"Wake up," he said in a less gruff voice than I had remembered.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling straight away. It was light now which was a change from the almost pitch blackness from before. But where was he? Was this the same room? I sat up and rubbed my eyes before I looked at the empty space in the white bed beside me.
"Edward?" I wondered.
"Bella…" a voice said. "It's me."
I looked over at the other side of the room and saw that Blondie was standing in the doorway, sweat pants and an Abercrombie hoodie. He was holding a tray in his arms with a glass of orange juice and what smelt like burnt waffles. Thankfully a bed cover was shielding me as I shamefully removed my own hand from inside my panties. It was just a dream?
"Here," Blondie offered, walking over to the bed with the breakfast tray. "I made you some breakfast, Bella."
I looked at him, eyes wide with confusion. What the hell was I doing here, in Blondie's house? My stomach felt a little bit funny as I looked around the room again, wondering what the fuck was happening. Where had Edward been? And most importantly, what the hell happened last night?
However, for some reason I wasn't up for talking. Firstly, I took the tray. My mouth was awkwardly dry and I needed a drink. Why was my mouth so dry and again, what the hell was I doing here. I supposed talking was the best option.
"Um…" I began, trying to recall his real name rather than my self-made nickname.
"Jasper," he said.
"Right," I said, starting again. "Jasper…" I paused, wondering what to say without sounding impolite. "I don't want to sound rude, but what the hell am I doing here?"
I tried to be polite as possible and without resorting to cowering under the bed like a baby. Did I want to know what was happening here, in a man's room who I didn't even know, without any memory of the night before?
He looked awkward as he sat as far away from me as possible without seeming too unfriendly. He looked down at his hands for a bit until answering, as if he too felt a little bit out of place and uncomfortable. "Well, after the night at Violet was through…" I winced before he continued. I remembered being there. "You came back here…with me," he explained.
I looked at the bed and frowned. I remembered my – amazing – dream and then my embarrassing and ever so naughty hand which prompted me to ask a frighteningly important yet mortifying question. "Okay…" I began. "We didn't… you know, did we?" I said, bracing myself for the answer.
"What?" he asked, innocence tracing his face.
I stuttered and tried to put it into words. God, why did I have to be so prudish? I could feel myself blushing profusely. "We didn't…spend the night together, in this bed…together… did we?"
He paused for a second as if putting together what I had just said, and then he let out a little laugh. "No, Bella – don't be silly! You were so drunk that it probably wouldn't have been possible, darlin'," he giggled. "Plus, it was so late – you just wanted to 'go to sleep and forget the whole night', in your own words," he added.
I tried to laugh back, despite how perplexed I was. Plus, I was cringing at the drunken state I must have been in. "Well, my wish was granted," I said.
Jasper finished laughing. "What do you mean?" he asked. "You don't remember anything?"
"Well," I began, my stomach sinking as I replayed flashbacks in my mind of the events of the evening. "I remember seeing Mike – and don't worry, I remember enough of him to know that I am never going to see that shithead again," I said, shuddering as I thought about my now ex-fiancé, but I would have to go home and cry about that one later. "But I can't remember what I was saying to him, but I do remember shouting very loudly…"
"Do you remember after that?" he asked me.
I thought about it hard, remembering Mike's shocked face as I looked at him, and then Edward's stare at me – as if I was some sort of goddess. He made me feel on top of the world.
"No," I said. "I don't remember anything really after that. Did I pass out?" I had anticipated not – I was sure that I had embarrassed myself enough by making a scene by shouting at Mike. I was sure that what I was saying wasn't pretty and since I had ended up at Jasper's apartment, I was hoping that I had just passed out and gone to sleep – no fuss while getting there. However, I seemed to be wrong.
"You didn't pass out," Jasper stated.
"Oh," I said. "I assumed I did as I can't remember much from that point. Although, I do remember one weird thing. It's going to sound really strange but I can remember Edward staring at me – like, a lot. Does that make any sense to you?"
"Well, yeah," Jasper answered. "He was staring at you all night, darl'."
I didn't say anything back, but I was sure that my blush was speaking a thousand words. My mind suddenly went back to my dream and I felt the bottom of my stomach tighten. Why did it feel so criminal that every time I thought of him, I got that now-familiar feeling? You know, that strange tug throughout your body. It was thoroughly disconcerting – yet it still excited me. I guess I hadn't done something so crazy in such a long time that I was finding everything so over-exaggerated.
"Why?" I asked, looking at Jasper. He looked down again.
"Well, you were pretty drunk…" he began.
I could feel my stomach tightening again – but this time it wasn't out of arousal, it was a mixture of embarrassment and potential fear of what I might have done. I always did embarrassing things when I was drunk, and hated Mike recounting everything like it was the funniest thing in the world in front of our friends, while I tried to laugh along with it even though inside I was shrivelling.
Jasper smiled awkwardly, obviously trying to cover something up. Oh God, Bella, why?
"You were angry at that guy – Mike – and Edward said you would… and then you did…"
"I did what, Jasper?" I demanded.
"Well you were a little pissed, and then the show started but you kept on getting angry at him…"
"Oh God, I didn't hit him, did I?"
I frowned. "Then… what the hell did I do?"
Jasper looked like he was trying to dodge the answer, but there was no way he could get out of it now.
"You danced," he replied.
"Danced?" I asked him.
"Yup – on the stage."
No fucking way.
My mouth dropped a few inched before closing to remain what was left of my composure.
"On the… stage?" I stuttered, suddenly receiving flashbacks in my mind of climbing onto something in the middle of bright lights.
"Yes," Jasper smiled as if it were no big deal. He looked like he was about to get up from the bed, but I wasn't completely finished yet.
"Wait, Jasper. I just did a dance on the stage, yeah? Like, a bit of Beyonce or something?"
Jasper laughed. "Well, if Beyonce worked as a pole dancer then yeah, sure."
"I danced on the…"
"On the pole," Jasper gladly confirmed. "Don't worry about it though, you looked pretty hot."
I threw my head into my hands; blushing seemed like an understatement now. "No!" I wailed. "Why is this happening to me?" I asked anyone who would listen. "It always fucking happens to me."
My eyes welled up with tears, which clearly startled Jasper. "Hey," he whispered soothingly. "Don't cry, sweetie. Sometimes bad things happen to people and that's just how the world is. You know, shit happens. But we have to do our best to get through it and make the most of it."
I wailed even more. "But shit always happens to me, Jasper! I don't even know what I've done wrong. I've tried to be a good girl, I really have."
"Then that's all that matters honey," he said. "That you've tried and that makes you a good person. No one thinks badly of you, trust me."
My voice had gone incredibly squeaky and whiny but I was far beyond caring anymore. "Maybe it's better to be a bad person though, I mean, look where it's got Edward! He's so rich and has the best life – and look at me! I've tried to be a nice fiancée, a nice daughter, a good school teacher to the kids, and look where that's got me!"
Jasper put his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off.
"I'm broke, I'm single, I'm working in fucking Starbucks and oh yeah, I did a fucking pole dance in one of the most well known strip clubs in the whole city!"
Jasper looked almost solemn and caring, but it did seem as if he had his own worries. "Well," he said. "At least the only way to go from here is up," he consoled.
I laughed. "Yeah, right. Is that what you keep telling yourself?
He laughed back with uncertainty. "Well, yeah, actually."
I sniffed and then wiped my tears and my nose with the back of my arm. I was still wearing my dress from last night – my beautiful and sexy dress. Now, it wasn't really much else but a whore and a failure's dress. It was hard not to burst out sobbing again.
"Here, do you want me to get you some other clothes, honey? I wasn't sure if undressing you was a good idea last night, so I just let you sleep in your dress. I'm sorry if that was the wrong thing to do, Bella – I'm not that good at these types of things," Jasper said.
I smiled at him through my tears. He had all the right intentions, the poor guy. "No thank you, it's okay. That was a good thing to do – God knows what I would have done in my drunken state if you had tried to undress me…" my voice wobbled a little bit before I muttered under my breath, "but I still did a fucking pole dance."
"Are you sure you don't just want a shirt or something? It's still a bit cold in the morning in New York."
"Sure," I answered. "Go on then. Thanks, Jasper."
He left the room to get some attire for me. I thought for a moment and then realised that I had another question for him.
"Jasper?" I called. "What happened after the dance?"
He came back into the room, through me an Abercrombie lumberjack shirt – seriously, the guy could have owned a store – and then smiled sheepishly as I put on the shirt. It was so big on me that you couldn't even see where my dress started and ended. I realised Jasper was avoiding yet another answer, so I winced as I awaited what news he had. It was funny, actually. A tear slipped out of my eye while I sat there; I had never been so embarrassed that I had cried before. Or perhaps it was just forcing all the sorrow I was yet to feel about Mike and how lonely I would now be out. Either one would have been a logical explanation.
Jasper's smile dropped from his face when he saw my tear. "Sorry I keep crying," I whispered.
"Hey, Bella," he said. "Nothing happened after the dance. We just went home."
"What about Edward? Did he say anything?"
Jasper almost recoiled upon hearing that name – something must have happened between them. He hesitated before he spoke. "He just said goodbye and left, alright? Then we went back to my place because I didn't know exactly where your home was, and at that point neither did you. So here we are."
I breathed a sigh of relief, despite Jasper's annoyance in his tone. Part of me was wishing that I had left on good terms with Edward as the weird stomach tug was a certain indication that I couldn't just forget that man easily, despite how much I sometimes wanted to. Another part of me was hoping that everything would just turn out okay, whatever happened.
I attempted a smile. "Thanks Jas," I murmured. "For everything."
Before Jasper could respond, the buzzer went off for his apartment. "Sorry Bella," he said. "Let me just get that and I will be right back. It could be important."
"Sure," I said, and then settled back down into bed wondering what I was going to do next. I inhaled the scent of his shirt curiously and then turned to the other side of the bed to look at the alarm clock on the bedside cabinet. Three o'clock already? I must have slept for hours.
Suddenly, I heard a raised voice and my mind focused and listened to what was going on in Jasper's apartment. He was yelling at someone through the door.
"You're not welcome here anymore, do you hear me? And yes, she did come home with me but what you did was a lot worse. You're coming in? I'd like to see you try."
"Jasper?" I called, getting out of bed. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine, Bella," he called back but then I heard someone banging at the door.
"Yes, she's still here," Jasper started to explain and then the banging stopped momentarily. I went over to where the door was just to check what was going on. Jasper sighed and then looked back at the door that he had just been attempting to block.
A few sobs sounded from outside the door and Jasper's face went from calm and composed to a sublime portrayal of heartbreak. He looked like he was literally about to break. I touched his arm to let him know I was there, whatever he was going through. After all, I didn't really have anyone else at that moment and after he had helped me last night, it was the least I could do. Despite the sleaziness of the Violet auditions and just how the week had panned out, I liked the guy and hoped that maybe we could be friends.
"Who is it?" I asked.
Jasper sighed. "Alice. She works at Violet."
"You love her," I said, reading him like and open book.
"Yes," he answered, running a hand through his hair.
"And she loves you?" I asked him, trying to suss out the situation.
"I thought she did," he answered. "But she chose someone else, and now she thinks that I'm going to let her just come back into my life just like that. I can't do it, Bella, I really can't. I love her too much."
I squeezed him on the shoulder. "Then let her in and see what she has to say. I'm sure there's an explanation behind it," I assured.
"You think?" he asked.
"Well you can only find out if you talk to her," I admitted.
And surprisingly, Jasper listened to me which was sort of a first. I wasn't used to being listened to. A horrible pain shot through me as I was reminded of the wasted eight years of my life spent with Mike. Tears stung in my eyes again, but I continued to encourage Jasper. There had been enough crying already.
As the door opened, I recognised Alice and remembered that I had encountered her a few times before, and one encounter not being so pleasant – in a very questionable position with Edward. Was he the other person she had chosen? Had Edward chosen her?
However, Alice looked a lot different to how she did at Violet, especially as she looked on at Jasper. She wasn't wearing any make up but she was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans with pumps. Her hair wasn't her usual preened and styled – it was messy and sticking up in the wrong places. And her face, well, it just looked distressed. If I still hadn't felt weird about how I found her with Edward, I would have wanted to give her a big hug.
"Nice dance last night," she scowled at me. I blushed and then moved back in response to the sudden hostility from Alice. Then, I realised that I was in her man's shirt and in her man's apartment.
"Oh," I said, attempting to explain. "This isn't what it looks like, I swear."
"Oh really?" she said. "That isn't what Edward…" but then Jasper cut her off.
"What Edward said doesn't matter, you still chose to stay with him over me," Jasper spat.
I felt highly awkward standing in between the two of them, but what was I supposed to do? It wasn't even my apartment and I had no idea where it was situated in New York – if it even was.
"Well, Edward told me that he's willing to give you your job back and that he's sorry," Alice said. "Everyone wants you back there, Jasper. Especially me."
"Edward fired you?" I said, silence failing me.
"Long story," Jasper explained. "And I'm not going back after that happens, Alice. I can't go through with it any more, the way he calls you in right in front of me. I've put up with it for long enough, and I shouldn't have to do that."
Alice looked like her heart was melting. Her man was finally sticking up for himself. "Jasper, you know it's always been you! And I spoke to Edward this morning and he said that if I could get you back, then there would be no office work for me anymore! We could finally be together!"
Jasper's eyes widened at the prospect. I just wondered what "Office Work" meant. Perhaps it was better that I was ignorant.
"I've been trying to phone you, text you and email you, but you wouldn't answer me, Jasper. We all just want you to come back. Edward wants you to come back."
Jasper breathed heavily. "As great as all that sounds, Alice, we know Edward and we know that he wouldn't just suspend your office work just for someone else's benefit if it didn't benefit himself. What is there that's pushing him to do it? I don't want to go back knowing that I might have to share you again."
"You won't have to, Jasper. I only want you," she said, lovingly. I could even see the love in both of their eyes, and I didn't even know them. It was almost painful to watch, since I knew that the love life of my own had been well and truly abolished.
"He said it, Jas, I promise. He said if you came back to work for him and that I stayed, he would cut off office work for me so we can be together."
"And why would he suddenly decide to do this, after this whole year of constant fucking office work?"
"Because Jacob's back."
I had remembered Edward talking of Jacob when we walked together near the open jazz bar. He had talked fondly of him and I remembered being pleased that the man had friends and some sort of compassion. He seemed to look up to this guy, but resent him in some way. I couldn't wait to see what Jasper's reaction to Jacob's return was. It was as if I was having my own lesson about Edward's personal world.
"Jake's back?" he smiled.
"Yes!" Alice laughed, and then Jasper laughed with her, ran up to her and then they kissed passionately. I smiled at the love that they had for each other, but my pain kept coming back and hitting me.
I was about to make a break for the door and leave them to it, but then Jasper started to speak again.
"But wait, Alice," he started. "I know Jacob's going to change a lot by being around but this is still Edward we're talking about – he's not going to give up on all of his lifestyle and fucking every girl he sees just because Jake's back. There has got to be an ulterior motive somewhere a long the line."
"Well, yeah, there is one thing that's making Edward crazy," Alice said.
"There's always something making Edward crazy – probably the crack," Jasper said, stroking the hair back from Alice's face.
"Yeah, well he's different this time. Trust me, this hasn't really happened before."
"Oh really? And what's making him crazy this time?"
I listened closely. Alice turned to me.
"Her," she said, pointing now.
They both looked at me and I almost felt compelled to look at myself. Me? Edward was acting crazy because of me? Surely he acted that way with most girls – that's why he had them falling at his feet every second of the day. This was all too much – I had to leave to sort my head out.
"I've got to go," I said quietly, mumbling some sort of excuse to make my way. "Thanks for everything Jasper. I hope it all works out."
"You too, Bella," he said understandingly, putting his arm around Alice as she looked on at me.
I walked down the stairs of the block of apartments; it looked like a nice neighbourhood and the place was pretty snazzy – I guess Edward paid pretty well.
Why was it so impossible to stop thinking about him, even when I had just found out my fiancé had been cheating on me all this time? Were my priorities really that fucked up? Alice said that I was making him crazy, but I think she had it the wrong way round.
Even that dream which seemed so disappointingly realistic was something I couldn't exactly fathom well. I was hurting from Mike – of course I was – but the sexual prominence of Edward was still there. The loin and stomach tugging from before had taken more of a backseat rather than being completely gone. I hated the fact that I could admit I was feeling something so freely for him inside of my head, but I couldn't exactly help it.
However, at that moment in time – the moment of my so called momentary break down, - I decided to temporarily discard my sexual feelings for Edward and my emotional regret for Mike and try and think about them when I got home rather than breaking down in the middle of the street.
Luckily it was a Sunday and I didn't have to work, because as I finally found my home by recognising a sort of familiar street near Jasper's apartment, I walked straight into my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I didn't even remember to feed my cat.
Straightaway, I sighed. And then I began to sob.
I cried a lot.
After the tears momentarily ceased, I looked up at the ceiling and in almost under a second, I imagined a pair of green eyes on me, my hands slipped beneath the elastic of my panties and for the rest of the night, I was gone.
So Bella is having very conflicted feelings at the moment, the poor girl. However, as Jasper stated, the only way to go from here is up. Let's hope she takes Edward with her!
Stories I'm reading at the moment: Seven Day Weekend by JandMsMommy (bad-ass olden day Ed & Bel) and also Bring on the Wonder by Bronzehyperion (Priestward & Whorella) - Go and read.
Plus, as you all should know, I'm on twitter and my tweets are GREAT. Follow me under edieswan.
And finally, please leave a review if you have time. They seriously, yet sadly, make my day.
LOTS OF LOVE XXX