To find myself again

Pairing: Bella/Jasper

Rated: M

Summary: The day Edward left; Bella lost Charlie because of a drunken driver while he searched for her. She had to sell everything, stopped going to school and moved to New York. She found a job at a Levis store and just got the job as the store manager. One day thee handsome vampires approach the store looking for new clothes. What will Bella do: letting them into her life again or shut them out?

A few questions a friend of mine had (Just to make everything clear):

Does Bella know them?

Yes. The story starts right after Edward left. So everything in Twilight happened. Charlie was searching for Bella and got hit by a car and died. The Cullen's are still vampires and Bella is still human!

Did she finish school?

No. she sold everything and moved to New York immediately.

How old is Bella now?

She's 21 now.

It will all be explained a little more after a few chapters but if you have any questions feel free to ask! Most of the time I have the whole story set in my mind and forget to tell important details that would make sense to you. Anyway. Now here is the story and I hope you like it!

And PLEASE Reviews.

Love and hugs



Bella POV

It was 9 pm when I finally arrived at my apartment. I've had a long day and all I wanted to do was taking a shower... I was now living in New York. Working successfully at a Levis store. Being the store manager meant having to work extra shifts. But it was good. Keeping my mind off of stupid thoughts.

I checked my mails and looked for any important looking letters. There were none. I stripped off and went under the shower. Another stupid day. Another stupid day of hurting and feeling alone.

Yesterday was my birthday. Today was the day Charlie had died. It could also be described 3 years after Edward left. Was I still in love with him? No. I missed him. That was true but I didn't love him anymore.

I had to go on with my life. And somehow losing Charlie helped.

I still remember that day very clearly. Edward and I had been in the meadow. He told me he didn't love me anymore. I was lying there. Waiting to die. Somebody found me and brought me back. When I woke up the next morning Charlie wasn't there, so I called his work. They told me somebody would be send over. Luke, a friend of Charlie was sitting in the living room 20 minutes later telling me I had lost everything. I tried to call my mom and I only got worse news. She didn't want me as well. She was pregnant. From Phil. They would be moving again. Phil had gotten another job. And I didn't fit into their new life.

The next day Jake and Billy helped me. I sold the house and packed everything. I looked for a new place to live. New York. 2 weeks later I was gone. Without a word to anyone. I went to Charlie's funeral and left right after it. I had 100.000 $ on my bank account. Everything that Charlie had left me plus the money from the house.

When I had arrived in New York I quickly found a one bedroom apartment, with a walk through closet to the bathroom, a small living room area if you could call it that and a kitchen. 45.000$ I had to pay. I loved it. The first few days were spent painting the walls and buying decorations. A bed, a couch, a table, a cupboard, a new rocking chair. Pillows, spoons, cups, plates, forks, knives, all those stuff needed for a flat. I hung up a few pictures. When I cleaned the house I found the things Edward hid from me. A few pictures of me with the Cullen's. I framed them and put the up on a shelf.

When that was done I looked for a job. I soon found one at a Levis store. The salary was good. And after 2 years of working there I now became the shop manager. The old- Jack- quit because he wanted more time with his family. And he got a better offer. So next one in row was me. I had always been right on time, took extra shifts, helped out wherever I could and my payment was that now I managed the shop.

I loved working there. The people were nice, I loved the clothes and it was an easy job. Even though I was always exhausted afterwards I still woke up being happy to go back there again.

I could buy all the clothes for 60% off and things that we still had after a big sale could be taken home for free.

So I had a lot of stuff. But it somehow matched my new style. When I first started working here Claire- a co-worker- came to me one night and cut my hair and coloured it blonde. I loved that new look.

I started wearing make up almost every day. Not too much. Just more than usual.

I started doing sports. Claire and I run every Saturday morning. The rest of the weak I did yoga in the morning or trained with my stepper. It helped being clumsy. I was now a coordinated woman. I didn't trip anymore and I had learned how to walk on high heels. I started reading fashion magazines but somehow still styled myself in jeans and shirts. But all in all I looked stylish.

I had changed. I wasn't a little girl anymore.

When I stepped out of the shower it was already 10. I quickly blew my hear dry and got to bed.

My alarm clock went off at 6. Still leaving me enough time. I got up and made myself some coffee and looked through my closet. I decided to wear dark blue skinny jeans and a yellow shirt. On top of it I wore my grey cardigan that ended just below my ass, a black scarf and black flat, low cut boots which I wore over my jeans. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

I took my bag and hurried to the subway.

Arriving at the store I was once again the only one. Mike had called off yesterday saying he was sick, Claire was visiting her family and Joe was learning for some test since he still went to college. That only left me. Joe would take the late shift. Maybe. If he could make it. If not that meant 12 hours of work just for me.

I organised everything. Refilled the boards, hung up shirt. Straightened the things lying around, took thing that arrived new, looked through the rest of things we had and made a list of things that I needed to order. Paid a few bills, went to the bank, changed money and was back just in order to open the shop. Normally this was a quiet time so that I could read a newspaper or something. I went into the back and wrote some bills, checked the orders from the internet and started packing up everything. After an hour I heard the door bell ring and went up front. And when I appeared there I felt like my heart was going to stop. There in front of me stood three men I would recognize even if I was blind. It was Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle.

"Hey" I whispered. I didn't really trust my voice at the moment.

"Bella!" Emmett screamed and came up to me and gave me one of his big bear hugs.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Forks?"

"I…uhm…. I'm working here. I'm the store manager."


Jasper and Carlisle greeted me also and soon we were engaged in a deep discussion. I told them about Charlie and how ended up here and they told me about Alice leaving Jasper and Esme and Rosalie being on vacation in Italy. They told me that Edward was now dating a girl named Tanya and didn't live with them anymore. They also told me they lived near New York now. Only one and half hours with them driving. I told them I didn't have a car anymore and they were shocked.

They went to college again. And Carlisle worked at a hospital here in NY. They told me that they were often in NY and we should meet up more. When a customer came in I had to leave them for a few minutes which brought me back to why they came here.

Jasper was looking for jeans. So we searched. I helped him find a few and also gave him a few of the new collection that I didn't get to hang up already. I decide that it would be good to use my position and he got all the clothes with 60% off. They invited me over since tomorrow was Saturday ad I always kept them for myself. They said they would pick me up around 9 at my flat and we would drive together to their house. I would see Esme and Rosalie again.

The day went by without much work. Most of my time was spent preparing the new collection and at 7 I closed the shop and headed home.

I decided to shower in the morning and ordered some pizza and settled into my big armchair and watched a silly movie thinking about tomorrow. I also thought about Alice and Jasper. She had left him. Because of the accident. I thought back to my birthday and wondered if it even was his fault. Maybe he wouldn't have attacked if Edward wouldn't have pushed me into the glass.

I felt bad for him. But he didn't seem all too sad about it. We had exchanged numbers and I wondered if I should call them after a while I thought I should.

I quickly dialled Jasper number and after the third ring he picked up.

"Are you alright?" he sounded worried. I laughed.

"Yes. I just thought about you all and thought I should call. I just got home 2 hours ago and started watching this silly movie that isn't interesting at all."

"Well I'm free to talk. I was just reading a book."

"What kind of book?"

"About civil war."

"Weren't you a soldier during civil war?" Edward had once told me about it.

"Yes that's true. I love to read books about it. Seeing what people nowadays think about it."

"And is it true?"

"Well… sometimes it is and sometimes it's not."

"Did you ever read about yourself in those books?"

"Just a few times"

"Cool. I would love to read about myself."

He laughed about it.

"So how was the rest of your day Bella? Did you eat something? You looked very skinny today"

"Jasper has no one every told you to not talk about a girls weight or figure?"

"Why not? What's wrong with it?"

"Well we don't feel too comfortable about it."

"Why? I think you have an amazing body but I would love to see you eat more. You used to weight more in forks. I like women that got curves."

"Well I do have curves, dear Jasper. You should just check underneath the clothes."

"Maybe I should do that." I had to laugh at that. It was easy talking like this with jasper.

"Just so you know I just ate a pizza."


We talked a while and laughed a lot. I never knew why I didn't spend much time back then with him.

"Bella. I need to apologize. I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"Listen to me Jasper. You don't have to be sorry. It was good for me. I had to change. I was a little girl in love. I didn't know the consequences of love Jasper. I wanted to be everything for Edward, never considering that maybe there was something else outside there. When Charlie died I had to prove I was strong and I realized I was. I went through hell and back and now I am myself. I'm not the same Bella like 3 years ago. I'm a grown up woman now. I'm learning things in my life again. I will find love again maybe. I don't know but the accident wasn't your fault. And even if it was I had to thank you. You turned me into a woman than."

"Thank you Bella. I hoped that you wouldn't be mad. You're such a kind and selfless woman. So different from what Alice used to be. She made me happy. But she didn't let me be myself. I wasn't allowed to wear clothes I liked, listen to the music I liked and somehow that pissed me of."

"Why did she leave?"

"We just fell out of love. She didn't make me happy and after your birthday she blamed me and I was getting angry. We denied ourselves any kind of intimacy and she graved more than I could give her. I always looked for a down to earth girl. Someone you could steal horses with. Alice was just into shopping and girl stuff. She hated my motorcycle and she hated getting dirty while doing something funny."

"You got a motorcycle? Really?"

"Yes. Why are you interested?"

"Hell yes. I used to have one in forks. Jake had fixed it for me but Edward wouldn't allow me to ride it."

"What would you say if I picked you up tomorrow?"

"Really? Oh that would be amazing."

"Sure thing I will be there at 9!"

When I looked at the clock in noticed it was already 11. "Well I better head to bed than. I have to welcome you in all my beauty and I need sleep for that."

"You will always be beautiful Bella."

"Thank you."

We hang up and I went to bed.

The next morning I got up at 7 again. I went to take a shower and quickly dressed into a bright coloured skinny jeans, brown boots, black top and my brown leather jacket. I left my hair open and but on a little make up.

I ate a bagel and rank my coffee and cleaned everything up again. I packed an overnight bag since Jasper had mentioned that I could there with them till Sunday evening.

I packed my boyfriend cut jeans, high-heels and a blue top and my grey cardigan. I also packed my flats.

Jasper arrived right on time. He rang and I let him in. when he stood in my apartment I somehow felt silly. He was used to big mansions.

"Welcome to my little home!" I greeted him.

"It's nice. It suites you." He walked around and stopped at my pictures. There even was one of him.

He looked at me and I saw the question in his eyes. "It made it easier. I missed you but when I looked at the pictures I remembered the great time we have and it made it easier to survive."

I smiled and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me into a tight embrace. "You won't ever be alone again Bella. I promise you that." He whispered into my ear and kissed my head.

We stood like that for a few minutes. I left him standing there a few minutes and went to check everything so we could leave. I grabbed my jacket and saw him standing there looking at me. "What's wrong?"

"You look beautiful. The clothes suites you."

"Thank you Jasper."

He took my bag and we went downstairs. The ride to the Cullen's house was fast and I didn't even feel scared. We arrived 2 hours later and as usual it was a huge mansion. I stood in front of it and was scared to get inside. Jasper stood next to me and held out his hand.

"You don't have to be scared. They all missed you. Even Rosalie. I will protect you Bella."

I smiled and we went inside and I felt like the little 18 years old girl again.

Esme and Rosalie stood next to Emmett who smiled hugely.

Esme came up to me and opened her arms and I slipped into them. "Oh Bella. I'm so happy you're back."

Next to her was Carlisle who also hugged me. Emmett pulled me into another bear hug. The only one left was Rosalie. She looked at me and smiled. "Welcome home Bella" she said and hugged. For a second I was shocked but than I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. "It's good to have my sister back. I'm sorry how I acted before. But that will change now."

Esme and Rosalie gave me a tour through the house and showed me room where I would stay. It was right next to jasper. We sat down on the bad and chatted around a bit. Soon it was time for me to eat something and I remember my conversation with Jasper yesterday.

When I was eating he came into the kitchen. "See I'm eating. So you will have my curves back." I smiled. He laughed: "Bella you look amazing. Don't doubt that. I just don't want you to starve yourself." He brushed the back of his fingers over my cheek and suddenly my phone started ringing. It was Joe.

"Hey Joe. What's up?"


"Well just leave it behind I will take care of it on Monday."

I hung up and looked back at Jasper. "You do a good job I guess."

"I try my best. I loved working there. I often helped out the former shop manager and took extra shifts. He mentioned that I knew the shop like no other and so the head of Levis soon allowed me to take the job. It's something I like to do. Its hard work but great. When I first moved to NY it helped me getting over the pain."

"Where did you live at first?"

"Oh I had a lot of money when I came here. Enough to buy the apartment I live in right now. I bought paint and furniture and lived there since then. I soon found the job even though I could have lived a little longer of the money from the house and a little of what Charlie left me. I didn't graduate and I didn't go to college. But I worked and it got me quit far."

"It's a great thing Bella. Just because you didn't graduate doesn't mean you're stupid. People would understand your situation. You had to work to survive. If we had been there we would have helped. But from now on you got us. We will help."

"I don't need help Jasper. I got everything covered very well." I was getting angry. Why didn't he see what I got? Just because I only had a small apartment. I could very easily afford a bigger one. But why should I? Didn't he see that being the shop manager offered me many opportunities?

"I mean to be rude Bella. You just have to understand that we all care. You did a great job but if anything should ever go wrong we are here."

"But you haven't been there 3 years ago. When my life was a living hell. Jasper… don't you see. I'm not a little girl anymore. I won't let myself be pushed around again. I won't let other people make decisions for me. I'm making my own money. I'm making sure I'm safe and healthy on my own. I don't need anyone."

"We all need someone Bella. I do too. I'm not strong. Not like you. Most people would have died going through what you went through. I just wanted to tell you that I am here. You will never have to worry about anything."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. Jasper I just had to be on my own for so long. I'm not used to people caring for me anymore. I have friends yes. But they don't know me. They don't know my story."

Jasper just looked at me and smiled. He took my hand and rubbed my hand. "I care Bella."

"That's good."

He looked at me and I somehow got a weird feeling in my stomach. I felt safe. I felt loved. I wanted to be wrapped in his arms and forget everything.

"Jasper? Can you hug me?"

He pulled me into his arms and I sighed. I hadn't felt that way in a very long time. I looked up at him and noticed that he was watching me. Our lips almost touched. I whispered his name and he pressed his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck and he pulled me tighter. He let his tongue slip over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth. Our tongues fought and soon I went out of breath. Jasper released my lips and kissed down my jaw to my neck. He took a deep breath and smiled against my skin. I opened my eyes and gave him a quick kiss.

"I'm not Edward bell. I won't deny you what you want. I know he treaded you different and if I'm honest I didn't like it. You are a beautiful woman. A goddess if I may say. I will treat you like one. My past is not good or peaceful Bella and I don't know if you will turn away. But if you will let me I will cherish you. I will treat you good. I will take care of you. I will love you like no other man would ever be able to. Vampires are sexual creatures. I know Edward acted different but I won't. I will kiss you whenever I feel like I need to; I will hold you tight and maybe I will push you. Never to far, always just to a point that you can enjoy. But to me you aren't a porcelain doll. I will treat you like a woman with needs."

"That's all I ever wanted Jasper. I'm not that breakable. I have needs that Edward could never fulfil. He wasn't man enough for that. I want to explore and get to know love. All of it. Maybe this could work out and if it doesn't I will know I had a wonderful time."

"That's good. I want you to know what you get yourself into. I want to tell you my story."

"Tell me. I want to know."

Jasper told me about going to war, faking his age, leaving his mother heartbroken. He told me he got changed by a woman named Maria. He told be about the newborns, the fights. He showed me his scars and I was glad he trusted me. He told me how he found Alice, how they searched for the Cullen's. He told me how he missed something. He told me about his feelings when we first met. How he loved how easy I used to be. The girl he could steal horses with. We sat down on the couch and I told him more about me. My new life. He asked about my hair and told me he loved the new style. We made plans for the coming week and for the weekend. He would spend the next 7 days with me. Starting on Monday.

We talked about life with the Cullen's. The problems he had with Alice. How he fought with Edward about how he treated me.

We talked for hours and soon I found myself being tired as hell. 3 years I had been alone. And now I had someone back. Emmett and Rosalie soon joined us and they told be funny stories about them during the 60ies, 70ies, 80ies and 90ies. They boys started to play a game and Rosalie helped me in the kitchen. We talked and looked through magazines. I invited her over to the store to look for jeans. And she said we'd have to go on a shopping trip soon. I liked that idea.

Soon we were all joined in the living room again. Esme and Carlisle left us alone and went out on a date. We all laughed about it since they acted like little teenagers again. We decided to watch a movie and I snuggled up to Jasper. He ran his fingers through my hair and soon brought me up to bed.

When I woke up the next morning the first thing I saw was Jasper. He had one hand popped up holding his head and he smiled down on me. I wasn't in the room where my things were. I sat up and looked around.

"Good morning darlin'. I hope you don't mind but I wanted you to sleep in my room. To keep some images in my head for when you're not here."

"I don't mind at all." I gave him a quick kiss and went into the bathroom. It was huge and there was all kind of stuff. The shower was big enough for 10 and had one millions buttons. I looked at it but couldn't seem to figure out how it works.

"Jasper. I need help. Or I probably will set the whole house on fire or whatever happens when I push any of these buttons." I wrapped my towel around e and he came inside. He explained the buttons to me and turned the shower on. When he leaned down to me to kiss me I felt a huge wave of lust shooting right through me. Jasper stroked my arms and than rested his hands in my neck letting his thumbs wander over my jaw. He kissed me with more force and pushed me backward until I felt the sink. He wrapped his hand around my waits and sat me down and stood between my legs letting his hands wander over my legs. He broke the kiss and started kissing down my neck to the top of the towel. I moaned his name and grabbed his hair. "God Jasper doesn't stop" I whispered. No one had every made me feel this was. He opened the towel and let it fall. He took a step back and looked at me. I felt a little self conscious but he smiled at me and came back kissing me again. He let his hands play with me breast and soon I was grinding against him.

"You taste like heaven Bella." He whispered against my skin and I felt him purr. And suddenly he pulled away. "You have to shower."

"Tease" I said and laughed. I jumped off the counter and went to the shower. On my way Jasper gave me a playful smack on the ass and left the room laughing.

It felt good. I felt comfortable. I didn't need to hide. He made me feel loved. And for the first time in 3 years I had hope for true love. It seemed like we fitted perfectly. I was right. We had the same interests and we could laugh about the same things. He didn't treat me like a doll and he made me feel wanted. He made me feel good.

I dried off and went back into the bedroom without a towel and very slowly got dressed. Making sure Jasper was watching me. I wore the outfit I had packed in the bag and soon I heard Jasper say "Tease". Io just laughed, jumped on the bed and kissed him.

That's it!

I hope you liked the first chapter. And I hope I get a lot of lovely reviews! I know its not starting slowly with Bella and Jasper but somehow they have know each other so long I thought it wouldn't be too bad.

Love and hugs