Up now: Dean's wallet
I'm going to stop talking if I don't like the way this is going. You already talked to Sam's wallet. He's got a really big mouth. What's inside a person's wallet is personal and private.
So what else do you think a person carries around in there? Photos. Their family. Friends. People and places and things they care about. Like the one Sam found of that Cujo cat that one time. That's all I'm saying.
You want details? Yeah, Jerry said you were nosy.
Sorry. What part of 'personal and private' didn't you understand?
No, Dean didn't name me. Makes me no difference one way or another. I know who and what I am and what my job is.
What's life with a hunter like? It's bad enough when the boys go undercover. Lord, then I have to listen to all the bragging those damn fake FBI and Homeland Security IDs do. Just because we're in separate wallets doesn't mean I don't hear all that crap. If the posers brag like that I can only imagine what being around genuine law tin is like.
It's a good thing the brothers don't impersonate Mulder and Scully all the time. It doesn't last long, and I'm always real glad about that. At least Dean changes up, switches IDs when he has to. I don't mind the driver's licenses and the credit cards. Me and the dead presidents get along just fine. I really like listening to the ones that Dean won at pool or poker. Damn, the stories some of them tell! There's a high turnover, y'understand, but I'm a good listener.
Sometimes that's not a good thing.
Bad enough I have to listen to those dumbass condoms talking about that waitress Dean uh, met down in Tampa, Florida. That's all you're gonna get outta me on THAT subject. It's ancient history. Time to move on, and I'm tired of hearing those latex chuckleheads yak about it. We all have a job to do out here. How about just shutting the hell up and doing it? That's a novel concept. Geez...
How do I feel about Sam? He's a brat. And nosy too. Keeps yammering about how Dean has to talk about his feelings. Around here the kid's nickname is Doctor Phil. He earned it.
Sometimes I feel like bitchslapping him.
Oh, don't look so shocked.
He's so prissy he gets on my nerves sometimes, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. That's what families do. We got that down to a science around here. Don't tell me you've never felt like punching out a relative or two.
Don't get me wrong, Sam's not as bad as Frances. The day that duffel bit the big one was a good day.
On that last hunt, when Dean got tagged by that fugly and face planted into that wall (I know, kid seems to do that a lot, doesn't he?) Sam picked me up when I fell out of Dean's pocket. That photo of the cat and John and Dean fell out too. Sam picked it up, then slipped me into his jacket pocket.
So he could get nosy with me later on.
I heard part of the conversation. Sam asked Bobby about the cat. Bobby told him to ask Dean when Dean woke up.
Sam did. Made some remarks about "Hello Kitty." He was making fun, Dean was hurting and wasn't in the mood. The first thing out of big brother's mouth was "It's none of your damn business, Sam. She was here, and you weren't. You left Dad and me."
Naturally that wasn't what the kid wanted to hear. Got his feelings hurt. It was plenty tense around here for a while, but they got over it.
And no, they didn't hug each other.
Going through another man's wallet is like rifling through another woman's purse. Come on, you human females, be honest, would you like it if somebody went through your purse?
Didn't think so.
I mean, look, these boys are on the road all the damn time, they're together 24/7. It's the Winchesters against the world, and yeah, I know everything that comes with that particular territory: You're my brother and I'll die for you and all that, but Dean's a private person, and that also means keep your emo Sasquatch paws off my damn wallet, dude.
Unless it's a matter of life and death.
A person needs space all their own. Dean might not admit that he needs it, but he does. A lot of stuff happened while Sam was away at college. I bet stuff happened to Sam, but I don't see him breaking his neck sharing and caring.
That better be the last time Dr. Phil pulls that crap. Otherwise, I'll call in a favor from some of the folks in the trunk.