The ideas is from the episode Nightmare, what if John had had a little more tequila and less hunting? This is an AU, and I know John probably wouldn't be like this, that's why it's an AU!
When the story starts Dean is 16, Sam is 12.
Warning: Child abuse, and some strong language.
Disclaim: Don't own anything!
Daddy Won't Hurt You!
Chapter 1: Beginnings.
As the front door slammed, Dean knew his dad, no not dad, the 'dad' he knew had died 12 years ago with his mother, no, John, was coming home, after one of the many nights on a bar.
Dean knew he shouldn't be awake; John would be pissed off if he knew, but Dean was awake every night, until the exhaust took over, and forced him into sleep, which meant he only got a couple of hours sleep, but as long as he could make sure Sam was safe, and John wouldn't do him anything this night, it was okay. He heard the soft snoring beside him, and then raised his head to see Sam sleeping on the bed next to his.
Because John couldn't handle a job for more than 4 week, Dean had had to skip school, so he could work, to pay the bills, pay for the apartment they were living in, with only 2 rooms; a bedroom for John, and then the brothers shared a room, but in this case Dean was glad they did, a small living room and a even smaller kitchen, and at last a bathroom with a shower, a toilet and washbasin, standing so close only one person could be out there at a time. And to pay for the various other things they needed, as food, cloth and so on.
Dean had to use fake IDs and lie about his age everywhere, just to keep the whole thing running. Dean had planned to run away with Sam, but he wouldn't before he was old enough, though he knew how to fake IDs and was a pretty good liar, he wouldn't live on a lie, he couldn't do that to Sam, and instead he could make the last two years with this motherfucker as good as possible for Sam.
Dean's thoughts where cut of as the door to their room was slammed open, and John was standing looking more angry then ever in the door opening, and suddenly everything came back to Dean, the thoughts he had tried to forget, and wouldn't be reminded of, but here they came.
After Mary died they lived in a motel room. John had some weeks off from work, and was told to go see a psychiatrist, but he didn't. Instead he just sat home, looking out the window, staring out, into the nowhere. That left Dean with the responsibility for Sam and John. Dean had to change Sam's diapers, give him baths, play with him, put him to sleep, and feed him. Furthermore he had to bring the food to John, and tell him when they needed stuff. The only thing John would do was to go out shopping.
The first 6 years went on like that, Dean taking care of the family, though they had moved away from Kansas, and John worked, (well he said he was working, and came home with money), John was still staring out into the nowhere, not looking at his boys, and when he did, it was only a look filled with anger, usually not talking, he only yelled when something was wrong, or Sam was crying, telling Dean to shut Sam up. And only buying what they needed, no more nor less.
And of course Dean had a hard time in the school. Couldn't think of anything other than his baby brother was in day care, and he had to pick him up, and that his father would be sitting home, staring at nothing, only waiting for them to come home, so he could yell at them, telling them they were late, by some reason Dean was always late, even the few times he had truant for the last lesson, and had been home an hour before he should have.
But Dean could live with that, as long as Sam was there with him, his responsibility, probably the only reason Dean was still alive. It was always a joy when Dean picked up Sam from day care, and Sam was telling about his friends, and what they had done, and Dean could only be happy for his brother, trying to do anything so Sam could live an almost perfect life, though it became a lot harder when Sam started asking questions.
"Dean, why doesn't dad look at us? Why doesn't he talk? Why do you have to do everything? It should be dad's job. How did mom die?" And so on.
Dean always gave half answers, not telling the whole truth, not sure he knew it himself, and he just told dad was tired, and exhausted, and needed some time alone, and Dean had to take care of Sam meanwhile, and he didn't know how mom died.
But it was when Sam came with the, "Dean, you're the best big brother in the whole world", "Dean thanks for being there for me" and "Dean I love you." That made Dean's day, and kept him going, and did that the crappie life he was living, wasn't that bad.
But after 6 years, bad went to worse.
John found out, that when you drink, especially when you get drunk, you let out your emotions, and that was what he did. The think was, he didn't started joke about it, or started crying. No, he stated punching.
It started the night after Dean's 10th birthday, John had gone out, and came home about 4 am. When he had returned, Dean had wakened, and could hear someone fall. He had hurried out to see what it was, and had found John lying on the floor.
As Dean rushed over, he could smell a weird and strong smell of something coming from John, and when he tried to help him up, he had just pissed John off.
With a lot of trouble, John stood up, and yelled at Dean telling him to never touch him again. And then John had hit him. Not just a little slap, but really hit him, across the face, so hard Dean given a scream, and had fallen down, lying on the floor. John had seen that as an opportunity, and had release his belt, and stated hitting Dean with it.
Dean had scream, and begged his father to stop, but it just seemed to keep going, and every hit hurt like he was someone was cutting him, and then burned the wound afterwards.
It only stopped when a small gasp could be hurt from the door to Dean and Sam room. Oh God, Sam!
"Dean, what's going on?" Sam had asked in a fearful voice.
Dean hadn't had a change to answer, 'cause John was already moving over to Sam, so instead Dean started yelling to John, telling him not to touch Sam. And John did as Dean had said, going back to Dean, giving him the last beat, and left, that night.
When he had left, Sam had tried to help Dean, and patch him up, and meanwhile Dean had made Sam promise that no matter what John did, he would stay away, and let Dean handle it. 'Cause Dean couldn't let anything happen to Sam.
The beating kept going on, and Dean did all he could to take most of them, but sometimes when John really got drunk, and the anger just didn't seem to go away, he would beat Sam too, and all Dean could do was lying on the floor, (after his beating, he wouldn't be able to move much), and watch his brother getting hurt, hearing the screams, and pleadings coming from him, and all he could do was nothing!
Dean had been so stupid; to think the beating had stopped. John hadn't been 'really' drunk for a long time, and he hadn't touched them. But this was definitely not a good sign, and when John came closer, the smell of alcohol became unbearable.
When John was at Dean's bed he grabbed Dean's arm, and pulled him out of the bedroom, into the living room. Dean almost fell, but he did anything to be silence, so he wouldn't wake Sam, though he knew he was awake. When John had slammed the door, the soft breathe from Sam had stopped and Dean knew Sam had wakened.
As they got to the kitchen, John had thrown Dean into a table, which resulted in Dean getting a gash in the forehead.
"Don't worry Deanie-boy, daddy won't hurt you, he's just gonna make you feel so bad about you making that, 'Let Sam go, and do what you have to do to me' wish. After this you're gonna regret every single word, and you know what? Even if you won't regret it, I don't care, but Sammy will get his turn tonight."
Dean was now standing on his feet, and he knew that if his John made a threat like this, he wouldn't ease before he was done…
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