Hey guys, here's a one-shot from my story A New Life. If you haven't read that story, then I would advise to go back and read it, but it's not necessarily necessary. This completely can stand on it's own, but it probably helps if you know the context of where this stands.
This is what happened between Josh and Leah once they left the bonfire. Hope you all enjoy.
This is unbetad and all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or receive any money for this.
After mumbling goodnight to Alison, Josh went straight for his room needing to get out of the house quickly, the faster the better. When he got to his room, he went straight for his window and proceeded to jump out of it. He didn't look around to make sure no one saw him; all he could think about was her. Once his feet hit the ground, he took off towards the woods as if his life depended on it.
The moment he hit the tree line he swiftly tied his clothes to his ankle right before he phased. He took off as fast as he could trying to catch her scent. When he couldn't find it he figured he would try to find her through her mind.
I told you to never be phased when I am. Now go away!
No, he thought defiantly.
UGH! I swear all of you guys have the thickest skulls in the world.
Well how about you?
What do you mean?
You being all 'I'm a loner and just leave me alone to wallow', he argued.
Shut up, you know nothing about me.
I know more than you think.
So you know of me, but you don't know me and you never will.
Why won't you let me? Why do you keep pushing me away?
Just…because. Now leave me alone!
Before he could protest her mind left and he knew she phased back, but not before he could see where she was going. So as quick as his feet could take him, he went to find her. And even if she wasn't there it would give him a starting point to track her. He just wanted to know why he felt like that, mostly about a girl that everyone warned him to stay away from. But he didn't care. He just needed to be with her.
Leah was up in the mountains at a place that let her overlook Forks and La Push. This spot was the only place that she could get away from it all. And her mind was her own and she didn't have to worry about anyone going up there to find her. This spot was far enough away that they didn't patrol up here and the Cullens didn't hunt up here for the lack of 'tasty' animals.
She sat there alone just thinking about what just happened, but the more she thought about it the more she believed this was all just a dream, or some cruel twist of fate that was controlling her life again. Right when she let her guard down, the one thing she needed the most was going to be taken away from her.
Even with all the fear she felt hope. That her life wasn't over and that she didn't have to be alone forever and stand back and watch others find the one thing she could never have. She had the same thing and the same hope that they all had for a future. And that hope scared her.
Suddenly, she heard rustling coming from a distance. Quickly her instincts took over and she got ready to fight whatever came from the bushes. After being as still as a statue for a few moments nothing came out from the bushes. She was slowly growing impatient.
"Come out now or I'm coming in after you. And believe me you don't want the latter," she growled.
"Okay, damn, are you always like this?" Josh asked as he emerged from the bushes with his hands up in the air, as if he was surrendering.
When she saw him, she stood up wearing a look of complete annoyance. But on the inside she couldn't believe he actually followed her and came to her. And though she was annoyed that he found her sanctuary of peace, she couldn't help the excitement that rose in her at just the sight of him.
She started the inner struggle with herself. On one hand she had finally accepted that she would be alone forever and that she would be the only one left until she decided to grow old. But then on the opposite side, every fiber of her being was being pulled towards Josh and called out to just be his and for him to be hers. But wouldn't giving her heart to him be harder than being alone forever?
"What do you want?" she asked trying to keep any emotion from her voice.
"Just to talk," he replied calmly, as he slowly moved towards her.
"What if I don't want to talk?" she challenged. He could see that she wasn't going to make this easy at all.
"Then you don't have to. But you'll have to at least listen."
"What if I phase and run away?"
"Then I'll chase you, and as I do I'll tell you everything that I'm about to now."
"What if I run to the ends of the Earth?"
"I'll be right behind you."
Both knew that they weren't just talking about this conversation. But if she ever left or ran away from him, he would follow her, no matter where she went and no matter what risks it posed. She could see the truth in his eyes, just as he could see the internal battle in her eyes.
"Fine," she sighed after a couple moments of silence. "What do you want to say?"
"That I'm not sure what this is, well yes I do. I…I think I imprinted on you, and now all I want is you. The only thing I've been thinking about since I saw you, is you. I want to know everything about you, the good, the bad and the ugly, that is if there is anything ugly about you," he smirked which earned him a dramatic eye roll from Leah.
"How many girls have you used that line on?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.
"A lot, why is it working?" he teased.
"Not in the least bit. But what makes me so different from the other girls?" she asked, torn between wanting some kind of romantic movie answer and getting a answer of nothing.
"They were easy; all I had to use was a pick up line. You I had to chase you down and find you on a mountain side. They were pretty, you're beautiful. They were okay, you're amazing. They were human, you're so much more. They were imperfect, you're perfect for me in every way. They took the shit I gave them; you will put me in my place on a daily and even hourly basis. They were weak, you're the strongest person I've ever known." With each sentence he took a tentative step towards her. And with each step her resolve crumbled a bit more.
By now he was right in front of her, with their chests just inches away from each other. They were looking intently into each other's eyes reading the other's reactions. Leah only saw pure sincerity with every word he spoke. Josh saw a shred of hope that was being suffocated by hurt and loneliness.
"And lastly," he started staring straight into her eyes with so much honesty that she couldn't look away even if she wanted, "they were in my life for only a moment. A blink of an eye in an eternity, but you," he paused looking for the right words, "you're my life now and I intend to stay by your side forever."
She just stared back at him as she felt her feelings feel like build up like a damn that was about to break at any moment. The only thing that was keeping the feelings at bay was the last time someone told her that she was their life and the end result was much less than desirable.
"What if I told you I don't want you and that I want you to leave me alone forever?" she asked hoping he would do what he has this whole night, defy her wishes and have a quick answer back. By this time the loner in her was rejoicing in the fact that she didn't have to be alone anymore. That she didn't have to be alone forever, that she could have the forever that every Pack member longed for.
At her question he looked away willing and hoping that this wasn't her way to actually ask that of him, because though he barely knew her he loved her with every fiber of his being. He breathed a heavy sigh and then looked back into her eyes.
"If you asked me that then…I would leave you alone. I wouldn't necessarily leave you, but I would still be there for you always, because I don't think I could ever completely leave you. If I left you or let you go, I'm sure it would kill me. But if that's your wish as well then I would do it, so you can be happy. And if you ever reconsidered and asked for me to come back then I would. Whatever you want, it's yours. I'm yours. I'll always be at your beck and call. But there's one important question," he said.
He took one last final step towards her. She let her arms fall to her side so that both their chests were touching. They could feel the heat coursing between their bodies. Both of them felt the pull towards the other. But neither tried to push the boundaries they had, at that moment.
"What's that?" she asked quietly when he didn't continue.
"Do you want me? Do you want me to stay here by your side forever, to be there for you, through everything that life has to throw at us? Or do you want me to walk away and not bother or talk to you any more unless I have to. And to just admire you from afar. It's your choice."
She stood there thinking weighing the decisions in her mind as she started into his eyes. Neither of them looking away from each other. It was as if they were having a silent conversation. Josh pleading for her to give them a chance, because he knew that they could make it and they were meant to be. Leah was trying to tell him no, but couldn't fight the hope clawing to be let out of it's cage after all this time.
After standing there for however, just staring at each other, Leah let out a long sigh looking down. Josh thought he won the battle but wouldn't start rejoicing until he heard her say she wanted him. When she looked up her eyes were set in whatever decision she made. And Josh could only hope that it was the one he was praying for.
She opened her mouth slowly to speak as Josh waited.
"No," she said firmly, "no, I don't want you…" she said each word a bit softer as if she was dying with each syllable. Josh felt empty as his mind slowly registered her response.
It took Josh a couple moments to actually process the words she said. And when he did it felt like everything around him broke and died. He felt like he died at her words. He knew it would hurt to get her rejection, but he never imagined it would hurt this much. But he tried to hold himself together, at least until he could be alone. He told himself that whatever she wanted he would stand beside her decision, but he never thought it would feel like this.
"If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get," he said as strong as he could so she wouldn't know how broken he was at her words. He backed up a few steps willing his body to move away from hers. "Goodbye Leah," he said and used all the willpower he had to turn his body away from her and start to walk away.
When he did that Leah couldn't help the flashback that occurred, the memory that was forever burned into her memory.
"Hey Sam," she said as she approached where he was standing on the cliff. They went there often to get away and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean, mostly during sunrises or sunsets.
"Hey Leah," he replied. Still his voice didn't sound like it used to ever since he ran away. But she knew that the Sam she loved was still there even though he would barely tell her anything recently.
He even changed after the little bit of time that her cousin, Emily, came. It was as if he was avoiding both of them like the plague, but Leah just told herself that they didn't get along as well as she thought they would, and shrugged it off.
She walked up to where he was standing looking out over the cliff. Once she was at his side she wrapped her arms around his waist holding him close, loving the way his skin was complete opposite to the usual cold Washington weather. Instead of wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her close and kissing her hair he shrugged out of her embrace and faced her with his eyes down casted.
"What's wrong?" she asked confused. He'd never shrugged her off even during fights they had or even during the last couple weeks since he came back different.
"Leah, I…I can't do this anymore?" he said with a glum expression etched into his features as he finally looked at her. For the first time in his eyes she saw hopelessness. Sam was always the one that gave her hope, he was her rock, and when she saw that in his eyes she was taken aback.
"Sam, it's okay, I told you I'll be here for you no matter what. I don't care that you can't tell me everything yet, we can do this, remember you…we promised we would make it through this…whatever it is," she said frantically stepping towards her taking his warm face in her hands.
"Leah," he sighed almost painfully as he grabbed her wrists softly removing her hands from his face and placing them at her side. This was another thing he never did. They weren't ever pawing at each other all the time, but they never shied, shrugged or rejected the others touch.
"Sam, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" she asked worried and she could feel the stupid tears wanting to form, she knew at this moment she had to be strong, if for no one else besides herself.
He looked out over the cliff where the sun was beginning to set and cast a beautiful array of colors across the sky. He looked at Leah taking this last mental picture of her as his, before he broke her and everything they had.
"Leah," he said quietly, "you remember when we first started dating and we came here on our first date?" She just nodded not sure where he was going with this, some girls would think that it's the beginning of a proposal, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that was the farthest thing from the truth. "And though we just met I knew then that I loved you. Then I told you no matter what that I'll always love you."
"Yes," she responded quietly when he didn't continue.
"It's still true now and forever will be…but," he stopped to look at her in the eyes. He could already see the hurt and pain start to rise in her. He hated to be the one to do this to her when he promised he wouldn't, but he had to. "But, I don't love you like that anymore. I…I can't love you like that anymore."
She stood there letting his words slowly wash over her. Slowly she started to break from the inside out, the first thing to break, no shatter, was her heart. When that happened it was as if she could feel it break within her into a million shards and pierce her internally. After breaking slowly from the inside out she couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they started to flow steadily down her face.
In that moment all Sam wanted to do was to comfort the one person that was always there for him through everything, and the one person he betrayed the most. But he knew, that wouldn't change how he felt or what the end result would be, so he stood where he was, watching Leah breakdown because of him.
"Why?" she asked barely above a whisper breaking the silence between them.
"I…I can't tell you. The only thing I can tell you is that we can't be anymore. But I'll always be here for you and love you…as a friend."
"You're telling me it's because of what happened to you?" she accused him through the tears. He just nodded in response. "I told you, that I'll be with you no matter what. I don't care about what happened to you. I. Love. You." She announced every word with complete conviction and truth of her shattered heart.
"I know, but we just can't be together anymore, I'm sorry."
Sorry, she thought. Sorry wasn't going to save the one thing that truly mattered in her life. Sorry wasn't going to save one thing that got her through life's troubles. Sorry wasn't going to bring her Sam back to her. Sorry wasn't going make things better. Sorry wasn't going to keep her life together. Sorry wasn't going to help the pain. And sorry wasn't going to fix and repair her shattered heart. The only thing that could was standing three feet away from her, and telling her 'sorry'.
When she realized that only he could heal her, his touch, his voice, his embrace, his love. She tried to take a step forward but when she did all that happened was her body crumpling to the ground. She was on all fours from catching herself as she looked up at him with disbelief. Her body was so numb she didn't even realize that he cut her knee on a sharp rock and her blood was flowing onto it.
When Sam just stood there looking back at her she realized something. That this was really happening and the love of her life doesn't love or want her anymore. That she would never be whole again even if she found some sad pathetic excuse for love as a replacement. And that no one will ever be there for her like that ever again, and she would have to catch herself and watch out for only herself, because no one else will. If the one person who swore on their life and everything everyday that they would be there for you and they break that promise, then who could you trust besides yourself.
Before Leah could say anything else Sam stepped back slowly towards the tree line. Leah watched every step he took burning the last of him in her mind. But with every step Leah started to break even further until nothing else was left to be broken. Abruptly he stopped and looked down at her position still on the ground.
"Goodbye Leah," he said just loud enough for her to hear before he turned his back and ran the last couple feet to the tree line.
"Goodbye Leah," rang in her head again, but this time it was the voice that she knew would be able to heal her. As he took that first slow step back towards the bushes unshed tears of brokenness over the years flowed free. She knew that she could finally be whole again as if she was never broken before.
"…to leave," she said quietly, barely audible for her ears as her sobs started to break free. But Josh was able to hear them as clear as day.
"What?" he asked quickly turning around to face her.
"I don't want you…to leave," she choked out. Just like with Sam she took a step forward towards the true love her life, and once again she started to crumble to the ground with the weight of her emotions. But this time yielded a different result.
She felt two arms wrap around her waist holding her close to their owner's chest. When she looked up all she could see in his eyes was complete love and devotion. Even in the best times with Sam she never saw it that prominent before.
Josh stood her upright again and kept one arm securely around her as the other reached up and pushed a strand of hair away from her face.
"If this is what you want forever," he said quietly, as if he spoke too loud she would go back to not wanting him.
"Yes it is, forever," she nodded furiously smiling as the tears kept up.
He cupped the side of her face in his hand smiling a bit.
"Then you have me…forever," he smiled. Her only response was to let a whole new set of sobs break free along with tears, but this time for a completely different reason.
"Though I'm sure you'll probably get annoyed with me and wonder why you agreed to forever with me," he joked laughing a bit. Again another thing happened that she never realized hadn't happened in years, she actually laughed, really laughed.
"Never," she smiled genuinely at him.
"We'll see about that," he smiled widely.
"I guess we will."
Slowly they started to move together without a conscious. They took one last look at each other before closing their eyes and shared a kiss that was filled with pure love. In that moment Leah felt whole like she was never broken. She was finally able to live again, and this time it was forever.
Hope you guys enjoyed this little one shot.