So here is what happened between Leah and Josh after the Pack bonfire. Again this is unbetaed just because I figured you all would want to have somehting to read for me since I haven't updated in forever. And since I'm getting my writing mojo back hopefully I'll be able to update soon.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight
After mumbling night to Alison Josh went straight for his room needing to get out of the house quickly, the faster the better. Once he got to his room he went straight for his window and opening it and proceeding to jump out of it in one swift motion. He didn't look around to make sure no one saw him; all he could think about was her. So he took off towards the woods as if his life depended on it.
The moment he hit the tree line he swiftly tied his clothes to his ankle right before he phased. Right when he was on all fours he took off as fast as he could trying to catch her scent. When he couldn't find it he figured he would try to find her through her mind.
I told you to never be phased when I am. Now go away!
No, he thought defiantly.
UGH! I swear all of you guys have the thickest skulls in the world.
Well how about you?
What do you mean?
You being all 'I'm a loner and jus leave me alone to wallow', he argued.
Shut up, you know nothing about me.
I know more than you think.
So you know of me, but you don't know me and you never will.
Why won't you let me? Why do you keep pushing me away?
Just…because. Now leave me alone!
Before he could protest her mind left and he knew she phased back, but not before he could see where she was going. So as quick as his feet could take him, he went to find her. And even if she wasn't there he would follow her scent to the end of the Earth. He just wanted to know why he felt like this. About this girl that everyone warned him not to get on her bad side. But he didn't care. He just needed to be with her.
Leah was up in the mountains at a place that let her overlook Forks and La Push. This spot was the only place that she could get away from it all. And her mind was her own and she didn't have to worry about anyone coming up here to find her. This spot was far enough away that they didn't patrol up here and the Cullens didn't hunt up here for the lack of 'tasty' animals in this part of the mountains.
She sat there alone just thinking about what just happened, but the more she thought about it the more she believed this was all just a dream, or some cruel twist of fate that was going to be taken away from her again. Thatright when she let her guard down, the one thing she needed the most was going to be taken away from her.
Even with all the fear she felt hope. That her life wasn't over and that she didn't have to be alone forever and stand back and watch others find the one thing she could never have. She had the same thing and the same hope that they all had for a future. And that hope scared her.
Then suddenly she heard rustling coming from a distance. Quickly her instincts took over and she got ready to fight whatever came from the bushes. After being as still as a statue for a few moments nothing came out from the bushes. She was slowly growing impatient.
"Come out now or I'm coming in after you. And believe me you don't want the latter," she growled.
"Okay, dang, are you always like this?" Josh asked as he emerged from the bushes with his hands up in the universal sign for surrendering.
When she saw him walk out from the cover of the bushes she stood up wearing a look of complete annoyance. But on the inside she couldn't believe he actually followed her and came o her. And though she was annoyed that he found her sanctuary of peace she couldn't help the excitement that rose in her at just the sight of him.
She started the inner struggle with herself. On one hand she had finally accepted that she would be alone forever and that she would be the only one left until she decided to grow old. But then on the opposite side every fiber of her being was being pulled towards Josh and called out to just be his and for him to be hers. But wouldn't giving her heart to him be harder than being alone forever?
"What do you want?" she asked annoyed.
"Just to talk," he said calmly as he slowly moved towards her.
"What if I don't want to talk?" she challenged. He could see that she wasn't going to make this easy at all.
"Then you don't have to. But you'll have to listen at least."
"What if I phase and run away?"
"Then I'll chase you, and as I do I'll tell you what I want to now as I chase you."
"What if I run to the ends of the Earth?"
"I'll be right behind you."
Both knew that they weren't just talking about this conversation. But if she ever left or ran away from him, he would follow her, no matter where she went. She could see the truth in his eyes as he could see the internal battle in her eyes.
"Fine," she sighed after a couple moments of silence. "What do you want to say?"
"That I'm not sure what this is, well yes I do. I…I think I imprinted on you, and now all I want is you. The only thing I've been thinking about since I saw you is you. I want to know everything about you, the good, the bad and the ugly, that is if there is anything ugly about you," he smirked which earned him a dramatic eye roll from Leah.
"How many girls have you used that line on?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.
"A lot, why is it working?" he teased.
"Not in the least bit. But what makes me so different from the other girls?" she asked hoping he would say everything. But at the same time she wanted him to say nothing to stop the hope rising in her.
"They were easy; all I had to use was a pick up line. You I had to chase you down and find you on a mountain side. They were pretty, you're beautiful. They were okay, you're amazing. They were human, you're more than that. They imperfect, you're perfect in every way. They took the crap I gave them; you won't take any of that and make sure I know where I stand. They were weak, you're stronger than all of them combined," he said as he moved closer every time he spoke.
By now he was right in front of her their chests just inches away from each other. They were looking intently in each other's eyes reading the other's reactions. Leah only saw truth with every word he spoke. Josh saw hope that was suppressed and replaced with doubt and loneliness.
"And lastly," he said starting straight into her eyes with so much truth that she couldn't look away even if she wanted, "they were in my life for only a moment, but you," he paused looking for the right words, "you're my life now and I intend to keep you in my life forever."
She just stared back at him as it was getting harder and harder for her to let her own feelings go to run free. The only thing that helped was the last time someone told her that she was their life and the end result is was put her in the position that she was in today.
"What if I told you I don't want you and that I want you to leave me alone forever?" she asked hoping he would do what he has this whole night, defy her wishes and have a quick answer back. By this time the loner in her was rejoicing in the fact that she didn't have to be alone any more. That she didn't have to be alone forever, that she could and would have someone just like the rest of her Pack has or will have eventually.
At her question he looked away willing and hoping that this wasn't her way to actually ask that of him, because though he barely knew her he loved her with every fiber of his being and could never imagine having to stay away from her forever. He breathed a heavy sigh and then looked back into her eyes.
"If you asked me that then…I would leave you alone. I wouldn't necessarily leave you, but I would be watching you from afar, because I don't think I could ever completely leave you. Because if I left you or let you go, it would be as if I left my life and my heart with you, and if I did that, I would die. But if that's your wish as well then I would do it, so you can be happy. And if you ever reconsidered and asked for me to come back then I would. Whatever you want, it's yours. I'm yours. I'll leave or come as you wish. But there's one important question," he said.
He took one last final step towards her. She let her arms fall to her side so that both their chests were touching. They could feel the heat coursing between their bodies as well as a small magnetic force making them want to be even closer together. But Josh didn't push it for fear that she would reject him before he asked her his one and only questions. And Leah didn't give into it for fear that she would finally lose control of herself and then lose everything as she did before with Sam.
"What's that?" she asked quietly when he didn't continue.
"That question is, do you want me? Do you want me to stay here by your side forever, to be there for you, through everything that life has to throw at us? Or do you want me to walk away and not bother or talk to you any more unless I have to. And to jus admire you from afar. It's your choice."
She stood there thinking weighing her decisions as fast as she could in her mind as she started into his eyes. Neither of them looking away for anything, both of them almost communicating with their eyes. Josh pleading for her to give them a chance because he knew that they could make it and they were meant to be, and he knew she knew that as well. Leah was trying to tell him no, but couldn't fight the hope she felt inside and saw in Josh's eyes.
After standing there for however long they did, just staring at each other, Leah let out a long sigh looking down. Josh thought he won the battle but wouldn't start rejoicing until he heard her say she wanted him. When she looked up her eyes were set in whatever decision she made. And Josh could only hope that it was the one he was praying for.
She opened her mouth slowly to speak as Josh waited.
"No," she said firmly, "no, I don't want you…" she said each word a bit softer as if she couldn't believe the words she said as well as Josh.
It took Josh a couple moments to actually process the words she said. And when he did it felt like everything around him broke and died. He felt like he died at her words. He knew it would hurt to get her rejection, but he never imagined it would hurt this much. But he didn't want to show her how much it hurt him. He told himself that whatever she wanted he would stand beside her decision, but he knew he had to get out of here quickly before he broke down in front of her. When he finally found his voice he was able to talk.
"If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get," he said as strong as he could so she wouldn't know how broken he was at her words. He backed up a few steps willing his body to move away from hers. "Goodbye Leah," he said and used all the will power he had to turn his body away from her and start to walk away.
When he did that Leah couldn't help the flashback that occurred, the memory that was burned into her mind from about four years ago.
"Hey Sam," she said as she approached where he was standing on the cliff. They went there often to get away and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean, mostly during sunrises or sunsets.
"Hey Leah," he replied. Still his voice didn't sound like it used to ever since he ran away. But she knew that the Sam she loved was still there even though he would barely tell her anything of what happened.
He even changed after the little bit of time that her cousin, Emily, came. It was as if he was avoiding both of them like the plague, but Leah just told herself that they didn't get along as well as she thought they would, and shrugged it off.
She walked up to where he was standing looking out over the cliff. Once she was at his side she wrapped her arms around his waist holding him close, loving the way his skin was complete opposite to the usual cold Washington weather. But instead of wrapping his arms around her shoulders holding her close and kissing her hair he shrugged out of her embrace and faced her with his eyes down casted.
"What's wrong?" she asked confused. He'd never shrugged her off even during fights they had or even during the last couple weeks since he came back different.
"Leah, I…I can't do this anymore?" he said with a glum expression etched into his features as he finally looked at her. For the first time in his eyes she saw hopelessness. Sam was always the one that gave her hope that was her rock, and when she saw that in his eyes she was taken aback.
"Sam, it's okay, I told you I'll be here for you no matter what. I don't care that you can't tell me everything yet, we can do this, remember you…we promised we would make it through this…whatever it is," she said frantically stepping towards her taking his warm face in her hands.
"Leah," he sighed almost painfully as he grabbed her wrists softly removing her hands from his face and placing them at her side. This again was another thing he never did. They weren't exactly the reason for PDA rules, but they never shied, shrugged or rejected the others touch.
"Sam, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" she asked worried and she could feel the stupid tears wanting to form before she pushed them back, she knew at this moment she had to be strong, if for no one else besides herself.
He looked out over the cliff where the sun was beginning to set and cast a beautiful array of colors across the sky and where ever the light touched. He looked at Leah taking this last mental picture of her as his, before he broke her and everything they had.
"Leah," he said quietly, "you remember when we first started dating and we came here on our first date?" She just nodded not sure where he was going with this, some girls would think that it's the beginning of a proposal, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that was the farthest thing from the truth. "And though we just met I knew then that I loved you. Then I told you no matter what that I'll always love you."
"Yes," she responded quietly when he didn't continue.
"It's still true now and forever will be…but," he stopped to look at her in the eyes. He could already see the hurt and pain start to rise in her. Though he hated to be the one to do this to her when he promised he wouldn't, he had to. "But, I don't love you like that anymore. I…I can't love you like that anymore."
She stood there letting his words slowly wash over her. Slowly she started to break from the inside out, the first thing to break, no shatter, was her heart. When that happened it was as if she could feel it break within her into a million pieces. After breaking slowly from the inside out she couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they started to flow steadily down her face.
In that moment all Sam wanted to do was to comfort the one person that was always there for him through everything, and the one person he broke the most promises to. But he knew if he did that wouldn't change how he felt or what the end result would be, so he stood where he was, watching Leah breakdown because of him.
"Why?" she asked barely above a whisper after nothing but silence between them.
"I…I can't tell you. The only thing I can tell you is that we can't be anymore. But I'll always be here for you and love you…as a friend."
"You're telling me it's because of what happened to you?" she accused him through the tears. He just nodded in response. "I told you, that I'll be with you no matter what. I don't care about what happened to you. I. Love. You." She announced every word with complete conviction and truth of her shattered heart.
"I know, but we just can't be together anymore, I'm sorry."
Sorry, she thought. Sorry wasn't going to save the one thing that truly mattered in her life. Sorry wasn't going to save one thing that got her through life's troubles. Sorry wasn't going to bring her Sam back to her. Sorry wasn't going make things better like he used to. Sorry wasn't going to keep her life together. Sorry wasn't going to help the pain. And sorry wasn't going to fix and repair her shattered heart. The only thing that could was standing three feet away from her, and telling her 'sorry'.
When she realized that only he could heal her, his touch, his voice, his embrace, his love. She tried to take a step forward but when she did all that happened was her body crumbling to the ground and Sam not catching her. She was on all fours from catching herself as she looked up at him with disbelief. Her body was so numb she didn't even realize that he cut her knee on a sharp rock and her blood was flowing onto it.
When Sam just stood there looking back at her she realized something. That this was really happening and the love of her life doesn't love or want her anymore. That she would never be whole again even if she found some sad pathetic excuse for love as a replacement. And that no one will ever be there for her like that ever again, and she would have to catch herself and watch out for only herself, because no one else will. If the one person who swore on their life and everything everyday that they would be there for you and they break that promise, then who would be there for you.
Before Leah could say anything else Sam stepped back slowly towards the tree line. Leah watched every step he took burning the last of him in her mind. But with every step Leah started to break even further until nothing else was left to be broken. Abruptly he stopped and looked down at her position still on the ground.
"Goodbye Leah," he said just loud enough for her to hear before he turned his back and ran the last couple feet to the tree line.
"Goodbye Leah," rang in her head again, but this time it was the voice that she knew would be able to heal her. As he took that first slow step back towards the bushes unshed tears of brokenness over the years flowed free. She knew that she could finally be whole again as if she was never broken before.
"…to leave," she said quietly, barely audible for her ears as her sobs started to break free. But Josh was able to hear them as clear as day.
"What?" he asked quickly turning around to face her.
"I don't want you…to leave," she choked out. Just like with Sam she took a step forward towards the true love her life, and once again she started to crumble to the ground. But this time yielded a different result.
She felt two arms wrap around her waist holding her close to his chest. When she looked up all she could see in his eyes was complete love and devotion. Even in the best times with Sam she never saw it that prominent before.
Josh stood her upright again and kept one arm securely around her as the other reached up and pushed a strand of hair away from her face.
"If this is what you want forever," he said quietly as if he spoke too loud she would go back to not wanting him.
"Yes it is, forever," she nodded furiously smiling as the tears kept up.
He cupped the side of her face in his hand smiling a bit.
"Then you have me…forever," he smiled. Her only response was to let a whole new set of sobs break free along with tears, but this time for a completely different reason. They, for once in years, were tears of joy.
"Though I'm sure you'll probably get annoyed with me and wonder why you agreed to forever with me," he joked laughing a bit. Again another thing happened that she never realized hadn't happened in years, she actually laughed, truly laughed.
"Never," she smiled genuinely at him.
"We'll see about that," he smiled widely.
"I guess we will."
Slowly they started to move together without a conscious thought making them. They took one last look at each other before closing their eyes and shared a kiss that was filled with pure love. In that moment Leah felt whole as if she was never broken. She was finally able to live again, and this time it was forever, with her reason for being by her side the whole time.
Hope you liked it. Yea I know it's short, but I didn't feel like going through the whole weekend with them because we all know they just spent all their time together. And just a FYI i may be using that Sam and Leah part in another story that I might write. And actually, I borrowed it from that. So if you see that in another one of my stories then don't freak out on me or anything.