2. How Could She Do Anything In This State
I have never thought the world could end, it was one of those things you read about in books or some psychopath would scream about it in their sleep. But now that it's happening it's totally different to me, my life seems to be ticking away second by second and I just couldn't care about it. Why could I think of just me, when there was plenty of people out there who needed help, who were dyeing alone seen as there was no vaccinations or pills to help the unwell. What could I do? As my grandma always told me God made the world, but always what infuriates me was if God made the world why did God make such bad things! Why didn't God save the world now?
No matter how much thinking I did, I really didn't know what to do. The only things that came into my narrow mind were thoughts of my family, how much I missed them and yearned to feel their arms around me, to have their sent flow around me. A single tear dropped from my grey dark eyes, it trailed onto the floor making a single dot, which turned into a pool of tears.
I shouted my mum, no answer. I ran upstairs in search of her looking in every bedroom and finally found her in mine, she was in my bed with a picture of me and her from a holiday; I was three and it was just me and my mum, I learned my dad was off with another woman behind my mums back, he was such a bastard was the only word I could call him. My mother looked frail and lifeless like a small doll waiting to be broken. I walked up to her beside the bed, she still didn't move so I shook her, her mouth was open a tad her eyes rolled back inside her head. I shook her lightly again, then eventually got harder.
"Mum!" I cried, "Mum, I need you! Mum wake up!"
The whole room shook, the floor beneath me was ripped away engulfing me to my emotions.
She can't leave me. I can't be on my own. Please!
My face felt swollen from the tears, swollen from the beatings I gave myself. I can't do anything right I bashed into my head over and over again with my fist.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH! RUINING EVERYONE'S LIVES!" I shouted at myself. My dad left, and now my mum has killed herself the only conclusion I could come to was myself, I was the reason my dad left… I was the reason my mum killed herself, because she couldn't bare to look after me anymore I was too much hassle. I dragged myself out of my bedroom by my hands to the top of the stairs getting as many carpet burns as my bare body could get. I wrapped my hand around the banister dragging myself to my feet drawing one breath, and looked at my last destination… The floor. And flung myself in the air hitting my head on the ceiling then banging in a frail mess down the stairs with burning pain, eventually stopping at the bottom with a mighty crash.
My eye sight went black, I couldn't see anything but still felt the burning sensation that ran through my body.