Its fanfiction folks....the whole thing is from a story based on charactors someone else wrote...I write things that fit and most times its straight from me. Ido however reference the great great show, Gilmore Girls and Pride and Prejudice... I dont own it, and I aint getting paid to try. Hope you enjoy the story!
I awoke in the morning to pure and utter self loathing and pain. Pain from knowing I had to face an embarrassing round of questions from friends that wouldn't take a simple scowl and arm cross from me as an answer. To be honest I'm not sure its the questions or the answers that bother me more. I wish I could just lay in this bed and pull the cover over my face and just wallow a little longer in my own sorrow. Sure it's not exactly making me feel better, but at least its only myself I have to deal with.
before I could settle on that bright idea my phone started chirping and vibrating next to me on my night stand. I didn't have to look at it to know who it was... its the same person who sent me the last thirteen messages in the hours before I had succumbed to sleep. The same person who called my phone at least twenty three times since the I had left that god forsaken restaurant the night before.
Slowly getting out of bed I decided it was time to get this over with and just let the day begin. Stepping into the bathroom I started my shower and let the water heat up while stripping down from my black lace bra and matching panties that served as my pajamas and also as a humiliating reminder of last night, I had been far too exhausted to even change completely and too lost in the sobs of why I wore the set in the first place. It sure as hell wasn't supposed to be for my benefit, it was for Edward.
I stepped in and let the water run down my face as I tipped my head back so that the it could wash over my back and hair as well. Letting the heat envelop me I started to think back to whole mess and the blow up from last night. How could I be so stupid? Really stupid at that.
"Bella, please don't run from me! We cant fix anything this way, please just stay here and talk to me! We can go wherever you want to talk! Just give me ten minutes to tell her something and we can go, just you and me, baby." I stood stock still with an incredulous look on my face I'm sure. I literally felt like I'd been slapped or kicked or spat on...well maybe all three.
"Edward, I cannot even begin to tell you everything that is wrong with that statement, and I'm not even going to attempt to try. I can't do this anymore. I... I thought I could but I cant. You have priorities and responsibilities that you need to take care of. She is your priority and her feelings are the ones you need to focus on. I'm just the person who came along and complicated that." He recoiled into himself when I said that last part, but what they say is true. The truth hurts. I know because my truth just stared me in the face. It had strawberry blond hair and eyes as blue as the sky. She had legs that never ended and the face of a supermodel. The truth had never hurt so bad in all my twenty six years.
"Isabella there is nothing further from the truth!" he seethed at me but softened as he looked me in the eyes. "Bella you know I love you! You have to know that after everything that's happened no one could ever compare to you. Ever." He said it with such conviction I almost caved and flew into his arms. I didn't though. My brain had a stronger hold on me at that moment and everything inside of me was as cold as a stone. I couldn't of moved to him if I wanted to at this point. Turning my back on him I closed my eyes and steeled my self to say the words I knew needed to be said. "Edward" just his name was hard to say and I wasn't sure I could get the rest out. Behind a strangled sob I continued," I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but its the way things are none the less. I'm a girlfriend girl, Edward. I have boyfriends not escorts. I thought I could be different even for just a little bit but I cant. I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying I cant be what you need me to be while you're with another woman...I just can't." And with that I walked forward and opened the door to my car. It took all my will power to just turn the ignition but I did it. I drove my self home the eight blocks and continued to focus on just opening the door as I pulled to the curb of my building before the aching in my chest could take me fully.
I was pulled out of my reverie as the hot water was giving out. I shut the water and grabbed my towel from the hook beside the curtain and toweled off. Stepping from the shower I reached a hand out and rubbed at the fog on my mirror. Even with the steamy room I could see the tired and defeated look on my face. It was the face you see on a person who has finally accepted defeat but still feels cheated. Its the face you wear when you get the news that there is no answer for that age old question your searching for, whatever it may be.
My eyes were puffy and I had smudges of black under my eyes from the make up I never removed last night. The shower only made it worse.
I grabbed my face cleansers and got to work. I might feel like crap but I'll be damned if I have to walk around looking it. When I was finished in the bathroom I padded barefoot in my towel back to my room. As I made it down the hall, I could hear the chirping and vibrating again and it made my stomach lurch. I grabbed my phone to shut it off completely but not before I gave my masochistic side something to dwell on.
Sixteen messages were now visible on text and they all began with, "" Please Bella" If I read them, it would only hurt more and I didn't think my body could survive that much pain. So I simply powered down and dropped to my bed.
Towel and all I crawled back under the covers and just let the tears take me. I had no one to blame but myself. I knew better but I simply didn't care. It was the first time I had ever let myself be greedy and god help me I loved every minute of that man in my life, my arms and my mind. I fell back into sleep with thoughts of those moments shared in the past weeks that seemed so far away now.
I awoke what seemed like minutes later to a loud pounding sound on my door. It rattled and shook with the sheer force behind it and it scared me. I grabbed my cell phone from the night stand and powered up again in case in impromptu call to 911 was needed and thre on the nearest thing I could find to replace the towel from my body. When it was over my head I padded down the hall quietly trying to be as stealth as possible. However being me I tripped over my Yoga mat and fell face first onto the hard wood floors. It made a very audible thump and I couldn't help but groan at the pain it had caused my head.
My aggrivation was overwhelming now for whoever it was behind the door knocking. Not only had they woken me from sleep that I desperatly needed, but now they had caused me to fall over and possibly bruise my brain.
As if sensing my irritation, the knocking continued but at a much softer volume than before. I crawled up on my hands and knees and stood. I made my way to the door and looked through the peep hole and audibly groaned while still rubbing my forehead.
I knew this would have to happen sooner or later, but I was hoping for the latter. I decided now was as good a time as any to get this over with as my resolve for the distance was probably as good as it would ever get. With a deep breath and a heavy heart I opened the door to my only heaven and now personal hell.
"Hey" was all I could mutter as Edward stood before me. He looked me up and down for a moment before he stepped forward in a brusque move and enveloped me in his arms while his lips forcefully met mine and my legs wrapped around his body.
Okay so maybe my resolve was shakier than I thought, but god help me I felt whole again.