Curb Stomp II
Buffy awoke to find mini-Buffy and mini-Willow watching her sleep. It was momentarily disconcerting, but the friendly smiles the two tiny androids had on as they sat on her alarm clock were just too cute. The clock clicked over from 7:59 to 8 AM and the alarm went off, startling the two and causing mini-Willow to fall off the nightstand. Quick as a flash, if not the Flash, Buffy caught the tiny doppelganger of her best friend and placed her back on top of the nightstand where mini-Buffy quickly checked her for damage and hugged her tightly, sending a grateful look Buffy's way.
"You two are just so cute," Buffy said before getting ready for class.
Mini-Buffy covered mini-Willow's eyes when Buffy started to change, she also handed her a handkerchief for the drool.
Buffy met Willow and Oz for breakfast at the college cafeteria in a much better mood than she had been previously. "Guess who's returned to Sunnydale?"
"Angel?" Willow guessed. "Cause you weren't in your room this morning when I checked and you look all perky."
"Xander," Buffy replied cheerfully.
"You spent the night with Xander?!" Willow burst out in shock.
"Yes, no!" she quickly corrected. "I spent the night with Xander and his girlfriend."
Silence fell over the table.
"I think you broke her," Oz said, as Willow just stared at Buffy.
"No!" Buffy said in a panic. "Not that way! I just borrowed a spare room at their place."
"Oh," Willow said, recovering. "Not that there's anything wrong with you sleeping with Xander and his girlfriend or anything, it's just a bit of a shock, ya know!"
"I know," Buffy said. "Anyway, he has returned rich and with girlfriend."
"Rich?" Willow asked, ignoring the girlfriend question for the moment, as she didn't want to appear jealous. "Xander?"
"He got a job working on satellite casings, where he was far overpaid for tax purposes," Buffy said. "He's not allowed to talk about it."
"Military contracts," Oz said, recalling stories of military contractors charging two-hundred bucks for simple things like hammers.
"All he's allowed to say is that he worked on satellite casings and made a bundle," Buffy said.
"And his girlfriend?" Willow asked. "Give me details, is she human?"
"I didn't ask," Buffy said, but she's descended from Greek heroes, the ones who sailed after the sheep."
"Fleece," Willow translated with a nod. "One of the crew of the Argo."
"Blonde hair, blue eyes, body of a goddess, rack of mythical proportions," Buffy admitted. "Knows her way around a stake. A nest on campus actually stole all my stuff last night. The three of us tracked them down and cleared them out easily."
"And you didn't get me?" Willow asked, hurt.
"You were busy and it was all spur of the moment," Buffy said apologetically. "Remember Cathy my annoying roommate?"
"She was a demon. I told you she was too annoying to be human."
"Having a roommate vanish isn't going to look good on your permanent record," Oz pointed out, figuring Buffy had slayed her.
"She's only a threat to poodles and good taste," Buffy said. "She's put in for a new roommate, and I moved in with Xander and Karen because, demon or not, Kathy had a good point when she said for safety sake I shouldn't be living with the students."
"Very true," Oz agreed.
"Plus, Xander and Karen got very insistent when Kathy pointed out it was for safety's sake," Buffy said.
"I'll have to meet this Karen," Willow said dubiously.
"I like her and I think you will too," Buffy said encouragingly.
Willow smiled. "If she passes the Buffy test, she should pass the Willow test with flying colors."
"Speaking of flying...Nope, I'll just leave that as a surprise, but let me just say, adorable!"
"Adorable and flying?" Oz raised an eyebrow.
"It's a surprise," Buffy said.
Buffy led the two to the old Frat house, the bushes and weeds having overgrown the walkway and combined with the trees, hiding it from sight.
"Whoa," the three said as they pushed through the wall of greenery and spotted the house.
"It didn't look this good when I left this morning," Buffy said.
The lawn surrounding the house had been trimmed and weeded. The flowerbeds were filled with colorful flowers and the ivy that had been slowly destroying the woodwork had been removed. And, if that wasn't enough, everything looked to have had been cleaned, sanded, or painted as was needed.
"Hell, I'm pretty sure it didn't look this good when it was new!"
"You should see the back," Xander said, having approached unnoticed as the three stared, in flip-flops and shorts.
"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, almost tackling him in a hug.
"Willow!" he replied, swinging her around.
"How did you get all this done so quickly?" Buffy asked in shock.
"Money is a very versatile tool," Xander replied, leading them around to the back.
"Whoa," Oz said quietly, echoed by Buffy and Willow as Karen was lying on a blanket wearing almost nothing, asleep, face up.
"Rack of mythical proportions," Willow said, blushing heavily and echoing Buffy's earlier comment as they approached the sleeping Argothian.
Oz snickered, causing some raised eyebrows. "She's wearing a G-String off an actual guitar," he explained, pointing to her single piece of apparel.
"You shouldn't let her sleep in the sun, she'll get sunburned," Willow said. "Sunburned nipples are no fun."
"Oh yeah," Xander said, remembering the incident in question.
Buffy and Oz exchanged glances and looked at Xander.
"Willow got a UV transparent Bikini when she was thirteen and didn't know she had to put sunscreen on under it," Xander explained.
Oz hugged her. "I'll be sure to make sure we always have sunscreen."
"Karen can't get sunburned, she absorbs sunlight," Xander explained.
"That sounds familiar," Willow muttered.
"I can't believe you got so much done so quickly," Buffy said.
"The minis helped," Xander replied. "Come on in and tell me what you think."
"Minis?" Willow asked.
"You'll see," Buffy said with a grin, enthusiastically dragging Willow to the house.
"Why a G-String?" Oz asked Xander as they followed.
"Because she feeds on sunlight, and the law says a G-String's the minimum she can wear while sunbathing and be legal."
"Not that big a difference between the two," Oz pointed out. "There are actual G-Strings that are meant to be worn that would still let people know her real hair color."
"It's partly for a joke, and partly because she's an exhibitionist," Xander admitted.
"Makes sense," Oz agreed.
"Holy!" Buffy said, speechless. "No way you could've got all this done without magic!"
The hardwood floor was polished and the furniture glowed without a speck of dust anywhere. The entire downstairs looked like a million dollars had been spent restoring it.
"No spells were involved," Xander said. "Though I will cop to using special abilities like they were going out of style."
"At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you found Hogwarts and adopted some elves," Buffy said in wonder.
"It was that bad?" Willow asked as she looked around.
"It was condemned years ago and had a bunch of vamps living in it," Buffy explained.
"Having Dobby around would kick ass," Xander agreed. "But sadly, it was all done by the two of us while abusing the laws of physics."
The three were distracted by a tiny floating Xander in a Magneto outfit.
"Cool," Oz said after a moment of thought.
"How?" Willow was stunned.
"Classified," Xander replied. "But, I will say I created him on purpose."
Willow looked at him, her eyes full of questions, when a tiny Karen dressed as Powergirl flew in, kissed the Magneto-Xander, and flew off with him in pursuit. "You made him as a companion to her," she said, knowing how Xander's mind worked.
"It was a final test and showed that unlike everyone else my...personal creations had a spark that made them people and not just things," Xander explained.
"Military, satellite, Spark..." Willow's eyes glazed over, deep in thought.
"I know nothing!" Xander said in his best Sgt. Shultz imitation.
"Advanced alien tech… You ended up working in Area 51 or something similar and were only allowed out because you honestly swore not to say anything and they backed it up with a machine that could read your mind," Willow guessed.
Everyone just stared at her.
She shrugged. "If I can't have an accurate answer, I'll settle for amusing."
"That was surprisingly close," Xander said in amazement. "But as I said, it's classified and I can't talk about it."
"Ok," Willow said.
"There they are!" Buffy said, excitedly pointing to a tiny Buffy and Willow who shyly waved Hi from the floor.
Willow got down on her hands and knees as mini-Willow stepped forward. "Wow, would I love to take you apart and see how you work!"
The sound of mini-Buffy cocking her tiny crossbow was a lot louder than you might expect.
"But, of course I wouldn't do that, because I'd hate to have that done to me," Willow quickly said at mini-Buffy's glare.
"Mini-Buffy is very protective of her friends," Buffy said proudly.
Willow stood back up. "Please tell me you have schematics and blueprints."
"Sorry, no can do," Xander said apologetically. "They sprang both fully formed and fairly finished."
Oz looked under the table that the two minis had vanished under. "There is a tiny door."
"I think mini-Xander makes the doors," Xander said with a shrug. "Mini-Karen chooses where they go. Mini-Buffy decides on style and decorations, and finally mini-Willow handles all the hardware. But, I'm just guessing really."
"If I open the door would there be a tiny apartment in there?" Oz asked.
"No idea," Xander replied. "It's probably just a hallway leading to a tiny elevator. Since they can't fly, mini-Buffy and mini-Willow usually install them here and there. If you're looking for the actual room where they sleep and hang out, they took the bottom drawer of my dresser last time."
"You had an interesting summer," Oz observed.
"And, I still haven't seen all the states," Xander said thoughtfully. "I feel another road trip coming on."
"But, you just got back," Willow complained.
"So, I'll just do it on the weekends," Xander decided.
"I guess that works," Willow said. "No tiny Oz?"
"I made Karen on accident and then Xander as Magneto on purpose," he explained. "They requested I make another pair as a test, so I made my two best friends, no snubbing was intended."
"It's cool," Oz assured him.
"So what, mini-Xander has a harem?" Buffy teased.
Xander laughed. "They only look human, so gender isn't a defining characteristic for them, if you get what I mean."
"So, mini-me and Willow..." Buffy trailed off.
"Take care of one another," Xander said, rolling his eyes.
Buffy blushed. "I guess it was silly to assume they had sex."
"Very silly," Xander agreed as Karen came in and embraced him from behind.
"They do though," Karen said, resting her chin on his right shoulder.
"The minis have sex?" Xander asked incredulously.
"They imitate what we do, though half the time I think they're doing it just to giggle about how silly we are," Karen explained. "They also kill at Pictionary which involves nudity and WD-40 for them."
"And you've never noticed?" Oz asked Xander.
"Clairvoyance," Karen tapped her temple. "They only do it in the privacy of their drawer."
"You are so lucky, all I get are confused dreams of the future and some guy with cheese on his head," Buffy said.
"That reminds me," Karen said. "It's lunch time and you said we were going to the best place to eat in Sunnydale."
"Sadly, that requires pants," Xander said, leaning back against her.
"You call for reservations, I'll get dressed," Karen said, hurrying upstairs.
"Reservations?" Willow asked.
Xander pulled out a small electronic device, and pushed a couple of buttons before holding it to his ear. "Joyce? Yep, it's me. I'm bringing Karen over, what do you need me to bring?"
AN: Typing by Lucillia, who takes time out of her busy writing schedule to do this, so be sure to look up her fics on FF dot net.