A/N: I was inspired to write this after having watched House last night and having a lesson on cells and viruses in Bio Honors. ~Nefertiri/ISW


So Now, without further Adieu, I Present

Dr. House Explains Cells

(With Use of a Clever Metaphor)


House turned on his fellows. "Oh come on people! Differential Diagnosis shouldn't have to include freshman high school Biology lessons on cells! Maybe Kutner, should go back there over summer, and relearn his fundamental training. Every doctor should know how a cell works. Here's the deal. The body is like a city. Cells are like clubs. The bigger the city, the more clubs there's gonna be; the bigger the person, the more cells they have. Simple.

"Okay class, let's get a little more complicated! So, every human cell has a nucleolus, that's like the VIP section of the club. Now let's say that outside VIP sitting at the bar is this loser that isn't in VIP just like everyone else around him. But unlike everyone else around him, he's just the slightest bit clever, right…everybody with me?

"So, now he meanders over to the big security guy that's guarding VIP from losers like him. But he's just clever enough to get around the body guards. He's in. But he can't keep up the charade, and the very important persons realize that he's just a nobody and they have the security show the loser the door.

"So now there's this other, guy, even cleverer that the first loser. He was being the operator, letting the other guy go first, to see how he set about getting into VIP territory. So now, they're busy with this other guy and he decides to take action!

"Loser #2 then makes it past the body guard and gets in with the VIP's. He keeps it up long enough to get all his looser friends into the joint till almost everybody is in VIP. The VIP's didn't recognize the operator for what he was … and now it's too late!!! All the VIP's are infected with loser and have no where to go to escape. They are taken over, destroyed by the loser population led by Loser #2.

"Pretty soon, things spread by word of mouth and other losers start doing the same thing in other clubs all around the city…"

"Same thing with cells…"Thirteen's eyes rolled, as she cut him off. House and his metaphors.

"Body guards are the antibodies; people in VIP make up the nucleolus. Losers are bacteria, infections, viruses. One virus gets in, but the Nucleolus catches it. While the antibodies are out getting rid of that virus another on comes in. Nucleolus doesn't react soon enough; antibodies aren't set out to get the virus. Patient is infected, and soon the same thing is happening everywhere else, in the body, killing cells left and right till…"

"…Till the entire city is over run with losers! Way to stick with my wonderful metaphor, Foreman, but at least you get the point now."

"So what your saying is we're dealing with an infection?" Kutner asked.

"Nooo, we're dealing with a sneaky infection,"