By Miss P
Summary: Jasper won't let Alice come too close in fear of letting her see his scars…
Set in the beginning of their relationship, after they moved in with the Cullen's.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight characters.
She never understood why he always wanted to keep a distance between them. He would always shy away whenever she was trying to take their relationship to the next level. His beautiful golden eyes shone with fear and shame every time Alice attempted to come too close.
Their love for each other was stronger than anything she knew. But there was one thing that wasn't right. He wouldn't let her touch him. He never let her see more skin than what he displayed in public. She didn't want to push him, but she could also see how much he was hurting. What she didn't understand was why. What could he possibly be so afraid of? Didn't he know that he was her reason for living?
Alice reached out and let her fingers trace the silver scar right over his left eyebrow. She could feel him shiver under her touch.
"Jazz," she whispered, letting her hand slip down to his neck, gently caressing his scarred skin. "You don't have to feel ashamed, they're a part of who you are," she said softly.
"You don't understand Alice," the moment the words left his mouth he regretted them. They'd been too harsh. Alice had always been so understanding and sweet, and there he was, snapping at her for no reason.
He sighed. "I'm sorry." He knew he couldn't go on like this. It hurt him too much to hurt her.
Alice was quiet, just watching him. Then she moved closer. Her hands on his chest forced him to go backwards, until he suddenly found himself at the end of their huge white bed. Alice gently pushed him down on it, and then moved to sit next to him.
Without speaking, she stretched up to place a kiss on his lips. Jasper kissed her back, and a bit hesitatingly, he let his arms sneak around her waist, pulling her tiny body closer to him.
Alice couldn't help but gasp. This was something new. He never pulled her closer. She had never felt the hunger and passion there in his kisses before.
"Jasper," she breathed. "Are you sure?"
Jasper answered by deepening their kissing. Alice was sure that if her heart had still been beating, it would have exploded in her chest. Jasper made her feel so special. She had never felt anything like it before.
"I love you," she only managed a quivering whisper. Jasper said something back, but she was too high on this new feeling to even register what it was. This was heaven, she was sure of it.
Her fingers gracefully worked to undo the buttons of his shirt. She could feel him tense as she slid it off his shoulders. She paused, looking up at him, seeing the panic in his eyes.
"Alice..." he began, wanting to explain. He could feel her confusion. Her golden eyes were worried as they were staring into his. He hated to make her feel like this. Hated everything about himself.
"Ali..." he couldn't finish her name before his voice cracked. Alice had taken her eyes off his face. It was as if she had suddenly realized why he hadn't let her see him like this. She knew it before she looked. Her small hands were still on his chest as she let her eyes travel over his scarred skin.
It felt like time had frozen. All Jasper could do was wait for any kind of reaction. She was staring at him, a horrified look on her face. Jasper felt a stab of pain through him as he was watching her. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't even make a sound.
When it finally dawned on her, she couldn't hold back the fear and shock that washed through her body in full force. She had known about his scars, she had seen them on his neck and arms. But she hadn't known there were so much more. She realized now she should have known. But seeing them now, she couldn't help but flinch. Automatically, she moved away from him, pulling her hands back quickly. A loud hiss escaping her throat as she stared at her lover's damaged body.
Jasper could feel everything that went through her at that moment. And if she'd actually bothered to look into his eyes, she would have seen the pain and sorrow there. But she didn't look, and he couldn't bear the pain that caused him. This was what he had been so afraid of. But somehow he had hoped Alice wouldn't react like this. He had been wrong of course. He had scared her away now. He could feel her fear. She was afraid of him.
Jasper quickly jumped off the bed, turning to face the glass wall. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't stand the thought of how she was appalled by his appearance. How could he even think that she would want anyone like him? Graceful sweet little Alice deserved someone much better.
If Jasper could have cried he was sure there would have been tears in his eyes. He couldn't bear this. He didn't understand. How could it hurt so much?
"Jazz," he could feel her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry. I know that reaction was what you feared. I understand it all now. But you're wrong," she hugged him from behind, softly placing a kiss on his back. "You're beautiful," she whispered.
Jasper slowly turned around to face her. He shook his head miserably.
"Alice," he choked out. "It's alright if you..." he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.
But Alice knew what he was thinking. "I'm not going anywhere Jazz, please don't push me away, let me love you."
Jasper shook his head again, this time in confusion. "How... I don't understand."
Alice reached up to touch the scars. This time she didn't flinch. She didn't feel afraid; all she could feel now was love and sympathy. She hadn't had a clue. Seeing him now made her realize how much he'd had to go through before she found him. The silver scars were almost covering his whole upper body. She didn't understand how a man could survive so many bites.
"Oh baby," she whispered tenderly. "This doesn't change anything," she smiled up at him, letting her hands run across his chest. "You're still my Jasper," she kissed the most visible scars, hoping that her action would convince him her words were sincere.
Felling him pull away from her, Alice wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his chest, refusing to let him go.
"No," she pleaded. "Don't go Jazz, don't go," she pulled him closer to her. "You don't need to hide anymore; you're beautiful just the way you are."
She could feel him relax as he finally believed her. He couldn't understand, but the feelings he could pick up from Alice made him realize she was telling the truth. What could he possibly have done right, do find such a wonderful girl as Alice? She was everything a man could have asked for and more. She was his reason for living. And knowing that she, in some miraculous way accepted him for what he was and how he looked, actually made him feel hopeful. If Alice could love him despite all his flaws, maybe he could find the strength to look in the mirror and not be disgusted by what he saw.
Jasper let his own arms wrap around her much smaller body, still clinging to him afraid that he would leave. "Forgive me," he whispered into her hair.
It took a while before she spoke. "You don't have to apologize Jazz, but you don't have to hide anything from me, nothing you do could make me love you less."
Jasper tightened his hold of her, almost crushing her tiny body to his. He needed to feel her to be able to believe that she was real.
She was right there in his arms – his own angel. "Alice... I love you," his voice was thick with emotion. "So so much."
Her angelic voice sounded like music to his ears.
"You know I love you too, you'll always be my Jasper."
~*~*~*~ The End ~*~*~*~