Okay, this is the first fic I have written and I am putting it out there to see what kind of reception I get on it. Please try and be constructive but kind in your reviews.
Author notes: This is a House/Wilson slash pairing, which means a male/male romance. If its not your kind of thing, please do not read. Also House's diagnosis in this fic is a real disorder. It is by definition a psychosis that lasts for one month or less. In the fic, House is in Mayfield for two months, the additional time was recommended to deal with House's many other issues. If you have not seen the end of season five then I guess this would be a spoiler for that. Thank you.
Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!
People around him should have seen the breakdown coming he thought, but they didn't. Not that he could blame them really, he was a very private man.. okay, he was a pain in the ass. Something about that though made him feel a bit more isolated than he had ever felt before. Did he really have that little of a connection to anyone? Was he really that alone? Not even his best friend noticed anything amiss before he was told about the hallucinations and by then, it was too late to be pulled back from the inevitable fall.
While in the institution, House reflected a great deal on those very thoughts. He came to the realization that he didn't want to be the misanthropic asshole everyone knew him as, that he wanted real connections with people. Well at least one person specifically…his best friend Wilson.
Over the years, Wilson was the constant in his life, the one person that, for the most part, would be there for him. House realized that he wanted..no, he needed a deeper bond with the younger man. While working through his emotional turmoil (rather reluctantly) with his therapist, he learned a great deal about the feelings he actually harbored for Wilson, feelings that he had been denying for longer than he cared to admit. Feelings, he came to the conclusion, go far beyond the friendship that they currently share.
It may have been Cuddy who was the object of his delusion that led to his current stay, but House now knows it is Wilson that he truly longs for. All he had to do was figure out how to approach him with this new found knowledge without losing Wilson altogether. That thought above all, scared the shit out of him.
CHAPTER ONE-TWO MONTHS AFTER ADMISSION
Wilson is sitting in his apartment staring at the TV, not paying much attention to any show in particular. Things have been rather.. well for a lack of a better word..boring since House has been gone. He'd never truly realized how much House actually added to his life, just the entertainment value alone was worth the price of admission. Wilson is truly agonizing over just how much he misses House and how much he truly wants his best friend back.
Over the course of the two plus months that House has been institutionalized, the older man had refused all visitors, Wilson was and is still very confused and hurt by this. He just can't understand why his best friend would be shutting him out at such a desperate time, to alienate himself from the one person that cares for him the most.
Wilson has been able to keep track of House medically speaking due to the fact that he is still House's primary physician. The younger doctor made arrangements to have all the test results and subsequent diagnosis sent to him for, as Wilson told them, House's permanent file. He knew deep down though, it was more for his own benefit..the only way to truly keep some sort of connection to his hurting friend.
The staff at Mayfield ruled out Vicodin use as the most likely cause of House's symptoms relatively quickly, and found that he was actually suffering from "Brief Psychotic Disorder" brought on by a stress response from all of the physical and emotional trauma that he suffered over the past year. When Wilson received the diagnosis, it gave him pause. His brain scanned over everything that had happened since the bus crash... since Amber. From that moment, he had tried desperately to come to terms with things that he considered may have been his fault. Wilson knew that he couldn't have controlled every bad thing that happened to House, but he damn well knows that he certainly didn't help matters any.
All Wilson could think about was how he asked House to risk his life to save Ambers, told him they weren't friends anymore, and then left him for two months. Wilson knew practically speaking that he was grieving and not necessarily acting rationally at the time and yes, in a way he did blame House for awhile for what had happened. The younger man came to terms with that over time and said as much to House after his father's funeral. Wilson knows House though, he knows how much he must have hurt him.
Wilson realized he never apologized for any of it, or at the very least acknowledged that he went about things the wrong way. All he said to House was, "I guess we can't choose our friends", that's just… brilliant, in retrospect, that really was a pretty shitty thing to say. 'Like if I had a choice, I would choose not to be his friend', Wilson thought.
He never told House that he appreciated the sacrifice that he was willing to make for him, never told him how much he cared. Wilson came to the conclusion that he absolutely did not help House's situation any, and he also realized that guilt is a very powerful thing.
He did take some solace in the knowledge that "Brief Psychotic Disorder" is, for the most part, only a temporary condition and that, with time and treatment, House should be able to resume his normal life. He'll be able to practice medicine again without the restrictions or outright denial that a full blown psychotic diagnosis would carry.
As Wilson continued to sit on his couch in deep contemplation, he was startled by the ringing of his cell phone. He certainly was in no mood to be bothered with something trivial, so as he grabbed for his phone he checked the caller ID. He didn't want to ignore the ringing phone altogether, in case it was the hospital regarding one of his patients. He noticed that the ID displayed unknown, this was enough to pique his curiosity. Answering with a stern "Doctor Wilson speaking", he was greeted with a voice that he so longed to hear. The younger man's heart starting beating in a rapid staccato, he was not prepared for this call by any means. It took all of his strength to pull his thoughts into some semblance of order and rasped out..
"Yes, how many other friends do you have in the asylum?"
Even though Wilson had been waiting for this moment for two months, he suddenly found himself speechless. He decided to start simple..
"House, I tried to see you but I was told that you weren't accepting any visitors..why would you not want to see anyone?" Wilson was thinking, 'why didn't you want to see me?'
House's reply was soft and nearly inaudible, 'this wasn't the House that he knew', Wilson thought.
"I needed to do this on my own Wilson. I needed….." he couldn't finish that thought, not now. "You know what , it doesn't matter." House thought to himself after that.. 'you'll know soon enough and then maybe you'll understand, or maybe not, only time would tell. '
Wilson was taken aback by his friend's vagueness, House was never one to hold his tongue about anything, so why now, why with him?
"House, is everything okay?"
"I need you to come pick me up tomorrow, they're finally springing from this god awful place"
Stunned, Wilson responded, "of course House, I'll be there." He hesitated before adding,
"are you sure you're ready?"
House thought to himself, 'the question is, Wilson are you ready?' But aloud, he said with as much condescension as he could muster, "Yes, they can't cure me of all my crazys but at least I'm not seeing dead people anymore."
Wilson couldn't help but to smile to himself, that sounded more like the old House that he knew.
"See ya tomorrow House."
"Yeah, see ya Wilson"
Wilson hung up the phone and just sat there trying to process the conversation he just had with House. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt that something didn't seem right, that House was off just a bit. Wilson chalked it up at the moment to spending two months in a psych ward. All he cared about right now, was that in less than twenty four hours he was going to see House again. He couldn't help but to think about all the things he wanted to say to the older man. The missed apologies, the 'thank you's never presented, the 'I care about you's that were never said. Wilson knew he wouldn't sleep tonight, so he just resigned himself to his thoughts and bit of mindless TV.
As House hung up the phone, he felt like he was going to hyperventilate. This was not how he was supposed to feel, for god's sake he's known Wilson for nearly twenty years. This was, however, the first time he had heard his voice since he came to admit to himself that he wanted more than just a friendship with the younger man.
House was beginning to wonder if maybe any of this was such a great idea. What if Wilson rejected him? What if he lost his friendship altogether? Is that a chance he was willing to take? House was mentally slapping himself for being such a pussy, he thought to himself, 'boy the time spent in the loony bin sure has taken a toll on my, I don't give a shit about anything attitude!' Was this worth it? Was Wilson worth making this change for? House stared at the wall and thought, 'can I go through with this?'. The answer had been two months, or maybe it was twenty years in the making, either way House knew the answer even if he didn't want to admit it…. Yes, Wilson was worth it.