What do you think, Fangirls? Bleach Edition by Boogermeister
1- Ichigo Kurosaki
"No, don't . . . . we shouldn't . . . ."
"But I want you . . . . I want to feel inside of you."
"No . . . . stop . . . . ahh . . . ."
"Hey, what are you watching?" questioned Ichigo. I flinched and closed my laptop.
"Nothing . . . ." I smiled slyly.
"We're been waiting long enough," whined Kon. "Can you check on your review status for this?"
"Fine," I sighed as I opened my laptop and went on my profile. "So far . . . . there's two."
"Just two?" Ichigo questioned and I nodded. "Well, that's no good."
"You think I went too far with the testicles?" I mumbled.
"Wh-- I'm not falling for that one again," huffed Ichigo, crossing his arms. "What does the first one say?"
"It's from someone named Leyvi and it says, I don't have to be a fanGIRL to enjoy this, keep up the funny!."
"What does that means?" asked Kon.
"It means that he or she likes this fic," I replied.
"Would have been better if they had said of what they think of me," Ichigo grumbled. "What the next one say?"
"It says im going to sum him up in one word: SMEXY! as for the yaoi pairings- grimichi, renichi/ichiren(sometimes), kiskichi, ulquiichi, and ishiichi are my top five. the only straight paiirings i like are ichigo/rukia or ichigo/adult neliel. And it was sent to us by grimmchibi13." I glanced up at Ichigo and his face was deep red.
"What's wrong, Ichigo?" I asked.
"What's wrong with this girl with the yaoi pairings?!" screamed Ichigo.
"I know, right? I've never heard of couple of them," I piped up.
"No, I meant all in general! I'm not gay!"
"Well, Fanfiction, Youtube, Fan-Art Central, and Devianart say otherwise," I smirked, browsing through the web. "Let's start with Grimmjow being paired up with you."
"I keep telling you, I'm not GAY!" Ichigo fumed.
"Oh come on!" I retorted. "You don't remember that one scene, in the manga, when you first fought him? He said 'You took me by surprise . . . . Soul Reaper.' and you said 'I'm not holding back . . . . Arrancar'. That was totally gay!"
"How is that gay?! I was releasing my bankai against him!"
"Yeah, you were releasing, all right," I smirked pervertedly, "and it wasn't bankai."
"You have a dirty mind," Ichigo grumbled.
"Yay!" I smiled stupidly. "Now then . . . . with Renji, it's a pretty obvious yaoi pairing."
"What? How so?" demanded Ichigo.
"Huh? You don't remember that filler episode, when Renji showed up at your school?" I questioned.
"Yeah . . . ." Ichigo hesitantly replied.
"Yeah, you thought that he was an imposter and you were saying 'TAKE IT OFF!' while both of you was wrestling to the ground."
"That doesn't mean anything!" defended Ichigo.
"Dude, your classmates and teacher saw you on top of him, straddling his waist," I continued. "Besides, there's, like, several dozen fics involving you two, so suck it up."
"Just shut up," Ichigo said angrily.
"Never," I proclaimed 'evilly'. "Next is . . . . Kisuke. Wow, Urahara pairing up with you?"
"Wait, I need to google this type of pairing," I said excitedly, typing on the keyboards. "Oohh, there's some doujinshi on eBay!"
"Why would fangirls pair me up with Mr. Hat-and-Clogs?" Ichigo demanded.
"I dunno, let me search on Fanfiction," I replied as I typed. ". . . . Wow, three pages worth on 'T rated' alone."
"And on the 'M rated' . . . . about 47 stories? Wow."
"That's not something to be admire about!" yelled Ichigo.
"Next one is . . . ." I ignored Ichigo. "Ulquiorra?"
"Who would want to pair you up with Marilyn Manson Jr.?!" yelled Kon.
"Shut up," I said, whacking him away. "Although I do find it odd, too. Hard to tell if Ulquiorra is a seme or uke in the relationship."
"Why would you want to know this?" questioned Ichigo.
"The same reason why people like to pair you up with Rukia."
"Really? Rukia?" Ichigo blinked in surprise.
"Rukia? My sweet Rukia?" chided Kon.
"Yeah," I replied, typing and browsing the web. "A lot of people written fanfics involving you two. There's even a couple of hentai doujinshi about you."
"What?! Ichigo and my sweet Rukia doing what I think they're doing?!" Kon questioned, only to get kicked to the heavens by my size 9.5 foot.
"What kind of sick perverts would draw stuff like that?" demanded Ichigo.
"You wanna see?" I smiled kitty-like.
"Why not? I thought you're a boy," I retorted. "As a guy, you should like porn."
"I'm not that kind of guy!" Ichigo yelled.
"Aw come on, you sure you don't wanna see?" I smiled. "Look, there's-- oops, I accidently clicked on the one where you were having a threesome with Yoruichi and Renji."
"WHAT?!" Ichigo screamed and looked at the screen.
"Oh now you wanna see if it's involves Yoruichi," I smirked, clicking back to the previous webpage.
"What?! It's not like that!" Ichigo defended.
"Well, it explains this, that's probably why you saw her naked two or three times."
"It wasn't on purpose, though," Ichigo argued.
"Aaaawwww . . . . phooey," I gestured him away. "Anyway the last pairing is . . . . Neliel aka Nel."
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Kon screamed from the distance just before landing to the ground with a squeak.
"How was Mars?" I asked plainly.
"Stay away from me, you demon!" Kon yelled angrily as he shakily stood up and hid behind Ichigo.
"Anyway . . . . with Nel, I'm not so sure about that," I pondered.
"What do you mean?" Ichigo questioned curiously.
"Well I haven't read the lastest manga volume yet and I don't feel like watching a hundred original episodes ahead of the anime," I replied lazily. "But according to wiki, Nel has a child-like personality. I promptly assumed she's the green-haired version of Orihime from the early volumes."
"Hey, aren't you just jumping into conclusion?" asked Ichigo.
"I dunno, lemme go back to that hentai site," I said.
"No, don't!" Ichigo pleaded.
"Fine," I sighed. "But you know what that means."
". . . . What?"
"It's time for my own opinion!" I yelled happily. "Ichigo Kurosaki . . . . why do fangirls think your name means 'strawberry'? I know that the creator, Tite Kubo, made it as an inside joke. But your name actually means 'one guardian' or 'one who protects'. Sorry, just that I found it interesting.
"All right then . . . . is that it?" asked Ichigo.
"Hellz no!" I smiled. "I admit it, you are smexy but you're not really my type."
"Huh?" Ichigo felt surprised at my statement.
"Don't get me wrong, I would like you as a friend. You're a nice, caring, courageous person . . . . but I don't feel very attractive towards you."
"Is it because of my hair color?" Ichigo questioned.
"Even with different kinds of color, I still don't feel it," I pointed. "But I do have one question, though."
"How the hell you're buff like that?! I mean in the manga, you're fifteen; I don't think puberty and testoterones can do that!"
"Uh . . . . I can't explain it," muttered Ichigo.
"Okay." I coughed out 'soul reaper steroid' before taking out the green-and-white striped hat full of little paper. "All right, time for the next victim-- I mean male character of Bleach to get comments from the fangirls." I took out a paper and looked at it. "Well, whaddya know?"
"Who is it?" asked Ichigo.
"It's Uryuu Ishida!" I proclaimed happily. "Yays, this is great."
"Good, 'cause you forgot the pairing between me and him," grumbled Ichigo.
"Oh, yeah . . . . doesn't matter, I'll talk about it on the next chapter."
"Fine, I'm gonna get some food," Ichigo muttered. "Do you want something?"
"Get me a double cheeseburger, a medium fries, and iced tea," I answered. Ichigo walked away, with Kon clinging to his back. "While I'll wait for my lunch, I'll wait for your comments. See ya!"
"Ah Uryuu . . . ." I muttered to myself. "Your nerdy butt is mine . . . . ."