A/N (top): I know nothing about American football… so I'm sorry if I got it wrong… lol :P
Disclaimer: Don't, and never will.
A Series of Special Occasions:
Chapter 3: Gay Commercials
Written by: ApplzrGud4u
© Puddle Productions
Gay (adj.): 1a. - Happily excited - : 1b. - Keenly alive and exuberant - ; 2a. - Bright, lively - : 2b. - Brilliant in color- ; 3. - Given to social pleasures - ; 4a. – Homosexual - : 4b. - Of, relating to, or used by homosexuals –
Super Bowl Sunday was always a guy day. A day of yelling— usually coming from a blonde boy named Naruto— and a day of "bonding boy time" (as Sakura liked to call it; though Naruto and Sasuke begged to differ— referring to it more as… a planned event, rather than a play date). Nevertheless, Sakura had decided to steer clear of the tense and edgy boys she called her friends. She didn't know why, but it was as if their bubble became so thin while watching the game, and could pop with a mere touch. Needless to say, there Naruto and Sasuke were, in the basement of Sakura Haruno while she was out somewhere. The place was practically a hang out spot.
Naruto was standing up, jittery and jumpy with his fists clenched in front of him, holding on to the little hope that was left in the world. His team was down by a few, and though they were only a few minutes passed the third quarter, Naruto was beginning to lose his spirit. Sasuke smirking over there on the couch, no matter how much it made Naruto want to punch something, just boosted his team confidence.
"No! NOOOO! What the hell?" Naruto cried when the rivals scored.
Well, at least he could pray, right?
"It's nice to know the team you root for always ends up losing."
As the game hit commercial, Naruto collapsed on the couch, groaning as if in pain. His sapphire eyes darted to glare at a smirking Sasuke, muttering a faint, "I hate you" before closing his eyes and scowling. Losing pissed Naruto off to no end, especially when it was to an overconfident Uchiha. At the rate his team was going, he would lose the bet he and Sasuke made… which included the money he had saved up for a special evening with Hinata.
Suddenly the boy shot up, eyes snapping open.
"I won't give up! I believe in them!" He cheered, pumping a fist in the air.
Sasuke snorted, watching the commercials, "Give it up, schoolgirl. It's over."
"Just you wait," Naruto taunted with an accusing finger pointed at his friend, "Just you wait, Bastard."
"For what? My team to beat the living crap out of yours?"
Naruto felt a growl rumble in his chest, though it stopped abruptly when an idea bubbled in his brain. With this new inspiration, he bolted to the nearest bathroom, leaving the lights off and the door open as he rummaged through the drawers. Technically, he was invading Sakura's privacy, but Naruto didn't really care. He was never one to think things through, and/or to consider the consequences of his actions. Though, he always considered that a trait that made him so appealing to others.
The sound of materials shuffling and clanking together instantly made Sasuke glare— even though he was watching a slightly amusing Old Spice commercial. Whatever Naruto was doing was bound to be bad. Normally he wouldn't care, as long as he didn't get blamed for the damage. What made it different this time was the fact that they were currently settled in Sakura's house.
"If you mess up Sakura's stuff," Sasuke warned while tilting his head back, "the first person she will decapitate will be me. And if she decapitates me, my decapitated body will decapitate you. So, if you want to live long enough to see your team lose, then I suggest you stop.
"Well, I'm sure I'll have enough time to run," Naruto countered, seeming preoccupied. He beamed, finally finding exactly what he was looking for, "Though I figured she would more de-ball you, than decapitate you."
"I'm her boyfriend, you idiot," Sasuke rolled his eyes. Logic. If only Naruto had it, then he'd understand how doing that wouldn't work to Sakura's advantage.
Ten seconds later Naruto rushed out. The noise caused Sasuke to tilt his head back again, only to see a beaming Naruto with a thick black line on each cheek bone. Sasuke grimaced, shaking his head.
"What the hell is that?"
"… You coming out of the closet?"
"Hey!" Naruto defended, looking hurt, "Its call having spirit. Kiba is always saying that we don't have enough of it. And besides, I read in a book once that doing stuff like this grants good luck. Like those rain dances that the Indians used to do. So my team is going to win now. You'll regret making fun of me when you see the last five minutes."
"Whatever comes out of Kiba's mouth screams 'homo'. He hangs out with Sai— and we all know that he's been locked out of the closet since birth… And they were Native Americans, not Indians." Sasuke retorted, "And you don't read, so that's a bunch of bull."
"Do you like, have list of who you think is gay?" Naruto laughed, raising his brows.
"Yes, and you're on it."
"If I'm gay, then you're gay."
"YES!" Naruto said, "We're like Batman and Robin; we always do stuff together, no matter what. WE COMPLETE EACH OTHER! IT WAS MEANT TO BE! You're my sidekick, so you must wear this eyeliner."
"—The hell I will."
"BATMAN COMMANDS YOU!"
"Don't touch me," Sasuke growled as Naruto approached from the behind the couch.
"Someone's grumpy. Aw, don't worry Robin, Batman will make you happy with a nice warm HUG," Naruto said, opening his arms and walking to his friend.
"Naruto, I swear if you come one step closer—"
Naruto lunged at his friend, jumping over the back of the sofa and landing on him. Sasuke threw a few punches that were skillfully evaded by Naruto, and they fought. "Hold still!" Naruto would say through his teeth, attempting at restraining Sasuke while readying the eyeliner, "Let me vagin-ify you!"
Not too long after engaging in the fight, Naruto successfully got Sasuke in a one arm head lock. While he had originally planned on putting simple matching lines on his cheeks, the task proved to be much more difficult. Instead, Naruto drew zigzags and loops, and even a mustache. "Screw it," he thought, before writing three big letters on Sasuke's forehead:
Then, to finish it off, he sketched lopsided hearts— face it, Naruto Uzumaki wasn't the best artist out there— and wrote two or three 'gay's and 'hug's.
"Hey, bastard," Naruto inquire, continuing with his hearts. Sasuke muttered a string of curses in response, struggling to get loose, "Do you know what Hug means?"
"Helping Unveil Gayness. I just hugged you. You've been homifide."
"NARUTO, you're going to die in a few seconds," Sasuke growled, though the blonde boy ignored it, finished off his masterpiece and looking it over with pride.
"By the way, I'm going to take a picture of you and put it on Facebook. I think the album will be called…" Naruto paused to think, "'Homophobes on Crack'.No— wait! 'Homophobes Out of the Closet'! Yeah, that's a suitable title."
Another growl erupted through Sasuke's chest once more, only further fueling Naruto.
"Hey Sasuke," Naruto added in a high, girly voice, "After this, we can go shopping!"
He grinned, holding in his own sinister laughter. Just then the commercials ended, and like a dog told to sit for a treat, he released Sasuke, jumping back and planting his butt in his previous spot. Sasuke punched the blonde's arm, and turned to watch— glare, actually— at the television. Naruto, whose inner age was five, and who had a tendency to lose interest in things easily, acted as if he didn't just sabotage his friend's face.
A few minutes of the game passed, and both boys tensed as one team made its way to score. It was Naruto's team.
The basement backdoor opened, revealing a tired Sakura and Hinata, grocery bags hanging from their hands. "Hey guys," the former greeted. Naruto shushed her, waving his hand in a 'go away' manner. It seems Naruto never learns from his mistakes. Normally Sakura would have already been over there, ready to deliver a hard smack to his head. Lucky for him, she promptly reminded herself that it was Super Bowl Sunday, and that they were boys. It was expected for them to act like that… Kind of.
Well, she'd make sure to get him later.
The two girls began unpacking the bags as slowly and quietly as they could. When they were finished, Sakura reached into a cupboard and stole a glass bowl, filling it with cheesy Doritos. Just looking at them made Sakura hungry. She and Hinata had gone almost a whole day away from the boys, knowing they'd be too piss-y about preparing for and watching the Super Bowl. She half expected her basement to be full of beer and boys when she got back, though she was content to see otherwise. There was no way in hell her dad would approve such a fiesta.
Nonetheless, just because of Judy Moody over there (a.k.a. Naruto), Sakura contemplated whether or not to bring them food. She reluctantly decided against it, knowing that a Super Bowl wasn't a Super Bowl without snacks. She told herself it was for Sasuke, and not for Naruto.
Sakura sat in between Sasuke and the couch's armrest, placing the bowl on the coffee table. Hinata, meanwhile, put soda cans next to the bowl and simply sat on the armrest next to Naruto. Sakura popped open a soda. Hinata's giggle caused Sakura's attention to move away from her drink and on to the owner. The white eyed girl was gazing at her boyfriend, a tiny smile on her lips. Sakura followed her stare. That's when she noticed the dark lines on his cheeks.
"Way to be spirited, Naruto," She mumbled with slight amusement. Taking a sip of her soda, she glanced at Sasuke.
"What happened to your face?" She coughed, "You look ridiculous."
Sasuke frowned, though continued to watch the game.
"Hey. Is that my—" Sakura murmured, narrowing her eyes. She studied his face for a few minutes, tilting her head slightly. The game cut to commercial.
"Eyeliner." She snarled out. Naruto leaned back and snaked and arm around Hinata's waist.
"I'm sorry to break it to you," Naruto stated, "But you're boyfriend came out of the closet today. Don't you see what a homo job he did at putting make-up on? I mean, he missed his eyes."
"You did this to me, you ass!"
"Naruto," Sakura whined, "Are you kidding me? That was some really expensive eyeliner!"
Naruto chuckled, "Sasuke's fault."
"It was his fault. Don't worry, though," Sasuke said to Sakura, "He'll buy you a new one."
"Shut up, Robin! You provoked me!"
"You don't believe him, do you?"
Sasuke looked at his girlfriend expectantly. She couldn't help but laugh at the graffiti on his face. 'Gay', 'Hug', and 'Homo' were probably written three times each, and the hearts— which you never saw on Sasuke Uchiha— only made it more amusing. The FAG stamped across his forehead creased at her weird reaction.
Sakura really wanted a picture of it.
"Of course not," Sakura giggled, clutching her stomach, "You do look funny though."
Sasuke scowled, folding his arms across his chest.
"I mean," Sakura amended, a bit of laughter still in her, "You look sexy. Not funny, sexy."
Sasuke smirked, peering at her through the corner of his eye. She was smiling too, and had an odd urge to kiss him. It happened whenever she looked at his beautiful face. Instead of acting on that impulse, though, Sakura leaned forward across the coffee table and popped a Dorito in her mouth. Naruto and Hinata were flirting off in their corner of the couch until, ironically, a Doritos commercial came on. Because Naruto was Naruto, he had to shush everyone— even though they weren't even talking. And, (since he's Naruto), when it ended, he stole the glass Doritos bowl, raised it high in the air, and chanted, "Praise the chips!" before shoving a handful in his mouth.
The game flashed onto the television, and it was amazing how the blonde boy adjusted. It was like he turned into a completely different person when watching football. He was quiet. Well, quiet until one of the teams scored, that is. Sakura rather liked the idea of him shutting his mouth for once.
The two teams tied, miraculously, and there were only a few minutes left to determine the winner. Naruto's team was on the offense, and they were approaching the touchdown line. The anxiety caused both boys to stand; Naruto whispering a few lines of prayers, and Sasuke silently chanting a series of, no's. The ball was thrown, and it was only a matter of if the player caught in the touchdown zone. Everyone tensed.
…Naruto's team won.
The reaction was instantaneous.
Naruto screamed, then jumped, and then ran around the basement with his arms spread like an airplane, screaming and jumping. Frankly, all Sakura was worried about was whether he could break something. Naruto returned, panting. He pointed a finger at Sasuke, who fell back into the couch in defeat, scowling.
"In your face!— No, more like, On your face, you cocky rich boy! I was right! I was right I was right I was right! I knew what I read in that book was true! Mwahahaha!" The boy scooped Hinata off her feet, spinning her until they fell to the floor in a mess of blissful kisses. Sasuke wrapped his arm around Sakura's shoulder, nuzzling in the crook of her neck.
Sasuke hoped his idiot of a friend forgot about their bet.
"My team just lost," He whined lowly into her ear, brushing his nose against her cheek. Sakura could tell he was pouting— or attempting to pout. Everyone knew Sasuke was too proud to give a decent "pout" anyways. Plus, innocence and vulnerability clashed with his look. Taking his face between her hands, Sakura whispered, "As far as I'm concerned, you are always number one."
She knew it was probably the corniest thing to say to anyone, but it made Sasuke chuckle, and that was a rarity. He leaned in, kissing Sakura and placing a hand on her hip. She smiled against his lips, instinctively wrapping her arms around his neck to bring him closer. When the lip lock broke, allowing them to breath, Sasuke pressed his forehead against Sakura and gazed seductively into her green eyes.
Unexpectedly, Sakura pushed a finger to his lips when he came in for more.
"Two things first. One; we need to make sure Naruto and Hinata aren't having sex on my basement floor. And two; we need to get that stuff off of your face."
She smiled, and he smirked. Maybe, Sasuke thought, something could make up for losing the game…
Little did he know there would be a lot of face scrubbing and eyeliner replacement before his girlfriend deemed him worthy of forgiveness. Sakura inwardly smirked, knowing exactly what Sasuke wanted. Nope, he wouldn't be getting lucky tonight.
Not a chance…
An apple for your thoughts?
A/N (bottom): What is a good idea for future chapters?
Before I move on with the author's note, I just want to say that I have NOTHING AGAINST GAYS! Honestly. Just to throw that out there. This was for mere humor purposes, and I apologize if you are offended.
Rahahaha! I enjoyed this one. I liked it. Some parts were a bit boring, I'm sorry. But, hopefully you got a laugh out of it… I sure did. :)
Is a Dorito the singular of Doritos? Word says that it's spelled wrong. Isn't there a singular for Doritos?
Anyways, I've been on a roll today! I've updated two of my stories, and this is my third! Speaking of which, you should check them out ^_^ (The Fame, and a new story Hymn of the Beasts) I am completely blank about what else to say… I don't know. Did you think it was funny?
PPS: I'm so tired o_0