OK I was randomly looking on websites for school when I came upon this little baby.
Angel: You found a baby on the computer?
Robina: It was a figure of speech. –Rolls eyes-
Angel: I knew that.
Robina: Sure you did. I own nothing.
Angel: Hey! I say that.
After doing what I do best on the elevator this morning (A/N read Misadventurous Outings by –iKate- to find out what I'm talking about.) I decided to go back to that website to see if there was anything other mischief I could cause.
'Watch are you doin'?' Iggy asked leaning against the door frame.
'Looking for other things I can do.' A few words caught my eye on the web page. Application to date my daughter. This is too good to be true I thought to myself. Iggy listen to this. I read out the application. He started laughing his head off.
'Print it! Print it!' He said in between laughs. I pressed this print button. Once the pages printed I grabbed them and stapled them together. Iggy took the pages out of my hands and got up.
'Is Fang in his room?' Iggy asked me.
'I think so…' We walked to Fang's room. He was on the laptop typing on his blob muttering something about Total hacking his blog. (A/N Read Total takes over by rainbowstrike).
'Hey Fang.' Iggy said holding out the papers. 'Dr. M told us to give these to you.' He handed gave Fang the application. He stifled a laugh and we both left the room.
Iggy and Gazzy left my room. I stared down at the pieces of paper they gave my. Printed across the top was Application to date my daughter.
'What the hell?' I started to read.
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________
Do you own
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____
Do you have any of
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
or piercings on any other body parts_____
(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)
In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________
In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________
Church you attend_____________________ How
Best time to interview your pastor? _______________________
Fill In The Blank. Please answer
freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________
NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.
I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.
Signature (This means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.
I flipped over the page.
Eight simple rules for dating my daughter.
you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule
do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your
clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with
my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your
trousers securely in place around your waist.Rule
sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill
order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
only information I require from you is an indication of when you
expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word
I need from you on this subject is "early."Rule
have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.Rule
you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be
on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting
the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come
downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these
eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are
only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did
NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules
tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it
and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought
writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be
inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably
a better alternative.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.
My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
I finished reading it. What a joke. But what if it isn't. I decided to fill it out just in case. After I had finished I went downstairs and into the living room. Dr. M was sitting on the couch and was reading a magazine.
'Here you go Dr. M.' I said giving her the application.
'What's this?' She asked.
'What application?' she seemed confused.
'The one Iggy gave to m-'I broke off midsentence. 'IGGY! GAZZY! YOU'RE BOTH DEAD! HEAR ME! DEAD!' I heard laughter coming from upstairs.
They were in for a world of hurt.
Ok so I'm done and I was thinking maybe I should do one where Fang gets revenge.