It was rather anti-climatic in the end. Voldemort had decided that rather than allowing Harry to cause more trouble for him he would just get rid of him. There were, apparently, various references to squashing and cockroaches when he outlined the plan to the Death Eaters. Thanks to a well-placed spy in the ranks of the Order Voldemort knew that Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys spent most afternoons playing Quidditch or swimming in the field adjacent to the Burrow. Thanks to Severus Snape the Order knew of the spy and of the plan, which consisted of appearing in said field and obliterating the trouble maker and his nasty little blood traitor, mudblood friends. It was decided that, apparently for reasons of symmetry and poetic justice, that this would take place on Harry's birthday.

So on the afternoon of the 31st of July 1998 Voldemort and half a dozen Death Eaters, (a pathetically small number which was frankly insulting, considering that the same group of children had held off more Death Eaters than that a year earlier), apparated to the field, the wards on which had been removed by the spy, expecting to find at most Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville. Instead they found almost all the Order of the Phoenix, half the Auror department and most of the DA. A short but intense fight ensued, culminating in Harry killing Voldemort, although even he couldn't say exactly how. All anyone knew was that Harry had been knocked off his feet by a curse. Ron and Hermione had rushed over to help him up, and as they touched him a burst of magic shot out of his wand, hit Voldemort in the chest and that, as they say, was that.

The papers called it the Final Battle, but the Last Skirmish, or the Ultimate Tiff would be more fitting to the scale of the thing. Voldemort was the only casualty, and few of the others involved had anything more than superficial wounds. As one of the Weasley twins remarked, Hogwarts had seen nastier fights after closely contested Quidditch games.

Although for those most involved the war had ended with a whimper rather than the bang anticipated there was still plenty to do. Celebrations and award ceremonies were tangled up with investigations, trials and reforms. Dumbledore had agreed to become temporary Minister for Magic while a voting system was put into place which would mean the Minister was elected by, and therefore had to answer to, the average witch and wizard. He had his hands full weeding out the corrupt ministry employees, as well as the ones who had been Voldemort supporters or at least sympathizers. The whole of the Ministry was being shuffled and shaken, and this kept Dumbledore busy, meaning he had passed the control of the school onto Professor McGonagall, at least for the time being.

Meanwhile Harry had moved into 12 Grimmauld Place with Sirius and Remus in order to hide from the hordes of journalists who wanted interviews, as they couldn't find the old Order head quarters thanks to the various wards and enchantments. Ron and Hermione had gone with him, although even Hermione couldn't explain how, they knew it had taken all three of them to defeat Voldemort, and none of them were willing to be parted. Even though they weren't living at the Burrow Molly had taken it upon herself to ensure they were all properly fed, meaning that most evenings dinner at Grimmauld Place included the Weasley family. It was at one dinnertime that the twins pointed out that in all the uproar Harry hadn't managed to have a birthday party. Sirius, name now cleared as Pettigrew had been present and arrested at the battle, had jumped onto this and insisted on throwing him a party. After all, no wizard's seventeenth should go uncelebrated, especially not the Saviour of the Wizarding World. That earned him a bread roll in the head from Harry, who hated the title, but it was agreed that a party should be held. Since it was August 29th when the conversation was had it was settled that the party should be on the 31st.

What started out as a very civilized dinner celebration slid into a hell of a party when the twins slipped Molly a sleeping draught and spiked the punch. Although most people's recollections of the event were hazy at best it was agreed that it was a party worthy of the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice.

These were the events which led to Hermione realising four things in quick succession on the morning of September 1st. First; she had a bloody awful hangover, second; she was naked in someone else's bed, third; she wasn't alone in the bed and fourth; it was, a glance at the clock on the bedside table told her, just about ten o'clock. As the last fact sank into her brain she sat bolt upright in the bed. She had half an hour to get dressed, finish packing and be ready to catch the train back to Hogwarts for her seventh year. Her sudden movement disturbed the figure next to her. Sandy brown hair, slim but fit body crisscrossed with scars, she'd only gone and shagged her ex-professor, who she counted very much as a friend. Knowing Remus it had major potential to be awkward, he was bound to find a way to beat himself up over it, decide he took advantage of her drunken state or something. While she had been horrifically drunk she knew she would've been a willing participant in anything he suggested, having been crushing on him for well over a year the month of living in the same house had cemented her attraction. If anything, he was more likely to have been the one being taken advantage of. However, she really didn't have time for the inevitable conversations so decided the wisest course of action would be to sneak out and write to him and check they were still friends.

Having reached this decision as quickly as her alcohol hazed mind could function she rolled over to climb out of bed. Then she realised that although she had realised she wasn't alone in the bed she hadn't got the extent of just how not alone she was. Sprawled on the other side of her was the dark haired, muscular, tattooed, sexy as sin form of Sirius Black. Even as her ego swelled to epic proportions at the knowledge that she'd slept with both of the bone-meltingly gorgeous Marauders her sensible inner voice was saying that this doubled the complications, and made getting out of bed without waking either of them about a thousand times harder. She somehow managed to pull herself to a standing position, climb over Sirius and scramble down from the bed without waking either man, registering in the process the delicious aches in her body that could only be the result of fantastic sex. She quickly located her wand and her dress, but closer inspection showed it to be un-wearable even to dash to her own room, as it was split from neck to hem, She had a flashback of Sirius tearing the fabric so he could get it off her without removed his mouth from her neck. A wave of desire ran through her at the memory, but she pushed it to one side. Leaving the dress on the floor she pulled on a black shirt that was nearby, Sirius's she thought, and slipped out of the room. Neither of her companions from the night before so much as stirred.

By a combination of skill and sheer good luck she made it down the flight of stairs and into her own room without bumping into anyone. Her luck ran out when she opened the door to her room and found Ginny and Luna staring back at her. Ginny looked her up and down and smirked.

"Good night last night then?" she asked.

"They're all good nights until the morning after." Answered Hermione, wincing at how raw her throat was. She moved across the room towards her own bed, stepping around the camp bed Luna had borrowed the night before, and reached the bottle of hangover potion she'd had the foresight to leave out before the party.

"I'd ask who you were with, but that's Sirius' shirt isn't it?" Ginny said, her eyes dancing with laughter. Hermione nodded even as she grimaced at the foul taste of the potion.

"That shirt is Mr Black's?" Luna asked, her dreamy tone puzzled. "But it was Professor Lupin she was kissing at the party." Ginny's eyes went wide as saucers as Hermione blushed fiercely.

"Hermione Jean Granger, you mean to say you slept with both of them?" Hermione's blush deepened, and she opened her mouth to reply but was distracted by her reflection in the mirror.

"Oh bloody fucking hell, I look"

"Like you were shagged six ways from Sunday by two of the sexiest men on the planet?" asked Ginny slyly. "Why yes, you do. And you have just less than twenty minutes before we have to leave." Hermione groaned and rushed into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later she dashed back into the room having showered and dressed and dropped her toiletries, towel and, tangled up in the mess, Sirius' shirt, into her trunk. She grabbed the unworn pyjamas from under her pillow and added them before slamming the lid shut. Picking up her wand she turned to the mirror and charmed her curly hair dry. Although still wildly curly it was no longer the eyesore it had been when she was eleven, and suited her. However even her hair couldn't hide the dark purple marks Sirius or Remus, possibly both, had left on her neck. She turned to Ginny, who was finishing her packing, Luna having left the room.

"Gin, please will you glamour these for me?"she

"Depends. What's in it for me?" the redhead replied.

Hermione looked at her friend in desperation then grinned. "You do mine and I'll do yours. Unless you want your mum to see them of course."

Hickeys covered and everything packed up the two girls made it downstairs just as Mrs Weasley opened her mouth to yell for them. They were, of course, there before the boys were. Luna and Neville, having only been there for the party, had been ready for a while but Harry and Ron were nowhere to be seen. Eventually they clattered down the stairs and Molly started herding them towards the waiting cars, Ministry ones again now Harry was the Boy-Who-Conquered.

"Wait a sec, where's Remus and Sirius? Haven't said bye." Harry said as he was about to get in the car. Ginny grinned at Hermione as the other girl blushed and ducked her head, before coming to her rescue.

"Don't you remember, they said they might not be able to see us off, there's something they have to do today." Harry nodded, vaguely recalling that conversation, and settled into the car between Ginny and Ron.

After an uneventful journey to King's Cross and a fighting their way through the crowd of photographers and press all desperate to get a word or a picture of the Golden Trio the settled into an empty compartment. Hermione and Ron had to go to the prefect meeting but returned sooner than expected.

"That was quick." Observed Ginny.

"Yeah, we tried to patrol but people just kept coming into the corridor to ask about killing old Voldy, so Ernie and Padma said not to bother." Ron explained.

"Is that who's head girl and boy then?" asked Neville. Hermione nodded. "Still don't get why you refused it." The last comment was aimed at Hermione and Harry, who had declined McGonagall's offer of being heads.

"She only offered because we're us, not because we'd be the best for it. Anyway, heads have separate quarters from the rest of their houses and we didn't want to be apart from Ron." Hermione said with a smile. She was sat between Ron and Harry, her head on Harry's shoulder, barely awake. Harry and Ron joined her in slumber before long. They slept undisturbed for a while, although they drew a few questioning glances from the people who stopped by to say hello.

"Doesn't that bother you?" Parvati asked Ginny when she and Lavender had come in.

"What bother me?"

"Well, another girl acting so cosy with your boyfriend." Lavender said.

"She's not another girl, she's Hermione." Ginny replied. Parvati and Lavender looked at her like she'd grown another head. "Thing is, those three are so close they're like siblings. Actually I think they're closer than that. These days they're practically three parts of the same whole. The closest thing I can compare it to is the twins. But there's nothing at all sexual about it. Hermione and Ron kissed at one of the celebrations then spent ten minutes laughing at how weird it was. So nope, doesn't bother me in the slightest." Ginny paused, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Course, if any other girl tried to snuggle up to Harry her hex her into a million pieces." Parvati didn't look convinced but Lavender seemed more focused on the part about Hermione and Ron not being interested in each other.

The arrival of the food trolley woke the trio, but as soon as she'd finished eating Hermione was dozing off again. Neville Luna and Ginny had all wandered off to catch up with other people so Hermione made to stretch out across one bench.

"What's got you so tired Mione?" asked Ron.

"Just all the late nights catching up with me I guess, especially yesterday." She replied.

"Really?" Harry asked, a smirk on his face. "I seem to recall you leaving quite early on."

"Yeah" Ron said. "About the same time as Remus and Sirius it was." By this time both of them were grinning at Hermione, who lifted her head to look at them. "So why is it you're so tired?" Laughed Ron.

"You knew?" Hermione gasped. They nodded. "And you don't mind?"

"As long as you're happy Mione. Although, if it's not just a onetime thing you need to tell us." Said Harry.

"Why?"

"So we can have the 'if you hurt our Hermione we'll hex your balls off' conversation with them." Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry's words, secretly rather liking their protectiveness, and went to sleep for the rest of the journey.

Hermione had caught up on her sleep enough by the time they reached the Great Hall for the sorting and Welcome Feast that she instantly noticed two very familiar faces at the head table.

"Um, Harry? Did Remus or Sirius tell you they were teaching this year?" Harry spun round as her words sunk in and met his godfather's gaze. Sirius grinned and winked at Harry, before shifting his eyes to Hermione. Harry couldn't quite place the expression that flitted across Sirius' face when he looked at her.

"No, not a word. Can't believe it. What do you reckon they're teaching?" Harry said, still watching the two men, who were both watching Hermione.

"My guess is Remus is back teaching DADA and Sirius is taking over Transfiguration from McGonagall." Ginny said. They sat at the Gryffindor table, all three noting that Hermione sat so that her back was to the head table when she was speaking to her friends. Her cheeks had taken on a pink hue and she looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Mione, what's wrong?" Ron asked. Hermione frowned then answered in a tone a long way from her usually confident voice.

"Well you know I, that is we, I mean they and me and..." She stopped and took a deep breath. "I kinda snuck out this morning without saying anything. And I can feel the holes that are being glared into my back so I'm guessing they're not overjoyed that I just left."

Harry burst out laughing. "Oh, Hermione, that's classic. I mean, how many times do you think Sirius has snuck out on some bird? And now you've done it to him. Brilliant."

"Yeah ok, but they're my teachers, how am I meant to sit in class and concentrate when every time I close my eyes I remember a bit more from last night? Being in the same room as them is going to be torture."

"To be honest I'm surprised Remus would, you know, when he knew you were going to be his student." Harry said.

Hermione blushed again. "From what I remember I pretty much threw myself at him, and then Sirius was there and he can be, persuasive. And he's really not likely to care about shagging a not-quite-student."

The others looked like they were going to comment but the sorting started and the subject was dropped. During her speech Professor McGonagall introduced Sirius and Remus, confirming Ginny's guess at their roles. As soon as dinner finished Hermione took upon herself to fulfil her prefect duties and guide the first years to the common room, mostly so that neither of the newest faculty members could try and speak to her.

Unfortunately, while she could avoid the men in question she couldn't avoid talking about them she discovered as she entered into her dormitory to hear Lavender and Parvati discussing the two new professors.

"I bet he's all masterful and confident. You can tell by the way he walks he's great in bed." Lavender was saying as Hermione walked in.

"Hmm, but Lupin, I dunno, still waters run deep and all that." Parvati replied. "Which would you sleep with Hermione, if you could?" There was something in Parvati's voice which implied that Hermione never could, and she smirked to herself at the knowledge that the honest answer was 'actually I don't have to choose.' Instead she decided to play dumb and try and avoid the question.

"Out of Remus and Sirius? Never really given it much thought to be honest." She replied. Lies, lies, all lies her mind said.

"Remus and Sirius? That's a bit familiar isn't it? How did you end up on first name terms with them?" Lavender asked.

"I live with them, pretty much. My parents are off travelling the world, it seemed like a good idea to get them out of the country during the war, so they went on an extended holiday, so I stay with Harry, who lives with Remus and Sirius. Would be a bit weird to call them anything else when we live in the same house, so there you go." Luckily this revelation was enough to shut up her roommates for the time being, and Hermione managed to get to bed without any more awkward questions.

Next morning Hermione woke feeling anything but refreshed and ready to face the first day of school. She had spent the whole night having highly erotic dreams about the night before, and while part of her was glad to remember she wasn't sure that she could ever face Remus or Sirius and think of them as her professors when the images of them together seemed to be burned onto her eyelids. She prayed that the fates would smile on her and at least give her a day's grace before she had to sit in either of their lessons.

Ten minutes later Snape, as part of his deputy headmaster role, handed Hermione her timetable. The fates hadn't smiled on her, rather they had pointed and laughed. Not only did she have DADA first thing she had Transfiguration straight afterwards. If she made it to lunch sane it would be a minor miracle. Never had a Hogwarts student wished so hard for a Skiving Snackbox.

She didn't have a Snackbox handy, and besides that she was Hermione Granger, and a Gryffindor to boot. She squared her shoulders, held her head high, crept into the Defence classroom as quickly as possible and dragged the boys to seats in the very back row. She had just had time to sink as low in her seat as she could and move her hair so it covered as much of her face as possible when Remus entered and began to speak. Luckily for Hermione he merely recapped what they had learnt since he last taught them, so her intense embarrassment and lack of focus went unnoticed.

Unfortunately hiding at the back of Defence meant that they were the last into the Transfiguration classroom, and the only empty seats were front and centre. To make matters worse Sirius had Professor McGonagall's lesson plans and knew exactly what they had previously covered, so launched into a particularly complex part of Advanced Transfiguration, meaning that even Hermione had to pay attention. For Hermione, paying attention was proving to be a very difficult task. Every time Sirius spoke she felt his breath against her throat, his voice telling her how beautiful she was, how long he had wanted her, how good she felt around him. When she did manage to focus on his words they didn't help much.

"...the complexity lies in adding a third element to a situation which generally only involves two. If the focus is too divided the end result won't be satisfactory. It usually works by focusing on the original object, which is unique, marginally more than the two subsequent objects which are the same, but, as in any such act, it is necessary to keep the ultimate aim in mind at all times." Hermione knew he was speaking of transfiguring a single object into multiple objects, but that was not how her brain was receiving the information. It took half an hour of such torture before Hermione let out a tiny moan. Although it was barely audible Sirius' stormy grey eyes were on her instantly.

"Something you wish to add Miss Granger?" he asked, his voice colder than she had ever heard it.

"No Siri, um, Professor." Her cheeks were burning and she cringed as she almost addressed him by his first name. He looked at her for a moment.

"Can you summarise what I just said for the class please?" Hermione stared at him, willing herself to remember.

"Um, you were talking about the complexities of structural form in, erm." She started to say.

"Yes," Sirius interrupted, "almost five minutes ago. See me after class." With that he resumed his lecture, while the other students stared in astonishment at Hermione. Nobody could remember her ever not paying attention in class, it was one of the signs of the apocalypse, surely.

By the end of the lesson Hermione was ready for the floor to open and swallow her up. The very last thing she wanted was to have a conversation with Sirius, but she had no choice. She remained sat in her seat, her eyes tracing ancient marks on the desk in front of her. Sirius waited until the last student had filed out and the door was closed behind them before he spoke.

"What the hell's going on Hermione?"

"I'm sorry Professor." She said, not entirely sure exactly what he was referring to.

"Cut the Professor crap Hermione, I think since you were screaming my name as I made you come not two days ago you can probably use it, don't you?"

"Sorry Sirius, it's just, the last thing I was expecting when I left Grimmauld Place yesterday was to find you and Remus here, it threw me for a loop I suppose." She risked looking at him, just in time to see the amusement in his eyed fade as the stormy grey depths hardened.

"Oh, I get it. You had your fun then snuck out and figured that by the time you saw us at Christmas, or maybe even summer it would be so far in the past it wouldn't matter." He looked both disgusted and hurt as he spoke.

"No! It wasn't like that, it was just so late when I woke up that I didn't have time to discuss it so I decided I'd leave and then I could floo or write or something." Although it was true it sounded pathetic even to her own ears.

Sirius scoffed and turned away from her. She rose from her seat and placed a hand on his arm. "Please, you have to understand I'm not the kind of girl who had one night stands with one guy, let alone two, so I guess I panicked a bit. Then I got here and you were here and it was all the more complicated, do you see?" She was almost in tears by the time she finished, begging him to understand.

"Makes perfect sense to me." A new voice said. Both Sirius and Hermione swung round to face the owner of the voice to see Remus leant with his back against the door. "Although waking up snuggled against Padfoot here may have scarred me for life I can imagine that waking between us may have been a bit overwhelming." Hermione sighed in relief that one of them was at least attempting to understand. "Just, tell me you don't regret it." There was something in his voice which said that Remus was expecting her to reject him, to be horrified by their actions at the party. She rushed to him and threw her arms around his waist.

"I could never regret being with you," she said. Then she turned to Sirius, stretching her hand towards him. "With either of you." Sirius took her hand then folded his arms around her, her back against his front as she hugged Remus. She grinned cheekily. "From what I remember it was pretty good."

"From what you remember it was pretty good?!" growled Sirius. "You'll pay for that." His hands moved to her sides and began to tickle her, causing her to squirm between the two men. Remus groaned as she pressed against him in her efforts to get away from Sirius' tickle attack.

"I think," Remus said, his voice slightly hoarse, "that we should show her that we were far beyond 'pretty good', don't you think?" As he spoke his hands ran up Hermione's sides, bushing her breasts, and he rested them on her shoulders. She shivered as he caressed the skin under the collar of her school shirt.

"I think that's an excellent idea Moony." Sirius replied. He brought his hands up to cup her breasts and began to massage them gently. She let out a moan of delight and her head fell back against Sirius' chest, only to snap it back up a moment later when both men removed their hands from her body and stepped away from her.

"However, this is neither the time nor the place." Remus said.

"I think, Miss Granger, your lack of attention in class merits a detention." Sirius said with a smirk. "Be in my office at eight o'clock." There was a world of promise in his voice, and in the glint in his eyes, which was mirrored in Remus'. Hermione groaned, knowing that nothing would change their minds now and dreading the rest of her classes. If concentrating in the morning had been hard focusing on anything other than the pleasure to come later would be impossible during the afternoon.

By the time eight came around Hermione was almost shaking with anticipation. When she pushed open the door to Sirius' office, her knock having gone unanswered, she was surprised and not a little disappointed to find there were no signs of life. Closer inspection revealed that a door she had never noticed before behind the desk was ajar, a sliver of light coming from the gap where it wasn't quite closed. She walked over and pushed the door wider, calling for Sirius and Remus as she did. She got no reply, but took a few more steps into the room.

No sooner was she clear of the door than it shut behind her, and she was pulled against a hard body. A hand swept her hair to one side as lips attacked her throat. She barely had time to register the actions before a second body was pressed against her front, hands on her waist as lips pressed against hers. She returned the kiss passionately, her tongue curling around his. She moaned into the mouth currently worshipping hers as she felt their erections pressed against her, and wriggled between them. The man behind her hissed and lifted his lips from her neck.

"I've been hard all afternoon imagining this." Sirius said against her ear, pressing himself harder against her back as he spoke. "Do you know how difficult it is to watch first years try and turn matchsticks into needles when all I could think about was kissing you, touching you, fucking you?" His words sent a thrill of desire through her, and she could only moan in response. Remus had pulled his mouth from hers but was now kissing her neck as Sirius lowered his lips to the opposite side. Her hands came up and tangled in their hair as she gave herself over to them. In tandem, but without saying a word their hands moved to undress her, Sirius removing her shirt and bra, Remus her shoes, socks and skirt. Within moments they had resumed their previous positions with her clad only in white panties. Remus lowered his lips to her breasts, the dusky nipples tightening as his tongue swept across one, his hand caressing its twin. Sirius was kissing her spine, his hands stroking her thighs and belly before he slid one hand into her panties and brushed his fingers against her hot wet core. She moaned as he stroked her, his fingers pressing against her clit. He pushed her panties down and nudged her legs apart with his knee, sliding the middle finger of one hand into her tight channel while the other hand plucked and rubbed at her. Between the mouth at her breasts and the hand between her legs it wasn't long before Hermione came, moaning their names over and over. Her knees buckled as her climax hit, and Remus swept her up into his arms, carrying her into Sirius' bedroom.

He laid her gently on the bed, then both men joined her. As she came down from her high she realised that she was naked between them but both her lovers were still in trousers and shirts. Turning to Sirius she kissed him, her hands undoing the buttons on his shirt as she went. She heard Remus shift behind her, and a moment later felt his now naked body pressed against the length of her. She hissed and bucked her hips as she felt his cock against her back, and he pulled her round to face him, leaving Sirius to finish undressing himself as Remus kissed her.

After a few moments Remus pulled away and moved so he was sat against the pillows. Hermione kissed her way down his chest, running her tongue across the scars which littered his body. She felt Sirius shift behind her, his hands gripping her hips as she grasped Remus' cock in her fist. She lowered her head and sucked the tip of him into her mouth, her tongue running across him, licking up the fluid that gathered. As she took more of him into her mouth she felt Sirius push into her. She moaned around Remus as Sirius entered her, his thick length stretching her deliciously. Her moans caused Remus to buck his hip, pushing himself deeper.

"Fuck, that feels so good." Moaned Remus. Sirius smirked and pulled back, only to thrust back harder, his grip tight on Hermione's hips. She pulled her mouth off Remus' cock and looked over her shoulder at Sirius.

"So good, harder, Sirius, please." He was only too happy to oblige, pounding harder into her as Remus tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her back down. She slid up and down his length, sucking and licking, moaning as Sirius thrust into her, hitting that spot which made her see stars. As Sirius' hand came round to play with her clit she started to roll Remus' balls in her own. He groaned, and thrust into her mouth as he came, her name torn from his lips. No sooner had she swallowed the last of his release when a particularly deep thrust from Sirius sent her over the edge with a scream. The feel of her tightening around him was too much for Sirius who came hard inside her. He fell forward, pushing her onto Remus. They remained that way until Hermione realised she could barely breathe.

"Hmm, you're squashing me." She said. Sirius rolled so he was still tight against her back, but they were on their sides, her head on Remus' chest. They lay in silence for a while, until Sirius spoke.

"Still think we were pretty good?" He asked, tracing patterns on her side as they lay.

"Nope." Hermione replied. "That wasn't good." Both men stiffened slightly. She laughed. "It was bloody fucking amazing. And now I'm definitively not going to be able to concentrate in your classes."

A/N My first attempt at a threesome, and the longest oneshot I've ever written, please let me know what you think!