Disclaimer : I don't own it. I only own the twisted imagination that came up with this story.
Summary : Why are the humans always told not to rough house or play around, when it comes to the Autobots? Why are we always told to be careful? Maybe this is why.
Note : This kinda came outta nowhere and bit me on the ass, so here it is. This is TOTALLY random, so don't take it...seriously? Um, kinda weird, I know.
Rating : 'T' for language
Pairings : Mostly canon, I think.
Sam/Mikaela Friendship/Romance (depending on how you look at it)
The last one's probably not all that canon, considering they killed my Jazzy :'(
You know, when I heard the Autobots were getting a rec room, sort of, as a place for them to relax, I don't know what we expected. Even as Mikaela and I walked down the halls, once again listening to Ratchet tell us to be careful, we exchanged ideas of what we could possible expect from the newly finished room.
"Ping pong table?" I raised an eyebrow as Mikaela paused and seemed to think about it.
"I really don't see Ironhide or Optimus as ping pong types." She tilted her head a little. "I really can't."
I tried to imagine it. Two giant robots standing over a giant table with giant paddles. Nope. A small burst of laughter escaped me. "Ok, bad idea. How about..."
"A television, obviously." Mikaela pointed to me. "So they can at least have a small amount of human technology in the room and have a faint chance to see what it's like on our planet."
"You think...targets? I mean, Ironhide seems like the type to blast targets as a relaxing technique." I laced my fingers together and pointed my hands like a gun. "I can just see it." I shot Mikaela a saucy wink. "'Hide. Iron. Hide."
Mikaela laughed at my poor James Bond mimic and nodded. "I doubt the others would like it, though."
As we finally approached the room, we paused outside the large doors and hesitated. I exchanged a look with Mikaela before shrugging and hitting the panel next to the smaller door and heading in.
We abruptly stopped and stared.
Bumblebee and Optimus sat on an Autobot-sized couch, watching an Autobot-sized television wraptly. What they were watching was some documentary on mechanics, or something, but they seemed wrapt in it.
Other than that, there was a large vending machine in the corner of the room with alien script across the front of it. The lower half seemed to be for humans, though, as it looked more like a really big version of a pop vending machine. And it had pretty much every pop available to mankind in it, it seemed.
"Huh." Mikaela turned to me, even as Bumblebee turned his head and got up. "I was right about the t.v."
"Who knew they used couches?" I asked, waving and smiling at Bee as he stopped in front of us and knelt down, holding his hand out. "Hey Bee."
"Hello Sam." Bee nodded and looked at Mikaela. "Hello Mikaela." Once we were up on his hand, he settled us on his shoulder and walked back over to the couch to sit back down, directly beside Optimus.
"Hello, Sam. Mikaela." Optimus nodded his head in our direction before picking up something and holding it out. "These might make your stay on Bumblebee's shoulder a little more comfortable.
Hesitantly, I reached out and took a pillow, offering it to Mikaela before taking the other. "Thanks, big guy." Huh, didn't see that coming. As the Autobots turned back to their show, I looked at the couch more closely.
The back of the couch, from the seat, was probably about six to eight feet. And the seats had cushions that appeared to be about two feet thick, where they were squashed by big metallic afts. There was a, probably metal, back on the couch that came up about a foot past the back cushions. I wouldn't have been surprised if Ratchet had insisted on it as a guard rail, to make sure humans didn't just fall off easily.
Meanwhile, the back of the couch was about three to five feet wide, and probably about a little over ten feet long. It almost looked like a mini, felt, runway.
Looking over at the sound of Mikaela's voice, I huffed as she hit me in the face with her pillow. "Huh, look at that. Optimus was right. It is more fun."
I smacked her back with my pillow. "He said 'comfortable', not 'fun'!" I jumped up and off Bee's shoulder, running along the back of the couch as Mikaela chased after me. I laughed as I rached the end of the couch, which also had a sort of rail, and ducked under her swing. "Hah, mis-phht!" I spat in surprise as she swung a second time in rapid succession and hit me again. "Oh, it's on!" I growled playfully, narrowing my eyes.
Mikaela's beautiful blue eyes widened and she squeaked before darting away, me hot on her heels.
"Easy you two." Optimus was chuckling, his head turned to watch us race down the back of the couch, laughing and swinging the pillows.
I waved at Optimus distractedly as Mikaela turned and swung her pillow at me. Having had enough of running, however, I dodged the hit and caught her back with my own. This started a full blown pillow fight. Twice we ended up hitting Bumblebee, and got indignant squeaks for it. The third time, I heard Bee sigh.
"Children." The tone was unfamiliar, but funny as Bee folded his arms over his chest.
I laughed and cried out in surprise as Mikaela nailed me. "Oh, you got a lotta 'splaining to do, 'Kaela." I muttered with a grin as I chased her down and whacked her back. "How do you that, huh?!"
Suddenly, Mikaela turned to me and her eyes were wild. She swung hard, and caught me right in the face, knocking me back a step. Now I hadn't been watching where we were, so I ended up falling back and crying out as I slipped off the edge of the couch.
I slid down the back of the couch, watching as Optimus watched me with wide blue optics, and then I landed on a surprisingly soft surface. Looking around, I almost groaned when I realized I'd landed in behind the cushion Bee was sitting on, and as I looked up, I blinked.
"Oh, my God!" I mock screamed, covering my face with my hands. "My eyes! My poor, innocent eyes!!"
I could hear Mikaela laughing her ass off, and made out Optimus' hand going up to help her down. "Are you ok, Sam?" She had to ask, through her chuckles. She crouched down at the edge of the seat before realizing what I was seeing. "Nice aft, Bee." She giggled.
Thank you. Thank you very much. The Elvis Presly impersonation was perfect, and we began to laugh.
"I'm ok." I looked around and swallowed nervously at the cushions that surrounded me like a wall on every side. "Just don't get up, ok, Bee?" I could just imagine the feeling of the cushions pressing me into the couch, slowly smothering me.
Mikaela fell against the side of the cushion she was leaning over, her arms dangling limply as she began laughing anew. "Why, like the view??"
I looked up once again, at the giant metal aft in my face. "Oh my God, I'm BLIINNNND!!" I covered my face. "Mikaela, I can't see!" I was just joking around, of course, not that I was ogling Bee's aft or anything.
Eat my shorts!
I gagged jokingly. "Eww, no!" I shouted, the same time as Mikaela looked up at Bee and asked, "What shorts?"
Turning back to me, Mikaela grinned evilly. "You look a little flushed." She called back with mirth, tears leaking down her cheeks. "Are you feeling a little hot?" At what I'm sure was a disgusted look, she covered her mouth as she struggled to hold on to her laughter.
She laughed all the harder, whereas Optimus got up and peered down at me, his optics full of concern and confusion. "I have called for Ratchet. Are you injured?" He leaned closer.
All of a sudden, a powerful wind began to blowing from above. My hair whipped around, and I was knocked over my the force. Once again, not thinking, I looked up, my eyes widening when the realization hit me. "Bee.... Are you farting on me?!"
Loud metallic laughter began to echo through the room, and the aft above me began to shake with it. I couldn't help but shudder in horror, as it almost looked like he was shaking his aft at me. Why was I still looking?!
Optimus blinked, and his optics dimmed. Mikaela screamed in laughter and began rolling around on the cushion until she, too fell in, next to me, with a startled yelp.
"Now he's farting on you. Not so funny, is it?" I shot back, watching her face contort in disgust as she struggled to remain standing, regardless of the powerful, cold wind that continued to blow from Bee's aft. "Well....this is, um...awkward."
I could just picture it, too. Laughing Bumblbee leaning over, clutching his abdomen, and the two of us holding on to each other, struggling not to be blown away by the hurricane erupting from his aft. I even began to laugh as Mikaela's feet were blown out from under her a moment, and my holding on to her was the only thing keeping her from being lost in the depths of the giant couch.
"Sam..." There was a strong undercurrent of amusement in Optimus' voice and optics, and he seemed to be trembling minutely. "Bumblebee's cooling units are located in various areas of his bipedal form. As you are currently under him, this was the quickest way to cool you off. He merely became worried when Mikaela mentioned you looked 'hot'."
"In other words... He's farting on us." Mikaela whispered in my ear, the look of disgusted amusement growing in her eyes. "Hey, Optimus, ol' buddy, ol' pal. Wanna give a girl a lift outta here?" She put on the sweetest smile she could.
Raising a single optic ridge, Optimus lowered two fingers into the hole, one for each of us to grasp.
"Wow, can you imagine how wrong this looks to anyone outside of here?" Mikaela asked innocently as she grasped a single finger. "Bumblebee's sitting on the couch, laughing, and Optimus has his digits under him."
I blinked at her, and let go of my hold on Optimus' finger as I screamed all the way back down. "Oh my God! The images!" I laughed so hard, I couldn't even remain standing. I was being blown a little ways by the cooling unit, even as I clutched at my stomach in laughter.
"Optimus! What in the name of Cybertron are you doing?!" Ratchet's shocked voice came from above me, and as I looked up, Optimus had yet to remove his fingers from the couch. In fact, it appeared he'd been on his way back down to get me again, when Ratchet apparently walked in to a questioning image. I doubled over again as more images bombarded my already corrupted mind.
"Sam and Mikaela fell behind the cushions. I was merely trying to get them out." Of course the tone was innocent, and of course his optics were wide and blue and oh-so-convincing. It just didn't help matters that his fingers were still buried under Bee's aft.
Of course, Bumblebee just had to cut in. Ow! I feel good! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na! I knew that I would!
Optimus smacked Bee on the back of the head with his free hand, and seemed to growl something out in their native language, his optics wide with horror as he realized what everyone was thinking and getting at.
Mikaela lost it as well as her grip as she laughed, and fell down into the void between the cushion and couch, laying next to Sam and laughing her ass off. It took Optimus a few moments to explain to a shocked Ratchet, and in return, and highly amused and newly arrived Jazz what was going on, and Jazz offered a claw to us, to help us out.
Of course, that's when Ironhide walked in with Lennox in his hand, and very nearly had a spark attack as he saw Bumblebee sitting on the couch with energon tears pouring down his cheeks, shaking, with Optimus on one side, peering under the youngling's aft, and Jazz on the other, with his claw under the very same youngling.
"A little more." Optimus seemed to be guiding Jazz. "Lift your claw a little, or you'll hit him. Easy, you don't want to hurt him."
Jazz cycled his vents and leaned forward, causing Bumblebee to squeak a little and jump, bumping the Saboteur on the arm and giving him a dirty look. "Sorry, Bee man. I know this is kinda awkward. Just hold still."
"Almost there. Ok, you got him." Leaning back, Optimus turned from the couch and started at the shocked Ironhide, who was holding equally as shocked Major William Lennox in his hand. "Oh, hello old friend."
Ironhide growled, much to the surprise of everyone. "What the frag are you doing to the youngling?!" He clenched his free hand before it turned into a cannon and he began to aim it around wildly.
Jazz pulled back from behind Bumblebee, staring in confusion at the clearly irate Ironhide while holding a small bundle in his claws. A small, shaking, human bundle. "Uh, Hide? This isn't what it looks like." The bundle began to shake all the harder, and hoarse laughter renewed as the newly revealed Sam Witwicky clutched at his midsection and tears leaked from his face.
"Sam fell down the couch!" A call startled Ironhide, and he looked at Bumblebee. A close glance told him Mikaela was sitting on the scout's shoulder, and the tears on Bee's face appeared to be that of mirth. "And Bumblebee farted on him!"
Bee squeaked and several Autobots laughed as the mask fell to cover his face. "I was merely trying to cool him off!" When the laughs only grew in volume, he cycled his vents. "Never mind."
Mikaela panted harshly for breath, even as she patted his shoulder lightly. "It's ok, Bee. I just can't wait for when Sam gets home and his parents ask him how his day went."
"Let me guess." This was the first time Will had spoken up, but he was shaking from with held laughter. "Nothing much happened 'cept I got farted on by a giant alien robot?" He even used his fingers to make air quotation marks, before laughing.
With a shaky nod, Mikaela doubled up in laughter once again, and Jazz joined her as he very nearly dropped Sam in Bee's hand.
Needless to say, the rec room incident soon became the topic of conversation around the entire base, and it would take a loonnnng time for either Sam, Mikaela or Bee to live it down.
Hope you like it.