Edward left me about six months ago and I still can't get over him. I haven't really made an effort of moving on either. I curl myself up in a ball knowing there isn't anything left for me to live for.
Four days after Edward had left me, Renee and Phil got in a car accident killing them instantly. They didn't leave behind a will, so nothing went to me or Charlie. We were sent some things but everything else was left behind.
Charlie was so torn up. He lost the love of his life and now she is dead. I guess Charlie had a few things in common, now.
Then after that happening, everything seemed to have a domino effect.
First it was Edward and his family and then Renee and Phil. I was terrified for Charlie. He was all that I had left.
I kept insisting that he get a will in case something happened to him. I just wanted him to be safe and it was only a precaution. He insured me that nothing would happen to him. Why couldn't he just do as I asked? He's has more of chance dying than anyone else. He's a cop! But no, let's not listen to Bella. She's gone crazy since her boyfriend left her and now thinks it's the end of the world.
It is though. I can feel it.
I get up off of my bed and open my window. Is it pitiful that I still keep it open waiting for his return? I know he never will come back to me, but I can still dream, right?
The open window carries a breeze and I welcome the cold. I miss the cold. I hate the warmth now and I can never sleep if the heater is on. I want ice cold arms surrounding me. The breeze will just have to do.
I walk back over to my bed and wrap the quilt around me. Just because I like the cold, doesn't mean I have to freeze to death in the process.
I wish I was dead right now.
I hear the cruiser pull up and wait in my bedroom for Charlie to bring me dinner. He always brings me fast food or a delivered pizza nowadays. I never cook because I barely ever leave my room.
I hear his footsteps on the floorboards and the turning of door knob. I pretend to be asleep and close my eyes so he won't feel obligated to speak to me. I hear the shuffling of his feet as he decides if he should stay or go. He places whatever it is on my nightstand and I wait for him to leave so I can get up and eat.
Nope, not going to happen today. The bed shifts as he sits behind me and runs a hand through my tangled hair. Charlie and I never show emotion towards each other so this pinch of affection almost brought me to tears. I hold them back and try to be quiet so he won't hear me.
"Bells..." he sighs.
God, I am so sorry for disappointing you, daddy.
"I really wish I could help you. I really wish some days that you never met him and some other days I wish he never left you because he made you so happy. I love you." He gets up and walks out the door leaving me to sob uncontrollably on my bed.
The following morning I groan and roll out of bed and decide I want some fresh air. It was the same routine over and over again and I'm sick of it. I wake up, use the bathroom, munch on a pop tart, Charlie brings me dinner and then I go back to sleep.
Today I decide to go to our meadow. Charlie is gone all day fishing with Billy and I really want to visit a place I used to come to almost everyday. Our meadow is the perfect place.
I get in my truck and drive to the familiar dirt path leading into the woods. I grab my keys and and my phone and begin the ten minute walk.
As soon as I reach it, my heart breaks a little bit more. I remember laying here with Edward and confessing our love to one another.
Things will never be the same again.
I lay down where he had lain the last time we were here and even on the cool snow, I feel vaguely numb. There was a slight dip in the ground where his back dug into the ground. No one would notice it was someone's body stamp unless you told them.
God, I miss him. I wonder what he's doing right now. Has he moved on? Of course he has... after all; he did say he didn't love you. I was his distraction so to speak. Stupid, Bella.
I picked at the grass that was still visible through the white and had a good pile going before I heard sirens coming from police cars and an ambulance.
Nothing ever goes on here. Did something catch fire?
I had this gut feeling something was not right. I decide its time for me to leave and head back down the path to my truck. Once, I get inside I drive five over the speed limit and take the quickest way possible to my house.
As I turn onto my street I see the ambulance and police cars parked down from my house. I see people waiting on the sidewalk and crying. I look to where they are looking and notice my entire house is engulfed in flames. I park the car not realizing where at and jump out so fast I fall to the ground. I quickly pick myself up and run to the nearest officer.
It was Officer Jim Haynes'; a good friend of my fathers.
"Jim! Jim!" I yell grabbing his shirt, "What happened?!"
"Bella" he sighs in relief. "Thank god you are okay." He wraps me into a tight hug and then releases as soon as it happened.
His eyes are pained and he looks away from me. I follow his eyes and see Charlie's police cruiser across the street.
"Where's my dad, Jim? He was supposed to be fishing with Billy."
He doesn't say anything but I know.
"Jim!" My voice rises with panic and I fall to my knees. "Not again" I sob.
"Can someone please take Bella to the station?" Jim calls out but I don't hear him. I can only hear the sounds of my sobs as I sit there on the ground.