Disclaimer: Tina's etc
Spoilers: "Mamma Mia"
Summary: Jack gives his opinion of Liz's magazine cover.
"Go ahead – laugh."
"I like it."
Liz stopped in her tracks: "Charles, what now?"
Jack continued on his path to his desk, still studying her magazine cover: "It's good, I like it."
"No. No--" she said, her brow creased in confusion: "that's…not the way this is s'posed to go."
Jack turned to face her: "Beg your pardon?"
She went on in a faltering rush, hands fidgeting in the air: "You're supposed to laugh raucously at my outfit, disparage every single, minute detail right down to the shade of my rouge then tell me I'm a disgrace to womanhood, past, present and future. That's…what you do."
Jack shrugged mildly: "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lemon, but…I like it."
"Stop saying that."
"It's the truth."
Liz adjusted her glasses and took a few more steps into his office. "Jack. This is the most ridiculous I have ever looked in my entire life, and believe me, there is some stiff competition in that category."
"I agree. You look utterly ridiculous," he replied, eyes dropping to the page in his hands again: "This photograph is ridiculous and tasteless and overdone and crass. And sexy as hell."
"What? Are you kidding me?" She snatched the page from him and held it up as though he hadn't been studying it for the entire elevator ride. "I am pulling a chicken outta my ass whilst swatting over the toilet," she pointed out tersely: "How does that even approach anything remotely sexy?"
Jack tipped his head to one side, eyes glued. "It's very mysterious and quite unpredictable what can appeal to the male psyche, Liz."
"I'll say," she grumbled, shaking her head.
"In fact…my well-educated guess is," he went on, taking the picture back again: "that this picture is going to make very many men, of a more twisted mentality, across this wide, diverse city, very, very happy indeed. And personally…" he added musingly: "I'll don't think I will ever see any person in a construction hat again without feeling the tiniest bit aroused."
"Augh. That is…not helpful."
"Can I keep this?" he said suddenly, raising his gaze to her face and holding up the picture.
She snorted. "Yeah right. D'you want me to autograph it for you, as well?"
Jack gasped eagerly. "Would you, Lemon?"
She blinked at him. "I was kidding."
He blinked back. "I was not."
"Oka-ay--" She rolled her eyes and grabbed the picture, brushing past on her way to his desk. She picked up a pen and quickly signed the photo. Then she strode back, pressing it against his chest as she headed for the door: "There."
Jack took the picture as she passed then carefully read aloud her words. "'You're weird. Love Liz.'"
"Words to live by, Jack," she threw over her shoulder: "From me to you."
"Love Liz?" Jack questioned softly, pointedly: "Love…Liz…"
She turned at the door, cocked her head in warning. "Don't get smug, alright? It's just something you write."
"I did not write it," he smiled – smugly: "You did, see?" He lifted the photo, pointing to her words and giving a fair imitation of a lovesick teen: "Looove Liz."
She huffed, waving a finger at it. "Did you read the first bit, by any chance?"
"I prefer the second bit," Jack replied glibly, eyes twinkling: "Exactly how long have you been repressing these deeper feelings for me, Lemon?"
"Okay, weirdo--" she muttered, heading back towards him purposefully: "Give it back now."
"No," Jack said stubbornly, holding the photo to his chest: "I refuse. You already signed it for me."
"I take it back."
"You can't take it back, it's mine."
She made a grab for it. "Gimme--"
"Never, not in a million years." Jack shook his head as he held it high above her head. "I will treasure these words forever…" he informed her in pitch-perfect Hallmark fashion. He flashed her a grin as he finished: "…Love Jack."
"Fine." She clenched her jaw, turning and walking straight to the wall: "Then I'm taking this." She lifted the framed Bulb cover of him off the wall, struggling with its weight as she carried it towards the door.
Jack grinned wider, calling after her: "Want me to sign it for you?"
"Shut up," she replied, back to him.
"Fair enough..." He chuckled: "Enjoy!"
Liz turned at the door, hugging the frame to her chest: "Just so you know, I'm gonna put this up in the ladies room."
"Very magnanimous, Lemon," he replied, bobbing his head: "I'm sure your female coworkers will greatly appreciate that."
Liz made her angry Muppet face at him. "Why don't I have any normal friends…?" she wondered before she shuffled away.
Almost immediately, Jonathan sped through the door in a frenzy. "Mr Donaghy! That …person just stole your Bulb cover!"
"It's alright, Jonathan," Jack answered, sitting at his desk: "She plans to put it in the ladies bathroom on six. So you may visit it anytime you want."
Jonathan blinked a few times then turned on his heel.
"Before you go," Jack handed over the signed magazine cover of Liz: "I'd like you to have this framed please."
Jonathan took the page, glancing at it, horrified: "…Why?"
Jack cleared his throat loudly. "Do I judge your predilections, Jonathan? No. Just do it."
He gave a submissive nod and retreated: "Yes sir."
"And don't read the dedication," Jack called: "it's private."
Jack tipped back in his chair, glancing at the empty spot on his wall. He would only put it up there long enough for Lemon to see it. And be mortified by it. It mightn't be the classiest image to ever grace his wall, but -- much like the woman herself – Lemon's cover would definitely be the one that made him smile, longest and hardest.