Two Words: Complete. Crack.
Disclaimer: Who the hell does this shit anymore?
Summary: Before Ivan can marry Yao, he must earn the approval from his parents – or in this case, his siblings. Crack?Fic RussiaxChina
Where did I get the idea for this fic? I have no idea.
Read and Review please~!
"WE WON'T ALLOW IT!"
Russia tilted his head innocently to one side.
"Why not? I love your brother and he loves me. It's supposed to happen sooner or later anyway."
Korea was latching himself onto China's left arm and yelled," SO! I LOVE ANIKI AND HE LOVES ME TOO!"
Japan nodded (When did he care aru?), Taiwan turned her head and 'harrumphed' and Hong Kong flipped-the tallest Allies nation and world superpower-the bird.
And Russia pouted in a childish fashion in an intense debate with Korea.
"It doesn't count. You're both related."
"EXACTLY! That means I know him better and can treat him the way he wanted to be treated!"
"That's still incest though."
"America and England have it going on and they're the happiest couple I've seen yet!"
"Actually England found America so they're not really related."
"And what position are you to say anything about incest? I heard that your sister, Belarus, has a thing for you!"
"But I don't like her back. Actually, I'm terrified of her."
The eldest Asian country sighed. How the hell did this happen?
Said Asian country looked at his left where the Korean had his arm hostage then looked to his right where Hong Kong took capture of his other arm. Taiwan was grabbing a leg in a possessive manner and Japan was just standing to the side as if he's above all of this. Among all the East Asian countries, Japan actually acts to China as equivalent as the disapproving father of a recent marriage announcement from his daughter…which is surprisingly similar to the situation they're currently in right now.
Well the island nation always acted like an old man.
"Either way," Taiwan butted in the heated conversation," You won't be able to marry China! Unless we see that you are worthy, then we'll change our minds and let you continue with the marriage!"
"And if you force yourself on China, I'll blow you up with fireworks," Hong Kong answered seriously.
"Ehhhhhh? That's not fair! This should be something between your brother and me!" Russia cried.
"Business with China is business with us," Japan spoken up finally. "If you want to marry Wang Yao, you must earn our approvals."
They must be very serious about this if they're using my human name, aru.
Russia sighed, a sign that he gave in.
"Then how do I earn your approvals?"
"You have to hang out with one of us for one whole day and convince us that you are worthy for aniki!"
Korea smirked devilishly.
"But I doubt that you can impress me."
"Ehhh? Is that so?" Russia asked, violet eyes flashing dangerously above a sly smile.
"Of course! I'm the origin of stubbornness y'know?"
"OI! DON'T I HAVE ANY SAY INTO THIS ARU!" yelled China.
"NO YOU DON'T!" was his mass response.
"I accept the challenge," Russia said in a low tone, his head tilted slightly upwards in newfound arrogance and confidence. "Well? Who should I impress first?"
A cold wind, followed by a random Western tumbleweed, passed by and a deadly silence befall upon the Asian countries and Russia.
Really…who the hell is going to hang out with Russia first?
"I will! Also as the origin of courage, I will TAKE YOU ON DAMMIT!" Korea bellowed.
China sighed at the unnecessary drama of all this. He's, what? Over four thousand years old? His delicate figure shouldn't be dealing with the typical Korean dramatics! He can almost hear the Stairway to Heaven theme song playing in the background.
Russia blinked and gave a sparkly smile to Korea. At the exact same time, a murderous dark purple aura spew off of him like a disease and Taiwan and Hong Kong let go of China's limbs to take several steps back. Holy shit-Korea's fucked up. Literally.
"So…" Russia gave another disarming smile once more. "How am I supposed to impress you Korea?"
The called country glared.
"Prove to me that you can pleasure aniki in bed!"
China almost doubled forward, his face crimson.
"THE HELL IS THAT ARU!"
Korea turned to China to give a thumbs up and a smile that said "Don't worry! I can do this so watch me save you aniki!"
You're the one who needs the saving now aru.
Russia widened his eyes.
"Do you want to watch me screw your brother?"
"NO! WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH YOU GET ON WITH ANIKI? I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN PIN HIM AGAINST THE BED AND-"
"Korea! Stop talking aru!"
"-AND KISS HIS NECK GENTLY DOWNWARDS AND-"
"Oh my god aru! Shut the hell up!"
"-OR RUB HIM DOWN THERE AS WELL AS I-"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT'S HOLY! KOREA SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"-AND JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BIG AS A PERSON, I BET YOU'RE SMALLER THAN ME DOWN THERE!"
"IF YOUR KIMCHI SUPPLY SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS, IT'S YOUR FAULT! REMEMBER THAT ARUUUUUU!"
Taiwan already ran away, screaming somewhere along the lines of "THIS IS WHY I DON'T GO TO THE FAMILY GATHERINGS ANYMORE!" and Hong Kong and Japan were blushing madly, unable to stay calm but unable to run away like their sister. Running away means to surrender and that's not what they plan to do anytime soon. Their prides as men rely on this.
"I'm smaller than you?" Russia asked. "I'm so big that even America acknowledges it."
"Is that supposed to scare me! Then show me!"
Russia blushed slightly and squirmed when he stood. Japan's eyes widened, Hong Kong gaped, and China died even more inside.
"SHOW ME IF YOU'RE A MAN!"
Japan ran away at this point, muttering something about "western influence" under his breath, but Hong Kong was still going strong. If he can take on terrible foods, obscene language, and the idea that America screws his "dad", he can take on seeing Russia's cock.
And Russia showed Korea.
"Holy…" Hong Kong was the first to break the deafening silence.
The ex-English colony turned to China aghast.
"How the hell could he fit inside of you!"
China's eye twitched violently.
Korea stood there, his jaws wide open.
Russia just squirmed at the intense stares he was given.
"Dude…" Korea breathed, shaking his head. "That has to hurt. Imagine putting the whole damn thing inside…"
"That thing pwns all the western and European countries there are."
"Way past 25 cm."
"Way past 25 cm."
Russia pulled up his pants.
"Is that good enough for you?"
Realizing he lost, Korea ran away, crying.
Russia looked at Hong Kong smiling cheerfully.
"So…I guess you and me tomorrow?"
Yeah I know. A penis competition right at the first chapter.
And that was my best plot bunny ever. (bashes head against the wall for sheer stupidity)