Near Death Expirences
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"Al, let me tell you something about girls," this was normally when Albus stopped listening. His brother, James, would throw his arm over Albus's shoulder and give him a lecture on the inner minds of girls. While James talked Albus would go over the twelve uses of dragon's blood, or think about his class and his homework. When James was done, Albus would normally nod and thank James for the advice that he had not listened to. Generally speaking, for Al's purposes, James was the worst person to go to for advice about girls. If you wanted one date, James was the one to go to, but if, like Albus, you wanted a second, third or even fourth date, you didn't go to James. You went to Louis or Teddy, or even Molly who seemed to know a lot about how to get a girl. If you were really desperate for advice you could fall back on Paul Longbottom's advice of 'just smile and kiss her on the cheek'.
"Al, if you really want to snag a girl, a near death experience is the way to go. Girls love it when you nearly die," James said, and Al couldn't help but to listen. Where on earth did this come from?
Albus couldn't even think of what to say to this, so instead he just looked at his brother. James gave him a little nod and a soft, brotherly smile.
"Seriously, Al. there's nothing sexier to a girl than your impending death. Or hers, even," again Albus just stared at James.
"And you think this because…?" Albus asked, more convinced than he ever had been before that his brother was crazy. He'd officially taken one too many bludgers to the head.
"Lucy told me this theory," ah, that explained it. If it had come to James from Lucy it probably wasn't credible. Lucy had the intelligence of a Ravenclaw and the everything else of a Slytherin. It was hard not to believe her when she said something, because she read so much and had such an air of confidence about her. It was rare that Lucy lied to anyone, the exception being James. Ever since they were children she'd been able to convince James of almost anything. Apparently she could still do it when they were both sixteen. "She wasn't kidding Al. It makes so much sense!" James had practically read Al's mind. "Think about it for a moment," James told Albus.
After a few moments James spoke again.
"See?" he asked, excitedly.
"No," Albus responded. James shook his head sadly.
"Al, think about Teddy's year at Hogwarts! It was HUGE," James emphasized 'huge', "There was double the amount of students than usual – because of the war!" James explained, "Grandma and Grandpa got married in a war, so did Uncle Bill and Auntie Fleur," James was speaking faster now, the excitement was evident in his voice, "Uncle Ron always said that he realized he loved Aunt Hermione when he thought he was about to die, and Mom said she realized she loved Dad when she was in the chamber! And Rose! She and Scorpius started dating after he fell from his broom stick that one time," James proceeded to ramble of several more examples of people falling in love and getting married when they were in mortal danger.
After James had finished Albus spoke, "Yeah, so?".
"So, if I want Beatrice to date me, I need to have a near death experience!" James rolled his eyes and got up to head out of the common room.
"Oh, ok," Albus said, watching his brother leave the room. After a few moments a look of horror came over his face, "Wait! James! What are you going to do?!" Albus asked, running after his brother.
Albus was seated next to his brother in the Hospital Wing. James was pathetic. His 'near death experience' had resulted in a broken arm, a dented suit of armor, a heavily bruised ego and not even a second glance from Beatrice.
"Have you learned anything from this?" Albus asked.
"Yeah," James said. Just as Albus was starting to feel like maybe his brother was gaining some sense, James continued talking, "Beatrice just isn't the girl for me. Holly, on the other hand…" James gestured to a box of chocolate and a card, "Well, we have a date for next weekend," James smiled happily.
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