Author's Note and Soundtrack
-Well, it's official. 'A ghost of you...' has come to an end. I just want to say that this story has been so great for me; it's just been an awesome experience and a wonderful way for me to vent my feelings. The Story has been an emotional roller coaster for me and I often found myself laughing and crying with the characters like never before. (And I can't get that damned song out of my head!) For the first time in a long time, I actually put myself into the characters. Poured my heart and soul into their problems, you could say. I broke them apart and then picked up the pieces and put them together again. Not to mention I actually used some of me past issues to make the characters more.....real. Like Ruby, for a long time I dealt with the feeling that I was not Good Enough (got Daddy Issues like Dean) and much like her I didn't tell anyone. Unlike her, I didn't have someone like the crossroads demon to throw it in my face and unlike Ruby, I did not have someone like Dean to tell me otherwise, I dealt with my issues all on my own. I've lost people too (although....not in that way) and I've had grief and anger consume me, living for one person and one person only and just like Dean and Ruby both, I had to come out from dust and ashes (not literally) to find myself again. So, in a lot of ways this story has been a healing tool for me. Like I said: Me = Daddy Issues. Also, not to mention this is the first multi-chapter fic I've finished in.....well...ever. See, I have a tendency to come up with great ideas, bang out a few great chapters and then forget about the story and move onto another ''great idea''. I have focus problems...clearly. Hence the oneshots and unfinished stories (Playing Matchmaker, I'll Wake Up My Body, etc....) But with this story....I don't know why but it sucked me in and I just couldn't put it to bed. It gives me hope that someday (*crosses fingers*) I'll be able to complete my other In-Progress fics. Hopefully someday soon!
Anyways, I just wanted to thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, putting this story on your favorites lists, putting this story on alert....it all means so much to me. Which leads me to shout outs to deansbabygirl934, titanscave-95, tigerpryor, Mora Queen, maggierose17 and -Chevy95- who are the awesome reviewers for this story. And a special shout out to Mora Queen who wrote this beautiful poem for this story:
''I whisper words of sadness to you with all I left behind,
In your head you know I'm gone
We ran out of time
But in your heart, I will always linger
Forever and more''
Thank you Mora! It really is beautiful. I'm going to work it into another Lila Bray story. Perhaps a Lila Bray/Alexander story. Which brings me to my next point. While I would love to continue this series (I've invested more into this story than any other) I have way too many ideas swirling around in my head (I have this one idea for a fic in this 'verse about Dean and Ruby's relationship and what could have been had she not died) to pick just one. So, that is where you, dear fans, come in. If anyone has ANY ideas for another story in this 'verse just let me know (reviews, PM's....) and I will take a look.
Now, before I leave for a much needed vacation for three weeks (no posting during those three weeks, although I might be able to respond to reviews or PM's if I don't get a chance to before I leave) I am going to leave you all with the official (meaning ''official in my head'') 'A ghost of you....' soundtrack.
And here we go!
Track Number One: Ghost of You by Good Charlotte (Well, this song is on here for obvious reasons. The lyrics in the chorus are what inspired the title. ''A ghost of you is all that I have left, is all that I have left of you to hold....'' The entire song was going to be featured in the story when it was still a measly little oneshot, but the lyrics were removed when the story later turned into a multi-chapter.)
Track Number Two: Never Say Never by The Fray (On its own, a heartbreaking song that makes me want to cry every time I hear it. I always listen to it when I'm writing a sad story. For instance, I was listening to it when Ruby said goodbye to Bray in chapter six. The lyrics, I find, fit perfectly with Dean and Ruby's tragic, star crossed love; the singer's desperate plea of ''don't let me go'' echo in your head long after the music fades, inspiring Ruby's desperate plea of ''Dean, please, please don't let me go!'')
Track Number Three: Turn and Turn Again by All Thieves (''So turn and turn again, we are calling in all the ships, every traveler please come home and tell us all that you have seen. Break every lock to every door, return every gun to every drawer, so we can turn and turn again.'' Really, what more is there to say? I find the lyrics and melody were very haunting and fit in perfectly with the tone of the story.)
Track Number Four: It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects (Every bit of lyric in this song reminded me of the way Dean was feeling when he found out Blue lied to him and was in fact Ruby. ''The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving, maybe it's best you leave me alone.'')
Track Number Five: Broken by Lifehouse (''I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating, in the pain, there is healing, in your name I find meaning, so I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm barely holdin' on to you.'' This sounds just like Dean's grief over losing Ruby and his struggle to be the best father be can be.)
Track Number Six: Show Me What I'm Looking For by Carolina Liar (''Don't let go, I've wanted this far too long.'' After years of looking for each other Dean and Ruby finally end up together and I think this song is a lighthearted break from all the depressing songs on the soundtrack.)
Track Number Seven: Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback (Now, normally I can't stand this band. But this song....I heard it and I just had to put it on the soundtrack. '' 'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own and everyone wants to know they're not alone, there's somebody else that feels the same somewhere, there's gotta be somebody for me out there.'')
Track Number Eight: Say (All I Need) by OneRepublic (''Well, bless my soul, you're a lonely soul, 'cause you won't let go of anything you hold. Well, all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head.'' I've been in love with this song for a long time now and I think it's just right for the story.)
Track Number Nine: Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Okay, so maybe Ruby wasn't exactly an angel but it was clear she was looking out for her family, the man she loved, her daughter.... ''When I see your smile, the tears roll down my face I can't replace and now that I'm strong I have figured out how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.'')
Track Number Ten: Set Fire To The Third Bar by Snow Patrol (''I find the map and draw a straight line, over rivers, farms and state lines, the distance from 'A' to where you'd be.'' Well, this song is clearly about longing, two lovers who can't find their way to each other. Just like Dean and Ruby.)
Track Number Eleven: Only Hope by Mandy Moore (''There's a song that's inside of my soul, it's the one that I've tried to write over and over again, I'm awake in the infinite cold, but you sing to me over and over and over again.'' It may not be the song Dean and Ruby sing to each other but it sounds like a lullaby.)
Track Number Twelve: Hurt by Johnny Cash (In this story, Dean is very dark and grief consumed and when I heard this song, my mind immediately went to this story. ''If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find away.'')
Track Number Thirteen: Dare You To Move by Switchfoot (''Between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be.'' In chapter eight, Dean thought about what it would have been like if Ruby was alive and how he dreamed of her. I thought this song kind of fit how he dreamt of having Ruby with him and then finally got Blue.)
Track Number Fourteen: Everything Burns by Ben Moody featuring Anastacia (''She sits in her corner singing herself to sleep, wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep, she no longer cries to herself, no tears left to wash away, just diaries of empty pages, feelings gone astray; but she will sing.'' In the first few chapters it was Ruby's story. Her story of her pregnancy and how she tried to be a good mother all the while struggling with feelings that she wasn't good enough. This song just seemed so perfect to use for her struggle.)
Track Number Fifteen: We Are Broken by Paramore (''Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers, tower over me.'' Now, this song actually reminds me of the relationship between Sam and Ruby. When Dean died and she found out she was pregnant, all they had was each other. They really kept each other safe and alive.)
Track Number Sixteen: Out of this World by Bush (''When we die; we go into the arms of those who remember us.'' Actually, the tune of this song gives off almost a.....sexy vibe. And we all know Dean and Ruby's relationship is rooted in The Physical.)
Track Number Seventeen: I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith (This song was going to be THEIR song but I liked Dream a Little Dream of Me better. But this song just seemed to fit so I kept it in the soundtrack. ''I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, 'cause I'd miss you, babe and I don't wanna miss a thing.'')
Track Number Eighteen: I Will Be by Leona Lewis (''I will be, all that you want and gather myself together 'cause you keep me from falling apart. All my life, I'll be with you forever to get you through the day and make everything okay.'' It just reminds me of all the struggles they went through to get to their happy ending.)
Track Number Nineteen: Dream a Little Dream of Me by The Mamas and the Papas (Say ''nighty-night'' and kiss me, just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me; while I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me....'' This song is on here for obvious reasons. It is THEIR song after all, their little lullaby.)
I think I've taken up enough of your time now. That was my AN, that was the soundtrack, this is me saying see ya later!
Love and Kisses,