101 Ways to Kill Ron Weasley

Chapter 2


The Seven Deadly Sins Part 3 (Greed)...

"Lumos!" Ron, Hermione, and Harry called out, lighting up the Lestrange's vault.

Ron's eyes widened as he saw the incredible wealth that was surrounding him. Glittering jewels sparked from every corner while the floor was covered in mounds of golden Galleons. When he saw the fake sword of Gryffindor lying unceremoniously amongst a jumble of chains, Ron wanted to scream at the unfairness of life. Lestrange didn't know that the sword was fake, and it looked like she just tossed it into a corner of her vault without even caring.

Glancing across the vault where Harry was inspecting a few jeweled cups, Ron remembered how much wealth Harry possessed. During their second year, Ron saw his best mate just throw Galleons into a money bag, not even bothering to count how much he took out. Harry was the same as Lestrange. He had so much money that he'd be able to just toss a priceless relic to the side of his vault without even caring.

For his entire life, Ron knew his family vault rarely contained more than a few odd Galleons. It wasn't fair!

Suddenly, an idea entered Ron's mind, and, slowly, a smile crossed his face.

Silently, he summoned Harry's moleskin bottomless pouch. If they were going to steal a Horcrux from Lestrange, what difference would it make if Ron helped himself to a sizable portion of gold as well? It's not like the murdering bitch deserved it.

Approaching the closest mound of gold, Ron ignored Hermione's cry of pain and Griphook's explanation about the Gemino and Flagrante curses. His eyes were gleaming –thoughts of what he would do with his new-found wealth were dancing around his head. He'd buy the fastest broomstick in the world. No, he'd buy two of the fastest broomsticks in the world. Then he'd build a massive house that would put Malfoy Manor to shame!

Smiling, Ron leaned forward and shoved both his hands into the massive pile of Galleons.

"RON! NO!" Harry screamed, seeing what his friend was doing.

But Ron didn't hear Harry. He couldn't hear anyone over the sounds of his own screaming. When his hands had touched the Galleons, the coins had heated up to incredible temperatures and burned right through his flesh. The incredible pain caused Ron to momentarily loose his balance and he tipped forward, falling headfirst into the massive stack of Galleons.

Immediately, the Galleons heated up and began burning Ron as more and more Galleons magically appeared all around him. These new Galleons also burned and began duplicating, and, suddenly, Ron found himself buried beneath an ever growing stack of burning Galleons. The coins began burning off the flesh around his face, arms, and legs. His clothes soon caught fire, burning his chest, back, and lower body.

As he continued to scream, he never noticed the chaos he caused for his friends and Griphook. As he writhed in agony beneath all the gold coins, more and more coins began to fill the vault. His last thought before the blackness overtook him was about how much he hated Harry and Hermione for not helping him. He never knew, or cared, that his greed had doomed them as well.

The Unbreakable Vow...

"Fred and George got me to make an Unbreakable Vow when I was about five. When Dad found out, he went mental," said Ron, with a reminiscent gleam in his eyes. "Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since."

"You really made an Unbrakable Vow?" Hermione asked aghast.

Ron puffed out his chest proudly. "Yep."

"What did you agree to do?" Harry asked.

"I can't quite remember now that I think about it," Ron admitted.

"What!" exclaimed Hermione. "Ron do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You could die!"

"Calm down, Hermione. It was just something incredibly stupid." Ron's face suddenly lit up. "I remember now! I swore I'd never say I'm not a jobbernowl."

The moment the last syllable left Ron's mouth, his entire body stiffened, and he fell to the floor.

As Hermione screamed, Harry laughed. The twins really were comic genius. With a grin on his face, Harry looked at Ron's corpse. "You are such a jobbernowl Ron."

The Chess Match...

"We're nearly there," Ron muttered suddenly. "Let me think -- let me think..."

The white queen turned her blank face toward him.

"Yes..." said Ron softly, "it's the only way ... I've got to be taken."

"NO!" Harry and Hermione shouted.

"That's chess!" snapped Ron. "You've got to make some sacrifices! I take one step forward and she'll take me -- that leaves you free to checkmate the king, Harry!"

"Ron, don't do this," Harry said urgently. "There has to be another way. This chest board was suppose to stop someone from stealing the Philosopher's Stone!"

Ignoring his two friends, Ron took one step forward.

The white queen immediately surged forward, withdrew a vicious looking mace, and brought it down against Ron's temple, killing him instantly.

A Bloody Awakening...

Harry was flipping through the Prince's potions book when he spotted a small note scrawled at the bottom of a page.


For enemies.

His concentration was broken, however, when Ron suddenly let out a horrendously loud snore. Glancing over at Ron, a grin began to form on Harry's face. Ron's snoring had kept him up for years. It was finally some time for a little payback.

Drawing his wand, Harry quietly said, "Sectumsempra."

The moment the spell made contact, blood erupted out of Ron's back as though he had been slashed with an invisible sword.

"No –" gasped Harry, who looked at the bloody visage of his best friend.

Harry raced over to help his friend, but the few healing charms he knew seemed to have no effect. When the light seemed to dim behind Ron's eyes, thoughts of being sent to Azkaban crept into Harry's mind.

Terrified, Harry pointed his wand at Ron and transfigured his best friend into a sock. He then vanished Ron's blood off the bed curtains, pillows, and mattress. With the room clean, Harry turned his attention to the sock that was innocently sitting on the ground. Grimacing, he said, "Incendio."

Harry watched the sock burn until all that was left was a pile of ash. With a swish of his wand, Harry vanished the ashes.

"Hey Harry," Neville said entering the boy's dormitory, "is Ron up yet?"

"I don't know, Nev." Harry made a show of going over to look at Ron's bed. "I guess so. I think he mentioned something about wanting to get some Quidditch practice in this morning before class."

The Greater Good...

A prefect badge fell from Ron's letter. "I'm a prefect," he said in shock.

Harry looked at the badge and fought the urge to go downstairs and ask McGonagall and Dumbledore if they were high when they selected the male Gryffindor prefect this year. Instead he bit his tongue and said, "Good on you mate. Can I take a look at it?"

"Sure," Ron said, completely shocked. "I was positive you would get it, Harry."

'You and the rest of the world,' Harry thought darkly.

Just then Hermione burst into the room and saw the prefect badge Harry was holding. "Oh! I knew you'd getting it Harry," she said excitedly, "we're going to have so much fun patrolling together this year."

Harry quickly shook his head. "No, Hermione, it's not mine. Ron got the prefect badge, not me."

Hermione's eyes widened in horror before she calmed down and started to laugh. "Harry don't even joke about that," she chided. "You almost had me though."

"It's not a joke! I'm a prefect!" Ron snapped, grabbing his badge back from Harry. "Dumbledore obviously thought that I was the best man for the job, and if you don't like it Hermione, you can tell McGonagall you quit."

A dark look crossed Hermione's face and she viciously waved her wand at the door, causing it to slam and lock.

Harry's eyes widened. "Hermione, you just did magic! You've got to be careful or you'll get a letter from the ministry just like I did."

"I'm not getting a letter, Harry," she growled angrily. "You see, after I found out I was a perfect, I caught the twins talking about selling their products in the Gryffindor common room. I threatened to vanish all their supplies unless they told me how to remove the trace from my wand."

"That's bloody brilliant." Ron laughed. "I should go find the twins and threaten them as well."

"I'm sorry Ron, but you won't be going anywhere. Incarcerous!" Several large ropes sprung out of Hermione's wand and bound Ron tightly, causing him to fall to the floor.

"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry demanded, drawing his wand.

"Don't interfere, Harry," Hermione warned. "You can't cast a spell or the ministry will have you thrown out of Hogwarts faster than you can say Quidditch. Besides, this is for the greater good."

Ron glared at her from the floor. "What are you talking about you craz–"

"Silencio," Hermione said calmly.

"Hermione." Harry put both his hands up to show that he wasn't holding his wand. "Just what are you doing?"

"I've never been one to challenge authority, Harry, you know that. But I absolutely refuse to have Ron as a prefect partner. Can you see Ron taking his duties seriously?" Hermione challenged.

Harry looked uncomfortable. He glanced down at Ron, who was looking at him pleadingly. "He'd try his best."

Hermione laughed ruefully. "No he wouldn't, and don't try to tell me you honestly believe that. You should have been a prefect, Harry. Merlin, Neville should have been chosen as a prefect before Ron. At least he is good at Herbology and would be nice to the younger students! I can already see Ron not taking his duties seriously and flaunting the privileges that prefects normally deserve."

"Alright, you have a point," Harry conceded.

Ron glared hatefully at his two former best friends.

"Don't look so upset Ron. You know it's true." Hermione gave Ron a cold smile "Now Ron, since you are unwilling to resign your post, and I am not going to quit, that only leaves one option." Hermione removed a series of multicolored vials out of her robe. "I confiscated these from the twins. They're some of their more interesting Potions, and I didn't think they should be allowed at Hogwarts."

As Hermione took a threatening step forward, Ron seemed to understand what she was going to do, and he closed his mouth.

"Be a dear and force Ron to open his mouth for me, Harry," Hermione said darkly.

"What will those potions do to him?" Harry asked hesitantly. He'd never seen Hermione act like this before!

Hermione gave Harry a reassuring smile. "They'll just stop him from being a prefect."

"That's it?" Harry asked.

"That's it," Hermione confirmed.

"I'm sorry about this Ron," Harry said looking down at his friend, "but we both know that I should have been the Gryffindor prefect."

Without much difficulty, Harry held Ron's nose closed, and, after a good minute, Ron had to open his mouth to breathe. Hermione used the opportunity to empty the contents of the three vials into Ron's mouth and held his jaw shut.

"Just swallow the potions Ron. Merlin knows what effects they could have if they activate in your mouth," Hermione urged.

Ron shivered in terror before ingesting the potions.

"Good boy," Hermione said, patting Ron's head. "Harry we should leave."

"What about Ron?" Harry asked, watching as his friend seemed to be turning green and twitching.

"The convulsions only last a little while," Hermione said as she unlocked the door. "Let's go get some breakfast. I'm hungry."

Reluctantly, Harry followed Hermione out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen. A few minutes into a wonderful breakfast, there was a massive explosion that shook the entire house. While everyone else dove for cover, Hermione just smiled and continued to eat her porridge. Every now and then she'd stroke her prefect badge with a content smile on her face.

A/N: This chapter was a little darker than the first one. Hope you all liked it anyway. In case you're wondering how Ron died in the Greater Good, it was exactly how the Lizard died at the end of the film Formula 51. If you've never seen that movie, I'd recommend you rent, download, or buy it. Samuel L. Jackson in a kilt... need I say more? Okay, save yourself the money and don't buy it, but it's still a really good, bad movie.

Points to anyone who knew what a jobbernowl was without having to look it up.

My latest epic length fic will be posted as soon as I get the chapter back from my beta, so be on the lookout for that.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.