Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

AN: In case anyone's wondering this takes place in the same AU as "A Marriage for the Birds", but I don't think you will have had to of read that to understand this.

PS: This fic was written because after reading "Sometimes One Head is Better" (a truly TERRIBLE fic that I seriously do NOT recommend), Lila requested a story where Alucard and Seras's have a kid.

Integra sighed as she placed the decorated, wooden box of genuine Budapest truffles on the plastic shelf. It was sweet of him to send them- helped to show that he still thought about their daughter. But, honestly, addressing the package to "Katharine Westbrook Churchhill Hellsing"- what was he thinking? It was just a good thing she'd come into the room before Katie had gotten the box open and scarfed down the contents.

She was a fine eleven year old- smart, strong willed, the very picture of her mother at that age... save for inheriting her father's raven hair. But she was also a bit too wrapped up in worldly pleasure and desires. Another thing she gets from him, Integra thought and her lip curled slightly as she remembered sharing in some of his worldly pleasure seeking.

She'd met the man while on a joint assignment with MI-5. Some terrorists had gotten a hold of old Millennium tech and were trying to use it to create vampiric foot soldiers, and her knowledge was needed to foil the plan.

She still remembered their first meeting. She'd been sitting in a quiet, little, French cafe- a whole in the wall kind of place -holding a purple rose in one hand- the agreed upon signal -when a handsome, tall, dark stranger approached her.

"Excuse me, Miss, but is this seat taken?" he asked, a slight Scottish accent in his speech.

"Depends," she replied. "Have you ever been to Paris before?" She asked her code phrase just as she'd been instructed.

"Yes, but not since the new millennium", he replied exactly as he was suppose to and then took the seat. He grinned at her, and it struck her as a strange grin for it had the unusual effect of making her feel slightly warm all over... yet in a pleasant sort of way. "The name's Bond... James Bond," he continued.

Integra remembered him fondly- her first lover. But alas it was a love not meant to last. Although they'd tried to stay together after the mission- something that the knight doubted "007" had even attempted with any of his other 'conquests', in the end it just hadn't work out. They'd both been too committed to their jobs, and neither one was willing to make the sacrifice of giving up their career for the other. Maybe that had even been a good thing? They both did crucial work for her Majesty, and if either of them quit England would've been sure to suffer for it.

But eventually the work had come between them, and they'd been forced to part... albeit amicably. It Hadn't been a total loss though. They still wrote to each other, even sent gifts on occasion, and she had gotten an heir out of it... At least there was that. An heir who does not need to eat a whole two and a half pound box of rich chocolate in a single sitting, she thought as she moved a few blood packets around to cover the box of truffles and then closed and locked the refrigerator.

Unknown to the lady knight a pair of blue eyes were watching her from the ventilation shaft. Hiding the candies in with the vampires' blood stockpile was a shifty move by her mother, but Katie was determined. She would have those chocolates... She just needed a little help getting them.

Katie was just small enough to be able to turn around in the shaft. She crawled her way out and then headed for the mansion's lower levels. She went to Seras's old room- which since before Katie's birth had belonged to another vampire.

Alucard and Seras had gotten married over a decade ago, and so there was really no reason for them to have separate rooms any longer. For a little while, Seras's old room had stayed empty; but when the two were blessed with a child, it had been converted into a nursery. Now, just over twelve years later, it was the bedroom of their son, Phillip Dornez Drăculea*.

Katie reached the room and didn't bother knocking. She was too young to worry about such courtesies... besides she was technically going to be the boy's 'master' someday anyway. So it wasn't really like she should've had to knock.

After all Katie's mother had never bothered to knock on Alucard's door (on the few rare occasions when she went to him)... well not until after Alucard and Seras were married and the lady knight had had the unfortunate luck of barging in while her two vampires were partaking in some... rather disturbing behavior.

The Mini-Hellsing opened the door to find her future servant sitting on the floor- his legs crossed -and staring intently at a little spider. "Now, look deep, deep into my eyes," the boy said in a voice that was rather smooth- given his age. "You want to spin a square web... a square web."

Katie raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing, Drackie?" That was what she always called him, Drackie- never Drăculea or Phillip or even 'Pip'. He was always Drackie to her. She'd started calling him that when she was too young to pronounce the other names, and somehow it had just stuck between the two of them.

"Oh, hi, Katie," Phillip replied as he turned and saw his future master standing in the doorway. "Just practicing. Father says my hypnosis needs work."

"Oh." Katie looked around at the room for a moment. She saw normal spiderwebs, circle webs, rectangular webs and even a triangle web. "Well, you seem to be doing well with your practicing."

Phillip's head tilted to the side for a moment. "Doing well? I've been trying to get Renfield here to spin a square web for days... but he just won't do it. He's done everything else I can imagine, but he just won't spin a square web!" the No-Life Prince responded with obvious frustration in his voice, and Katie suddenly realized that all those other shaped webs were actually accidents- that her future servant had been trying to get his pet spider to spin a square web all along. It wasn't exactly an inspiring testament to her future servants capabilities, but still... 'Drackie' was her best chance for getting those truffles.

"Well maybe you're trying too hard... I think you need a little break," Katie replied, and the vampire noticed a certain gleam in his future master's eyes. Phillip suddenly became nervous. That gleam always meant trouble for him.

The last time he'd seen it the Jonas Brother's were playing a concert in London, and Katie wanted to go. It was a school night, so her mother had said no. However Katie was determined to see her current 'best band ever'.

She'd convinced Phillip to help her sneak out and escort her to the concert. He still wasn't exactly sure how she'd gotten him to agree to that. He didn't even like the Jonas Brothers- preferring to listen to albums from his father's old record collection. But Katie just seemed to have a knack for talking him into things... things that he almost always ended up paying for later on. After the concert it had taken the better part of a week before his rear stopped stinging.

A normal father may have just spanked the kid. Oh, but Alucard was no normal father, and his punishments were always more inventive. For endangering his future master like that, Phillip was forced to eat an entire, large bowl of red chili peppers. And as hot as they were going down... they were much worse when they came out the other end.

"Oh no... Whatever it is, I want no part in it."

Katie sighed as if the boy was being completely unreasonable. "Oh come on. I just want you to help me get some chocolates... That's all."

The vampire flashed his future master a skeptical look. "What's the catch? You want to rob Willy Wonka's or something?"

Katie sighed again, sounding rather put out. "No, the chocolates are locked up in a fridge."

The vampire boy stared at the human girl strangely. "What kind of a fridge has a lock?"

"Oh," Katie began as she looked at her nails- feigning disinterest. "The kind of fridge used to store blood packets," she continued, and then her lip curled coyly as she saw her future servant's expression. Gotcha.

An hour later Integra returned to the refrigerator that was primarily used to hold her 'pet' vampires' blood supply. The lady knight had planned to retrieve a single truffle from the box that she'd stashed there earlier- a dessert for after Katie eat her dinner. There was only one problem. Upon reaching the fridge Integra discovered that the reinforced steel lock had been broken off of the side.

She quickly threw the door open and found that the fridge was completely empty. The Lady knight gritted her teeth together and growled, "Alucard." Blast him! She'd given him strict orders to leave the blood supply alone.

Those orders had come shortly after his marriage to Seras. One day Integra had barged into Alucard's room to discover he'd absconded with the entire month's blood supply, drenched his fledgling turned bride in the thick, red liquid and was in the process of licking it off her nude body. That was the last day Integra ever entered Alucard's chamber without knocking... Due to Alucard's attempts at justification, it was also the last day Integra had ever been able to eat sweet and sour chicken without feeling like she needed a shower afterwards*.

"Alucard!" the lady knight screamed in frustration.

"You called for me, Master?" Alucard replied in his usual calm, slightly smug tone as he stepped through one of the walls.

Integra abruptly turned in the direction from which she'd heard her servant's voice. "Yes, Alucard," the lady knight responded as blue flames smoldered in her normally icy eyes. "I thought I already told you to keep your greedy, lust filled, little hands; paws; tentacles... and whatever else you might be able to conjure up off the monthly blood supply!"

Alucard's face fell. As much as he was enjoying his master's fury, the No-Life King was fairly certain he hadn't consumed any additional blood packets- over and above what was doled out to him on a daily basis. And so, Integra's ranting confused him.

The lady knight continued, seemingly unaware of her servant's puzzled expression. "Do you have any idea what this organization goes through every month to secure enough blood for the three of you?! Why the cost alone is staggering... not even taking into account the falsified records needed to divert the Red Cross blood from where it's suppose to go. You know it's not like we can just send out guys with needles and IV bags and start our own 'Feed Dracula and his Children of the Night' blood drive."

"And why not?" Alucard asked, liking the sound of this special blood drive.

Integra looked temporarily taken back. "Well for one thing it might be kind of hard finding people willing to donate... Somehow I doubt that posters of scary looking vampires would generate the same level of sympathy as those of car wreck victims. Besides..."

Alucard interrupted with a huff. "You'd think they'd be glad to willingly surrender small amounts of blood in order to... save their own necks," the vampire said with a smirk.

"Not funny, Alucard," Integra responded as she flashed her servant an icy glare. "Now, about your punishment for raiding our blood supply..."

"Now, now, Master, aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves here?" Alucard asked. "I can assure you I had nothing to do with taking the blood."

Integra eyed her servant strangely. For once he actually looked sincere, and that made her wonder if perhaps she'd jumped to the wrong conclusion. But if he hadn't broken into the fridge, who had? Integra's face then shifted from puzzlement to suspicion, and she once again opened up the refrigerator. Yes, it was just as she suspected- the box of truffles was gone. And then Integra's brain pieced together what had happened.

Her daughter had somehow figured out where she'd hidden the candy, and then- upon realizing that she wouldn't be able to get by the lock- the eleven year old had gone and enlisted the aid of Alucard and Seras's son. Together the two had snuck into the room. Phillip had busted the lock on the fridge; and he and her daughter had split the contents- chocolates for the human girl and blood for the young vampire.

The lady knight sighed. If she was right, then she actually owed her servant an apology. Well too bad... because she certainly wasn't about to give him one. Instead she simply turned on him once more and, in an authoritative manner, asked, "Can you sense where your son is?"

"Of course, Master. I..."

Integra cut Alucard off before he could say anymore, "Good, then lead the way."

Integra and Alucard found their two kids in the middle of a small clearing at the very edge of Integra's property- right where her grounds connected with those of a city park. Both kids were lying on the ground. Kattie was moaning and clenching her stomach, sick from having a few too many truffles. And Phillip was just lying there, his eyes red and as wide as they could be, an out of it look plastered across his face- like a druggie might have after 'shooting up'. Candy wrappers and empty blood packets littered the ground all around the two.

Integra sighed at the two kids.

Alucard just laughed. "Well, Master, that should teach them a lesson about overindulging."

"Like you're one to talk," the lady knight snapped back as she bent down and lifted her daughter from the grassy ground. She carried the girl back towards the mansion to put her to bed until she felt better.

Once Integra was gone, Alucard allowed himself to beam down at his son, a certain pride upon the No-Life King's face. This wasn't like when the two had snuck off to that concert. This time the Hellsing Heir hadn't been placed in any danger grater than that of a belly ache. And Alucard's son was already obeying his future master, breaking into places, stealing blood and running off to secluded spots with young virgins in order to enjoy nights of pleasurably sinful overindulgence. Yes, the boy was off to a fine start... Now if he could just learn how to hypnotize that little spider familiar that Alucard had given him...

*Alucard and Seras's son's first name is taken from "Crimson Seductions", a fan fic by KawaiiKittyChan. BTW: Laramee, if you're reading this and are bothered by my using that for the first name without asking, just let me know and I'll change it. I honestly didn't think you'd mind though.

*Sweet and sour chicken comment inspired by a comment SystemAurora made during her last review of "A Marriage for the Birds".

(Well, what did you think? Please review and let me know if you liked it, thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)