A/N: because I'm bored.
VWORP! VWORP! VWORP! VWORP!
With a sound like a rusted, broken, back-hoe the TARDIS appeared out of the great fourth wall and fully materialized onto the sidewalk of a neighborhood out in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. Actually, it was Bastrop, but who's counting. The day was bright with the hot Texas sun beating down on the top of the blue police box that could only ever be seen in old British television shows and the infamous Doctor Who. Oh, but it couldn't be Doctor Who, could it? After all, the Doctor is just a character in a T.V. show.
All right, not really.
The doors opened and out hopped the Doctor, dressed in his bright blue suit and tie, brown trench-coat and red converse high-tops. He looked around and blinked at the bright light assaulting his eyes, though in reality that would be rather ridiculous if light actually assaulted a person's eyes. The Doctor leaned back into his TARDIS and shouted, "Oi! Jack! Stop flirting and get out here!"
"You're just jealous because the TARDIS is taking more of a shine to me than you," shouted Captain Jack Harkness back. However, despite his flirting outrageously with the TARDIS console he walked out dressed in his usual old military clothing, his blue shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows revealing the timecorps wrist band he always kept on his person. He squinted into the light of the day as he looked around, attempting to get a feel for his surroundings. "This isn't Cardiff," he said.
"Yes, I noticed that," mumbled the Doctor as he scratched his cheek. He definitely needed a good shave again. "Well, time to have a look about!" He grinned at Jack and fair skipped along the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets as Jack closed the doors of the TARDIS and winked at it before jogging after the Doctor. "Funny thing, the TARDIS," said the Doctor when Jack caught up with him, "She always likes to give me surprises sometimes!" Jack grinned and chuckled, still walking after the Doctor, reminded of older times when he was much younger and not immortal.
Some children were walking back from the community pool when Jack and the Doctor happened upon them. Jack smiled at them and the Doctor grinned broadly, happily. "Hello, little children! Could you possibly tell us where we are?"
"We're not supposed to talk to strangers!" cried one of the children in a distinctly Texas accent before they all ran off as quickly as possible into the neighborhood.
"Maybe I should do the talking," said Jack, "After all, I'm the one with the friendlier face."
The Doctor rolled his brown eyes and looked off to where the children ran off to. Without a word he walked off on his long, thin legs toward the houses. It didn't take long for him to get to the first house. There were no cars in front of it, so the Doctor went to the second one. There he found a lovely little tree, a couple more growing up under the shade of the eaves, a small garden in front of the large window and a nice green car in the driveway. Perfect!
"That one! We'll talk to them there!" said the Doctor as he fair skipped to the front door with Jack not far behind him.
"Doctor! Doctor! Hold on!" cried Jack, trying to get some sort of leash on the Doctor's enthusiasm. Of course he would rather have a really pretty leash on the Doctor's "enthusiasm", but he knew he would die in the trying.
The Doctor knocked quickly on the door and waited under the eave of the front doorway. Jack stood out in the sun and eyed him with mild irritation. "What did I say about letting me do the talking?" said Jack.
"Oh, sorry, I wasn't really paying attention. What were you saying about you doing the talking?" said the Doctor. He knocked again and leaned a bit away from the peephole. Jack laughed a little and shook his head.
The door opened and there stood a tall woman with glasses perched on her nose. She had long dark blonde hair pulled back in a pair of buns at the base of her skull, broad shoulders and a large bust. She blinked blue-gray eyes at them, almost as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Er—yes?"
"Hello! We're wayward travelers and our vehicle is being very cross with us, would you mind telling us exactly where we are so we might get information to a third party to get us elsewhere?" said the Doctor, chattering as quickly as he could before the door could be slammed in his face.
The woman grinned brightly at them. "Oh! Are ya'll on your way to a convention somewhere? I keep wanting to go to one, but it costs money and all…" Again, she had a relatively minor Texas accent, but a Texas accent no less.
"Convention?" inquired the Doctor, raising his eyebrow at her. "What convention?" Then, he smiled brightly at her. "Oh yes! The convention! I forgot! Silly me and all that, I completely forgot the convention!"
"He has no idea what you're talking about," said Jack, smirking a bit toward the Doctor.
"Not a clue," said the Doctor, shaking his head.
"Huh," said the woman, looking around behind them a moment and sighed a bit, eyeing them. She looked behind her at two cats and a kitten wondering what the bright light and strange smells coming from the door meant. One cat was pale, gray with dark stripes all over his body and even darker stripes on his face, tail and feet like he was part Siamese. The second was tricolored, brown and black mixed into most of her fur and white on her lower face, belly and feet. She was the fluffiest of the three. The third was a small kitten, all black with a white V on his little chest. He seemed the most interested and getting out to freedom. The woman eyed them imperiously before walking out and closing the door behind her, though this put her large chest in rather uncomfortable proximity to the Doctor. He backed up politely.
"Exactly where are you two headed for, then?" she asked, leaning against the red brick wall beside her. She was wearing a red shirt with a lion rampant on it, blue jeans and black and white converse.
"Oh, nice shoes. Always liked those myself," said the Doctor, smiling brightly.
The woman eyed him like he was crazy, and rightfully so, before smiling a bit once again. "Yeah, um, again… if ya'll aren't headed for a convention of some sort then where are you both headed if you're cosplaying Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor?"
"Sorry, I don't think I quite got that. What was that?" asked the Doctor, eyeing her with increasing fear in those wide brown eyes of his. "See, I could have sworn you said we were—what was that word?"
"Cosplaying. Costume playing," supplied the woman. "Dressing up."
"So you've seen me and him before?" asked Jack.
"Well, yeah. Of course. Doctor Who and Torchwood are great shows to watch on BBC America and I pretty much grew up on Doctor Who, though, mind you, I watched mainly the fourth Doctor. Gotta love that long scarf of his," said the woman, chattering almost as quickly as the Doctor himself.
The Doctor moved away and started back down the sidewalk. "This isn't good," he mumbled. Jack smiled at the woman a moment until she started jogging after the Doctor.
"Hey! Hey! What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? What's going on?" she shouted at him as she jogged up beside him. Jack followed up on the other side of the Doctor.
"Don't mind him. He does this all the time," said Jack.
"Ah, yeah, I get the same from my friends," said the woman. "Um, my name is Ehren."
"Captain Jack Harkness," said Jack.
"Yeah, fine, whatever," muttered Ehren as she looked to the Doctor. "Oi, what's wrong with you? What's going on—" She stopped short when she saw the police box and stared in disbelief. Jack grinned a bit and leaned closer to her ear.
"Again, my name is Captain Jack Harkness. It's nice to meet you."
"JACK!" shouted the Doctor.
"I'm just saying 'hello', Doctor!!" shouted Jack back at him.
"It's never just anything with you," grumbled the Doctor as he opened the police box door and disappeared inside.
Ehren eyed Jack and the police box a moment and then turned to Jack. "You're not shitting me, right? You are Captain Jack Harkness and that is the Doctor, right? Or did the Doctor Who crew make a sudden pitstop in the middle of Texas?"
"My name is Captain Jack Harkness and that is the Doctor, yes."
"May I see the inside then?" she asked.
Jack smirked faintly and showed her to the door of the TARDIS and opened it, leaning on the other door with that rakish grin of his. "Have a look, then."
Ehren eyed him a moment and then leaned into the TARDIS. Then, she promptly leaned back out and looked around. She seemed to be debating something carefully before leaning in again and looking around and leaning back out. "Okay, I believe you, because I can't come up with a suitable explanation for this," said Ehren, her voice going a bit higher. Then, she leaned back into the TARDIS and shouted at the Doctor who was looking at the console readings. "HEY! DOCTOR! Get your stuff and come back out, I'll give ya'll something to drink while I get ya'll a map of the area!"
The Doctor looked up and grinned, walking out of the TARDIS and locking it up behind him. "Well! What sort of things do you have to drink, then, eh?" he asked, cheerful as ever. They walked back to Ehren's house and went inside the small home. The three cats scattered and disappeared away from the two men while her grandmother leaned out from the kitchen dressed in a house dress and slippers.
"Ehren? Who are these men?" she asked.
"Some guys who need directions," said Ehren as she went through a door in the hallway and snapped the door behind her. She came back a minute later with some cold water for them both and walked quickly to the couch where she picked up a map. "Okay, here's a map of the area. I'll be right back." Then, she jogged down the hall and disappeared as quickly as the cats had.
Jack looked at it. "She said this is Texas… so this must be the town we're in."
"Mm, yes, I already got the readouts from the TARDIS, but, to tell the truth, the thing I'm more interested in is the fact that we're in a different dimension. We're not supposed to be here," mumbled the Doctor.
"I'm not supposed to be here either, but I am," said Jack. "Make sure I get back in about the time we left Cardiff, okay? I'd rather not have Gwen angry at me for disappearing again like I did last time."
"You two look familiar," said the grandmother, smiling kindly and peering at them through thick glasses.
"Ah, we're dressed up for a convention," said the Doctor quickly, grinning cheerfully. "Yes, wonderful things those conventions. Every nerdy kid what graced the Earth walking about dressed in bumpy foreheads and carrying lightsabers. Great things! Wonderful things! I'm dressed up as the Doctor and he's dressed up as Captain Jack Harkness."
"The Doctor? Oh! Doctor Who! My granddaughter and her friends love those shows. I never got into it myself," said the grandmother.
"Yes, so she told us," said Jack, smiling.
"We really should get going," said the Doctor. He handed back the maps and started for the door. "Tell your granddaughter that we had a lovely time and thank you for the water! We needed it since it's so awfully hot outside!"
"Oh, yes, you're welcome!" the grandmother called after them.
Ehren jogged up after them and smiled brightly. "Hey, could I go with ya'll?"
"No, absolutely not!" said the Doctor, looking to her sharply.
"Oh, come on, it'll be fun!"
"No! You may not come with us! The next stop for us is back home provided that all the dimensions don't suddenly collapse on themselves and destroy everything!" snapped the Doctor.
Ehren pouted a bit, but didn't stop following. Jack noticed she had a big black bag slung across her chest with a white skull printed on it. She tried her best to not look at him, her cheeks growing hot. When they reached the doors of the TARDIS the Doctor walked in without another word and went right for the console. Ehren grinned and sneaked in behind Jack, or really, Jack let her in anyway, before he could close the door. The Doctor started up the TARDIS and once more there was that sound like an old, rusted back-hoe trying to spring to life but not quite making it there.
"So, what's the read out?" asked Jack as he hopped up beside the Doctor.
"Strange readings," said the Doctor, his thick eyebrows lowering on his face like caterpillars. "The dimensional barriers are relatively safe, but odd things are mixing into ours." He looked up and then glared a bit at Jack. "I said we weren't taking her along."
"Well, I thought perhaps she might be useful," said Jack, smiling charmingly.
"She'll be in the way."
"What sort of things are going into ya'll's world?" asked Ehren.
The Doctor eyed her a moment then went back to the console. "It seems various things are filtering into our dimension, but not necessarily destroying the rather delicate and irritating boundaries between the dimensions. As if some great writer in the sky suddenly decided to just slap everything into it at once to see what would happen, but that belief would require I actually believe in a great, all powerful deity that created everything."
"Who's to say there isn't?" asked Ehren.
"Well… ME," said the Doctor, looking over at her. "I've seen the beginning of the universe and believe me there aren't any great Gods that are real that created the universe."
"That still doesn't mean you didn't see the evidence of God making the universe, it just means you saw the result forming, but I digress," said Ehren. "Say, could you stop someplace for me? I'd love it if you did," said Ehren, smiling cutely at the Doctor.
The Doctor didn't look amused. "What..sort of place?"
"My friend's home. She'd love this place," said Ehren, grinning brightly at him, much like the Doctor himself.
Once more, the Doctor was not amused. "No."
"Oh, come on, Doctor! Please? She's the only one I'm asking for!" pleaded Ehren. "Please? Please?" she begged as she put her hands together as if in prayer, big blue eyes directed innocently at him. He really ought to know better than to trust anyone who might give him the same innocent look (Jack).
"Fine, but just the one! And she had better not be the sort of to just walk into trouble wherever she dares," said the Doctor.
Ehren grinned broadly. "Oh, no, she doesn't just walk into trouble wherever she dares. She's very smart and very quiet."
The Doctor smiled a bit. It had been a while since he had had a companion or two on his adventures, though the eventual heartbreak of their departure from him often left him lonely. "Fine, but only the one," he said. Then, he motioned for her to come over and tell him where her friend was located. He brought up a map of the area and she made him to zoom in on Austin. She followed the streets with her finger until she came upon the relative location of her friend's home. The Doctor grinned and pulled a lever. "Hold onto something!" he said loudly and pulled another lever. The TARDIS lurched and they hurtled quickly to the right location.
"And that's how we got here," said Ehren, grinning brightly at her friend Amanda. Amanda was shorter than Ehren, though not by too much, her hair dark and a bit frizzy. She had freckles all over her face and thick framed glasses on. "So, you wanna come along?" asked Ehren.
"Do you really have to ask?" asked Amanda before she grabbed her purse, shoved some things into it and walked out after Ehren as they made their way to the TARDIS parked outside.
"At least it's not a balloon," said Ehren cheerfully, "That would have been an awful let down, don't you think? Though that guy as the Doctor would have been an awesome choice."
"I know, but the eleventh Doctor doesn't look too terrible," said Amanda as they walked into the TARDIS, "At least he doesn't look like Edward Cullen anymore. He just looks like a dork."
"Urkle, super nerdy, dork," supplied Ehren.
"Yeah, that too," said Amanda.
"With no eyebrows," said Ehren quickly.
"What are you talking about? No eyebrows? Who's got no eyebrows?" said the Doctor quickly.
"The eleventh Doctor, or your next regeneration," said Ehren. "They're planning on killing you off and bringing in a new guy as the Doctor and he looks very young and fresh and extremely nerdy."
"You shouldn't be telling me this!" said the Doctor.
"Best to know what you'll look like in the future," said Ehren quickly, "After all, it'd be an even bigger shock to know you look like a much younger, nerdier, too much tweed wearing white Urkle with no eyebrows if no one told you, yeah?"
"Am I really that bad looking? Maybe I could try to skip it," said the Doctor. "And I was getting so used to this face."
"So were everyone else," said Amanda.
Jack chuckled as he watched, thoroughly enjoying himself as he watched the Doctor and the girls talk. As they hurtled through the fourth wall and back toward home the Doctor noticed something odd on his read-out screen. "Another TARDIS?"
"Eh? What do you mean?" asked Jack as he hopped over and looked. "Another TARDIS?"
"That's what I said!" said the Doctor. "And not just that, there are other things out there! Look!"
"It's like an invasion almost. I'll get Gwen on the line and ask her what's happening," said Jack quickly, pulling out a modified cellphone and started dialing.
"Bumpy foreheaded kids with lightsabers," muttered the Doctor as he got a view of the layout on Earth.
"Two different shows, Doctor," said Ehren. "The bumpy foreheads are Klingons from Star Trek and the lightsabers belong to the Jedi which are from Star Wars."
"Gwen! Gwen! Stop shouting at me! I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry! I skipped off again because the Doctor showed up and it was a convenient way of getting me into this story without much interference. Yes, I'm coming back, I just need to ask you if you've had any odd readings from the Torchwood computer." Jack rubbed his temple and attempted to look as though he were not being yelled at, but then when was Jack ever no being yelled at for one reason or another?
Ehren and Amanda sniggered to each other as they watched Jack. He eyed them with a small smile before talking back into the receiver of his phone, suddenly looking very perplexed. "What do you mean the rift has been acting up? What sort of people coming through it?"
"Bumpy foreheaded kids with lightsabers that work!" said the Doctor.
"Mixing shows!" said Ehren and Amanda automatically.
"It doesn't matter! Have a look!" cried the Doctor and pointed to his screen. Sure enough there were a few young people about Ehren and Amanda's age wearing Klingon costumes and holding real, honest to God, lightsabers and laughing as they had mock battles and made things explode.
"Aw fuck, that can't be good," said Ehren.
"Nope," Amanda agreed.
Ehren and Amanda suddenly smirked to each other. The Doctor eyed them while Jack continued talking to Gwen on his phone. "Yes, Gwen, I know it's hard to do things while you're very pregnant. Isn't… isn't Rhys there to help you?" He looked just a little like he was failing to keep the lack of care toward Rhys being an unofficial part of the team since Torchwood 3 had blown up with Jack in it. "No, I don't have a problem with him being on the team at all. Whatever gave you that idea?"
Once more, the pair of writers smirked to each other and watched the Doctor and Jack with unbridled anticipation for what was going through their shared mind. The Doctor, for once, looked mildly frightened by the looks they shared and then frowned at them, complete with his usual frowny face. "No. Whatever you two are thinking is a 'no'."
"We weren't thinking anything," said Ehren.
"Not at all," said Amanda.
The Doctor hardly believed them, but didn't press the matter further as he looked to the screen again. "Oh, wonderful! Now there are some kids dressed in those silly uniforms and shooting lasers at each other! What is this?!"
"Phasers," said Ehren automatically. "Those are the—eh—old Star Trek uniforms. Seems someone let in several Sci-Fi conventions at once and then decided to give them real weapons to compliment the new chaos that's reigning over everything. Of course, that is just a guess. Could be the Master, but I doubt it. The Master isn't that capable."
"He's capable enough, I assure you," said the Doctor and tapped his console. The TARDIS jerked under their feet as they landed. "Well, we'll see if we can't sort this mess out. Jack, we're at your new Torchwood center!"
"Hey, Gwen, we're here. I'll be out in a second," said Jack, then he hung up.
Ehren and Amanda grinned identically and looked to each other as he walked out. "Thinking what I'm thinking, my friend of a friend-like friend of mine?" asked Ehren.
"Oh, I think I am," said Amanda, "Shall we go see the mess?"
"We shall!" said Ehren gleefully. They then skipped out together like children in a proverbial candy store while the Doctor jogged after them, shouting at them to wait for him.