THE GREEN EYED-MONSTER COMES OUT TO PLAY
A/N: This story features unprotected sex between two consenting adults. And, since this is fiction, they don't have to worry about STDs or birth control. Fiction is wonderful like that.
I also refer to injecting people with potassium chloride; in high concentrations, it'll stop your heart. It is intended for humor only—I'm not advocating killing people. Just so we're all clear on that.
A special thanks to my online wife, fellow Smut Slut/Dominatrix, and all around awesome gal, NaughtySparkle, for agreeing to be my Beta. And for making me laugh daily.
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just a perv who imagines her characters uncircumcised.
I've been a pediatric ICU nurse for five years. There's a hierarchy in our world, but it might surprise you how that all plays out at the end of the day. There are so many different kinds of docs that work out of the PICU: Specialists, who think they are god's gift to the world; Attendings, the group of docs who oversee the care of our patients; Fellows, who are docs that recently finished residency and decided to do another couple of years of training in ICU care; Residents, who have completed medical school, but are doing four week rotations through each pediatric unit; and medical students, who are essentially dog chow for the rest of the docs. They don't really count at all.
So you see, there is a natural order to things in the ICU, a pecking order, but the ones who sit at the top of the heap aren't the doctors; nope, it's the nurses. We're the schizz. We run the show. The charge nurse, more than anyone else on the unit, calls the shots. I'd be rich if I could collect a dime for every time a resident looked at me when I call them to the bedside and they say, "So, what should I do?" Like I said, I get paid shit compared to the doctors, but I basically tell them what to do.
Any good doc who's been around the block will tell their residents to listen to the ICU nurses. Not so much the general care nurses, but in the ICU, things run a bit differently. When the shit hits the fan, the nurses could totally run the codes. These docs know from experience that if you cross an ICU nurse, you do so at your own peril.
The hospital is a 24/7 organization. Most nurses work 12-hour shifts: Days, or nights. On days, you get the headache of all the doctors coming and going, getting your patient down to tests, procedures, or the OR, admissions, discharges, and transfers. On nights, you get fewer doctors, fewer nurses, a heavier workload. But, you also get the fun. We don't take ourselves quite so seriously. We swear so much, we could make sailors blush. Oh, and most importantly, we talk about sex. Pretty much constantly. It is wildly entertaining.
My two favorite colleagues at work are Alice Brandon and Jasper Whitlock. We started working together around the same time. We work the same weekend, which means every third week, we're together 12 hours on, 12 hours off, Friday-Saturday-Sunday. In the PICU, we have three different weekend "clusters." One weekend is known as the "Eating Weekend," because they trade recipes back and forth, they always bring a huge potluck spread every Saturday night, and they are all at least 40 years old. The other weekend is known as the "Mean Girls Weekend," because most of them were Mean Girls in high school, and they're still Mean Girls now; Jessica and Lauren are the stars of that show. You have to be invited to join their weekend, even if you are scheduled in their cluster. It is painful if you are an outsider on that weekend, let's just leave it at that. And then there's my weekend, which is known as the "Fun Weekend." In our opinion, screw bringing in a potluck—we go out for Bloody Marys after our shift. The Applebees across the street from the hospital serves alcoholic drinks at 8:00 AM, just in time for shift change. We work hard and play hard. You might wonder how the weekends came up with their specific names—Alice, Jasper, and I created them. That's the beauty of nicknames!
While many of the PICU nurses don't even waste their breath on the residents, Ali, Jasper and I see things differently. We're young enough that we remember what it's like to be a student, or the new kid on the block—you totally have to earn your stripes to earn respect in the ICU. But we like to give the residents a break. I always introduce myself to the new residents, I always call them "Dr." when other professionals or parents are present, and generally treat them with respect unless they show me they aren't worthy of that. Alice and Jasper are of the same mindset.
The three of us are roomies, and have been for over three years. Alice and Jasper have been going out since about 15 minutes after they both started working in the ICU. You would think that living together and working together would be a relationship killer, but speaking from personal experience, it isn't for these two. They go at it like two 17 year olds. I'm fine with it as long as they keep their door shut while I'm home. I don't want to watch that shit, after all.
At work, it's not like any of our horny perviness is put to rest. You know those laws out there, the ones about sexual harassment? Let's just say if anyone heard the stuff that goes down between the nurses, we'd all be fired. Trufax. One example of this is the blue scrubs that all the residents, and many of the docs, wear. It's pretty obvious who goes commando under scrubs, and who doesn't. And that can be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending upon who is going commando. The short, fat, 60 year old cardio-thoracic surgeon? I really didn't want to know he goes commando, but he kinda advertises it, if you know what I mean. The gay resident who is tall, lean, and lovely? Yeah, beautiful package, but it's like looking at a beautiful model—I'm never gonna be able to do anything with that. But every now and then, someone luscious enters the grid, and all bets are off. The special someone to whom I am referring would be none other than our newest Fellow, Dr. Edward Cullen. And thanks be to baby jesus, Edward Cullen goes commando.
Edward Cullen is the son of the hospital's Chief Medical Officer, Carlisle Cullen. Carlisle Cullen has been a panty creamer since his own days as a resident, from what I understand. The man is beautiful and brilliant, and one of the nicest gentlemen you will ever meet. He is one of the few administrators who still keep up his skills as a physician, so he understands the problems inherent within the system. Carlisle's only child is Edward, who appears to be an elegant mix of both his father and his mother. I've been seeing him around since he was a med student, then as a resident, and now as a Fellow. Naturally, his medical skills are top notch, and he's never used his father's name to get ahead—he always proved his merit on his own. In fact, he probably even stepped up his game a bit, just to make sure there were never any questions of nepotism.
Alice, Jasper, and I have had our standard week off from work, and we're starting our weekend rotation. It's the beginning of July, and the start of a new school year in the medical school. That means fresh meat, or residents who have never rotated through the PICU before. We get four residents for four weeks; two of them have rotated through the PICU previously, two have not. In July, they tend to be really conservative and scared, so we nurses have to shepherd them through the process with a little more care. Added to the mix this July, however, is a new Fellow, one Edward Cullen. His main job is to watch over the residents on nights and weekends, the least desirable shifts to be scheduled for the Attending physicians. Edward just signed on to be the low rung on the totem pole for the next two years. Clearly, he is a glutton for punishment.
Since I'm one of the more senior nurses scheduled tonight, my responsibility is to take care of a patient who is being airlifted from rural Washington and transferred to our unit. We have no Attending physician on call tonight, so Dr. Cullen, Dr. Edward Cullen, will be responsible for the admit. We aren't exactly sure what the child's status will be when they arrive. Knowing time is of the essence, and that the patient will be arriving any minute, I quickly make my way to the crash room and prepare the monitors and bed for the arrival. As is expected, Dr. Cullen and the resident arrive in the room to wait for the patient.
As we wait, we make small talk. Although I know Dr. Cullen from his time as a med student and resident, I assume he doesn't remember me. Honestly, they churn through so many departments in so many hospitals, how would he ever remember me? So I take a moment to introduce myself to him and the resident, and give them the lowdown of the report I've received on the patient thus far from the transferring hospital.
"So, we have a 4 day old male who was brought into the ER today for supraventricular tachycardia. Vitals have been all over the board, but en route heart rate has been in the 280-300 range. O2 sats have been 90% or greater, and systolic pressures have been in the 50s-60s. Pt is intermittently tachypneic, breathing 30s-70s. He is afebrile, there is no known family history of heart disease, and no other symptoms present."
Dr. Cullen asks the first round of questions. "Have they given any meds or pressors in the ER? What do we have for access?"
"No pressors given, they got an intraosseous line in the left tibia, no other meds. The patient had an emesis x1 and has ingested no food since approximately 1400."
Dr. Cullen reviews his plan of attack for when the child arrives, including the possible need to start CPR and intubation. He asks me to get a crash cart ready to go, and to draw up emergency medications, like epinephrine and adenosine. I like to run a very orderly ship; Alice and Jasper always tease me about how anally retentive I am, but that's the only way to be a good ICU nurse—you gotta pay attention to the details.
When the patient arrives, we find out that his heart conked out en route; his heart was beating so quickly for so long, it just couldn't keep up any more and stopped. There is an EMT on the stretcher doing chest compressions, and another EMT bagging to get air into the patient's lungs. There are instantly about 10 people in the room in order to resuscitate the patient. Dr. Cullen takes over doing chest compressions, and I take over bagging the patient until our respiratory therapist arrives. I hand over the O2 to them, and then start pushing IV drugs to resuscitate the heart: Epinephrine, Calcium Chloride, Sodium Bicarbonate. Dr Cullen wants to stop and assess our ability to restart the patient's heart, so he asks that all movement be stopped momentarily. The child has a pulse and a cardiac rhythm, so we stop compressions and monitor him closely. Dr. Cullen goes out into the hall to speak with the family, and we settle into the routine ICU care that we give to patients who have recently been resuscitated.
Dr. Cullen returns to the room once everything dies down and talks to me about how the patient is doing.
"You did a really great job in leading the team during that code, Isabella."
I can tell I'm blushing, because my face is instantly hot. "I told you before, you should call me Bella. That's what I prefer. At least you didn't call me Nurse Swan. I might have hurled if you did that."
He laughs and it sounds like liquid velvet. "Ok, Bella, then don't Dr. Cullen me, simply call me Edward. Fair enough? That won't make you blush more, will it?"
Oh that little fucker! I decide to ignore the blush comment."Fair enough. Actually, I was really impressed with how you handled that situation, since it is your first night on as a Fellow, and the resident's first night as well. That could have been really bad, but you handled it like you've been doing it for years."
"I have been doing it for years, Bella. I completed residency, after all."
"I know, but most of our Fellows have less confidence and poise at the beginning. You just surprised me, that's all."
"I hope it was a pleasant surprise."
"Well sure, I like knowing that we have competent docs around who aren't full of themselves. Thank god you aren't a neurosurgeon. They're the worst."
"I've learned that Pediatric docs are probably the most humble of all the specialties. We certainly make the least amount of money when we go out to practice."
"I know. I guess it surprises me a little that you are interested in Peds. You could have gone for anything. Why Peds?"
"Because I love kids. I love to save kids. There is really nothing more satisfying in the world than saving the life of a child."
"Well, that's exactly why I do Peds nursing. I feel a real sense of accomplishment every time I finish a shift."
"I always remember you as being one of the kindest nurses on this unit, but definitely one of the most skilled and professional, too. Even when I was a first year resident, you treated me like I was someone. I never forgot that."
"Really? I guess I feel it is important to be respectful of everyone, because we were all students and noobs once upon a time. Why be mean when you can establish a good working relationship with someone?"
"That's a very wise philosophy, Ms. Swan."
"It's Bella. Call me Ms. Swan one more time and I'll sneak in the resident's room and inject you with potassium chloride while you sleep."
Edward looks at me as though I may have been serious, and then I can't help it; I crack up. I got him, and he gives me this delicious sideways grin. Fuck, he was beautiful as a resident, but he's even hotter now, if that is even possible.
Ever since that night when we worked in tandem to resuscitate the small patient, I love it when Edward is our Fellow for the evening. He's funnier than hell, clinically precise, and extremely intelligent. We end up working side by side frequently, a fact that isn't lost on Alice and Jasper. They are both convinced I have the hots for Cullen; I just like working with him. Of course he's the most beautiful doctor in the hospital, and of course all the nurses are in love with him. But aside from that, he's just a really good guy. That's what I appreciate most about him.
One of the things I always do before the start of my shift is make a Starbucks run. Venti Americano with an extra shot (a total of five). Yes, I fully admit to being a caffeine-aholic, but I know what I need in order to stay alert for 12 hours overnight, for three nights in a row. Dr. Cullen stops me in the hall to comment on my large cup of coffee.
"Swan, what is your poison of choice?" he says, nodding towards my cup.
"Five shot venti Americano. You?"
"Wow, that's a serious addiction!"
"Oh, come on! Like you don't have a caffeine addiction worse than mine! I just happen to know exactly what it takes for me to be alert and oriented times three, with equal and reactive pupils, for 12 hours straight. And I happen to know for a fact that sometimes you are up for 24 hours straight, so no lectures from the peanut gallery, please!"
He laughs at me. "Okay, you caught me red-handed. Mine usually has six shots. And I get several throughout the day. Thank god there is a Starbucks kitty corner from the hospital."
"They know me by name, always have mine ready, with 'BELLA' written in plain black ink. Shit, they even know my schedule and when to expect me. I love it."
Knowing that Edward is as much a caffeine fiend as I am, I start a habit of bringing his coffee to him whenever I'm working. That might sound like brown nosing, but it is very self-serving; an alert fellow is a good fellow. I like my fellows alert.
My patient this particular shift is a little guy who has hypospadia, which is birth defect where the urethra doesn't end at the tip of the penis, it is on the underside of the penis instead. His hypospadia was repaired, he was circumcised, and he had a double hernia repair as well. His junk is the equivalent of a 10-car pile up. He's here overnight for observation and is sedated so he doesn't rip out any of his stitches.
As I'm working on my little patient, I talk to him; it is a habit of mine. I don't really pay attention to what I say, it's more just a technique to soothe them and make them understand, on some level, that they are loved and being cared for.
"Hey little guy, it looks like I need to change your dressings, so you'll have to excuse me for rifling around with your junk," I explain to him. So what if he's only 3 weeks old? Every guy deserves an explanation before you take on anything south of the border, no matter how old they are.
"Who the hell are you talking to, Swan?" I hear a voice break through my thoughts.
I jump three feet in the air and scream, startling my patient. I know exactly to whom that voice belongs.
"Jesus, Cullen, you gotta warn me ahead of time if you're going to sneak up on me! You're as bad as a stealth bomber!"
"But if I warned you ahead of time, I'd miss your startle reflex and your blush. That is simply unacceptable," he chuckles.
"Whatever. For your information, I was simply having a little conversation with my patient. I felt compelled to apologize for our rearranging his junk."
That makes Edward crack up, and his green eyes sparkle. "But he had hypospadia—it had to be rearranged!"
"Oh, I know that, but it looks like hamburger down there. "
"You certainly seem to know a great deal about the subject."
"Edward, we've established that I'm a nurse, right? You already know I'm all about details. It's kind of my job to know that stuff."
Edward gives me a kind of dazed look, and I'm not sure what that is all about. If we're both in the medical profession, it would be rather silly of us not to be able to talk about male and female genitalia nonchalantly. I have to admit that his reaction has me confused.
"Edward? Did I say something wrong?"
"What? Umm, no…no, you didn't say anything wrong. I must just be a little tired."
"How is that possible? I just brought you a six shot Americano about an hour ago."
Edward's pager beeps at that moment, he quickly glances at it, and walks away.
Later on that evening, at about 4:00 AM, we're so tired that we're getting punch drunk. All our assessments are done, and we're officially in silly mode. That's always bad news, because that's when the pervs appear. Namely, Alice and Jasper.
I'm sitting at my workstation completing my charting, when I look up to see Alice and Jasper standing in front of me. We're in one of the three-bed patient suites, so we're all working in the same room. Alice looks me straight in the eye.
"Bella, it's time for KFM."
KFM stands for Kill, Fuck, or Marry. Calling it KFM allows us to play the game a little more discretely, because no one knows what the hell we're talking about. It happens to be Alice's favorite game. The premise is that Alice comes up with three medical professionals, and I have to determine which of the three I would kill, which I would fuck, and which I would marry. It's always Alice who comes up with the choices, because I get too squicked out to even consider a trio of doctors with whom I would mess around. It just always seems a bit incestuous, and I just can't go there with a coworker. Somehow, though, Alice always dupes me into playing.
"Aw, no, not tonight. You're just gonna stick me with choices that will result in my needing to bleach my brain afterwards."
"I never give you completely bad choices! There's usually at least one passable choice in any trio I give you."
"Yeah, dry that one out you can fertilize the lawn, Alice."
"OK, OK, I have a great one. Dr. Mooseknuckle, Dr. Hunchback, or Dr. Napoleon."
Alice always nicknames the doctors, so they don't know whom we're really talking about. Dr. Mooseknuckle is doing a fellowship in cardiology and tends to wear his scrubs on the tight side. To say we know what side he dresses on is not due to our imagination; he definitely advertises the merchandise. Which would be totally awesome if he was hot, but he's hideous. He just has huge junk. Dr. Hunchback has been a surgeon for 45 years. He has worked over the operating table for so long, he actually has a hunchback. Dr. Napoleon is the short, fat, cardio-thoracic surgeon who has—go figure—a Napoleon complex. And who goes commando. I need brain bleach after even thinking about these three.
"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I couldn't fuck or marry any of them."
"Oh, come on! I'm really disappointed in you. You wouldn't have to marry Mooseknuckle, just fuck his fine junk. And Hunchback might be a nice guy to marry. He certainly wouldn't be around much longer, so you could be a trophy wife and live a life of luxury. Personally, Napoleon would be the first one I'd kill."
"Alice, I hate this game and I want to finish my charting."
"You have HOURS left to finish your charting. You are way too anal about it. Come on, quit being a stick in the mud! Okay, I'm going to give you really good choices so you can't complain. How about Dr. Green-Eyed Monster, Dr. Delicious, and Jasper."
"NO! Those are totally unfair!"
"Why? They're all hot, Bella!"
"Because Dr. Delicious is old enough to be my father, Dr. Green-Eyed Monster works with us, and Jasper is like thinking about fucking my brother. If I had a brother. Gross. I can't possibly choose amongst them."
"Just make the choice like you would if you walked up to them on the street."
"I know them, Alice. I can't pretend that I don't."
"You always take things so literally. We're just trying to have fun, here."
"Okay. Kill Jasper, Fuck Dr. Green-Eyed Monster, and Marry Dr. Delicious."
"What the hell, Bella? Why would you choose that way?"
"I played the game, I don't expect to have to defend my choices."
"Oh no, honey, you know that isn't part of the process. You have to explain your logic."
"Fuck, all right. Kill Jasper because you love him and made me play the game, so it is purely a revenge killing. Fuck Green-Eyed Monster, because you just know he'd be hot as hell in bed. Plus, it would only be once, so it's not like I would never get to fuck someone with a hoodie again. And Marry Delicious, because he's hot, he's way older, and I would be a trophy wife. He wouldn't be around that much longer, anyway."
"Who the hell is Green-Eyed Monster? And why would you want to fuck someone wearing a hoodie?"
I turn around and see Edward Cullen leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Alice and Jasper are laughing so hard they are crying. I'm certain that I'm blushing the deepest shade of red ever recorded.
"Umm, nothing, Edward. We're just goofing off."
"Oh, this is definitely anything besides nothing. Come on, Swan, spill the beans."
I cannot possibly spill the beans, because I just admitted that, in the particular scenario Alice gave me, I would kill my colleague, fuck Edward, that I'm obsessed with fucking a guy who is uncut, and would marry his father, who is literally old enough to be my father. There's just no part of that equation to which I can admit.
"Nope. Not happening. Ever." Alice is crying and complaining she wet herself laughing.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me. You know how persistent I can be."
"I'm pretty sure there's gonna be someone who needs your attention sooner or later. I'm not telling." I poke my pointer finger into his chest with each syllable to emphasize my point.
The smug bastard just smirks at me. "I bet Alice and Jasper would be more than happy to tell me."
I shoot them the biggest stink eye look in the world, so they get the hint. Alice is still laughing too hard to answer anyhow.
"I tell you what. When you finish rounds this morning, come out drinking with us. If you do shots and get me drunk enough, I will tell you. Deal?"
"Absolutely. Deal. This is gonna be good."
Alice looks at me, scandalized. "You did not just admit you're going to tell him about KFM?"
"Oh yes, my dear, I did. Now you won't want to play it with me anymore, and I can put the stupid fucking game to rest. Plus, I'm hoping he'll get drunk enough that he won't remember the original purpose of going out to drink."
"I really didn't think you had it in you, Bella. Wow."
"And you two are both going, because you set me up for all of this!"
"Like you need to twist our arm to go out drinking! After this weekend, I need it. Especially after you killed me off, Swan. That really hurts, you know," Jasper pretends to cry.
"Okay, Cullen, here's how we roll. We're ICU nurses, and we're hardcore. We don't do namby-pamby bullshit shots. Nothing colored cotton candy pink or aqua blue. No body shots. It is Patron all the way, baby."
"At least you drink the good stuff."
"Hell yes! And if you dare taint it with salt and a lime, I will personally castrate you with my teeth."
"So how do you really feel about it, Bella?" Edward laughs. "I'm not so excited to have teeth anywhere near my balls, thank you very much, even if they happen to be yours."
"Well, then you'll be smart and avoid the salt and lime. Just sayin'."
"Point taken. So, Patron straight up, no salt or lime, no namby-pamby. Anything else I should know?"
"Just get your drink on, Edward. You need to catch up."
"You know I can drink you under the table, right?"
"No way. I'm a fucking ICU nurse! Did I fail to mention that to you when we met?" I say as I slam a shot. For emphasis, I turn the shot glass upside down and smack it on the table, channeling Marion from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Edward follows suit.
Pretty soon, there are a dozen or so upside down shot glasses in front of Edward and me. Alice and Jasper are off in their own little world across the table from us, so it is essentially just the two of us conversing at this point.
"So, when are you going to tell me about the Green-Eyed Monster and hoodies."
"Um, never. Unless you get yourself so drunk that you won't remember my telling you."
"No, sorry, that doesn't work. The original stipulation was that I had to go out drinking with you. As you can see, the evidence of my drinking with you is right in front of your face."
"It's just really embarrassing and inappropriate. I don't want you to think I'm completely unprofessional."
"Why would I think that about you? You happen to be one of the most professional, personable nurses in the PICU."
"Well, thank you for that. It's good to know. But what I'm about to tell you is very, very bad. And pervy."
"Can't be anything worse than what the docs talk about. When the nurses aren't listening, anyway," he tells me with a grin.
"Okay, you've been warned. Alice likes to play a game called KFM. It stands for Kill, Fuck, or Marry."
"You haven't lost me yet, keep going…"
"She comes up with three guys, and I'm supposed to say which one I would kill, which I would fuck, and which I would marry."
"So what the hell does a green-eyed monster and hoodie have to do with KFM?"
"I'm getting there, mister, just hang on! So, Alice made me choose from Jasper, Dr. Green-Eyed Monster, and Dr. Delicious. I chose to KFM, in that order."
"Wait a minute…you don't get off that easily, Swan! I need to know who the other two players are."
"Jasper and Alice."
"Shut up, smartass. I mean the KFM players!"
"Oh, I didn't tell you I would divulge their identities!"
Edward leans into me, his green eyes boring a hole straight through me that I feel all the way to my nether regions. Fuck, how can he make me spring a leak by simply staring at me? I feel my resolve melt away with that stare.
"Nurse Swan, I'm afraid I need you to tell me who those doctors are. I wouldn't want to slip and accidentally inject you with potassium chloride, after all…"
"Hey, you stole that from me!"
"Whatever works, Swan."
"Okay, Dr. Delicious happens to be the nickname for your father. And you are the Green-Eyed Monster."
"I'm not the jealous type, and I have no one to be jealous of. Why would I be the Green-Eyed Monster?"
"Thank you for just skimming over the fact that your father was part of that equation—I don't even want to go there. And dude, seriously? What color are your eyes?"
"Oh, well, yeah, they are green. Why am I a monster?"
"You are not going to make me explain that, are you?"
"Do I seem like that bad a guy? I always try to be pretty nice to the nurses and residents."
Fuck—Patron is worse than truth serum. "Ah, monster doesn't refer to your temperament. It refers to a certain part of your anatomy."
Edward looks shocked and proud simultaneously. "But no one has seen me, I'm always in scrubs or dress pants."
"Believe me, it's obvious that you're commando in your scrubs, and let's just say your dress pants are very nicely tailored."
"What the hell does that…oh."
"You guys seriously notice that kind of stuff?"
"Edward, it's a little hard not to, in case you haven't noticed all the attention you get from Jessica and Lauren and their counterparts?"
"Well, I guess it's good to be known for something positive. If my nickname was the Green-Eyed Pea, that might be a little embarrassing."
"You are in no danger of being a Pea, unless you decide to alter your anatomy."
Edward suddenly covers his junk, forcing me to laugh out loud. "But what does my wearing a hoodie have to do with anything? Do you have some sweatshirt fetish that I don't know about?"
I blush furiously. "The hoodie I was referring to do has nothing to do with clothing."
"Then I don't get it."
"No, I'm not telling you this. You already got the rest of the story out of me. This one stays private."
"You know all I have to do is look you in the eyes and you'll tell me. I have your weaknesses figured out, Swan. That's why I'm such a good doctor."
"Okay, fine. You're really starting to piss me off here. Wait, no, I think we need another shot before I can divulge this. You need two."
"If the price of learning about your hoodie fetish is two shots of Patron, I can do that."
We slug our shots, and I prepare to tell Dr. Edward Cullen my deepest, darkest secret: I have an obsession with uncut cocks. I draw a deep breath. "Hoodie stands for foreskin. I happen to have a thing for uncut cocks." I know I'm blushing now, I don't even need to ask.
"You're shitting me."
"I am most definitely not shitting you. I wouldn't kid about something like that. I take my dick very seriously."
"So, you chose me to fuck instead of marry because you'd want to be able to marry someone who's uncut?"
"Yeah, you figured it out, Einstein! If I had to, I could fuck you once. But if I'm gonna get married, I'm sorry, the guy has to have a hoodie. I'm just sayin'." My humiliation is now complete. Motherfucking Patron Truth Serum.
"Bella, you are aware that my father is British, right?"
"Umm, well, my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to look like my dad, avoiding any anatomical questions."
"Edward, what the fuck are you trying to tell me?"
"British guys, in general, are uncut."
"Oh… so, you're…OHHHH!" Fuck me. I blush.
"Edward, I don't think you should have told me that."
"Because now I really, really want to fuck you."
"Well, that's perfect, because I really, really want to fuck you."
"Can you do that?"
"I'm fairly certain the plumbing is all intact, yes."
"No, I don't mean can you fuck me, I mean should you fuck me."
"Well, it's something I've dreamed about since I was in medical school, so I think it is about time that I did something about it."
"What? You wanted to fuck me when you were in medical school? I didn't even know you then. At least not formally."
"You didn't know who I was, but I knew who you were. Why do you think I was so interested in being a PICU Fellow?"
"Oh, I knew who you were all right. You can't seriously say you're here because of me."
"I can say that, and I will say that. You were at least 50% of my decision."
"Really? I didn't even think you remembered who I was."
"Bella Swan, you are the personification of every man's greatest wet dream. Of course I remembered you. And now that I've learned about your hoodie fetish, I think we need to do something about changing your status from wet dream to hook up."
"Oh come on, I am not just some hook up skank! Seriously!"
"I didn't mean it that way, I meant let's hook up now, and later, and again after that…"
"That sounds more promising. In fact, let's get this show on the road, because you have me hotter than a cat on a hot tin roof."
"Fuck, you are such a sexy minx Bella. You know my condo is within walking distance from here, right?"
"Why how convenient, Dr. Cullen. Where you lead, I will follow."
Edward settles our tab and grabs my hand. We practically run to his condo. When we get into the elevator I grab the v-neck of his scrub top and pull him to my mouth. Our kiss is fevered and hungry, and I can't get enough of him. This is the fucking sexiest man on the planet, and I simply want to devour him. In my mind, I'm imagining what his cock will look like, and I can't wait to see it. I remove one of my hands from his shirt and skim it down his chest until I'm rubbing over his cock. He is totes going commando, and his gorgeous cock is huge, rock hard, and already has precum at the tip. I'm fairly certain I'm not going to make it to the confines of his condo, I simply want to fuck him right here and now. As I squeeze his rod through his scrubs, he lets out the most delicious, gutteral moan I've ever heard.
He releases my mouth and murmurs in my ear, "I can't wait to fuck you, Bella Swan."
I whisper back in his ear, "I can't wait to fuck you, Dr. Green-Eyed Monster."
The elevator door opens, and Edward pulls me out as if we are escaping from a fire. We sprint down the hall to his door, and he's fumbling with the keys. I would help him, but I'm far too buzzed to be of any use. It probably isn't helping matters that I am goosing his ass while he's trying to concentrate on opening the door.
"Not helping, Bella. If you want the hoodie to come out to play, I need to be able to open up the door."
Oh. Right. He does have a point. I drop my hands and try to focus for 15 seconds. It isn't easy, because his hot ass is staring me right in the face. I hear the door click open. Thank you, baby jeebus.
"And now, Nurse Swan, let's get this show on the road."
I already have the tie for his scrub pants nearly undone before he finishes his sentence. As much as I would love to dwell on this chest, or abs, I must get my hands on his glorious, hooded, uncut, beautiful, monsteriffic cock. I simply cannot wait to see it another moment longer. And fuck me, he is stiff as a board. Perfect.
My hands hover in front of his cock like it is holds the secret to the universe. You know when Indiana Jones is wiggling his fingers before he swaps the amulet with his bag of sand? That's what I'm doing to Edward's cock. It is, by far, the most beautiful penis I've ever laid my eyes upon. He's long and thick, and since he is completely erect, the purple head of his rod has come out from the hood to say hello. I can't keep my hands off of it. It's like the fucking Holy Grail. I need to touch it. I need to suck it. And most of all, I really need to be fucked by it, hard and repeatedly. I'm considering striking up a relationship with it. Screw Cullen, all I truly need is his amazing cock. To screw me.
I grab the base of his cock and pop the head into my mouth. It is hot and smooth, and I get a taste of his precum—it is salty sweet and perfect. I focus my mouth on the upper portion of his rod, while my hand strokes up and down his length. One of the most incredible things about men with parkas is that you don't need any additional lubrication—it's all right there, just what you need. Edward appears to be totally on board with my cock worship, because his hands are wound into my hair and his rod is thrusting in and out of my mouth. I've never experienced a more profoundly sexual moment. Edward's parka is at the center of my world, and I just signed on to worship it until the end of my days. It is absolutely that strikingly amazing.
"Edward, your cock is the hottest thing I've ever seen. I think I just want to sit and worship it for a minute."
"While I'm all for cock worship, you don't necessarily have to pause what you're doing. I'm sure you can worship it up close, too."
"You might get tired of me sucking you off 24 hours a day. I'm just saying…"
"Swan, one thing I could never get enough of is your full pink lips wrapped around my cock as it slides in and out of your hot little mouth. Unless I'm watching my cock thrust in and out of your sweet pussy. Speaking of which…"
"You have no idea what my pussy looks like. Would you care for an introduction?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
With that, Edward takes his turn untying my scrubs, which immediately fall to the floor. I happen to be wearing a thong, and I see his eyes go kind of crazy as he looks down at me.
"Holy fuck, you wear a whale tail, and I didn't even know? Do you have any idea how fucking hot that is? You realize I'm never going to be able to look at you at work again and not imagine you standing in front of me wearing nothing but your thong?"
"Yeah? You're one to talk. All I'm ever going to see when I look at you is your sculpted-by-the-gods uncut cock. And you're going to tease me constantly by going commando. I don't know if I can handle it."
"I have no problem trying to find out what you can handle. Are you ready to fuck me yet?"
"NO? What the fuck?"
"There's something I wanted to try, first."
"Like an experiment?"
"Well, yeah, it's something I read about when I was doing research."
"You were doing research on uncircumcised penises?"
"What? I just like to be prepared, you know? Do you not know me well enough by now to know that I always do my research?" I smile.
He looks at me intensely with hooded lids. "You are going to be the death of me, Bella Swan. So, what did your research tell you?"
"It involves an oral syringe and water. Oh, and your sculpted-by-the-gods, uncut cock."
"Do you trust me?"
"Absolutely. Unless you come at me with a syringe of potassium chloride."
"Nope, I just need a regular old oral syringe."
"What, do you come prepared in case you meet an uncut guy walking down the street?"
"No, I just happen to have a spare in my pocket from my shift. I also have three alcohol wipes and a gauze square, but those won't be needed for this experiment."
"Okay, so why don't we move this into the bedroom."
"Sounds perfect. But I need a glass of water, and a towel."
"Bedroom is here. I'll be back with the water and towel. And you better be completely naked."
Edward returns with the needed items, and I lay down the towel on the bed, and have him sitting on top of it, with his legs spread apart. Before I start my experiment, I lean over and kiss him, because I remember how heavenly his kiss in the elevator was, and I just want to taste him again. I moan loudly into his mouth, and he squeezes my ass.
"You better get your experiment underway, or I will be compelled to fuck you in a minute."
I take the oral syringe, which is essentially a plastic casing and no needle. I suck up 10cc of water into the syringe. I mirror Edward's position, so we are facing each other. Because his lovely cock is standing at attention in front of me, I wrap my fist around it and give him several pumps; I can't help myself. It truly has me enslaved. Edward thrusts into my hand as I work his rod.
"Okay, so here's what I'm going to try. I'm going to take this syringe, slide it under your foreskin, pulling the skin up over the head of your cock. Then I'm going to squirt the water out of the syringe, and suck it back in, over and over until you cum. Sound like a plan?"
Edward looks at me with 100% lust written all over his face. He doesn't answer me, but he doesn't need to. He is clearly on board with my proposal.
I take my first squirt. Being practiced with using syringes, I do it with a lot of force. I am unprepared for his reaction. He dramatically thrusts his hips forward, groaning and screaming "FUCK!" all at once. I stop what I'm doing immediately.
"Oh my god, Edward, did I hurt you? Maybe I should have started more slowly?"
I hear a noise that can best be described as a growl erupts out of his throat. "You fucking get back to what you were doing, because that is the most intense, amazing feeling I've ever had in my life."
I beam a very self-satisfied grin. How cool is that? To one-up the doctor? I get right back to work.
I decide to add dirty talk to the process, just to keep things extra spicy. I start squirting into his foreskin again, pumping the lever of the syringe up and down, forcing the pressure of water into and out of his hoodie, over and over.
"Fuck, Edward, your cock is beautiful. It is so hard, and so ready to fuck me. But I need to see you come for me, first. I want to see what I do to you. I want to watch you unravel in front of me."
"Fuck, Bella, feels so good. Want…to…cum…"
"Don't worry, I'm not stopping until you cum for me. I want to see your face when you cum."
"Jesus fucking Christ, need to cum now…don't stop, please…"
I take a truly evil turn and lean over to whisper in his ear, "Oh, I'm not stopping until you jizz everywhere. Your hard cock is making me so wet, I can't wait until I get to feel you inside of me."
I feel him thrust into my hand as he cums, and I continue pumping the water into and out of his parka. He screams out my name in complete ecstasy, and I watch the intensity of his orgasm unfold on his beautiful face. I don't think I've ever seen anything more satisfying in my life.
The coolest part of this technique is that I can suck up the cum into the syringe, and there's no mess to clean up. It is a sad fact of life that I'm excited about the lack of mess, but I am an ICU nurse. It's in my blood.
I set my syringe aside and snuggle into his side as he comes down from his high. He sighs deeply, kisses my forehead, and finally speaks.
"Bella Swan, you just gave me the most amazing orgasm I've ever had in my life. Do you have any idea how extraordinary you are?"
I can't help but break into a wide grin. I fucking tamed the Green-Eyed Monster, single-handedly. If that isn't cause for celebration, I don't know what is.
"I've never been called extraordinary before, but it proves my point that research is definitely a good thing."
My hand is resting on his abdomen, right below his softened cock. As Edward absentmindedly runs his fingers over my drenched pussy, I'm rubbing my fingers back and forth over his happy trail, when Mr. Happy decides he's ready to rock out with his cock out again.
Edward looks me in the eye. "Are you ready to have your beautiful pussy fucked within an inch of your life, Bella?"
"That better be a promise, because I'm dripping wet and nothing but balls deep is good enough for me right now."
His face goes all crazy, and I'm pretty sure I just uttered the magic word. He flips me onto my stomach and rubs his length up and down my ass; his cock is slick from his own moisture, and it literally glides over my ass. I instinctively arch my back into him and moan. At that moment, he grabs my hips with both hands and thrusts his cock into me, hard. I cry out, not in pain, but in sheer bliss. I don't think I've ever experienced anything even remotely this wickedly good.
Edward's thrusts start out slow and deliberate, and all I can think to myself is faster, Edward. Harder.
"All in due time, baby."
"Did I say that out loud?"
"You certainly did. I'm just getting started here."
Oh hell, I'm going to self-destruct before he finishes, if this is the beginning!
I'm convinced that my obituary in tomorrow's paper will read, "Bella Swan, Happily Fucked to Death." And really, that's kind of an ideal way to go. I decide I'm certainly not going to complain about it.
I start thrusting my hips back into him as he thrusts to meet me, so we're slamming together and maximizing the depth of his penetrations. I've never had a partner with such a huge cock, and it's positively incredible. He moves his right hand to my swollen clit, and starts to pinch it in time with his thrusts. I'm two seconds away from singing with a choir of angels in heaven; I've never had an out of body experience before, but I'm convinced that I'm floating around somewhere up in the ceiling of Edward's condo. I feel my abdomen coiling tighter and tighter, and I keep waiting for the release to happen, because the tension is as tight as it can get. And still, it keeps on building. Off in the distance, I hear someone screaming Edward's name, and these noises that sound like the possessed refrigerator in Ghostbusters, and realize after a few moments that I'm the one making those noises. Before I can think another thought, it's as though my coochie has become Kilauea's sister volcano. My orgasm bursts forth like it's going to cause my body to split in half. I can feel the ripple effects all the way to my toes. My body is actually jerking as if I'm having a seizure, my release is that strong. Throughout it all, Edward keeps pumping away as if his life depends upon it, and his release follows my last few jerks. He holds my hips tightly and I feel his cock pulsing deep within me. I want to stay right in this position, with both of us pulsing into each other, forever. Screw meditation. I found a brand new way to reach nirvana, and it's called Dr. Edward Cullen.
We collapse onto the bed, exhausted. I'm half way on my stomach, and Edward is half on top of me. We lay there for a few moments, simply recuperating from the experience and enjoying the warmth of our bodies comingling.
"Edward Cullen, I have to be frank with you—your hoodie has probably ruined me for life. I don't think I could look at another penis as long as I live, because yours is absolute perfection."
"Well, that's only fair, because my hoodie just told me that it wants to take up permanent residence shared between your mouth and your pussy. Apparently, our genitals have made the tough decisions for us."
"Well then, I think we'll just have to listen to them," I say, turning to give him soft and gentle kiss on the lips.
"Okay. My first order of business, then, is to make sure we stay in this bed all day. I may end up needing confirmation that parkas are truly your favorite," he whispers into my ear, then nibbles it as I drift off to sleep.
END NOTE: If you love Dr. GEM, his story has been lengthened (twss) into a multi-chapter fic, "The Nightingale Journals." The story is listed on my FFn profile.