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The link to the blog is listed on my profile. It includes a playlist and will have teasers ect, as will twitter. There is one very important song missing from the playlist because they didn't have it *rage* and it's what this story is named for. It's Secret Life by Thriving Ivory so make sure to check it out.

I have a wonderful beta kdillin, you are amazing. Thank you!

Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer but these versions of Edward Bella and the rest of the gang are mine as well as the plot. Please don't steal it. I think plagarizers are the lowest of the low and it's not flattering so don't do it. I'm also not interested in having the story translated at this time. Thanks for the interest! : )

Disclaimer: This story will eventually include subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers (No rape, cutting, or suicide). If you're overly concerned about it, I would suggest you not read. I love people to read my stories, but I don't want to totally blindside you with something, that's not fair and it's not why I included it in my story. I have very personal connections to elements in this story, which I'll be happy to share at the appropriate time.


"Mocha latte," I said to the cashier, handing her my money. I stepped quickly to the side while I waited for my order and started playing with the ends of my long chocolate colored hair. My fellow customers were mostly typical New Yorkers, tapping their feet impatiently or chattering rapidly on their cell phones to Wall Street. The woman standing across from me was gnawing nervously on her nails, which told me that she had no business buying any caffeine. A man dressed in a business like suit argued quietly on his cell phone, while punching feverously at his PDA, which seemed to be malfunctioning. I laughed quietly at his mounting frustration when he began to pound the pen so hard to the screen that it snapped in half.

My order came up and I pushed my way through the large group of people who had assembled waiting for their morning pick me up. A couple was just getting up from a red leather couch that was seated close to the great stone fireplace in the center of the coffee house. I slinked over quickly to snatch a spot before it got taken. The fire was burning low and I smiled at the warmth radiating from it as I took a sip from my drink. Winter in New York was definitely not kind. I had just moved here a few months ago from Northern Michigan to go to NYU, but the cold was different back home. It wasn't like you had to walk absolutely everywhere there.

I pulled out my book from my bag and turned it to a random page. It didn't matter where it was, I had read it so many times I could pick up the story within a few sentences. I sat by the fire for a few minutes, being consumed by the warmth and drawn into the world of Jane Austen. I was only vaguely aware of the world around me, until someone, I wasn't sure who at the time, bumped into my arm spilling my drink everywhere.

"Damn it!" I yelled, shaking the burning liquid off my skin and practically ringing out my book. It was basically ruined. I sat there, expecting an apology. New Yorkers weren't known for their kindness, but even this granted some kind of 'sorry,' even if it was mumbled in passing. I glanced up to suspiciously eye my 'bumper,' but he was totally oblivious. He was tall, with his muscles clearly visible through his faded brown leather jacket. He was no body builder, but I could tell he was subtly built. His dusty bronze hair was sticking out every which way from the top of his head, the color complementing his sun-kissed skin.

He swooped down, taking the other side of the couch for himself and setting his large bag and something else I couldn't quite see down beside him. I glared at him fiercely, willing him to meet my gaze and show him what he had done, but he was too consumed in his own world blasting his IPod and tapping idly on his knees.

Unbelievable, I thought to myself. I continued to wipe myself off, exaggerating every move hoping to catch his eye. My efforts were not rewarded. I stared back at him, even more agitated than before.

"Ugh," I sighed, sitting back into my seat. His eyes shifted briefly towards me, but didn't look before he turned his attention back to his personal jam session.

I began to tap my foot lightly, my frustrations beginning to boil over. I absentmindedly glanced up at the clock and realized I was about to be late for work, again. I quickly gathered my things, shoving them into my bag and headed out the door, giving up on the battle with coffee guy.

The winter air hit me hard, like usual. I snuggled closer into my knitted scarf and pulled the very non-matching hat over my head as I crossed the busy street. I turned the corner and sprinted the last few steps to the front door of the museum. It must have been a good day; I only almost got run over 3 times and didn't even get the normal New York 'Hello.' Actually it wasn't a 'Hello' at all, it usually consisted of words that weren't heard in a polite conversation. That was New York though, and even though it was rough and gritty and so different from what I knew back home, I loved it. I loved the colors of Central Park in the fall, and the Thanksgiving Day parade, and I'm sure I would love ice skating in Rockefeller Center once I got the chance to. Classes and work kept me pretty busy, well until tomorrow when I was on holiday break for four weeks.

I quickly checked in with my boss, before heading down to the "dungeon," as we called it. The archives, where I'd go sometimes to research, were in the creepy old basement of the museum. I opened my notebook to where I had ended my work the previous day and got lost in the world of France around the French Revolution. Marie Antoinette to be exact. She was the topic of my research paper that was due at the end of the year. I was so excited to land this internship, it was just what I needed.

The day passed by quickly, as it usually did. I closed my notebook, marking the page so I could return to it later and bolted out the door. It was dark outside, and much cooler so I decided to take a cab back to my apartment. I lived in the Meat Packing District, which was supposedly the up and coming neighborhood in the city. The rent was fairly cheap and I found it pretty quickly, which is saying a lot in New York City. Some apartments had waiting lists that were years long, so I was lucky. My roommate Alice had already lived there for a year. She was a model and breathtakingly gorgeous, which always made me feel plainer than I already was.

It took me longer than usual to hail a cab, probably because of the cold weather. Nobody felt like walking anywhere. The cabbie was an old man, probably in his late 60's, with a thick Brooklyn accent.

"Where to love?" He asked, glancing in the back seat.

I told him my address as I began to detangle the wet mess that was formerly my hair. The snow had really started falling while I was waiting.

"So, you from New York?" He asked, trying to make conversation, as most cabbies did. I could imagine that it must be a very boring and stressful job at the same time.

"No, I'm actually from Northern Michigan, the Upper Peninsula. I'm here going to college," I answered back, trying to be polite.

"Michigan, wow. Never been there. I've lived my whole life in New York, grew up in Brooklyn." I smiled at him as I gazed out the window.

He went on and on about his childhood and his life in New York as I watched the snowfall blanketing the city. As we reached my place, I dove into my bag to find my wallet and pulled out a $20 dollar bill. I was always a generous tipper, even though I didn't have a lot of money.

"Here you go," I said handing him the money with a smile. "Have a Merry Christmas."

"You too honey, thanks!" He called as I stepped out of the cab and looked up at my window. It was black, Alice must not be home. She was probably out, like usual. I climbed the stairs slowly, utterly exhausted from my day. My key stuck in the lock, also like usual and I gave it a little jingle to release it. The answering machine was blinking, twelve messages. I pushed play as I hung my coat up in the closest and deposited my keys in the bowl on the small table close to the door. The first eleven messages were for Alice: from her agent, from a casting director, from her mother, from her boyfriend, from her other boyfriend. The last one was for me.

"Hey Bella, it's Al. I'm going out tonight with Jesse…no Jerry, Jimmy. Jimmy. I probably won't be home until late so don't wait up. Kisses!"

"Ha," I laughed at her, Alice could be pretty entertaining, especially when she couldn't remember her date's name. It was so weird to me that we clicked as instantly as we did. I remember the first day we met.

It was my first day in New York and I was staying in a crappy motel until I could find myself an apartment. I had just gone through a long day of no-goes so I decided to take a break and grab a bite to eat. I ordered a sandwich and sat down at a table by myself, and began to wallow in the major failure of finding myself a place. I had called my mom, complaining about my day when I heard a voice up at the counter, having a pretty animated conversation with someone on a cell phone.

"Yeah that bitch totally backed out on me…and she stole my black shoes."

I turned towards the voice. There was a girl, very tall and very slim, standing at the counter. Her short dark hair was tucked behind her ear and she tapped her finger on the tabletop.

"Yeah the ones with the ruffles," she said, making a pouty face. "But that's not even the worst part, now I'm stuck with no roommate," she complained.

I smiled. She's perfect. Perfectly desperate. And she seemed normal…well normal enough. I waited until she ended her conversation and sauntered over to sit at the table behind me.

"Excuse me? Did I just hear you needed a roommate?"

Her face lit up and she smiled.

"Did I hear you needed an apartment?"

I grinned back at her and that was it. Instant-friends. I moved in the next day with the little amount of things that I had.

I hadn't realized I'd fallen fast asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I'd even left my television on. I woke up to a noise out in the living room and turned over slowly to see my alarm clock that read 2 a.m. She calls this late? It was nothing for Alice to stay out until 5 or 6 in the morning, if she came home at all.

I pulled myself lazily out of bed, needing some water. I didn't worry about being particularly quiet. If Alice was sleeping, she was knocked out for the night. I started humming the song that I had stuck in my head earlier that day. The humming progressed quickly to a dance session as I made my way to the fridge.

The fridge was set on the far end of our small kitchen, so I had to maneuver my way around all the obstacles. There were two pairs of shoes by the front door, one pair was mine and the other definitely wasn't Alice's. They were boots, men's boots. What the hell?

I turned the light on to get a better look, leaning down close to examine the alien shoes that were taking up residence in my doorway. They definitely looked worse for wear, with little dark spots all over them. I straightened back up, decided to shrug it off and head back to bed. As I turned and reached for the light switch I froze instantly. I wasn't alone in the room.

There was a dark figure perched on my couch, half lying down, half sitting up. He was squinting into the light with his hand over his eyes so I couldn't see his face.

I let out a piercing scream and started darting for the place where we kept our knives. Flinging the drawer open, I grabbed the largest one I could see and held it up in front of me.

"We don't have any money or valuables in here, so if that's what you're after you won't get much. And if you're after something else, well, I'm a black belt in karate so, uh, I wouldn't mess with me if I were you," I shrieked at the figure.

"What you would just dance me to death?" The man spoke.

I cringed on the inside, but held my stone cold stare.

"You must be Bella…Alice's roommate. And I'm assuming she didn't tell you I was staying here. I'm her brother, Edward."

"How the hell did you get in here?" I said, knife flailing with every word.

"Can you possibly put the knife down, I come in peace."

I set the knife down on the counter, making sure it was within reaching distance.

"How did you get in here?" I asked again, a little more calmly.

"Alice told the front desk I would be coming, your doorman…what's his name? David?"

"Dale," I corrected him.

"Right Dale, he let me in. Alice said I could stay here while I look for my own place. I just moved here from L.A."

I was starting to believe his story. That did sound like something Alice would forget to tell me, and she did mention she had family in California.

"Okay fine I believe you," I said in defeat.

"Phew, I thought you were going to butcher me," he said laughing.

"Yeah I felt the same way about you," I said, still eyeing him. I still couldn't see his face. "Would you like a glass?" I said holding up my glass.

"What is that? Kool-aid?" He said with laugh. It was almost condescending.

"So what if it is?" I said defensively. I liked it, even if it was childish.

"Sure I'd love a glass," he said as he started to get up.

I opened the cupboard over the sink and pulled out another glass. I heard him sit down at the barstool behind me. I grabbed some ice and plinked them down into the glass before filling it with the purple Kool-aid.

"So what's your favorite flavor?" He asked curiously.

"Hmmm…" I said turning. "I think I'll have to go with blueber…ry." I stopped when I turned around and saw his face. It was him. The guy from the coffee shop. The 'bumper.' My eyes narrowed towards him.

"Whoa what did I do now?" He said, holding his hands up mockingly.

"You don't remember me?" I asked, absolutely seething.

"No…" he answered, looking very confused.

"The coffee shop this morning…" I started, assuming he would catch on.

He stared back with no sign of recognition on his face. "You were there?"

"You bumped into me…by the fireplace…spilled my drink all over me…ruined my book?" I could feel my voice growing louder and angrier with each clue I gave him.

"You were the girl reading by the fire," he smirked. "Are you sure it was me who spilled your drink?"

"You've got to be kidding me!" I yelled at him.

He slowly reached for the knife, pushing it away from me while keeping his eyes on me. I looked down at it and back at him. He laughed.

"You think…this is…funny? You absolutely ruined my favorite book! Ugh!"

He laughed at me even more, a complete belly laugh even.

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look right now, yelling at me with a Kool Aid mustache?" he asked.

My hand flashed instinctively up to my mouth and I felt the sticky residue above my lip. I stomped my foot loudly, and turned letting out a big exasperated sigh. I started walking angrily towards my bedroom door. As I walked past Edward, who was still snickering, I threw his glass of purple Kool Aid at him, practically tie-dying his white shirt.

"What the hell is your problem?" He said standing up and shaking it off.

I didn't answer, just continued to my bedroom smiling. Maybe it would dye his hair too, I snickered to myself as I closed the door and slid back into bed.


My plane landed at seven in the morning. I always liked to take the overnight flights so I could sleep. I'd always been a little anxious about flying, ever since Alice and I were kids.

I called my parents as soon as I landed, telling them I'd made it. They lived in a small town in Washington. My father was a doctor and my mother was a nurse. I know, fucking fairytale right? I've been in L.A. trying to "find myself" or whatever the hell kids do these days when they get annoyed with living at home. Actually it wasn't a problem with finding myself, it was more like accepting it and not being a pussy about showing it to other people. I was still working on that part. I'd made a few friends out there, but I just never really connected with it so I decided to join my baby sister in the wonderful New York City to try my luck out here.

I'd felt a little bad that I hadn't visited Alice since she'd moved out here, but regardless she was still letting me stay with her until I get my feet settled. It wasn't like she was there a lot anyway, so I didn't think I'd be too much of a burden. Apparently she had a roommate, but she said she's cool so I guess I could deal.

When I stepped out of the airport, I instantly cursed myself for moving to New York in the middle of winter. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't just left seventy degree weather. To say it was going to be an adjustment was the fucking understatement of the year.

I grabbed a cab and took it towards Central Park. Alice said she'd meet me at this coffee shop before she left to do a photo shoot. I asked the cabbie if he knew where the coffee shop was and he pointed it out to me. It was only a few blocks down the street.

I finally found it and walked inside, running my fingers through my hair as I stepped into the warmth. I looked around the small shop but I didn't see Alice so I headed towards the couch by the fireplace so I could warm up a little.

I put my headphones in and lost myself in the music as I made my way over. I slipped past the girl sitting on the other end of the couch, not bothering to say "excuse me" because she was so engulfed in that book she was reading that I couldn't even see her face. She had some beautiful hair though. It was this amazing chocolate brown that almost looked red in some parts. Her long wavy curls cascaded in front of her face and I almost wished I could push them back so I could see her. I bet she was pretty.

I shook my head and sat down beside her. I kept my eyes straight ahead, not wanting to miss Alice when she came in. My sister was anything but patient and if I didn't jump up as soon as she walked in she'd probably bolt and think I blew her off.

I vaguely registered the girl on the couch getting up and walking away as I switched the song on my IPod.

Alice walked in about ten minutes later and I waved her over.

"Edward!" She squealed. I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her.

"Hey sis."

We sat back down and she asked me how my flight was and if I talked to Mom and Dad. I filled her in on my life and she told me about all the modeling gigs she was getting. I was proud of her but it was kind of weird knowing that other guys were most likely whacking off to pictures of your sister. Actually it made me want to fucking vomit so I tried not to think about it.

"I was actually thinking my roommate might be in here." Alice looked around the room. "She usually comes here before she heads to work. I forgot to tell her I was meeting you here. I was hoping I could introduce you since I won't be home for the rest of the day."

"No big deal." I shrugged. "She does know I'm coming though right?"

"Of course. I told her forever ago," she waved me off.

"Oh! I have a present for you." I smirked and reached beside me, grabbing the painting and presenting it to her. "He made it just for you."

"This painter friend of yours has never met me and he still knows me so well." She smiled. "I love it!" She clapped her hands together. "So I told the front desk you'd be coming. They said they'd have an extra key waiting for you whenever you're ready to go back. Bella should be at work until late and I have a date after my photo shoot so I probably won't be home until tomorrow."

"Ah la-la-la!" I covered my ears. "I don't want to hear about that."

"Sorry. Speaking of dates, do you have a lady friend yet?"

"Nope. I'm off the pussy right now."

She raised her eyebrow at me. "Swinging for the other team? I mean it's totally okay with me. I love you either way."

"I don't mean it like that. I just mean I'm taking a break from the whole dating thing. It never works out. I'm starting to think I'm irrevocably flawed or some shit."

"You aren't flawed. You just haven't met the right person yet." She put her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I promptly sighed in disgust and wiped my cheek off. I was fairly sure she'd left her lipstick or lip-gloss or whatever girls wore these days all over my skin. "I've gotta scoot." She hopped up, handed me the address of her apartment and started towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I gave her a lazy salute and followed her lead about ten minutes later. I hailed another cab and gave them Alice's address.

When we arrived, I paid the guy and walked inside. There was a man at the front desk so I approached and waited for him to get off the phone.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"Yeah. My name is Edward. My sister is Alice Cullen, she said you'd have…"

"A spare key for you. It's right here." He reached into a drawer and produced a key.

"Okay thanks." I nodded and turned around looking for the elevator. "Uh…where's your elevator?"

"Non-existent. You've got to take the stairs."

"And which floor are they on?"


"Fuck me," I whispered as I started trudging up the stairs.

I found their apartment and let myself in.

"Hello?" I called. Alice said Bella wouldn't be here, but you never know. No one answered so I continued through the apartment and set my things down beside the couch. I smiled as I looked above the couch, noticing the painting I'd sent Alice before. I leaned over and took it down, quickly replacing it with the new one. She'd fell in love with this artist when she was visiting me one time. I had some of his paintings in my apartment and she insisted that she have one. I happened to know him so I got her made one especially for her.

I checked out the rest of the apartment, trying to avoid the bedrooms. I didn't want to invade their privacy and I had no desire to go snooping around in a girl's room. They probably had shit in there I didn't want to know about.

I laid around for a little bit, watching television and taking a nap. I scrounged around and found a take-out menu so I could order some dinner. I didn't know exactly when Bella was supposed to be home so I wasn't sure if I should order some extra for her or not. I decided against it in the end cause I had no idea what the fuck this girl liked.

When it started getting dark, I grabbed my backpack and headed out to get some supplies. I left pretty much everything I had back in L.A. because I didn't want to carry everything out with me. It would have been a pain in the ass and most of my stuff was getting old anyway. I guess since I was technically starting over in New York I could start with new shit. I was honestly pretty excited about being here because I thought some of the best work was out here.

After I picked up what I needed I started walking around the city, making sure to keep track of where I went. I wasn't interested in getting lost or taking a taxi again because they were way too expensive. I was pretty good at finding my way around for the most part so I was hoping with time I'd find all the best spots.

I finished pretty late and headed back to Ali's apartment. I know it was pretty fucking weird to be creeping around late at night like this but it was the only time I could do what I wanted to do. I liked being anonymous for a reason. I think it went back to that whole being comfortable with who you are and shit. I just wasn't there yet. It's such a personal part of me and the thought of sharing it with someone scares the shit out of me.

I used my key and went inside. I noticed a pair of shoes by the door as I kicked mine off so I assumed Bella was home. I crept over to the couch and shrugged out of my jacket before laying down. The lights from outside would have bothered anyone else, but I was used to it. L.A. wasn't necessarily the most discreet city. It was just enough so the room wasn't pitch black. I could make out all of the furniture, which was a plus in case I needed to take a piss during the night.

I ran my fingers through my hair and was about to pass the fuck out when I heard her.

I sat up as her figure crossed the living room and walked into the kitchen area. I held in my laughter as she started jumping around like she was dancing to some silent music. She leaned down to the floor and looked at something before standing back up and going for the light switch. I moved my arm up to cover my eyes because I knew it was going to be bright as hell and I didn't feel like being blinded. She must have felt my presence because the next thing I knew she was freaking the fuck out and waving a butcher knife at me, ready to go Michael Myers on my ass.

After I convinced her that I was Alice's brother she finally put it down and flipped on the light switch.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw her. She was fucking gorgeous, I could tell from across the room. I got up and started towards the bar while she was pouring herself a drink just to get a better look. When she spun around, her expression immediately changed.

She started rambling on about the coffee shop today and how I'd apparently bumped into her. After I started putting two and two together I realized she was the girl on the couch by the fireplace but I didn't remember knocking into her. I remembered her beautiful hair, but not her in particular. I felt a little bad, but she was kind of cute when she was pissed so I wasn't about to say sorry. I was kind of enjoying it until she threw that damn Kool-Aid at me. That just pissed me the fuck off.

I cursed and made my way to the bathroom after she left. I ran my hair under the sink and washed my face to get all the stickiness off me. I pulled my shirt off and threw it in the corner, telling myself I'd take care of it tomorrow. I went back to the living room and laid back down on the couch. I could already tell we were going to have problems. I needed to find an apartment for myself as soon as possible.

A/N: This should be interesting : ) Thoughts?