The heat surrounding me engulfed me into a state that made me feel like everything was on standstill…except for this moment. Sighs and moans choked itself out of my throat, as I was overwhelmed by this power, this feeling that I hadn't encountered in a long time. Although it felt a lot stronger, vivid and enticing…
I felt my body mold against another, as my hands travelled and my head rolled back onto the pillow that laid below me. I felt an even hotter breath against the nap of my neck and my eyes slowly fluttered close. Even though I couldn't see, I could feel the weight slowly lessen and felt small tendrils of hair, brush against my forehead. A small sigh blew itself across my numb lips which caused my chest and my whole body to clinch as it reacted to that blissful moan…
I felt my hands tighten its grip on the blanket as the daylight shone brightly across the half of my face that wasn't buried into my pillow. It took me a while and a couple of blinks to recollect that it was morning in my mom's old bedroom. Slowly lifting my head off the pillow, another recollection hit me…of last night.
I jolted myself up into a sitting position, my body still buried in the sheets. I quickly wrapped my arms around my upper torso so that my body wouldn't be exposed. Yes, I suddenly became aware that I was actually naked under the sheets. But I guess it wouldn't be a huge surprise since I barely wear any clothes to bed. I looked to my side and saw that the bed sheet on the other side of me, was slightly crumpled and bare, with no blanket covering the area. Slowly I leaned and brushed my finger tips onto the mattress and felt small waves of heat against my fingertips.
Is it possible? Last night…was real?
Slowly bring my fingertips to my lips, I felt the heat rush against them as well as its roughness and numbness. I couldn't believe I even asked myself that question even though I was completely aware of what happened…last night…with Jacob.
I wanted to throw myself into my pillow, suffocating in my own screams of a combination between rage, confusion, annoyance, worry and need. Instead, I slowly dropped my feet to the floor and tried to stabilize myself until I was surrounded by the cool white tiles of the bathroom. Pushing the shower curtain to the side and jumping into the tub, my hands twisted the knobs of the shower, releasing its hold over the lukewarm water and letting it fall down to my bare body. I let out a long sigh, tilting my head back, drowning my face in the feeling of falling water. I felt the water wash away the tension of every muscle in my body.
Small memoirs of last night attacked me; the feeling of his body, the taste of his lips, his smell, his drowning eyes…
I caught hold of the shower curtain in order to stabilize myself and I planted my feet onto the floor of the tub as water rushed between my toes.
Stepping out of the tub and wrapping a towel around my drenched body, I whipped the steam off the mirror and stared at the girl staring at me. What the hell had she gotten herself into?
Sighing, I slowly changed, dragging the fabric over my body and feeling as if I hadn't had this feeling in a while. I looked back at the mirror, ruffling my hair and straightening my jersey so it slug right on my shoulders.
Okay, I shall not think about this right now. Just go out and have breakfast I told myself, walking out of the room, only to be greeted by Seth hunched over the counter scooping up fruit loops into his mouth. I could feel my body tense up immediately at the sight of my brother. When the hell did get home? Holy shit, HOLY SHIT! What is he-calm down...relax.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to get his attention by clearing my throat but almost came out as a frog croak. Seth got startled and his head snapped at me, with milk drooling down his chin. I didn't know if I should burst out laughing or yelp.
"Oh! It's you, Leah" Seth said, wiping the drool of his chin and took his cereal bowl in his hands.
"Yeah, well…who else?" I shrugged, crossing my arms across my chest. Why is he acting so jumpy? I'm the one that pretty much has a red siren on my head.
"Oh…no one, I just thought you went out or something" he shrugged, setting the bowl down on the table. "Did anyone come?"
Oh shit, what should I say?
"Hmm, no not really…" I unconvincing said.
"Oh? Cause the door was kind of open and there was rain inside"
"...oh right, that was just the storm"
"Oh right" Seth registered. Thank god Seth doesn't need that much convincing.
"So how was last night…at Quil's? I asked, changing the topic.
"Oh it was fun and Brady and Collin came too. I invited Jenna over for a bit because I wanted her to meet the guys" Seth explained, taking another bite out of the bowl.
"Oh, what did she think of them?" I moved to the table.
"I think she liked them, especially Brady. They talked a lot" Seth grinned.
"Well, that's good"
"Yeah, now she can hang out the guys too which is awesome" Seth smiled.
"So things are going good with her?"
"Yeah, they really are" Seth smiled even wider. It was nice to see him happy and not panicking and screwing everything over…like me.
"So how was your night? I bet it was fun" Seth asked. I felt my freeze and my eyes widened. What did he just say? Does he—no, he can't.
"Hmm…wh-what do you mean?" somehow Seth was unable to sense my stance because he just seemed normal.
"I mean, having the house to yourself. You always wanted alone time away from the guys" Seth stated. I let out a huge sigh of relief. So that's what he meant. Well, wasn't really alone time…god, I wish it was alone time. It would have been a lot safer battling and hitting my head with those thoughts than let what happened last night.
"O-oh, it was o-okay, I guess" I answered. "So…what's the plan for today?"
Before Seth could answer, his phone started to ring. Excusing himself, he walked to the living to answer the phone. I sighed again, moving towards his cereal bowl and taking a bite. That was close, too close actually. I don't know what to make of last night. Should I regret it or should I treasure it? I can't think right.
All I keep thinking is about…Jacob. What's going to happen to him? What's on his mind? Is he having the same doubts as me? Of course he is, hence him not being here this morning. I can't be surprised, since I probably would have done the same thing. I'll have to face him some time soon, but what will I say? I don't know what to say or do or even feel? I'm wondering if what happened last night impacted him the same it impacted me? Are we on the same page? How can I ask that?
I let out a small whine and took another mouthful of cereal, just when Seth walked into the kitchen, closing his phone.
"Looks like we have to go, sis" Seth said, taking the bowl and dumping it in the sink.
"Why? What's going on?" I asked, wiping my mouth and following Seth to the door.
"We need to go to Cullens. Nahuel is coming to town" Seth said, opening the door and walking out to my car.
Oh fuck my life.
I really don't know if I should be here. I mean, sure all of the pack is here, but is it necessary that I be here? I mean, this isn't about the Cullens, for the first time ever, it's about one, actually two, maybe three, or four….okay, yeah, it's about them. It's almost like I could sense them looking into my soul. God, this never stops getting creepy.
I stood next to Seth in the living while Quil and Embry, lounged on the couch with Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Rosalie and Esme were in the kitchen while Bella offering snacks to the guys. It's kind of off seeing Bella being nice after what happened. Maybe she's trying to hard…it's getting me a bit antsy.
"Edward just drove into the driveway" Alice announced, getting off the couch and straightening her designer dress. Everyone else got up as well and Rosalie and Esme descended from the kitchen. It almost looked like we were ready to attack this kid rather than welcome him. It was weird that I didn't see Nessie or Jacob around at all. Where could they be?
Just then the doorknob turned and in entered Carlisle and Edward, followed by a teenager with glistening beige-ish skin and dark long hair. It's so weird to see leeches that actually looked like he had been out in the sun. I saw Edward's lips quiver a bit at the remark. Shit, he's inside my head.
"Nahuel, it's nice to see you again, dear" Esme greeted with open arms as she engulfed Nahuel in a hug. He had grown since so he literally had to bend a bit to hug Esme.
"It's nice to see you to, Mrs. Cullen" he greeted in a South American accent.
"Please, call me Esme" she pulled away and made way for the others to greet him. It's amazing how polite and gentle they really are with each other, even Bella for that matter. Rosalie, who has always been portrayed as cold, also smiled and gave him a small side hug.
His gaze moved towards me as he moved away from the Cullens and walked towards us. I didn't know how to react to him. Granted he's different and he's pretty young like Nessie, I still don't know what to do. The next thing I noticed he took hold of my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. I didn't know if I should pull my hand away and slap him, or gaze at him with shock, or be flattered?
"It's nice to see you again, Leah" Nahuel said, looking up at me and dropping my hand down before moving his gaze to the other wolves. "All of you guys, Seth, Quil, Embry"
"Wow, I can't believe he remembers our names" Quil exclaimed. I couldn't believe it either.
"Well of course, why would I forget the names of friends?" Nahuel grinned.
"Well, it's nice to see you again, Nahuel" Seth smiled and they both shared a brotherly hug. For a hybrid, Nahuel is pretty cool.
Just then the front door closed and a beautiful young Nessie jogged into the living room. As Nahuel broke away from his hug, his eyes immediately met Nessie's. At the same time, their smiles grew so wide it almost looked like it would fall of their faces
"Renesmee" Nahuel said.
"Nahuel!" Nessie exclaimed before jogging towards him. "You came!"
They both were facing each other only a few inches apart while happiness encircled them. Wow, they really did miss each other. It was as if they didn't notice the other people in the room.
"Of course I came. Why wouldn't I come?" Nahuel stated. Nessie let out a small giggle before they both fell into a huge hug. It was almost as if I was watching a movie; I was almost waiting for a string-curette to play and petals to fall down from the skies. I seriously need to stop watching too much television.
When they finally broke away from their hug, was when Jacob came to view. He looked as magnificent as he did…last night. His shirt clung just right onto his torso and his hair tendrils caressed his glistening forehead. His eyes however were fixed onto Nessie and Nahuel and his face was a bit crunched. I think everyone only noticed Jacob's presence after the hug. A very low growl encircled the room (but of course, everyone knew who it came from) which made Nahuel and Nessie move away from each other and move their gaze to Jacob. Nessie took a hold of Nahuel's hand and pulled him to Jacob. Even though Nahuel had grown, he didn't seem a match for Jacob.
"Jacob, you remember Nahuel right?" Nessie asked him. His gaze moved from Nahuel and then back to Nessie.
"Distinctly…" he stated, almost as if he was judging Nahuel at the same time. Everyone knew that Jacob didn't fully grow accused to Nahuel and his presence near Nessie, but it started to feel a bit uncomfortable…or maybe just for me.
"Nice to see you again, Jacob" Nahuel greeted, sticking his hand out at Jacob. Jacob gazed at Nahuel's hand for a whole minute before giving his hand for a shake. I bet everyone was holding their breath for that moment. I know how Jacob is with Nahuel, and I guess I understand that he only means well…but sometimes I get the feeling that there is another emotion behind the way he acts with Nahuel. And it was starting to make me feel a bit…what am I saying? I should just shake it off.
"Sorry I couldn't pick you up at the airport, Nahuel. I really wanted to, but I needed to hunt" Nessie explained to Nahuel. This whole time Jacob was just leering Nahuel.
"Oh it's fine, I need to go hunting some time later anyways. Maybe we can go hunting together" Nahuel offered, with a charming smile.
Before Nessie could agree, Jacob's arm extended around Nessie's waist and pulled her towards him. Almost…territorial? Nessie and Nahuel looked up at Jacob, with a mixture of emotions.
"She just went, so I don't think she needs to go again" Jacob stated, trying to act nonchalant but couldn't hide the snarkness behind it. Most of the people including Nessie were kind of confused with how Jacob had suddenly grown so dominating. I mean sure he doesn't like the kid, but what is up with that? I bit my lip a bit harder.
"Jacob…" Nessie crunched her eyebrows, almost taken back by his attitude. Jacob looked at Nessie and his expression slowly softened.
"I'm sorry, Nessie…I didn't mean for it to come off that way" he apologized, almost for the sake of Nessie though. I felt a small twinge of pain run through me. I shouldn't feel like this. I know what he's going through. This is normal for him…then why do I feel a bit…hurt? I shouldn't.
"Fine…" Nessie sighed, and moved away from Jacob. "Come on into the kitchen, I made cupcakes."
She led Nahuel into the kitchen while everyone else followed except Jacob, Edward, Rosalie, Embry, Jasper and myself. I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him and saw a look of perplexity on his face.
"I'm fine, Jasper" I sighed. He looked at me again before walking into the kitchen with others. I watched Rosalie walk up to Jacob and it looked like a small riff was about to happen.
"Behave, dog" Rosalie snarled at him. Jacob narrowed his eyes at Rosalie.
"First, I don't take orders from you, Blondie. And second, she's my imprint"
"Well, doesn't this make you the dog of the year?" The sarcasm dripped from her mouth. "Let her be happy. Don't ruin it"
"I am, okay? I'm not going to ruin anything for Nessie, okay?" Jacob replied, almost getting impatient. There was a small pause. It was almost like they were aware that I was the in room, in the corner or that Edward and Embry were whispering at the other corner.
"…she isn't the only one I am talking about" Rosalie huffed almost under her breath, before she walked away without any further explanation. I watched Jacob let out a sigh and rub his face as he took a few steps forward before he caught me. He froze for a minute before dropping his hands down to the sides. Oh shit, I really should have left. Why did I stay? I tried to say something but nothing seemed to come out. The only thing that came out was…
He looked at me, without any expression and it almost seemed like he wanted to reply with a 'hey' too but he just couldn't. His gaze moved to the kitchen and then back to me, expect it changed to a look of pain, shadowed by worry. We both knew what happened but now, we don't know what's going to happen. How could we react to something like this? He slowly kept moving his gaze from the kitchen to me, softly biting his lip. He seems to be contemplating. I mean, we are at the Cullen's house with our pack, a hybrid, leeches, which one happened to be Jacob's ex-love and another being his imprint. Could I have picked a worse timing?
"Leah?" I felt someone hold my shoulder from behind. I looked over to see Embry. Edward was slowly strolling down the living room.
"Hey, you coming? Embry asked, indicating to the kitchen. No, I couldn't handle it. I would feel so suffocated and not by the smell. This seems too much.
"…No..n-no, I…I ha-have to go home…" I choked a bit. Embry looked at me before nodding his head and walking towards the kitchen. I looked at Edward and Jacob who were both looking at me with the same expression. I shook myself a bit and hastily made by way to the door, but Jacob caught me on the way out.
"L-Leah…" he started, as he caught hold of my shoulder. God, why does he say my name like that? I couldn't look at his face for some reason. I just glanced at his hand.
"Just…t-tell Seth, I've g-gone home…" I said and I moved away from his grasp but he caught me again. And again called my name…
"Leah…let me...I do-don't…las-last nigh—" he stuttered but I couldn't let him finish that sentence. I finally looked at him in the eyes. His eyes were filled with worry and guilt but I knew my eyes were giving away every emotion I was feeling at that moment; confusion, pain, worry, regret, guilt…loss.
"I don't know…Jacob, I do-don't know…Just…let go" I quivered towards the last two words. I saw his face crunch up with pain and before he could say anything more, I pulled myself away from him and stormed out of the house. I could sense that he was still standing by the door but I didn't look back. I didn't want to look back.
What has happened? How did it become like this? Why have I thrown myself into this mess? This wasn't meant to happen…but it did. And now, I don't know what to do, what to think. Me and Jacob are on different pages…did we want the same thing? Was it my hypocrisy that made this happen? I knew it would come to this. And what's worse is that I don't blame Jacob. I blame myself. My own fucking self. I could have stopped this. Now, I'm even more lost than ever. This was a nightmare, is a nightmare and will be a nightmare that would keep haunting me in my dreams. I can't escape what I've gotten myself into.
All I can do is fade away, just stay away from him. I messed up the way of life, Jacob's life, just for my own selfish reasons. I tainted him with something that could never be his; my love.
Hello, world. I am alive! Well, till now at least.
So sorry for the late update. I know, you guys are tired of my sorrys but…SORRY! This chapter has been on hold for…a REALLY long time, I just don't remember since when. I have shit loads of work which is not even funny that I'm literally trying to scavenge for time to write this fanfic. All my other fanfic has been on hold as well, so you see it's not only for you guys.
Well, here it is. And I'm sorry if its crappy. Like I mentioned before, my storyline is a bit all over the place. And it maybe be confusion but please bear with me or try to at least get my point. Btw, I know this chapter or the previous ones are sprouting hate for Jacob but I didn't want him to come off as bad D: just VERY VERY confused stupid wolf. I mean come on, with everything that he's been through, can you blame him?
I hope you enjoy this chapter. Not the greatest but it's done and hopefully the next one would be a bit better. Don't know when I'll be out with that, sorry =.=
REVIEW. LIKE. FAVORITE. ALERT. KISS. HUG. LOVE. FU—yeah, you get it.