It's not Love, just my Mother Instinct
Cathegory: AU, comedy, some romance
Characters: Hungary, Belgium (as 'Marie'), Poland, Germany, Turkey, mentions of Austria, Prussia
Pairing: TurkeyxHungary mainly, some GermanyxBelgium, mentions of AusHun, PrusHun and some PolLiet
Warning:some bad language, mentions of sexuality (A LOT), sex, my misusage of the English, German and Turkish languages
'Graaaah, I'm sick of it all!' Eliza yelled as she tossed her handbag on the bed where Feliks was lying, reading the latest issue of Cosmopolitan. Marie, after looking around and making sure that Ellie would't be throwing anything else around, sat down beside him and looked at the outraged brown-haired woman.
'Am I ugly!? Am I stupid!? Uneducated!? What's wrong with me!?' she stepped to the huge mirror she had in the room and started yelling at her reflection. Though she was wearing a brown mini dress with a neat little bow at the front and had elegant make-up on, her rage made Marie get goosebumps. If the guys she was dating saw her now…well, it doesn't matter now, does it?
'You know you look, totally fantastic, Ellie' Feliks said, not even looking up from the mag 'But maybe that's too much brown. And your hair…'
'I'm pretty sure those douchebags didn't care about my dress' Eliza snapped back, still glaring at her reflection 'I knew I shouldn't have tried out those stupid online dating agencies… graaaah!' she dashed off into the bathroom, and the other two exchanged quick glances.
'How many did she date this time?' Felkis asked flipping over some pages.
'Fifteen. I think she set up a new record' the blonde woman replied sighing.
'And not even one…?'
'Nope. All ranking D, if you ask me.'
'I thought you stopped grading men when you met that French guy…' Feliks remarked grinning slyly 'What was his name again…? Pierre?'
'Francis' Marie muttered back tilting her head forward blushing deeply 'But… he's… you know… it's not like that… I mean…'
'O~h, a sex-and-run?' Feliks now tossed the mag aside and sat up, with that almost annoying grin on his face.
'W-well he did run b-but…' Marie started to straighten the wrinkles from her skirt in her embarrassment 'He'll come back…'
'Yea, right, whatever' Felkis waved his hand, while making an 'I don't think so' face.
'He won't come back, cause all they want is shagging! And once they've got that, it's good-bye for good!' Eliza burst into the room, now just in a pair of panties 'Damn those filthy bastards, always going where their dick leads them!'
'Not everyone's like that, Eliza' Marie said, trying to calm her down 'Remember Roderich.'
'I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER RODERICH, DIDN'T YOU NOTICE THAT BY NOW!? Besides all of them are… bastards!' she added more quietly, and turned away sniffling.
'Correction: there are men who don't live for sex alone and won't even divorce from you after a year.' Feliks stood up, picked up a T-shirt from a heap of clothes and handed it over to Eliza 'You've learned your lesson: don't EVER date a musician again. Or any kind of artist.'
'Or a French guy' Marie muttered.
'Let's go to the Gellért bath tomorrow' Eliza quickly said after putting on the T-shirt 'My nerves need some thermal water.'
'I'll pass on that' Feliks said, raising his hands in protest 'I'm just totally not into watching old people in swimsuits.'
'You got a boyfriend or something?' Ellie raised an eyebrow and smiled 'You hardly ever come with us to chill anymore.'
'You'd better worry ore about your summer collection than my private life' he replied, picking up the Cosmopolitan and handing it over to Eliza 'You don't own any black stuff, like, at all, but that's the new hit.'
'What do you think of him? Nice ass, huh?'
'Eliza, stop trying to find someone for me when you're the one who needs a man' Marie sighed as the two of them were standing in that wonderful hot water that reached up to their necks, leaning to the wall of the pool and watching the people pass by. The Gellért bath had this wonderful antique atmosphere with all the pillars and marble, and that wonderful dome above their heads – especially designed to help people relax, and the two women really needed that now.
'You need to get over that Toulouse jerk' Eliza remarked.
'Okay, whatever. Hey lookie, foreigners!' she nodded towards a small group of people speaking German at the other end of the pool 'Go get yourself a blonde Jürgen! Shoo-shoo!' both of them burst out into laughter.
'What are you thinking?' Marie whispered back 'I'd die of laughter when he'd start saying "O ja, ja!" in bed, like in those old German porn movies!' they laughed again, even louder than before.
'I bet you'd have to say things like "Gib mir deine Zuckerschlange!" (Give me your sugarsnake) and stuff to guys like this to turn them on!' now they were constantly laughing, making quite a noise.
'Ah Ludwig, ich gehör dir für immer!' (Ah Ludwig, I'm forever yours!) Marie said with a damsel-in-distress kind of tone.
'Entschuldigung' (Excuse me) the two girls froze as they heard a man's voice and slowly turned around. There stood a tall, blonde man with his hair combed back and incredibly blue eyes, plus a flustered smile on top of all this 'Sind sie Deutsch?' (Are you German?)
Before either of them could reply, Marie's head suddenly disappeared. She must've slipped and now she was flinging around at the bottom of the pool.
'Marie!' Eliza screamed, knowing well how the other woman lost control when the water reached over her head, but before she could dive under to grab her friend, the young man grabbed Marie's wrist and pulled her up. The blonde woman gasped for air, then started coughing endlessly, not even noticing that she was leaning at the man's chest while doing so.
'Danke!' (Thank you!) Eliza said quickly and embraced Marie's shoulders, pulling her towards the stairs leading out of the pool.
'Warten Sie, ich mach das' (Wait, I'll do that) he replied and suddenly lifted up Marie, who was so surprised at this that her coughing just got worse. As he was carrying her out of the pool, Eliza just stood there, petrified. Then she cracked a wide grin and stroked her chin, mumbling:
'You lucky gal, you~'
'I thought I'd die and you're just asking about him!?' Marie complained as they were sitting on a pier at Margaret island, their bare feet dangling into the water of the Danube. The view was fantastic: in front of them, across the water were the tall old buildings of Pest, to the right the Margaret bridge and the Parliament, and even the Statue of Liberty could be seen on that mountain rising above the city.
'But you didn't die' Eliza pointed out 'On the other hand, I'm almost dying I'm so curious. So you've got his phone number, huh? What is he, a guide or something?'
'Eliza' the other woman sighed and turned away, looking at a big cruiser passing by 'I know I shouldn't be asking this, but did you think about… you know… your future…?' Since no reply came, Marie blushed and quickly added: 'I-it's not like I want to press anything, it's just… you know you won't get any younger either… I mean…'
'I want a baby.'
'Huh?' Marie looked at her friend, but she was glaring into nothingness with dreamy eyes, her hand on her belly 'A… what?'
'A baby. I wanted one when we married with Rod, but… he didn't. I guess music was always more important than family' she grimaced as she remembered her ex-husband.
'B-but you're not THAT old! I just meant… I mean… you shouldn't give up on guys! You had that extreme dude with the white hair, what was his name again…?'
'Gilbert?' she moaned like remembering the man meant physical pain and buried her face in her palms 'A kid from that freak? Puh-lease. That one was a classical love-hate relationship. Didn't even last long… I think I'd have gone crazy if we stayed together just one more day.'
'I didn't mean having a baby with him' Marie said 'You just have to give the guys some more time…'
'I've been giving them time for six years now, now I'm fed up. I want a baby… I will have a baby, whatever the goddamn price!' saying that, she tossed both her arms in the air 'I SWEAR THAT TO THE DANUBE~!'
'I DO NOT know you right now' the other woman exclaimed 'And just who do you think will agree to have a child with you out of the blue? You know, you also need a MAN to have a baby, determination alone won't make you pregnant.'
'I don't need a father' Eliza looked at her old-time friend as she were insane 'I can always go to a sperm bank-'
'Keep your voice down, you idiot!' Marie hissed, since people were already glaring at them 'God, you and your stupid ideas' she touched her temple – being with Ellie often resulted in having a migraine the next day 'That's the most romantic scenario I ever heard, by the way. I seriously hope that it'll be the VERY last thing you do.'
'Nope, the very first thing in the morning. You coming with me?' Elizaveta looked at the other girl grinning lightheartedly.
'I'm having a date tomorrow, Gott sei dank' (Thank God) she replied, smirking evilly.
'Okay, I'll take Feliks with me then. You just go and eat Wurst with your Jürgen.'
'It's a simple procedure, really' the doctor explained to her and Feliks the next day. They were sitting in a small white office with a calm atmosphere, though Feliks could feel how anxious Eliza was – she was grasping her handbag so hard the tip of her fingers were already white, and she tensely nodded every ten seconds 'The donors cannot have any kind of sexual intercourse for two to three days, then we retrieve the samples via masturbation. We store the sperm in liquid nitrogen at -195°C, for practically an unlimited amount of time.'
As he spoke in possibly the kindest and most patient voice he could, Eliza's thoughts traced off. She couldn't help imagining men masturbating between these white walls, just so the… outcome can be stored and used on women like herself. It felt… weird. And kinda disturbing. Especially when she thought about the porn mags those guys might be jerking off to…
'Miss?' she gasped as she came to, noticing that both the doctor and Feliks were glaring at her.
'I-I-I'm alright. It's just that I was distracted for a mastur--- moment. Moment, moment…' she jabbered and felt like she was about to faint.
'Uhm… just one more important thing… I can assure you that all our donors are intellectual athletes, or athletic intellectuals, if you know what I mean' he chuckled here but the two of them didn't even smile back 'Oh well… the thing is, it is very important for us that our donors be both physically and mentally in top shape.'
Ellie forced herself to grin, but as soon as they stepped out of the office and were on the corridor again, she grabbed Feliks' arm and said: 'Let's get out of here. NOW.'
'Something the matter?' Feliks asked back. He was wearing a green shirt and jeans, much more moderate than the clothes he usually had on 'The doc did convince me, y'know. If I had, like, a vagina, I'd SO do this whole thing.'
'Wait, we didn't come through here' Ellie stopped and turned to one of the cleaning staff 'Excuse me, where's the nearest exit?'
'Just there to your left, Miss' the old woman looked back at the pair 'There's the donor section but that's the closest exit.'
'Thank you! C'mon Feliks, I don't want to spend another minute here!'
But going through that rather short corridor was more of a challenge than they thought. It was almost packed with people either sitting or standing. But what kind of people they were…! Either punk teenagers barely eighteen, or old gramps with huge beerbellies, or those… really weird kind of guys with the glasses and the pocket full of pens and stuff – and, worst of all, that perverted smile.
'Okay, forget what I just said' Feliks burst out as they exited the building 'No WAY would I let the sperm of these guys touch me, neither you! Go home, make yourself pretty, get yourself a guy… any guy… just not one like these.'
Eliza slowly walked to the nearest bench, then sat down and buried her face in her hands 'I am SO fucked, Feliks.'
'…and when I asked him whether he wanted us to have sex and have a baby, he got offended!' Eliza complained a few days later as she and Marie were walking along the Ring 'He won't even answer my calls, damn…'
'Well, you could've expected that from a crossdresser guy. Besides, you and Feliks have been friends for… what, ages now? Don't you think this is kind of like… well, a douche way to ask something like this? Oh wait, we're here' they turned right and ended up in front of a restaurant in a smaller street.
'So you say they've good really good gyro?' Eliza raised both eyebrows, then closed her eyes and sniffled 'Sure smells good.'
'We were here with Ludwig the other day' Marie smiled heartily 'Their stuff's so good I almost came when I tasted it.'
'Well, gotta get used to that, cause apparently I'm not gonna come any other way' Eliza sighed and rolled her eyes, then followed her friend inside.
'Merhaba!' (Hello!) Marie said as she stepped inside. It was late afternoon, only a couple was eating at the far end of the room in the dim light. Eliza looked around and felt a strange tranquility among these orange colored walls and exotic looking carpets – though she couldn't understand for the life of her why there had to be carpets on the walls, and it was way too dim too. But the smell of the food made her instantly forget all her doubts about the decoration.
'Bir dakika!' (Just a moment!) shouted someone from the kitchen, and a moment later, a tall, slightly tanned man appeared behind the counter 'Buyurun, güzel hanımefendi.' (Can I help you, pretty Lady?)
'You speak Turkish?' Eliza turned to Marie 'Cause I'm not in the mood to play a mummery with Iusuf here.'
A thud was heard and both the women looked at the counter. The man had a larger knife in his hand which he had apparently stabbed full blast into the chopping board in front of him. Eliza gulped.
'I speak your language perfectly well, thank you' the man said, and if those pale green pair of eyes could kill, Eliza knew she'd be dead by now 'Thou Eiy do thro een sam feik ekseint, eef needeed.' And he winked at Marie who giggled.
'You know the joke that start's with "Every Turk is called Iusuf…!"?' she asked him, trying to lighten up the mood – she was really great at that. Whenever Ellie was in a bad mood, Marie always aimed to reconcile the people who were victims to her friend's fury.
'Ah yes, from that movie' he laughed 'Then someone else says: But I'm Ali! And another one: I'm Ali too! And then that actor from that other popular film says: "And I'm Iumurjak!"'
'Woah, I'm impressed!' the blonde laughed with all her heart and Eliza started to feel like she's been left out of the conversation 'So, you good with Hungarian too, Sadiq?'
'Of course' he replied grinning and leant on the counter, then, glaring right into the eyes of Eliza, said 'Egy tizesért elviszlek a mennyországba és vissza, utána pedig elmosogatok.' (For ten-thousand I'll take you to paradise and back, and I'll even do the dishes afterward.)
Eliza would've laughed her guts out if he hadn't looked at her like that. And when he hadn't… stroked his lips… with his little finger… while he was saying it.
'Th-that wasn't exactly literary style' she tried to snap back at him, but since she looked away blushing beet red, it wasn't effective at all.
'Still have to work on it, I guess. Most girls I said it to fainted' he added with an egoistic smirk 'Sooo, what would you like today, Marie Hanım?'
'Gyro with lamb meat please. Oh, and that tasty rice of yours, okay? Ellie, is that okay with you too?'
'You got something… that's without lamb… and eggplant?' she asked with some disgust in her voice as she scanned the food on display. Sadiq stroked his chin, imitating to be deep in thought, then cracked a grin, saying:
'For you, güzelim (my beautiful), I have anything and everything. How about chicken?' Eliza quickly nodded and since he told them to take a seat, she dragged Marie with her upstairs and sat down at a quiet little table. Some catchy music was heard, and Marie seemed like she was already feeling at home here.
'Don't you just want to dance to that?' she asked, and started rocking her body to the beat.
'This singer sure has an arousing voice' Ellie nodded, joining in with her friend.
'Always glad if prithee laidees are having a good time' the Turk shoved up and served them their meals 'Afiyet olsun.'(Good appetite) he nodded, then went back downstairs.
'God was that embarrassing' Elizaveta muttered as she picked up her fork.
'Haha, no, no, this guy is really funny and sweet. Last time I was here, he kept entertaining us for a long time. Apparently he and Ludwig have known each other for some time… though he wasn't happy at all when Sadiq was hitting on me.'
'He seems like the type who'd have sex with a fly if he could catch it' the brown-haired girl laughed.
'A fly? I wouldn't go that far. Perhaps a sexy goat. But a fly!?' Eliza jumped as the man once again showed up unexpectedly, and put two small glasses in front of them filled with some transparent liquid in it 'That's rakı. Helps to digest and guarantees the good mood' he smiled 'Well, I'm off to find the goat of my dreams. You ladies are free to dance or talk about me as much as you like. And if you're interested in my measurements, kahverengi güzelim, it's big enough' Then he finally left, though his annoying laughter could still be heard.
'Why did he tell me THAT?' Ellie snapped at Marie, who has been peacefully enjoying her meal, and oh how annoying that was.
'Cause he already told me. In front of Ludwig, in centimeters' she said grinning and lifted her glass 'Considering how much this guy likes sex' she continued in a lower voice 'You might want to give a try at him… you know, baby-wise.'
'Ah, I can already feel how sweet victory will taste when I'll be downloading your porn video with that Günter or whoever from ' she said evilly, then they clinked their glasses and drank the strong alcohol with one sip.