Authors note: I know I haven't written in sooo long and honestly I am sorry I just haven't really felt up to it, nothing crazy has really happened to get me in the mood but now the holiday spirit has kind of taken over and I figured, what the hell…so here we go again (=
After Edward finally managed to escape from the crazy homeless lady's clutches we were all going to look for another person to seduce until we passed by Wal-Mart and I realized something.
I could tell Alice noticed too, as I saw the anticipation building in her crazy pixy eyes. "OMFG you guys it's black Friday!" I yelled, making a u turn right in the middle of the street to get back in the direction of the store. I think we may have hit someone, but honestly it didn't matter, this was too important.
"Oh no….." Bella sighed, leaning her head into Jacob's chest in utter despair. Edward was still in the trunk, but if he has seen this you know he'd have been pissed!
"Bella lighten up this is like my favorite day of the whole effing year!" Alice yelled practically ripping Bella's head off with excitement. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Where to first?" She jumped, starting to get out of the car, which by the way was still moving.
"Um honey…you do know that's Wal-Mart your running to, 'the place of all evil?'" Jasper quoted.
"Your point?" Alice asked, barely even stopping to turn around.
"Well umm…don't you, you know…hate it?" He questioned.
"Well normally I'd have to say yes, but considering the circumstances of such an amazing sale I'll just have to suffer for my art." She sighed.
That was one of the things I would never understand about Alice, how the hell could shopping possibly be considered art, a sport, her glory, and what made the world go round? Sometimes she could just be so ridiculous, but then again what was I saying, there were presents to be bought!
"Were going to need to make a list", Alice yelled, stealing paper from a pedestrian.
"Can I be in charge of toys!" I yelled. "Toys, toys, toys, toys, toys! I love me some good toys!"
"CALM DOWN AND SHUT UP! I'M THINKING!" Alice snapped at me…well geez, I just wanted to be in charge of toys….
After the most agonizing ten minutes of my life Alice finally began to speak. "Were all going to need to buy a present for each other but I feel we should do some sort of secret Santa type thing." She said.
"Don't be ridiculous Alice, we all know Santa's not real, duh." I sighed. Oh stupid, stupid Alice.
"I'm not an ignoramus Emmett, Santa lies inside the hearts and spirits of all of us." She remarked.
"So your saying I ate Santa?" I cried, clutching my stomach in utter despair. "I'm so sorry Santa, we'll get you out some how."
"Uhhh Emmett, your one of the dumbest people I've ever met and I've been around for almost 200 years!"
"Well gosh, don't be a cranky old bat." I sighed. "Not my fault you're old as fuck."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that for the good of black Friday…and your well being." She said, getting back to her list idea Santa eating crisis thing. "As I was saying earlier, I think it'd be best if we all drew names out of a hat to see who we shop for." Alice said.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Jacob intervened, "You know that shit never works. I always get Edward or Blondie and life always ends up terrible." I had to admit, he wasn't lying.
"Fine", Alice sighed, unhappily changing plans. "How about we each get a present for everyone, that way no one will feel pressured to just shop for one person and everyone will have tons of gifts."
"I guess that'd be ok…." I agreed, everyone else nodded or groaned…this family wasn't exactly the most spirited one.
"Ok, well now that that's settled time to get in line." Alice smiled, skipping off. I was about to join in when Bella spoke up.
"Alice…it's 10pm, black Friday doesn't even start till the morning." She yawned, stupid humans…always getting tired.
"I know, but we must get a good place in line."
"Oh god, were camping out aren't we?" Jake sighed, looking over at Bella. They both shared the same annoyed expression.
"Well…us vampires don't really have to sleep…" Alice butted in.
"Us humans and wolf/humans do." Bella sighed grabbing Jake's hand. "Come on, let's go."
"Not so fast!" Edward yelled, jumping out from a corner like one of those lame crime fighting super heroes on those damn kiddy shows.
"Where the hell were you all this time?" I asked.
"You locked the trunk!" He yelled.
"Woops…" I muttered as I guiltily turned away, now remembering.
"I'll get to you later." He glared at me, then turned to Jake and Bella. "You're staying right here" He said sternly.
"You can't tell me what to do!" She yelled, then began making out with Jake as some odd attempt at rebellion. Edward looked extremely upset. Stupid, stupid Edward…you knew he had that one coming…damn, it must be good to be the dog right now; he always gets to have all the fun…pets.
Before Edward could even think about prying them apart Alice beat him to it. "Stop with this bull, we have shopping to do! Get in line, get in line, get in line!" She yelled, spanking them…They both let out odd yelps. Jake's sounded like a puppy, much to be expected…he must be an interesting sex partner.
Anyway though, after that we all got in line. It was quite strange, shopping didn't start for almost 6/7 hours, yet the line just to be let into the store was around the freaking store!
Being in line was kind of boring though, I had to think of something fun to do. First I got a cart and wheeled it all the way down and all the way back through the line, that was going great until I hit into a little old lady and a child sooo…I had to stop.
After that I decided to pick fights with random people, but that got boring extremely fast so then I just came back to Alice and see if it was almost time yet.
"Is it time yet, is it time yet, is it time yet?" I yelled jumping up and down, I got so hyper when I was bored.
"Emmett…." Alice sighed.
"It's been exactly 4 minutes!" She yelled, damn she was being snappy today.
"You snap like an alligator!" I laughed. "alligator, alligator, alligator." She didn't seem happy with my statement so I changed the subject. "So….we are allowed to shop on black Friday right?" I asked.
"Of course. What kind of dumb question is that?" Alice sighed.
"Well…it's just, isn't this Jacob's holiday…I mean were not part of the black family." I stated.
"Oh god Emmett just shut the fuck up!" Alice yelled. "Please don't make me have to get the duct tape."
"What? You know it's true! OMG or are we related to Jacob?...We are all God's children so were like brothers and sisters…."
Authors note: if I get reviews I'll write more….if not then I wont. Tell me what you got black Friday! (=