This was originally part of a fic i was working on about Alice and Jasper before they met the Cullen's, but so many other people have done that (Better than me)
that I've given up on it. However, I thought this would be a nice companion piece to 'Everyone makes mistakes'.
It's the time when Jasper slips thats he tell's Bella about.
We were heading to the Rockies.
I still had no idea where to find the Cullen's and it was a safe place for Jasper to become accustomed to his new diet.
We were walking at human speed happy just being together when disaster struck.
The wind picked up bringing with it the enticing scent of humans.
Decades of self control allowed me to swallow the venom that formed in my mouth despite the lack of warning.
I quickly turned to try and restrain Jasper but his hand ripped from mine, a feral snarl ripping from his throat as he took off.
His eyes flickered back to me, they were pitch black.
I froze in shock for a split second and he was gone.
I took off after him but knew there was no way I'd be able to catch him.
Brilliant Alice! Bloody brilliant!
I cursed myself over and over for letting this happen.
You were meant to be keeping a closer eye on things!
I pushed myself harder until the scent of fresh blood washed over me.
Venom pooled in my mouth and rational thought vanished, somehow I forced myself to stop moving, stop breathing.
It's to late.
All I could see in my head was Jasper's face, after I'd found him in the alley in Philadelphia, full of despair and self loathing.
My eyes burned as the need to cry almost overwhelmed me.
I had let him down.
I slowly managed to pull myself together until I fund the humans, or at least what was left of them.
I felt like I wanted to throw up.
I still wasn't breathing which allowed me a clear head to view the carnage Jasper had reaped.
There had been at least 3 people, now reduced to a bloody mass of limbs and organs.
My stomach heaved again as I mechanically tried to clean the area so it wasn't found.
I felt like I should give them a proper burial but there wasn't time.
Jasper was still running and I had to find him.
I gathered all the pieces together in a pile trying not to actually think about what I was doing.
"Sorry." I managed to sob out before starting a fire.
The guilt flooded me and my eyes burned again but I pushed it all back, I had to focus now, I needed to find Jasper.
As the sweet blood rolled down my throat caressing away the burn I let out a content sigh.
Why did I ever try to give it up?
Golden eyes flooded my head as I thought it.
The rest of the world refocused around me.
Where was Alice?
I blinked slowly trying to work backwards. Before I caught the scent…
My eyes took in the devastation around me, my stomach retched.
Had I done this?
Nothing was left that even slightly resembled a human.
Their shock and terror ripped through me then, an echo from the attack.
My knees buckled sending me crashing to the ground, self disgust dragging me down.
I hadn't just killed them to satisfy my thirst I'd completely decimated them.
A dry broken sob shook my frame.
My hands were shaking in front of me as I tried to wipe the blood and gore off but it was no use.
Was it worth it Jasper a voice taunted in my head imagine what Alice will think when she sees what you truly are.
I sprang to my feet eyes wide, my head shot from the direction I knew Alice would arrive from to the path leading me way from her.
I ached to hold her, hear her reassurances that it was okay, feel her never ending love and devotion.
Like she could love you after this.
I bolted, I was a coward, I couldn't face her, I'd let her down.
She could find the Cullen's on her own.
She was better off without me, she'd be happier.
All I did was ruin lives.
My slowly healing heart broke into a thousand pieces as I fled from her.
I knew without a doubt if I had Alice in my life I'd be able to heal from the despair of my past.
I had been happy with her.
But my happiness was not worth dragging Alice down, making her suffer from what I was.
I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.
Focussing on the rhythm of running but my memories betrayed me.
I felt a phantom presence beside me, her hand in mine as we matched pace perfectly.
God I missed her.
I began to slow.
I shook my head violently.
Time to stop being a coward Jasper.
I took a deep breath and stood tall, turning to face South.
I sent a silent heartfelt thank you to Alice for giving me ten months filled with more happiness than I thought I could ever feel before starting my final journey.
The vision slammed into me like a physical blow.
"No!" I screamed out.
Staggering to a halt as I saw Jasper's decision.
My breathing sped up as the world around me became a blur.
I was shaking so hard I couldn't focus on anything.
How could he?
I tried to pull myself together, I knew where he was heading, there had to be a away to intercept him, stop him before…
I let the visions run through my head quickly trying to find a way to get to him.
I'd have to be quick, the timing was to close for me to be happy, but what choice did I have?
I had to stop him.
Refusing to think of what would happen if I were to late. I took off pushing myself as fast as I could.
I couldn't even begin to comprehend why he had decided to do this.
Doesn't he understand how much I need him?
What was I going to do without him?
Stop thinking that Alice you'll reach him in time.
You have to.
I cleared my mind focusing on the future to see if Jasper would change his mind.
As things stood I would reach him before he got to far south.
What would happen then…
I'd worry about that when I'd stopped him.
Catching his scent I slowed, waiting.
As soon as he saw me he stopped. The stunned look on his face would have been amusing in any other situation.
I couldn't think what to say I simply glared, the hurt I was feeling would be obvious to him.
His gaze dropped and he took a step away.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered.
I stepped forward, my insides froze as he stepped back again.
"Jasper." I chocked out, my chest heaved as I took in unneeded air.
He shied away from the pain I was feeling at the distance he kept between us.
I just wanted, no needed, to be in his arms.
"No!" I couldn't let him go.
"I can't hurt you anymore."
"Then don't go."
He shook his head slowly.
"Do you really think this is the answer?" my voice got stronger as my anger rose.
He couldn't do this to me!
He still wouldn't look at me, his eyes flickered past me.
He was planning on running again.
"Don't you dare."
I growled leaping towards him and locking my arms around him.
He tried to pull away.
"You can't leave me, you can't ever leave me."
"I can't do this Alice." his voice was quiet, defeated.
"It wasn't your fault." I wailed trying to make him understand.
He let out a humourless laugh but didn't speak.
The guilt rose in me, I shouldn't have let this happen.
"Don't." he growled "Don't feel guilty, that just makes it worse, do you think I blame you for my weakness?"
I tried to push down the guilt.
"Your not weak Jasper."
It was barley a whisper as I hugged him tightly.
"It's just instinct, it happens to fast for you to control it, or for me to see it.
Don't you understand that, it's not your fault because you never made a conscious decision to hurt anyone."
"I should be able to control it." he growled wallowing in his own self loathing.
It made me angry, angry at whoever had done this to him, taken all his hope and self belief, left him drifting in dispair.
"Stop it!" I hissed pulling back to glare at him again "You think you're the only person who's ever made a mistake, you think I didn't struggle when I first decided to hunt animals.
Stop expecting miracles, it isn't easy, your bound to slip, I did .
It doesn't make you weak, if anything it makes you stronger, if you decide to carry on trying that is."
I continued to glare at him wondering if my words were having any affect.
They usually didn't.
"Damn it Jasper! I love you so much and it kills me to see you like this , especially when you wont let me hel…"
My sentence was cut off as he crashed his lips to mine, his hands wrapped around the tops of my arms which had fallen limply to my side.
My knees buckled sending us crashing to the ground his lips still attached to mine.
He broke away trailing kisses up to my ear where he whispered
"I love you too."