Disclaimer: Degrassi ain't mine, get used to it! Also, before you mercilessly flame me after reading this fanfic, I would first like to point out that there are literally too many Emma-gets-pregnant fics for me to count; almost every single story featuring Emma as the main character involves her getting knocked up by whoever the writer desires her to be with. While there are stories where this is very well done, there are also an equal number of stories that did it very poorly, which is where this satire comes in.
Manny stood outside the bathroom with her arms crossed. Emma had been in there for over an hour and now, she was beginning to get seriously pissed off. Fed up, she rapped on the door and snapped, "Emma Nelson, what is taking you so long?"
"Go away!" shouted Emma's voice.
Concerned, Manny opened the bathroom door and walked in, only to see Emma with her hands buried in her face. She began to say, "Emma, what—" And then she saw the pink sticks lying right beside Emma.
"Oh, Em, not again," groaned Manny. "How is it that you always end up pregnant in these stupid fanfics? What about your virtue or whatever?"
"I know, okay?" snapped Emma, lifting her face from her hands. "Just when I thought I'd break the Nelson-women-getting-knocked-up-in-their-teen-years cycle, some aspiring author decides it's a great idea to get me knocked up by some guy who I've left behind me completely. Who knows, maybe this was how my grandma and my mom got knocked up."
"Do you at least know who the father is?" asked Manny.
Emma squirmed. "Well..." she said slowly, "...you remember that wild party we threw two weeks ago?"
"How could I forget?" said Manny dreamily, remembering the swarm of guys with her in the closet.
"Well, I got a little drunk and I think I had sex with one of the guys from Degrassi," confessed Emma.
"Oh, Em," growled Manny.
"I know, I know, it was totally out-of-character for me to get boozed up like that, but hey, is it my fault the author is on a mission to pair me up with the guy she thinks I should be with?" said Emma, throwing up her hands. "I mean, I could handle it if it were done in a believable way, but yeah, I think this is stretching it just a bit."
"Well, we know it wasn't JT," started off Manny. "He's dead, for one thing, and for another, not that many people like to make him the father. You see a fanfic like that once in a while, but not very often."
"And we know it wasn't Craig," continued Emma. "He's on tour right now and again, there are only a small minority of fanfics where he gets me pregnant."
"What about Jimmy?" asked Manny. "Do you think Jimmy could be the father? No one ever pairs you up with Jimmy."
"And there's a reason for that, Manny," snapped Emma. "He only knows me as another student at Degrassi and he's more into girls like Ashley or whoever."
Manny slowly said, "Well...what about Jay? There was that one time the two of you got down and dirty in the ravine...plus, a lot of people think the two of you make a cute couple, so..."
"Jay?" asked Emma, turning up her nose. "As in, Jay Hogart? Why would I want to go back to some sleaze who gave me a social disease?"
"C'mon, Em, the chemistry is there," urged Manny. "It's a love/hate relationship. Admit it: There are times where the two of you get along great, right?"
"If Jay didn't care for you, why would he keep you his dirty little secret?"
"Don't get All American Rejects on me, Manny."
"Okay, okay, I'm just saying," said Manny, throwing her hands up. "How about...Spinner?"
"Spinner?" repeated Emma. "As in Spinner Mason. The guy whom I've only had two or three interactions with."
"Geez, you're really hormonal, " commented Manny. "What about Peter?"
"That was the night he was grounded for being caught as a Russian spy, remember?" pointed out Emma.
"Yeah, he gets off so easy," commented Manny.
"Maybe it's because he's cute," shrugged Emma.
"Marco is gay," said Manny, listing off the guys on the top of her head. "You were never that into Toby even though he was in to you, no one likes Derek and Danny, you don't even know half the new students..."
She gasped. "Wait! Why didn't I—oh!"
"Spit it out, Manny," said Emma.
"Sean!" blurted out Manny. "Sean Cameron is the father! Everyone loves to pair you two up! He's the bad boy, you're the good girl—it's the perfect match! Face it Emma: You and Sean are meant to be together forever!"
Emma blinked. "Sean's in Afghanistan, Manny."
"Well, don't blame me for dreaming," scoffed Manny. "So I guess we'll just have to do the old-fashioned 'DNA Testing' trick."
After fiercely debating the father's identity for over a week, Emma and Manny finally got the test results back one week later.
"Let me see, let me see!" demanded Manny. Emma held the envelope high above her head. "No, Manny, we'll both see—together."
"All right, but get on with it," urged Manny. "The suspense is killing me!"
"The father of my baby is..." said Emma, slowly taking the results out of the envelope. She stopped when she saw them, stunned by the results. Manny took a peek over her shoulder. She was so horrified she could only say two words:
"Well," said Emma meekly, "no one ever did that pairing, before."
And so it was that Emma and her family moved out of the country, ashamed of the father's identity. They moved off to England, where Emma gave birth to little Jessica. And whenever someone asked about Jessica's father, the response would be the same: "Emma is asexual."