AN: Thanks to my beta Charmie, you really are too good to me!

Charmie and I collab'ed on a For the love of Jasper o/s contest, it's fluffy and cute with a nice splash of lemon. Check my profile if you choose to read it.

I dont own Twilight or is characters. You know the drill.


EPOV

Is it time to get up yet? I thought as I lay in my bed after a restless sleep, actually, when I slept it was restless. I never had a problem sleeping before, but after a whirlwind day like yesterday, I found myself tossing and turning all night long. Visions of Bella and the fear on her face as she raced out of my house plagued my thoughts all night long.

I rolled onto my side to stared at my traitorous alarm clock, blaring the early time at me 5:33. Flipping off the defenseless time keeper as I rolled onto my back and forced my eyes shut in an attempt to get more shut eye. It was a losing battle. There was simply no more sleep to be had. I groaned in defiance and nuzzled my pillow one more time before climbing out of bed. The scent of Bella and our sex lingered on my bedding, and I just couldn't have that. I stripped the bed of its bindings and ran them to the laundry room where I quickly doused them with lemony fresh laundry soap and started the cycle.

It was close to eight by the time I was showered, dressed, ate, dosed my morning caffeine, and read the Sunday paper. I knew I needed to call Bella. Last I heard she hadn't even gotten home yet. I knew it was a bit early, but time was going slow for me today and I just didn't have the patience to wait to call. I picked up my phone and dialed Bella's cell which went straight to voicemail. I sighed heavily as I clicked end and dialed their house line.

The phone only rang once before a cheery Alice picked up. "Hello, Edward!" she sang into the receiver sounding far too awake for eight o'clock on the weekend.

"Hi Alice," I said not nearly as exuberant as her. "Is Bella around?"

"Yeah, but she's still sleeping," she giggled shyly, whatever that was about. "I'm making her breakfast. She deserves it after last night."

I didn't even want to know what that meant. "Oh, ok, well tell her I called."

"Wait, Edward," she said quickly trying to make sure I heard her before I hung up. "What time should Bella come over today?"

Oh damn, that's right. She needed to have another "insemination" today. "Uh, anytime. Sooner rather than later would probably be best."

"Ok, well I'll have her call you when she gets up."

We said our quick goodbyes before hanging up. I didn't have any reason to assume Bella would actually come over today. I had already assumed what her reaction would be, based on how quickly she bolted out of my bed yesterday. I assumed she would find a reason to tell Alice why she couldn't come over, and probably even cancel this baby making plan of hers right in its tracks. Which could still happen, but knowing Alice and her convincing nature that would most likely not be the case.

I walked into the laundry room and switched out my bedding to the dryer, being sure to put in a dryer sheet. They just always made my laundry smell so fresh. My nerves were calming, slowly, I lounged on the couch listening to the sounds of cars driving past and dogs barking. The relative calm I felt drifted to my eyelids, which felt heavier by the second. Just as I felt myself passing over to dreamland, the shrill ring of my phone startled me to full attention.

I lifted the phone to check the caller ID, it was Bella. I cleared my throat before answering. "Hello?" my voice was quiet and unsure.

"Hey, Eddie." It was Alice, sounding just as cheery as before. "Did I wake you? You sound tired."

"Nah, I'm up," I lied; well it was only a half lie. I wasn't fully asleep. "What's up?" And why are you calling me instead of Bella?

"Bella will be over in thirty minutes, okay?"

My heart jumped at the mention of her name, but I could play this cool. "Okay."

"Oh, and tell her no stopping at Angela's after she leaves your house this time. I was really worried about her yesterday."

So that was Bella's excuse, good thinking Bella. "Yeah, alright. Talk to you later."

I put my phone on the charger in the kitchen before taking the brown paper bag I had prepped for today. Inside I had a specimen cup and a lid. I walked straight to my bedroom like a man on a mission, and after a few minutes I had a cup full of my essence. Placing it in the refrigerator and waited patiently for Bella's arrival.

Exactly thirty minutes past Alice calling, I heard light footsteps outside my front door. I was surprised when I heard a light tapping on the door. What the hell? She hadn't knocked on my door in years! This was worse than I ever had dared to fear.

I slowly opened the door and was breathless as I drank in the sight before me. Bella shyly glanced towards me as I whisked my eyes over her breast hugging pink t-shirt, down to her low rise jeans that showed every sleek curve of her perfect legs. The sound of Bella taking a swift inhale caused me to whip my eyes to hers. God she took my breath away.

"You knocked," I stated, confused as to why she would after all this time. "That's weird."

She diverted her eyes everywhere but to my eyes. "Yeah...ummm...well, sorry." I stepped out of her way and she walked to the living room where she took a seat on a single chair. I followed and sat near her on the couch. Her breathing hitched and her face flushed as she looked to her hands.

"We need to talk," her voice trembled slightly as she said the words we both were thinking.

I took that moment to ask to speak first. I told her the truth. How watching her leave hastily and looking so scared fucked with my head. I had always been confident, and I had never had a woman leave me after sex like what we had. Hell, I had never had sex like that before. With her, it was like breathing. It came natural. How could she not feel it, the connection when we were together? We had always been close, but somehow, at least to me, the physical intimacy amplified our closeness.

I honestly felt, at least I did at one time, that being with each other would be easy. The fact that we are friends, closer than even most lovers, being intimate would be effortless, it would just flow. But, I was wrong, and it stung me to my core. I couldn't lose her like this, over something that I knew I should never have forced her to do to begin with. What kind of fool was I to think I could turn her straight and make her love me? Then she said the words that made it worthwhile. The sting of rejection turned to slight joy. She admitted she enjoy being with me. Inwardly I did a happy dance. But the sting returned with five simple words. "We can't do that again."

I agreed with her. I didn't want to, but it was right for her at least. It would break me to never be with her like that again, I needed it like I needed air or breath. I took that moment to lead her into the kitchen and handed her a the brown paper bag containing my essence and she bore a confused look on her face. This is all she wanted me for or could I have been wrong? Just then she nodded and smiled down at me. She hugged me close, and I felt a tingle as I realized we would be okay. She would get past this. She wouldn't be my lover, but she would be my friend still and I was thrilled that she would at least let me keep her in my life somehow. I watched her leave and felt a sense of calm as she drove away. The calm that forgiveness brought.

I dialed the one person I could talk to about this, Emmett.

"Hey Edward," he answered in a snarky tone.

"Bella and I talked." Why I felt the need to confess to him, is beyond me. But I needed someone to talk to about this. "And we're good as friends again."

"Edward...Do you really think you guys will ever have that again? I mean....she bolted right? You might never be friends again...be prepared for that. Just do me a solid and read your email in a few minutes okay? I was thinking about you and saw this re-run of this show and well it applies..It's about a vampire and slayer going at it...but you'll get the point. Just think about it."

As I hung up with Emmett I realized that maybe he was right, maybe I had screwed up my friendship with Bella by being so selfish that I basically strong arm her into feeling something, anything for me. Just then I heard a pop from my computer alerting me to an email. I moved my mouse to flash the screensaver and went into my email.

To:ECullen

From:Emmett_is_the_man

Subject: Just think about it...

Eddie,

Just really think about what you're doing man. Here's the quote I was telling you about. You really should check out that show...that chick was HOT in her day!

Emmett

You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love til it kills you both. You'll fight, you'll shag and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work it's will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

As I read Emmett's email some of it was absurd but some of it really made me think. Had I really gone too far this time? As I mulled over what my next steps would be my solitude was not to last as my phone began ringing. It was my mom.

"Hey mom," I sighed into the phone.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asked, ignoring my tone.

"Sleeping," I muttered. I love my mom, but I was ready to get some sleep right this very moment. I was emotionally wiped.

"Well, save that for after dinner. You dad and I want you to come for a family dinner."

"I—," I started to answer hesitantly only to be cut off.

"That was not a question. I want to see my son, who seems to always be too busy to come see us lately. I already made enough for you and you know how we don't eat leftovers. Don't make me waste the food," she was really laying it on thick. I will say this for her, she sure knows how to make her kids feel guilty.

A home cooked meal did sound just what the doctor ordered now that I think about it. It would be nice to see the loving faces of my parents. "What time?"

"Five thirty," she said, clearly pleased with herself. "I have a roast, mashed potatoes and gravy. Don't be late."

Exactly what I needed, comfort food. My god I sound like a chick. Next thing you know I'll be crying on my mom's shoulder over Bella.

After taking a jog, I returned home and cleaned up. Loaded up in my car and headed to my parents house. I was a second generation doctor, and my dad was successful in his practice. Though they didn't lavish themselves in diamonds and pearls, the one thing they did splurge on was their home. A large three level home with too many rooms for a two person household. Decorated in muted neutral colors and so clean I was always scared to even walk on the carpet.

I let myself in and was greeted by my mom who instantly pulled me into a tight hug. The smell of dinner hung in the air and my stomach growled, reminding me I had forgotten to eat lunch. We ate dinner and the conversation centered around our work days and of course, whether I had a woman in my life. Which, I avoided the subject quite nicely. After we ate, I helped wash dishes and then went to the living room to chat while I let the food settle in my stomach.

"I was going through the storage closet the other day," she said as she pulled out a large book from the coffee table in front of her. "And I found this."

I looked at it closely a moment before I realized it was a photo album. And not just any photo album. It was of my senior year of high school photo album. It was one of my graduation gifts from Esme. She felt the final year of high school was something to commemorate.

"Look at it with me," she said as she placed it on her lap and opened it up to the first page. Appeasing her, I scooted up next to her as she leafed through the pages. The first sets of pictures were of homecoming. Nothing I wanted to go to at the time, but Bella and I went with a group of friends. All of us went stag, which took the pressure off of having to find a date. I laughed as we passed through pictures of Christmastime, when Bella gave me this silly looking Chia pet that actually when I set it up, grew pretty quickly. But died just the same. Something about having to water it, might have contributed to its death.

I paused when we came to the pictures taken of senior skip day. Generally the senior class chose one day towards the end of the year and all skipped classes that day and did whatever we wanted.

Flashback

A group of friends were going to sneak into a few movies for senior skip day, but Bella and I wanted to do something outdoors. We decided it was a nice enough day in the beginning of June to go to the beach by the River. It wasn't a big beach like by the ocean, but a little one just cozy enough for the two of us to lay down a blanket and enjoy the warm spring day.

Bella wore her swimsuit under her clothing and I tried to pretend I wasn't staring at her as she stripped off the layers down to her green polka dot bikini. But, of course it was impossible to cover up my gawking, she caught me ogling.

"Edward, really? You're going to stare at me?" she teased and threw her shirt in my face, which held a sweet fruity scent.

"I'm not staring," I lied shrugging my shoulders. "Besides, you're the one stripping. Don't think a man like myself can resist taking a peak at a practically naked female."

She rolled her eyes and giggled before playfully slapping my shoulder. I watched her feminine curves as she walked toward the waters edge. She swiped a toe through the water before turning back squealing.

"Oh my GOD its cold!" she hissed as she fanned out her towel out on the ground next to the blanket and laid down to bask in the sun.

I stood up and took off my shirt leaving me in my swim shorts. I flashed Bella an evil smirk as I lurched toward her and whisked her in my arms.

"Edward!" she screamed, flailing her legs trying to get down. "Put me down!"

I struggled and succeeded in keeping her in my grasp and walked us stealthily toward the water. Fully intending on dropping her in.

"Don't you dare, Edward fucking Cullen!"

I stepped in the water; the ice cold temperature sprung goose bumps up my legs. But I was determined. When I was waist deep, I did it...I dropped her. Was she ever pissed at me. You ever see Mommy Dearest and the wire hangers incident? Yeah well amplify that by say a hundred and you can understand the mess I just found myself in.

She stood up; her nipples were erect from the cold water and did they ever mesmerized me. She jumped up on me and wrapped her legs around me, toppling me over into the cold depths.

I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me intending on dunking her under once again. But at that moment, with her chest against mine and feeling her quick breathing, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. I started in on my target and just when I was about to kiss her, I felt a raindrop on my nose. She pulled back from my grasp as the rain pellets fell quicker.

"Edward, our clothes! They'll get wet!"

I looked around the rain and clouds knowing what was eminent but not caring I Ieaned in towards her lips bringing her chest closer to mine and captured her gaze once again knowing this was my chance. I looked intently at her trying to express all of my feelings of the past, present and future as I moved closer towards her. I knew she could tell I was getting aroused as she shifted with this expression of confusion on her face. Suddenly we were in a downpour and in one fell swoop Bella had jumped off of me.

"Edward let's go!!! It's pouring!" and I knew I would never get that chance back again.

End flashback

"Thanks, that was a nice trip through memory lane," I quipped.

"I thought you might like that," she said, a pleased smile graced her lips.

"I need to get going home, Mom... Dad.... Thanks for dinner," I kissed Mom on the cheek and waved bye to Dad.

"Almost forgot to ask, Edward." I stopped my decent to the door and turned toward my dad. "How is Bella?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "She's fine."

"We haven't seen her in so long, bring her with you next time."

"Sure," I said, knowing full well that was most likely not going to happen anytime soon.

I drove home all the while jonesing to crawl into bed, I was so tired. I dragged my ass to the top of the stairs and tore off my clothes down to my boxers. Turned to my bed to jump in, and froze. Damn, I need to make my bed. I contemplated for a minute whether I should just throw on a blanket on the mattress to sleep on, but fuck it. I might as well make it and get it over with. I quickly got the fitted sheet and top sheet tucked in slipped into bed. Before I went to sleep I couldn't fight the urge anymore to text Bella. I rattled off a quick text, wanting to make some kind of contact with her. Reassure myself we were still ok. I made it short and simple.

B -

I just want you know I'm thinking of you....Sweet Dreams Love...

- E

I realize how I am reaching and don't expect to hear anything back, when my phone beeps with a reply.

Ditto

Ditto? She is thinking of me to but what does that mean for us?


AN: Yeah, I know. The boys got it bad. I can't help it, in my mind Edward is a lovestruck man who got a taste of her and now he is aDICKted... haha... Next chapter is a hottie, EPOV of the camping trip. You want it hot?? Then you best leave me some review love! xoxo