Oops! I did it again... eep! Sorry! 3 months again! I would tell you the reasons but I already did - my crappy life over the last little while is at the start of chapter 3 of Whole Again, though the boyfriend thing is a bit better now.
Next chapter of Lust is here! I don't think it's very good but ~shrugs~ I really need to think about where this story is going!
"Adam. What about Adam?"
Dammit, he should never have answered that question! It had ruined his life. Why, fuck WHY, had he?
He couldn't really blame Evan for not wanting to talk to him. He'd thought about what he'd said to him and how it had sounded and how it could be interpreted a million times since that fateful day.
It did sound like he had just fucked Evan out of anger, that he had used him. He understood how Evan felt... well, maybe not completely, but he had a good idea.
It was only a few hours after Extreme Rules and he was back at his hotel for the night. His cheek was still smarting from Evan's slap but it wasn't red anymore. He still couldn't believe that Evan had actually slapped him. Evan. Sweet Evan. Little Evan. Sweet, little, innocent Evan.
He had probably deserved it. He had gone after Jeff deliberately. If Jeff hadn't have won, he would have waited until he did. He was going to ruin that man's life, starting with his career and later... Phil smirked. Jeff was going to regret his actions. Extreme Rules was just the start. He bet that other things were beginning to unravel now too.
Jeff and John were lying in their bed at the hotel. Jeff's back was against John's chest and the younger man had his arms around his older lover in a gesture of comfort.
Jeff was still upset, of course he was. He wasn't crying or anything but he was upset still. There were feelings of anger towards Phil as well but he was trying not to let this get to him too bad. It was hard but he had to do this.
He couldn't let Phil know he was getting to him. He didn't want anyone to think he was weak so he had to stay strong, especially in the face of John and Evan. He had to act normally. He had to continue on in the way would have if this had never happened.
John didn't know what to do. Phil was supposed to be his best friend and was, as far as John knew, happy for him and Jeff. So how could he do this to Jeff? Why was he trying to hurt Jeff and as a consequence, them?
Phil had known all about John's love for Jeff. He'd never straight out said to him to give it up but he had subtly tried to get John to stop mooning over the older man. When it was obvious that those suggestions weren't working, even in the slightness, Phil had given up and had supported John one hundred per cent. Even when John had tried to get over Jeff himself by fucking Mike and Melina, he'd supported him.
At first, Phil was sceptical when he and Jeff got together but after John had dispelled his fears he'd been nothing but supportive until after they went to Cameron. John knew what had happened there but didn't know how Phil was feeling as he wouldn't talk about it.
And it wasn't that he'd just hurt Jeff, he'd crushed Evan's heart as well. Evan was being pretty quiet about it as well but at least he had some idea of what was going on.
Phil had changed and not for the better. John just hoped that he got over... whatever this was and didn't try to make him choose between him and Jeff. There would be no deliberating over that. There was no contest whatsoever. After waiting almost three years to be with Jeff, there wasn't any way he was going to give him up. Phil could just go take a running...
"John?" Jeff whispered into the silent darkness.
Jeff shifted on the bed and turned to his head to face his boyfriend. He smiled a small smile even though he knew that John couldn't see his him. "I'm glad you're here," he murmured.
John pulled Jeff close so he could hug him tightly, his mouth near the other man's ear. "Where else would I be?"
The two men lay like that for a while. John thought that Jeff was asleep as he was breathing deeply and evenly.
"Make love to me." The words were loud in the room.
John's eyes widened. Make love? Now? "Jeff?" he asked, whispering.
Jeff turned to face his boyfriend. "Please, John. I want you to make love to me."
John couldn't help but hold himself back from ravishing Jeff like he wanted to. He wasn't sure what he could say right now. He could feel his cock hardening in his pyjama bottoms so he couldn't exactly deny wanting this, wanting Jeff but he couldn't help feeling that Jeff wasn't exactly in his right mind at this particular moment.
With everything that had happened that night, Jeff couldn't really be serious about this, could he?
The narrowing of the other man's eyes was the only clue for John.
Jeff was slightly confused at first. Now he was angry but mostly, he was hurt. Hurt that his boyfriend didn't believe that he was ready, that he was making the right decision.
Maybe there had been no words exchanged between them but he wasn't stupid. He knew what John was feeling. He'd seen the looks flickering across the other man's eyes and face.
Jeff turned his back to John, closing his eyes and pulling the sheets around him tightly. He was tense and breathing harshly. He flinched when John laid a hand on his back. He could imagine the wounded look on John's face at that point but, to be honest, at this moment in time, he didn't fucking care.
Someone who he'd believed a friend was, from the looks of it, trying to ruin his career and now... He'd thought that John knew him well enough to know when he was being sincere, when he was speaking the truth. Why couldn't he understand that he just wanted to feel better about himself? He wanted to feel the pleasure that John obviously felt during sex. He wanted to have that experience.
He'd been thinking about this, about giving himself to John, since they got together, before it even. He wanted this. He wouldn't have said he did if he didn't. He was ready for this. It was a big thing for him; he wanted to be sure he wanted a cock in that place where nothing was really supposed to go up, just come out.
His whole life, he'd thought he was straight. For fuck's sake, he'd been in a relationship with one woman for almost 10 years and now he was um... he wasn't entirely sure, he was leaning towards bisexual, maybe gay, he really wasn't sure. He was dating a guy. He was having sex with a guy. He was in love with a guy... a really great guy... an amazing guy.
John wasn't trying to hurt him, right? He wasn't holding back from him was he? He wasn't thinking that maybe Phil had done the right thing, was he?