A/N This was inspired by a line in Spiral Static by Coquettishness if you haven't read that stop now and read that. She is an excellent author and you need to read the follow-up story Citizen Erased too.
When I read the line in Spiral Static Chapter 10 ---""I could forget you?" I asked, my voice shaky……. "I ... I'll have what I write down in my journal to read after I'm turned? To remind me?"" ---a flood entered my head that I had to write... So here it is I hope you enjoy it just a piece of light reading and my first attempt at writing a canon story.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight
I own a very old computer that has been growling at me lately.
I might not remember.
I might remember who I am.
More importantly I might not remember the people in my life.
The people I love.
I couldn't take that risk.
Edward had known this. Knew how important this would be to me. That is why I now held in my hand an empty journal awaiting my thoughts. My memories. My hopes and dreams. My past. My present. I could fill every page and it would not be enough.
He had explained to me that my memory might be sketchy after the change.
What if I didn't recognize Edward? Or Alice? Or any of the rest of the Cullens? What if I couldn't remember Charlie or Renee?
Would I know who I was?
Yes, it was important for me to put pen to paper.
I began to wind the clock backwards in time.
Our honeymoon had been a dream. The touches and intimacy I laid on the page were weak in capturing the intensity of the days we had spent enraptured with one another.
This wasn't some trashy romance novel, this was me weaving a clearly defined trail for me to follow if I needed to find a way back to myself.
The wedding was something out of a fairy tale and I wanted to capture the essence of the day. Alice had brought my dreams to life that day even when I hadn't known what I had wanted. Everything was exquisite, the most important being the man that waited at the end of the aisle to bind himself to me forever.
So much had led us to that point. Wonderful things. Terrifying things. I laid them all on the pages.
All things Edward spread across the pages. Line after line as I explored our brief yet intense time together. The horrid way he had originally looked at me that first day in Biology. I had wondered at what he had found so repellant in me without speaking a word to me. The amazing things I had learned about him in our time together. The things he did that left me awed even now. This wonderful man was mine and I could not fathom that I would not remember every detail of my passion for him but could not risk the chance that he fear of me not remembering was true so I laid down the each word on the page as if were a most precious jewel. I strung those jewels together one at a time in succession that I could only hope would bind me even more closely to Edward for all time.
I wrote of each of the Cullens in turn. Alice who had become a sister to me. Her pixyish way. Her startling prognostications. Her love of shopping and the joy she found in transforming me into the beauty she knew I had within me. Rosalie who had always terrified me with her coolness and her beauty but had found a place in my heart none-the-less. Emmett the big lug who could make me laugh with just a look. He was the big brother I had always yearned for. Jasper with his ability to calm or excite, we had found an even ground to stand upon. I was glad for the day I would not be a torment to him. I thought, no I KNEW that his strength surpassed even Edward's to control the urges that must stretch his abilities. I couldn't be prouder of him for that strength of will. Carlisle and Esme. A second set of parents. Kind and loving, caring for me in an inexplicable number of ways.
Parents. Charlie. Even with all I had put him through his love for me never wavered. His soft spoken way touched me. His actions sometimes speaking louder than words. He had put up with my obstinate ways during my enforced summer visits over the years bending to my demands willingly. When I had chosen to move in with him less than two years ago his surprise and pleasure were evident. The hulking ancient red truck he gave me as a homecoming gift. The grownup touches he had added to my room spoke volumes of how he cared for me. The tears in his eyes at the wedding when he realized that his little girl was all grown and was leaving the nest forever.
Then there was Renee. The flighty way she tripped from one obsession to another. Each one receiving her full attention until something new captured her and she would be off again. It was a relief to know that she had Phil in her life to hopefully keep her on a somewhat even keel.
My school friends that I knew I would not be seeing again but their impact on my life big and small needed to be added to these pages. Jessica, Angela, Mike, Ben, Tyler, Eric I wanted to keep them with me in some small way.
Then there was Jacob. I knew he could not be part of my new 'life' once I was changed, but memories of him were important too. He had saved me in so many ways. The details of the times we had spent together were each a link in a chain that should bind us together. I could only hope that there was a way to overcome our differences and the long held animosity between vampire and werewolf.
I put down the words to remember my Quileute friends. Billy, Embry, Sam, Emily, Sue and even Leah.
So much of who I am now was wrapped up in the past year and a half but I also wrote about the time I spent growing up in Phoenix. The sights and smells I wanted to remember. The little things that help me come to this place and time.
The clock was spinning backwards fast in my mind by yet spinning forward so quickly to that moment of change. I was no longer Isabella Swan I was Isabella Cullen. And I was ready to take that final step forward to make this my eternity. I could only hope that I would have no need for the thoughts and memories I had imprisoned upon these pages.
I am ready to start my forever.
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P.S. If you still haven't gone to read the work of Coquettishness go do it now. I guarantee you won't be disappointed.