I don't own Full House.
A/N: I came up with this right after a nap. I've never done a Full House fan fiction and never thought I would but this story I thought up is too good to pass up. It's rated 'M' for a reason.
All through the studios the introduction "WAKE UP SAN FRANCISCO" played. Danny was getting ready to take his place with Becky for another morning show but what happened to be sitting on the table caught his attention.
"What the hell is this Becky?" Danny asked and Becky told him they were doing a show on the crack epidemic. After the show things got ugly.
"Oh Danny I think it's horrible that our young people are doing this" Becky said.
"I know my kids wouldn't dare do this" Danny said triumphantly.
Becky asked "who would dare them to do it anyhow?"
Danny replied "Well regardless I mean anyone who would dare someone to do this is just as bad as a dealer or a pimp or oh this is just too much."
Becky asked "the crack epidemic or the crack sitting there on the table?"
Danny answered "the crack and the fact people are doing it and the fact that someone could even dare someone to do it."
Becky laughed and said "imagine if I dared you to do it right here right now."
Danny shot back "well what kind of a suggestion is that? Two grown ups daring each other to smoke crack is absurd!"
15 MINUTES LATER WHEN THEY STUDIO CLEARED OUT AND THEY WERE THE ONLY TWO THERE THEY LIT UP AND SMOKED CRACK.
Becky said "well I'm going home assuming I can make it home."
Becky fell down the stairs on her way out of the studio.
Danny made it home but things were not going to be nice for his family.
As Danny walked in the door he said "I think it will be funny to MURDER my family."
Upstairs there was drama.
"Stephanie I want my Goddamn vibrator back and I want it back NOW!" yelled DJ as she stormed the upstairs hallway.
Stephanie denied taking her vibrator but DJ didn't believe her and said "you know damn well I'm a teenager and have hormones because you read my fucking diary now give me my motherfucking vibrator."
Stephanie denied having the vibrator again and commented "you should keep your diary locked away so nobody can read your stupid shit."
DJ became infuriated and demanded her vibrator once again.
Stephanie said "you're tripping ho!"
DJ was pissed and yelled "that's it I'm whooping your ass bitch!"
DJ began chasing Stephanie around the room and threw a lamp at her but in the mean time Danny was downstairs making a prank call to Kimmy Gibbler.
"Hello" Danny said into the phone.
Kimmy replied back "yes who's this?"
"It's Mister Tanner and I was just calling to have you over because DJ wants you to copy her homework so your grades will come up."
"I'll be right there Mister T."
Kimmy rushed over to see DJ.
When Kimmy got in the front door Danny whacked her over her head and took her out in the backyard where he hung her naked upside down and cut off her head. The blood drained all over the lawn and then he dismembered her.
When Danny came back in the house he got everything set up. There was still commotion upstairs but eventually DJ fell down the stairs and she landed in the kitchen.
"DJ what happened?" her insane father asked.
DJ replied "that little bitch Stephanie took my vibrator and she even had the nerve to say I rub Vaseline on Kevin's private parts while he spanks his own bare ass and barks like a motherfucking dog."
Danny immediately silenced DJ and told her "I think you're too young to have a vibrator and I would really like you to calm down. That language is way too much."
DJ shut her mouth and smiled.
Danny said "I have something you'll love for dinner."
DJ asked "what?"
Danny presented Kimmy Gibbler's severed head on a plate.
DJ yelled "OH MY FUCKING GOD!"
Danny commented "she's a Gibbler and tonight we're the gobblers."
DJ yelled "that's not funny what the hell happened?"
Danny said "oh DJ you should have seen the look of surprise on your face when you found out your best friend had been murdered."
Danny shuts his eyes and laughs but when he opens them he sees DJ's "funny" look was now a face full of tears.
Danny said "oh well DJ if you're crying like a little girl daddy is going to have to put you to bed."
Danny pulled out a magnum and shot DJ between the eyes then he buried her in the backyard.
When Stephanie came downstairs into the kitchen she saw the backdoor open so she went out right when Danny just finished filling DJ's grave in the nick of time.
Danny asked Stephanie why she had a black eye and Stephanie told him "that slut DJ hit me."
Danny said "this reminds me of the time Joey accidentally broke your nose but I must say I don't think Joey or DJ hit you hard enough."
Danny swung the shovel with all his might delivering a fatal blow to Stephanie's head.
He covered her body with a big blanket and right after that Michelle came out.
She said "daddy someone took a big dump in the potty and didn't flush."
Danny said that it was okay for now and told Michelle he had a new "fun game" to play and of course she got excited. Michelle found it very strange that her dad would have her climb up on the roof of the house but when he told her to do it she did.
"Okay Michelle jump off the roof."
Danny waited to watch Michelle jump and soon he heard her go "whee" and then……..
"Yeah Michelle's dead" said Diabolical Danny.
But then Danny heard yelling from the kitchen.
"OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KIMMY!"
"THOSE SICK BASTARDS!"
Danny ran into the kitchen with his shovel and knocked Joey unconscious. Then he dragged him upstairs and dunked him head first into the toilet repeatedly. After five minutes of dunking Joey into the toilet he filled up the bathtub and threw Joey in face down.
"Good night Joey" laughed Danny.
Danny had one more thing to do. He was going to set up Jesse for an electrifying guitar gig.
Danny said out loud "I'll get that motherfucker."
DANNY SHUT OFF THE POWER TO HIS HOUSE AND GOT A FLASHLIGHT. THEN DANNY TOOK JESSE'S GUITAR AND ACCESSORIES AND PUT THEM IN A BIG ACQUARIUM FULL OF WATER. DANNY KNEW JESSE WOULD HAVE A FLASHLIGHT SINCE HE WAS AN EXTERMINATOR AND CARRIED A VARIETY OF TOOLS.
WHEN JESSE GOT IN AND SHINED HIS LIGHT HE WAS IN SHOCK TO SEE HIS GUITAR IN WATER AND SCREAMED.
"WHO THE FUCK DID THIS TO MY FUCKING GUITAR?" YELLED JESSE
Danny flipped on the power box and Jesse was blasted with thousands of volts of electricity then sent flying out the door into the street and two cars ran him over.
The neighbors called the police because of all the noise and when they got to the Tanner Residence they were horrified. Comet led them to the bodies of DJ and Stephanie by digging them up. The rest were found where Danny left them.
Jesse in the street.
Joey in the tub.
Kimmy in pieces.
Michelle dead on the patio.
Comet was sent to the pound but was adopted in the nick of time before being put to sleep.
Danny Tanner was found guilty of six counts of murder and did not escape the lethal injection like Comet did.