A/N: Parody/ Humour/ Crack-fic


Bella was coming over today, so I decided to look on the internet for interesting things to do with her. No, not that way. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I typed in Google 'Things To Do In An Elevator' and clicked search.

I clicked on the first website that was on the list. It came up with 100 things to do in an Elevator. I laughed as I read through them. I wrote some of my favourite's down on a piece of paper and folded it up and placed it in my pocket. I heard Bella's heartbeat coming up the drive way, so I quickly turned the Laptop off. I walked into the living room and hugged her before she stepped into the house.

"Em…Can't Breath." Bella stated…oops.

I quickly put her down and grinned.

"Can we go somewhere that has an elevator?" I asked her, she looked at me as if I had gone loopy. What a funny word…loopy.

"Why?" Bella asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Because I found this website and it had lists of things to do in an elevator." I said and grinned, before she had a chance to say anything I ran upstairs to grab all of the things I needed.

Briefcase….Carlisle's office! I grabbed the briefcase from his office and mentally ticked it off the list I had mad in my head.

Chalk- from Alice's designing desk.

Leaflets- already made.

Toy gun,

Voultri cloak,

Jasper's IPod and speakers- hopefully he has Nickelback..

When I had everything, I ran down stairs to see Bella looking at me weirdly.

"To the elevator!" I announced, while climbing into Bella's old truck.

"We'll go to the mall…they have plenty of elevators there." Bella said, while driving onto the road beside the Mansion.

When we arrived, I grabbed the stuff and walked to the nearest elevator with Bella running to catch up. I looked inside the elevator, checking to see if it was empty. Perfect.

We walked into the elevator and closed the doors. Bella pressed a random floor, and we waited for people to come into the lift. I was standing near the button panel, holding a briefcase while wearing a suit. I had put my other objects in the briefcase.

Three people walked towards us, they looked about Bella's age. Before they had a chance to walk into the elevator, I stepped in their way and held out my hand as if to shake their hand.

I made them shake my hand, ignoring the strange looks they were shooting me. While they shook my hand, I said "Congratulations." For no apparent reason, and stepped aside. By the time I had finished shaking the humans' hands, there were at least eight people in the elevator all together.

This was my chance. I grimaced painfully and smacked my head with my palm muttering "Shut up! All of you, just shut UP!" a few people looked at me confused and some worried, probably wondering my mental health.

I started whistling, innocently. Too innocently. I then cracked open my brief case, and peered inside of it as if I was looking at something.

"Got enough air in there?" I asked, the brief case, making it look like I had some sort of live being in there. A few people started to whisper to each other but stopped when I glanced at them.

We got to floor 3 and I tried to open the doors, knowing that nothing would happen. I grunted and strained trying to open the doors. Finally, they opened on their own. I looked around bashfully and walked out of the elevator along with Bella and we walked to another Elevator which was at the other side of the mall.

There were a few people in this one, who had never seen before. Brilliant.

I starred at a random dude, looking at him long enough to get irritated.

"What?" He snapped at me.

"I've got new socks on!" I stated. he looked a bit scared for a while; he then shifted away from me very slowly. Well, then. He's no fun.

People came and went; I stood at the back this time. I started swaying left and right. I groaned.

"Ugh. . .Not now. Stupid Motion Sickness…" I said, sounding ill.

I grabbed Jasper's IPod from Carlisle's briefcase and looked through the artists quickly. Damn it! He didn't have Nickelback. I picked Bullet For My Valentine and turned the speakers up as loud as it would go. I started to head bang. A few people started to look at me weirdly. When they did, I glared at them and pointed my toy gun and them.

"Who you looking at Fool?" I said in my best gangster voice. They all backed away, slowly looking at me as if I had mental issues. Awesome.

People came and went, and I had two more pranks up my sleeve before we left and went home.

I casually leaned up against the red button and the lift stopped. I looked around 'surprised'.

I started talking to myself, "It's okay, it wasn't your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN. Damn you SATAN! DAMN YOU!" I then pushed the button again. People looked at my fearful. I grinned at them and waved my hand.

Time skip

I started to talk animatedly to a guy that was standing next to me. I then pointed to a wall, where a few people were leaning against.

"My three children were conceived in this very lift, up against that very wall."

He looked at me for a moment and then just walked off of the lift.

Pretty soon we where home, sitting with Edward, Alice, Jazzy and Rosie.