A/N: I had planned to stop the camping trip here, and move on to the next plot point. However, I've gotten a ton of requests for Jaspers swimming lesson as well, so I'm going to leave it up to you guys. If we do one more on the camping trip, it will be Rosalie's POV, if we move on it will be Carlisles. Carlisle's chapter is about half written, but Rose is so fun to write that it shouldn't take long.
I love camping with my family. I love the closeness, and giggling with Rosalie after Mom and Dad go to bed, and making our meals over a campfire. I also love the fact that all the rules regarding junk food and soda are out the window while we're on the trail, so everyone spends the entire weekend in a crazy sort of sugar and caffeine high.
This time, though, is even more special than usual. Because now Jasper's with us, and our family is complete. Plus, we have Bella, too! So not only are we complete, we're balanced with boys and girls again.
It's good when everything works out so it's neat and balanced.
Even though we live in the same house, it's hard to find time to be alone with Jasper. No matter where we go, everyone else is always there! Mom and Dad are always in the living room, or the computer room, or the den. Rose has her workshop, and Edward and Bella are always sitting on the porch. Emmett spends a lot of time in the room he and Jasper share. We can't use my room, because Mom and Dad have a rule about no boys and girls alone together in a room. It's either one of us or three or more, but not two. There's a reason for that, beyond the obvious one, but I can't remember what it is. Something about when we had more foster kids in the house. . . .
No, it's gone. But my point is, pretty much everything I do with Jasper has an audience. Not that I want to do something dirty with him or anything! But I do want to be able to hug him, or stroke his hair, and not have the five other pairs of eyes watching us. Sometimes it's like being back in the institution.
I do remember the institution, even though we don't ever talk about it. By the way, that's by my choice, not Mom and Dad's. They've always made it clear that there's nothing to be ashamed of, and that I can feel free to talk about it with them, or my siblings, or a therapist, but I don't want to. The institution wasn't terrible, but it wasn't a home, either. Now that I had a real home, I wasn't going to dwell on it. Why should I think about things that just make me unhappy?
Which was why I was so happy for a long car ride where it was just Jasper and me in the middle seat. Yeah, Dad and Emmett and Rose were in the car, too, but Dad and Rose were focusing on the road, and I was pretty sure Emmett was asleep. He usually falls asleep on car rides. So does Jasper. It's really cute how hard he tries to stay awake, but I think that the car is one of the few places where he feels safe, so he can't help but relax and doze off. Of course, I may have helped matters by allowing him to cuddle against my shoulder and running my fingers through his hair. I wanted him close to me, so that I could take care of him.
It's strange for me to think about taking care of Jasper, because he never acts like he needs it. He's never rude about it, but to him, asking for help is the very, very last resort, which means sometimes he's irreparably messed things up before he'll do it, and then he has to start over.
He also won't ask for comfort from anyone but me. If Mom offers, he doesn't push her away, but he won't seek her out, either. He just kind of stands there and lets her hug him. Sometimes he hugs back, and sometimes he doesn't, but he never looks comfortable or happy. He used to let Dad do the same thing, but now he hates Dad and doesn't even like to be in the same room with him.
The only ones who really know what happened the day of the trial are Jasper and Dad, and neither one of them are saying anything, no matter how nicely I ask. I'd like to know the truth, since that's the only way I'm going to know which one of them to smack, but Dad keeps insisting that it's nobody's business but his and Jasper's, and Jasper just looks sad and tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it.
I'll get the truth eventually, because I'm every bit as stubborn as Jasper is, but I was all right with backing off for now. He'd tell me when he was ready.
There's the one song from Winnie the Pooh called Eeyore's Lullaby, and it's Jasper's favorite. If he can't sleep, sometimes I sing it for him, and it usually calms him down. I hummed it softly under my breath now, and was rewarded by his breathing growing even and slow.
Having Jasper touch me like this is a little strange and sometimes even scary. It would be different if it were Emmett or Edward. They're boys, of course, but not real ones. They're brothers, which means that they're all but neutered in my mind.
Jasper is different. He looks like a man, and feels like a man, and smells like a man. Not that it's a bad smell, but it's a masculine one, and one I would normally shy away from.
Since he was asleep and couldn't tell what I was doing anyway, I looked down the long lines of Jasper's body, staring at him and thinking about everything. Even though his body was somewhat frightening to me, I couldn't help but feel a thrill in my stomach when I looked at it as well. I hadn't seen Jasper with his shirt off, not even once, but I could feel his body when I hugged him. It wasn't big like Emmett's or small like Edward's. He was skinny, but you could feel his muscles, too.
I let my eyes go a little further down, almost to the front of his jeans, and then snapped them back up, my face hot. What was wrong with me? How sick was I that I was looking at his . . . his . . . privates?
And yes, I know that that body part has a name, and that there's nothing dirty or shameful about it, but I couldn't help but feel like there was. I had never even seen one in real life, just pictures, and those were diagrams in sex ed, not photographs. I'm sure that I saw James', but I don't remember it. Was it really as silly looking as the diagram made it appear?
Jasper woke up for breakfast, even though he was a little groggy. He's cute when he's like that, all soft and sleepy. Once we were done eating, Jasper perked up and settled in to play a card game on Dad's laptop for the rest of the trip. Once we were there, all of the electronics would be locked up in the car for the weekend, but they did help make the ride go faster, and were much less slippery and more convenient than real cards.
Once we got there, we had our race to get the tents up as fast as possible. Mom and Dad should have been at the disadvantage, since there were three girls and three boys and only two of them. And since Rose, Bella, and I were way smarter than the boys, not to mention that we can actually read the directions, we should have been able to beat them, too.
Except it didn't work out that way. Neither Bella nor Jasper had ever set up a tent before, so it was really two girls, two boys and two parents all competing. And Mom and Dad won, which meant that they got to go for a romantic walk, while the rest of us did all the work of setting up camp.
Rose assigned the tasks, giving us the easy jobs. The boys made faces, but no one wants to make Rose mad by telling her to go screw herself, so they stomped off. It's awesome to have her as a sister.
As soon as they were out of earshot, she turned back to me. "So? How are things going with Jasper? Is he still being a gentleman?"
"Yeah, he's been perfect. No pushing at all." Even if there was a slutty part of me that wished he would push things. When he put his hand under my shirt the other day . . . wow. I had no idea that anything could feel that good.
"Good. Bella? How's Edward doing on that front?" Both her tone and face said that she was very interested in the answer, which is kind of unusual for Rose.
As much as I love my sister (and I do!), she's not always a nice person. Mostly she's mean to Edward, but sometimes to other people, too. I don't think she's really that mean, not in her heart, but it's the only way she knows how to keep people at arm's length. Even though Bella's been coming around for almost as long as we've had Jasper, Rose really likes Jasper yet still doesn't trust Bella.
But maybe this camping trip would change things. Once you're in with Rose, you're in with her for life, and she'll do anything in the world to protect you. Jasper's her absolute baby, and she would gladly claw out the eyes of anyone who tried to hurt him.
"We're still stuck on second base. And by second base, I mean under the shirt, over the bra. He won't try anything else."
Rose rested a fingertip on her chin, like she was deep in thought. "Bella, have you ever considered that Edward might be . . . how can I put this lightly? Gay?"
Bella gave an over dramatic sigh. "He's not gay. Believe me, at least then I would know that it wasn't me. No, he likes it, I can tell, because he gets all . . ." She blushed madly and made a little gesture near her crotch.
"Ah." Rose grinned at her. "Well, then, your issue is easily solved. The next time you know you're going to be able to get him alone, don't wear a bra. Once he's gotten his first taste of those things, he won't be able to help himself. The first time I let Emmett under my top, he followed me around like a drooling puppy dog for weeks."
Bella's lips formed a smirk. "That's a good one."
I didn't have anything to add to the conversation, but I was listening as closely as possible. Bella wanted the same thing I did, but she didn't feel bad about it. She wasn't a whore for wanting more with her boyfriend. Did that mean that I wasn't a whore, either? I loved Jasper with all my heart and soul.
This was something I could have never talked to Mom about, no matter how much I loved her, and I would sooner die than bring it up with Dad. He still thinks of me as his baby girl, and I didn't want to ruin that image he had of me.
"Alice? You look worried." Bella squeezed my hand.
Maybe I could talk to them. "Do you promise not to tell anyone? Not even Emmett, Rose?"
"Of course not. Chicks before dicks, you know how it is." Behind her, Bella nodded, too.
I took a deep breath before blurting out the shameful truth. "I wish Jasper would touch me under the bra!" Once the words were out, I shrieked and clapped my hands over my mouth.
To my shock, they both applauded. Rose actually cheered. "Go Alice! Release your inner sex kitten!"
Wait, what? They should be horrified. I mean, sure, Rose had sex with Emmett, but she was Rose. She was hot and confident, and just screamed sex. I was just shy, mousy little Alice, doomed to spinsterhood.
"No you aren't." I suddenly realized that I had said that out loud. "Alice, you're gorgeous. You have the most beautiful features, like a doll. And you walk like a dancer. If I had even half of your natural grace, I would be in great shape."
"She's right." Bella looked over at me. "You're like a beautiful fairy princess."
Sometimes when I looked in the mirror, I did think that I was pretty. I definitely thought I was pretty when Jasper looked at me. In his eyes, I really was the dancing fairy princess. And maybe, in the end, that was what mattered. I was beautiful because he made me beautiful.
Rose put her hand on my shoulder. "And you are not slutty for wanting more with Jasper. Slutty would have been doing it on the first date, or even the first night he was here. Wanting a piece of that hot thing is perfectly normal."
"So I should go braless?" True confession: sometimes I did anyway. My breasts were small enough that you couldn't tell.
"No. Not in this case." Rose sounded completely sure.
"No?" How could it be no? Why was all of this so confusing? "But you told Bella yes."
"I know. But Bella and Edward aren't Alice and Jasper. In your case, I would suggest talking to Jasper, and telling him that you want a little more. Trust me, I know Jasper's type. He's a gentleman through and through, which means you could go marching into his room completely naked, and the only thing he would do would be to offer you his jacket. He would never do anything that you didn't actually tell him was okay."
That made sense. "So I should just talk to him?"
"Yep. I'm telling both of you, it's as easy as that." Suddenly, her head cocked. "They're coming back."
Sure enough, Emmett and Jasper came ambling back into the clearing, clutching loads of firewood. Rose immediately went over to Emmett, cooing about how strong and manly he was, carrying all that wood. I didn't want to stare, but I couldn't help it. Flirting came so easily to her. Every time I tried it, I just felt foolish.
"How does she do that?" Bella whispered to me. "I always feel stupid when I try and act like that."
At least I wasn't the only one. But before I could reassure her that I felt the same way, Jasper approached me and held out a flower. "This is for you."
It was a gorgeous flower. And, beyond that, he had given it to me for no reason at all, just because he loved me. I tucked the flower into my palm, wanting to save it for later so I could press it and keep it forever.
Rose gave Jasper a kiss. "You are so romantic. I wish that my boyfriend was romantic like that."
Speaking of her boyfriend, he was giving Jasper the dirtiest look ever. But even Emmett's dirty looks have a little bit of fun in them. Not that Jasper noticed. He was too busy looking hopefully at me. I kissed his lips, feeling them turn up against mine in a devilish smile. "Thank you, Jasper."
Apparently Emmett saw this moment as his chance for revenge, because he wasn't going to give us any chance to be alone. "Come on Jas, I'll teach you how to play Rummy."
I suck at Rummy, but I could see where Jasper would be good at it. No one can strategize like my man, and Rummy is all about strategy. He had confided to me once, right after he came to our house, that he had thought about joining the army when he turned eighteen. Once he was in, he was confident that he would be able to use his natural charm and ability to strategize to move quickly through the ranks.
All that was before they confirmed his epilepsy. Now he was ineligible for the armed forces.
I hadn't said anything about it to him, because I hated to be the one to crush his dreams, but I knew that he was aware that he would never join the army now.
Honestly, I don't think he was that serious about it to start with. He would have joined not because he loved his country and wanted to defend it, but because it was just the best of what he saw as a poor set of options. The army would tell him when to sleep, where to go, and what to do, just like Social Services had been doing for most of his life. Same old story, just a different government agency acting as the boss.
There was even a part of me that was glad about it. Not that he was sick, but that he wouldn't be able to run away from our family now. Maybe not having the army as an option would allow him to look at our family a little harder, and see how much we all wanted him to stay.
As I had suspected, Jasper picked up the rules of Rummy very quickly, especially since Rose was helping him cheat by making little gestures and eye movements to tell him what to do. Mom and Dad finally came back from their walk and joined us for the last few hands.
Usually we try and eat healthy, but these trips are different. The first night we always roast hot dogs with all the trimmings, and have chips to go with them. Dad bought this thing that roasts a half dozen hot dogs at once, which is a good thing, since otherwise Emmett would spend all night long making his dinner. Good chips, too, not the baked or pita chips that Dad usually keeps in the house. Jasper and Emmett were devouring Doritos at an amazing rate.
Once everyone was done eating dinner, Dad pulled out a bag of marshmallows. "Easy does it this time, guys. I don't want anyone sick, and I'm not picking marshmallow out of anyone's hair again."
Both of those things had only happened once. Four years ago, Rosalie had 'accidentally' dropped a freshly roasted marshmallow on Edward's head. This was back when her problems were really bad, and it was flat-out war between them. She had been punished, but to this day, I don't think she cared in the slightest. Edward had made her angry, and she had retaliated swiftly. Period. He had deserved it. The sick part had involved Emmett, an entire bag of marshmallows, and nine chocolate bars. It had been disgusting, and made me very glad that I didn't have to share a tent with him.
Jasper took a marshmallow along with the rest of us, but he seemed unsure of what to do once he had it. I knew that he would be too embarrassed to just ask, so I made sure my body was turned so he could see how I put my stick in the fire to get rid of the bark, and then threaded the marshmallow on. He mimicked me, but didn't put it in the fire. He just stood back and watched everyone else.
I thought that he might feel a little crowded, but once everyone had gone back to the picnic table to assemble their s'mores, he was still standing there frozen, his eyes fixed on the flames. He was skittish around the fire, and he didn't want to get any closer. I stepped closer to his side and tickled lightly. "Why don't you let me? Here, you can have my s'more."
I handed it over, watching as he nibbled on it. He was cautious, like it might try to bite him, but that's usually how Jasper takes new things. Then he grinned at me. "It's good."
"Have you really never eaten s'mores before?" Emmett sounded horrified.
"No." He licked at his fingers.
"Dude, that's really sad. But we'll figure out what you like, don't worry."
Pretty soon we were each roasting a marshmallow, from burned black to barely warm. Jasper took a tiny nibble of each, mindful to not overdo it and make himself sick. It was really sweet to see him lose his inhibitions for once and interact happily with the rest of the family. He even accepted a s'more from Dad.
It was a nice note to end our first night on. We all said goodnight and retreated to our respective tents. Rose took a minute to whisper with Emmett, which made me roll my eyes. What that actually meant was that they were going to sneak off together later tonight. Usually they would kick Edward out of the boys' tent, do their thing, and then switch back before morning. I think Mom and Dad knew, but they never interfered.
But now there were Jasper and Bella, and the tents would be too crowded. Maybe they would just sneak off into the woods. Then I had to giggle at the thought of them getting mosquito bites in some very personal places.
Once we decided on the sleeping order (Rose by the tent door, then me, then Bella) and the tent was zipped closed, I thought the night was over. "Okay, good night."
"Freeze." Rose wasn't loud, but she wasn't brooking any arguments, either. Bella and I both obeyed her, staring with wide eyes. "We're not going to bed yet. We're going to have girl talk instead."
Okay, this was a little weird. Don't get me wrong, Rose and I have sisterly girl talk all the time, but we never just come out and say it like that. Maybe it was because Bella was here?
Still, girl talk with Rose is always fun. She can give you a French manicure that looks exactly like it does when a professional does it, and no one puts on makeup like her. I lay down on top of my sleeping bag. "What are we going to talk about?"
"The most important thing in the world. Sex. I am going to rock your virginal worlds." She was trying not to laugh, but failing miserably.
I barely managed to contain a scream. Of course Rose and I talked about boys, but not like this. We talked about which boys at school were cute, and which movie stars we would like to marry (she wanted Matt Damon, I liked Orlando Bloom) if we had the chance. We didn't talk about sex.
Bella gasped, her brown eyes wide. I'm sure my own eyes looked exactly the same. Rose sat cross-legged on her sleeping bag, looking like a princess. "Oh, come on, we're all girls here! We can talk about a little penis."
"Is that what Emmett has? A little penis?" Bella recovered much quicker than I did.
"Oh, honey, no. Emmett is quite well hung, but I won't horrify Alice by discussing the intimate details of her brother's genitalia." She gave Bella a dirty wink. "Ask me later in private. Now, speaking of penises, have either one of you seen a real one?"
"No." I was so horrified I could barely get the word out.
"I have." If it was possible, Bella sounded more embarrassed then I did. "My last boyfriend, before Edward. He pulled the thing out and wanted me to touch it. It was hideous. Like an overgrown worm."
"They are kind of ugly. But here, take a look." She reached into her backpack and pulled out a stack of magazines. Yeah, those kind of magazines. I have no idea where she got them from. She opened the nearest one to show us the centerfold of a naked man. My eyes were drawn to . . . it. The part, the one that was different from all the others.
Bella was right, it did kind of look like an overgrown worm. Hysterical giggles bubbled out of my throat. How did any self-respecting girl look at one of those and not burst out laughing? What did a boy do with it when he sat down? Question after question fought for dominance in my brain.
Rose started passing out magazines. "Come on, girls, school is in session! Start studying." She was clearly enjoying this. She's actually a pretty good sister most of the time, but sometimes she likes to tease.
Who would have thought that there were so many different magazines with naked men in them? There was Playgirl—even I knew about that—but she must have had six or seven others. And who knew that men shaved themselves down there, too?
Bella was flipping through her own magazine. "These are so much more impressive than Ben's." She couldn't tear her eyes off of them, which made me feel a little better about staring myself.
"Alice, do your homework! I assign you to look at some wang."
I obeyed, checking out the different men. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think about Jasper. He had one of those, too. I had always kind of thought that they all looked the same, but the ones on these men didn't. Some were bigger and some were smaller and some were thicker and some were . . . what was wrong with that one? I held it up questioningly. Rose looked over. "Oh, that guy isn't circumcised. Jasper probably is; most guys are."
Blood rushed to my face, leaving it flaming. "I wasn't thinking about Jasper! I was thinking about . . ." I stopped there, because I couldn't think of a lie that was even slightly believable.
"You weren't?" Bella cocked her head. "Really? Because I was thinking about Edward."
I appreciated her attempt to put me at ease. "You were?"
"Of course she was. Alice, it's okay to think about Jasper like that. He's your boyfriend, and part of dating him is being sexually attracted to him. There's nothing wrong with it."
Tears pooled in my eyes. "It doesn't make me a slut?"
"Of course not! It makes you a normal girl with normal feelings. It just feels strange to you because you've never felt like this about a boy before." She rubbed my back gently. "It's fine to be curious. Now, do you have any questions? Anything you see make you curious?"
Everything I was seeing made me curious. But I had no idea what to ask. Even if I was able to see Jasper naked, I didn't know what to do with him. What if he wanted to put it inside of me? "How do I stop him when . . . if we start?"
"By saying 'stop.' Jasper will listen, and, if he doesn't, scream the walls down. But you have to say it. You can't just trust that he'll read your mind and know when you're uncomfortable."
"He won't be mad?" That was my biggest fear. That Jasper would lose interest if I didn't put out for him.
She rolled her eyes. "Alice, that boy thinks the sun rises and sets on your every whim. He won't be angry at you for making the limits clear.
"Now, Bella, that penis you saw, did you touch it?" Rose had turned on Bella, and I was glad to have the attention off of me.
"No! I took one look at it and started laughing. Alice, you can't imagine how stupid it looked, just bobbing and waving hello. He was pretty offended." She giggled at the memory. "It didn't go down, though."
Rose laughed, too. "Boys to tend to get a little offended when you insult it, and laughing counts. Like having a penis is that great." Then she flicked an eyebrow. "Well, it is kind of great, but only in a 'what can it do for me' sort of way. Other than that, they're just weird."
I snuck another look at the pictures that were still on display. Weird didn't even begin to cover it. How could I possibly ever let Jasper shove one of those inside of me?
"What should I do with it?" Bella couldn't tear her eyes off of the pictures. "I mean, provided I can get him to acknowledge that he has one."
I would be perfectly happy to spend my entire life without anyone acknowledging that Edward had a penis. Emmett, too. Even Jasper. No, not Jasper. Jasper was allowed to have one. I just didn't want to see it yet.
"Whatever you want to. Remember, Bella, boys don't expect that you'll just put out for them the first time. They don't even expect that you'll suck it. Considering that you're dealing with a pair of virgins, you may not even have to directly touch it. Just try rubbing over the underwear. That should get him off the first couple of times."
I couldn't even imagine doing that. "What if he wants to touch me?" The words popped out of my mouth before I could stop them. There was the slut in me again, running her mouth.
"If you want him to, let him. If you don't, tell him no. Remember, no man, no matter how much you like him, has the right to touch any part of you if you say no." Rose kept repeating that, but I couldn't imagine myself telling Jasper no in real life.
"Have you ever told Emmett no?" Emmett was twice Jasper's size, so if Rose could put him off, maybe I could do it to Jasper.
"Alice, Emmett has to hear no at least once a week. Sometimes I don't have time, sometimes I don't feel well, and sometimes I just plain don't want to. He has a perfectly functional hand if he's that desperate for sex.
"Okay, girls, do you know what this is?" Rose reached into her bag and pulled out a . . . was it a curling iron?
Bella covered her mouth and gasped. "Oh my God. Where did that thing come from?"
"The internet. , if you want to be specific about it. I named it Bob."
Oh, God. That thing wasn't a curling iron, it was a sex toy. And it was huge. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
"Alice! Chill out, girl, it's okay." Rose dropped her hand, pulling the offending item out of sight. "There's no reason to be upset."
Easy for her to say! She didn't have that horrible contraption pointed straight at her! "It's not okay! It's horrible!" If Jasper's . . . you know, his thing, was anywhere near that size, I was breaking up with him right now. There was no way I was getting anywhere near it.
I realized that I was reverting back to being a little girl, unable to even use the correct word for a body part, but I couldn't help it. I was scared, and tears were already forming in my eyes.
"No, it isn't." Rose was gentle. "It's not horrible, and it's not going to hurt you. That's the nice thing about one of these. You're totally in charge of it. No one can force you to do anything, or put it anywhere that you don't want to." She held it out gently, and I surprised myself by taking it.
It felt . . . strange. Like poking Jell-O right after it set. Only this thing didn't squish when I gave it an experimental squeeze. Was this what an actual penis felt like?
Bella pushed me aside. "Alice, you're hogging it. I've never seen one up close before." She poked it herself. "How weird." Then she made a horrible face. "Wait, this thing is clean, isn't it?"
That thought was enough to make me shudder and drop it on the ground. Rose smirked. "Well, it was until Alice dropped it. Don't worry, ladies, this thing is brand new. If you're lucky, I'll let one of you take it home with you after this weekend."
I had no idea how I felt about that. Bella retrieved the toy from the ground and started poking. "Does it—" A buzzing filled the air. "Oh, God, it does." The thing was now vibrating like an angry hornet. This might just be the most educational night of my entire life. When Dad talked about sex, he talked about the physical act and the consequences that it could cause. He made it sound like something out of a textbook. When Mom did it, she talked about love and respect and tenderness. She made it sound like something out of an old romance novel. Rosalie was the one who made it sound like something that a person would want to do. And if she and Emmett were any indication, it was something that you wanted to do a lot. She was the only one who acted like it was not only loving and kind, but fun as well.
Bella poked me with the buzzing toy, which made me laugh. It reminded me of a vibrating light saber, and it kind of broke the tension. Maybe Rose was right. After all, it was just rubber and a motor. Plus, it was purple. How seriously could I take a purple sex toy?
She let us play with it for a few more minutes before holding out her hand to take it back. "All right, girls, relinquish the plastic penis."
Since neither Bella nor I could tear our eyes off of it, she hid it in her bag. "Time for your next lesson. Girls, it's time to talk blow jobs."
I screamed. Later on it would embarrass me that I freaked out so badly, but I couldn't help it. Rose clamped her hand over my mouth. "Quiet, Alice! Do you want Mom and Dad to come over here?"
The last thing I wanted was for Mom and Dad to come over and see dirty magazines and a sex toy in our tent. I shook my head frantically, and she let go. "Good. Now, this is getting a little ahead of ourselves, but I may not get another chance to have both of you completely alone for a while. Bella, there is no privacy whatsoever in our house."
I couldn't deny it, since I had been having the same thought this morning. Before I could say that, though, Rose's phone rang. She wasn't really supposed to have it, so she snatched it as quickly as possible. "What do you want?" It was a strained hiss.
She listened for a minute, then rolled her eyes. "Put Emmett on."
Must be Edward on the other line. Rose would never be mean to Jasper like that. He must have given the phone to Emmett, because Rose's entire body went soft and she automatically made what I always thought of as Flirty Face. "I was trying to explain a blow job, and Alice freaked out. There were pictures."
Not of the blow job! Emmett was going to think that we were looking at dirty pictures in here! I looked at the magazines again and shuddered. Dirtier pictures, then.
Rosie twirled her hair around her fingers. "I love you, too."
Bella gave me a desperate look. "How does she do that? If I did that, I would look stupid. She looks like a sex kitten. Life is very unfair, Alice."
My hair wasn't long enough to twirl like that, but I was sure that I wouldn't look like a sex kitten, either. At best, I would be cute, like a normal kitten. "Yeah, it really is."
Rose hung up her phone. "Now, where was I?" Her blue eyes were sparkling, and I knew that she remembered exactly where she had been. "Ah, yes, the blow job."
"Why?" The word popped out without my permission. "Why would anyone want to do that?" I didn't want to sound judgmental, since I knew that Rosalie had to do it for Emmett, but I really didn't understand. It was disgusting.
"I'm with Alice. No offense, Rose, but it does sound gross."
I wasn't sure if Bella was telling the total truth there or just trying to stick up for me. Her hand found mine and gave it a quick squeeze.
"Of course it sounds gross. But you don't do it for you, you do it for them. When you love someone, you want them to feel good all of the time, and boys feel good when you do it. Not that you ever have to, but you'd be surprised about how much you'll want to."
I certainly would be surprised. Because Jasper would be crazier than I am if he thought that I would ever do that. But what if he just found someone else to do it for him? I wasn't sure who I thought that person might be, since Jasper never saw anyone outside the house, but I have a very fertile imagination and an endless capacity for worry.
"But . . ." I stopped because I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. I didn't want to contradict her, because I was sure that she was right. But I just couldn't imagine doing that in a million years.
"Alice, I've already told you how this works. When you're ready to do these things, and he's ready, it won't seem weird or gross or wrong. Don't get yourself all worked up over nothing."
Tears pricked at my eyes, but I wasn't going to let them fall. I was already acting like a baby, and I didn't want the other girls to think poorly of me. I didn't mind being one of the babies of the family, and I certainly didn't mind being taken care of sometimes, but I hated it when people talked around me, or didn't tell me things because they didn't think I could handle it. That's kind of why I always make sure to be honest with Jasper, even when I know it's hard for him. "I'm not getting worked up over nothing." I could hear a childish whine in my voice and hated myself for it. Buck up, Alice. Whining like a little girl isn't going to make them treat you like a woman.
She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, just like when I was a kid and she was the cool older sister that Mom had brought home for me. "No, it's not nothing. Sex is wonderful, but it's not something that you should take on lightly. But when it's time, I promise that none of this will seem like a big deal. You'll be able to look at the guy and just know. That guy may not be Jasper at all; some relationships never get that far. So don't feel that there's some timeline for things like this. Just do what feels right, when it feels right."
Most of that made sense. The only part that didn't was about guys other than Jasper. There wouldn't be any. Period. Done. Game over. If I never had sex with Jasper, then I would die a virgin. Well, at least as close to a virgin as I would ever be after what James did to me.
But I didn't tell her that. I love Rose, but she doesn't always believe that I know things like this. She always says that she does, and I do think that she tries to, but she's just a naturally skeptical person. I know in my bones that Jasper's the only one I'll ever love, and I'm fine with that thought.
Which I guess should be my answer right there. If I was going to have Jasper forever, then Rose was right. There was no reason to rush, not when there were seventy years stretching out in front of us like this. If I could get Jasper through the next few months, and get him to stay with us and the family, I could have him forever.
I just wished that that didn't seem like such a big if.