I apologize if Hinata is just a little bit OOC *grins maniacally* but its more fun this way. If it displeases you that much, have patience my friend, because at some point, I'm posting a fic in which Hinata is back to her normal self… when speaking, anyway. *more maniacal grinning*
I stood for a moment over Neji's bed, watching my older cousin sleep. These were part of the few moments I got during the day to see his face completely serene and care-free. He murmured slightly in his sleep- something about Lee and a pickle- and I looked at the clock, trying my best to not start laughing, or let my imagination take hold of that one. It was about time that I woke him up- the poor guy was so forgetful these days, it was a wonder he remembered to get dressed in the morning. For all of his genius and mental maturity, his teenage years still managed to have some effect on him.
"Neji!" He stirred slightly. "Neji, you've got to get up!" This was also one of the most adorable looks on his face every day- that look of total and complete oblivion as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, adjusting to the light of the room. He gazed at me for a second before ruining the moment with a sarcastic grin.
"Fine, mother Hinata, I'm awake." Cheeky bastard. I rolled my eyes and moved to the far side of his room, attempting to hide the blush that still managed to penetrate my calm exterior. Inside, my brain was straining against my body, attempting with all it's might to control the sudden urge I had to kiss that grin right off his face. I turned back to him only to see him sitting up, rubbing his eyes regarding me with a confused look. There went my brain again, fighting even harder, because now he had revealed his bare chest to me, muscles rippling with every movement he made, and I wanted so badly to fuck the mission and keep him prisoner in his own bed for the rest of the day. "Why exactly do I have to get up? It's a Saturday morning." He looked at the clock and did a double take. "And it's way too early for anyone to be up! Four-thirty, Hinata?"
"You of all people would be up earlier than this usually. We have a mission today, remember?" I think some of my inner-frustration with myself leaked out into the look I gave him. It was all the more adorable in the way he looked right back at me, contemplating, and then the message hitting home.
"Oh! Damn… the farther I travel into teenage-hood the worse my memory gets…" I let a giggle escape my lips at the hopeless look on his face and rolled my eyes, dismissing my own silliness.
"Well hurry up and get ready, Tenten will probably already be waiting by the time we get to the gates."
"Fine, fine," he mumbled, sounding slightly bothered. I felt my face heat up as soon as he climbed out of the bed. He was naked, again. And oblivious to it. This was not the first time I had wanted to hold him captive in his own bedroom. This was not the first time I had wanted to pin him between me and the dresser he was now standing in front of. This was the first time it took every ounce of self control I had to not let my urges completely take me over. Damn, I thought, what the hell is wrong with me?
As soon as he noticed that he wasn't wearing anything, the blush in his face had almost enough power to rival mine as he pulled a towel off his dresser and wrapped it around his waist. Though I doubted it, I hoped like hell that he wouldn't notice my clenched fists. Or the fact that I was fighting every cell in my body against what it wanted to do- and what I wanted to do, but knew definitely wouldn't have the end result I wanted (no matter what Tenten told me).
"I, uh, guess I'll get my shower now…" His speech snapped me out of my own mind.
"Um, yea okay. I'll get your stuff packed and then I'll be in the kitchen." I was surprised that my voice was fairly steady… despite the waves of desire still ripping through me. As soon as his bathroom door was closed and the water was running I went and sat down on his bed, letting out a breath I had not knowingly been holding. Being near him was bad enough; being near him while he was naked was just making everything worse. I couldn't get over the fact that I was so strongly attracted to the young man that I had once so greatly feared. I had been afraid of him since the moment I met him. But over the years, this fear… the flames of fear were drenched in the waters of love. He stopped hating me, became the cousin he was supposed to be… and I fell in love with him. Silly little Naruto was erased from my mind and replaced with my strong, handsome, genius of a cousin. But it wasn't right, no matter what my body told me- he was my cousin. You are not supposed to fall in love with your cousin, let alone fantasize about holding him captive in his own bedroom and living out every sexual fantasy the two of you had ever had.
I got up and laid out a clean set of clothing for him. As I packed his things for our mission, I let myself fantasize about stripping down and climbing naked into his bed, laying myself out in wait for him to walk out of the bathroom; hair hanging in wet strands around his intense face, damp towel failing to hide the growing erection at the sight of me, protected only by the red silk sheet which would cling to every little curve, revealing nothing and everything all at once. I could picture the faint pink blush that would spread just across the bridge of his nose as I would carelessly sit up, letting the sheet slip off of me, and pull him close with one hand, pulling his towel off with another. I could almost feel his warm body covering mine as he would slide into his own bed with me; as he would trail his long fingers over my body, leaving a trail of fire in their wake…
I was woken from my fantasy by the sound of the shower being turned off… and moments later, back on. This time, the sound of the hot water pump, however, did not accompany the sound of running water. I grinned, wondering what had triggered Neji's sudden need for a cold shower. This one would most likely not be quite as long as the first, so I closed up his packed bag, and quickly made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I fiddled around with random things, neatening up a bit, and hummed to myself as I waited for him to dress and make his way downstairs. When he finally came down, I noticed that he paused outside of the kitchen door.
"Almost ready to go?" He jumped when I spoke.
"Erm, yea…" He made his way into the kitchen and his face revealed his surprise at me detecting him. "How did you-"
"Know you were there?" I finished the sentence for him "I'm a kunoichi, Neji. Do you expect me to just sit there oblivious as someone could sneak up on me? I didn't think so." He watched me for a moment, his expression going slightly… odd. "Earth to Neji?" That snapped him out of his daze. I wished I could have kissed him out of it.
"Ah…erm…sorry. Um, yea I'm ready. Er… thanks for packing my stuff." How awkward… was he uncomfortable with me still, after all those other times seeing him worse that he was this morning? Oh well, let him be awkward, I thought, better not bring it up either way.
"Would you stop doing that? I always pack your stuff, whether I'm going with you or not." Since by now, we really had to get going, I tossed him his pack, slinging my own over my shoulder, and brushed past him, still resisting the temptation to kiss him out of his daze. I watched his chakra as he quickly followed behind me, and I also noticed that the heat in the energy he gave off was steadily increasing. Sneaking a quick glance behind me, I quickly saw that he was in need of another cold shower, and probably a rather long one too. His face was tinted pink just across the bridge of his nose, and his eyes were slightly out of focus with his lips parted just the tiniest bit. And the size of the painful looking erection he sported could probably have beat out how erect he had been on several of the mornings I had had to wake him up. My mind once again fought to find a reason for my normally strictly restrained and slightly prude cousin to be looking so… distracted. I couldn't help but think that it was a damn good thing that I was female; it was a damn sight easier to keep the line of thought in my mind a secret. Because the sight of him like that made me want to take every advantage of him that I could. Right there, in the middle of the street.
As soon as I had seen his state of mind, I looked straight ahead again. I didn't need him to catch me watching him like that, and I certainly didn't want to provoke my urges any further than they already had been. I heard him faintly sigh behind me, sounding frustrated. Resisting the urge to smile, the thought crossed my mind that I probably would have slipped up and all out groaned in frustration if I had been him. That thought was quickly replaced with yet another urge; this one to help him ease some of that frustration. Tell him I knew exactly what he was going through. Thankfully though, we reached the front gates (and Tenten) before I had the chance to give in to that urge.
"Good morning, you two." I answered Tenten's knowing smile with a grin and a simple "We should get going," as I walked past her and pretended not to notice where her eyes ended up on the body of the man behind me. I listened closely as Tenten began whispering to Neji.
"You really gotta stop walking behind her- you might get caught one day with those dirty intentions of yours." My gut clenched as she snickered, realizing that she was talking about me. What did this mean? "As soon as we get some time away from her, you gotta tell me all about this fantasy." Fantasy… about me? Neji, fantasizing about me, and looking like that… I felt sparks fly over my skin at the idea. But it couldn't be me, not at all. I was his cousin, after all. Proud, genius, noble Neji could never allow himself to think like that about his cousin. But then again, nobody would expect that from me, either.
"Not a chance," He whispered, sounding bitter in his reproach. Obviously, he didn't take well to Tenten's teasing. Then again, I never did either. Being futilely in love with your cousin wasn't exactly something you'd be all that willing to joke about. I figured I'd save him, somehow, from having to deal with her for a few more moments at least. And save myself for a few moments from the whirlwind of thoughts my brain had conjured up upon hearing Tenten speak to him like that.
"Okay now, why exactly are we out on a stupid C rank mission at this age and skill level?" Hopefully, he didn't think I had overheard them speaking. If so, he didn't say anything about it.
"Because all the kids are out on other stupid missions like this, and the one team of kids that isn't aren't allowed to travel for so long yet." Of course, Tenten spoke first.
"I thought we discussed this already in with Lady Tsunade yesterday?" I bit back a smart remark about him being too much of a distraction for me to focus on anything properly, and let Tenten speak before I pulled myself together with an acceptable answer.
"You know we're just complaining Neji, us girls tend to do that sometimes." What the hell was she talking about? She knew as well as I did that that wasn't the truth in this case.
"Actually, I was really curious this time. I was sort of… distracted yesterday. So I missed just about everything." I hoped like hell that he wouldn't ask any more questions.
"Distracted? With what?" Sadly, the gods were against me today. I felt my face heat up as I remembered how I hadn't been able to get my mind off of throwing him right onto Lady Tsunade's desk and… well, you know the rest.
"N-nothing," I heard the high-pitched squeak that was my voice and had to hold back a cringe as I moved to walk ahead of them again, hiding anything that my face might give away. Tenten restarted the whispering.
"I bet it was you she was thinking about." She certainly had that one right. Why was she telling him this..? "What?" From the defensive tone in her whisper, he must have rolled his eyes or given her one of his looks. "I'm serious. I keep telling you, she likes you too." He actually had a fully-formed sentence for her this time.
"Stop making me hopeful, it kills me bad enough to know my intentions are disgusting; I don't need you encouraging them." My mind went right back into overdrive after he said this. I understood his pain almost too well.
"You have no intentions, Neji. You are a respectable gentleman. You just have feelings that seem to be in the wrong place. If you had intentions, you would act upon them. Which I still think you should anyway." He gave an impatient-sounding sigh at this, and I silently agreed with Tenten. If only he realized that I felt just the same way…
"I absolutely can not act upon anything!" He sounded absolutely furious. "She is my cousin, my feelings are in the wrong place, it is not meant to be, no matter how much I love her, end of story!" It hurt to hear that out of his mouth, so much worse than it did to hear it in my own thoughts. It hurt to hear the pain in his voice that had immediately shut Tenten up. As soon as it was quite, I noticed I had been humming. I continued, so as not to seem suspicious. Humming while listening for or to people was not a good habit to get into… but at the moment, I didn't care, because at the feel of his energy, it was relaxing Neji. That must have been why he had also stopped outside of the kitchen this morning.
For the rest of the day, the two stayed quiet, Neji, I assumed, lost in thought, and Tenten finally probably just knowing to give both of us the space to think things over. And I certainly did some thinking. After a while, though, Tenten obviously just couldn't help herself any longer.
"Neji are you sure you don't want to say anything to her? It's worth a try at least…" I had to give her credit; she knew that no matter how much proof I had, I still didn't have the balls to talk to him. I didn't know how to do anything other than control the urges I had for him.
"I'm positive. She can't possibly feel towards me the same kind of love I do for her. She is my cousin, Tenten. I don't care how much I wish it otherwise; it cannot and will not work. Now please, stop trying to convince me." His whispered voice was stern, but I head a quaver in it. If she pushed this much further…
"Tenten please…" I think the only reason she let him cut her off was because he had dropped the façade, and now all you could hear in his whispered tone was weakness, and pain. "Just… please just drop it, okay? You don't know how much this hurts me, just to talk about. I don't need you confusing me as well, or getting my hopes up." Hearing this quieted Tenten finally, and I felt her giving in. It also made me want to stop right there and hold him; tell him that everything was going to be okay because I do love him, and no matter what we were to the rest of the world, no one could change that. I wanted so badly just to turn around and kiss him; to show him that all this pain was for nothing. But no matter how much I wanted to, I still couldn't bring myself to even look at him. So long resisting my urges and I had forgotten how to let myself do what I wanted. I had forgotten how to let my urges simply claim me. I had also lost the nerve to let myself do or say anything to him.
After the sun started to set, we walked a bit more before I picked out an adequate camping spot. "Should we stop here?" This was the first time I had been able to bring myself to look him in the eye since we were in the kitchen this morning. Now I could identify the way he looked at me. The emotions in his eyes reflected almost perfectly everything I felt for him. There was love, and pain, and confusion; so much damned pain and confusion. I had to look away before… I don't know what I looked away for. Instinct by now, I guessed; so long controlling urges and pushing feelings aside that even now when I could do as I pleased, I still wouldn't let myself.
"Yea, it's good. I think there's a stream a little ways that way too." He pointed into the trees, and I nodded, hearing the running water as well. We all stayed silent as we set up camp. I tried as best I could to work up the courage and finally say something. Before I could do this, though, we finished setting up and Neji grabbed his pack up, already heading in the direction of the stream.
"I'm going to go see if it's fit for bathing in." Tenten and I nodded, letting him go off on his own. He needed the time to himself, and I needed the time to talk to Tenten. I followed his chakra though, until he came to a stop, and didn't turn back around. Obviously, it was good enough for him to bathe in. I sank down to the ground, letting myself unravel, and looked towards Tenten with tears blurring my vision.
"Tenten, I don't know how I'm ever going to talk to him. I've been holding back for so long, that I've forgotten how to let go." She regarded me with a tinge of pity in her eyes. The tears spilled and I ignored them as they flowed freely down my face. "Listening to him talk, and so hopelessly… it's horrible to hear him so upset. I couldn't bear the pain I heard in his voice, and at just a whisper. I can't bear the pain, and the confusion I now see in his eyes when he looks at me. What am I supposed to do?" She didn't answer, just hushed me as I sobbed, and took me into her arms to comfort me while I cried. I don't know how long I cried for, but it seemed like seconds later that she finally spoke.
"Here's your chance, Hinata." Every muscle in my body stiffened when I felt his presence, knew he had heard what she said. Slowly, I separated myself from Tenten, sitting up carefully and turning my face to him; tear-stained eyes met bewildered ones as he took in the state I was in. "Hinata…"
See, told ya you wouldn't be bored. ;)