I am bored. I am so utterly, terribly bored I am gonna start banging my head against the window. Ooh, look! A fly!

Whatever. I'm still angry at Jerkward. He's such a… jerk. Yeah, that's it! A jerk! LOL, I crack myself up, sometimes. Anyways, I'll forgive him. He did save me. Even after I said he was a bad rock. And, he's a hunk.

"Hello, Edward" I tell him, sitting down on the chair next to him and leaning on the lab table. Angry sex is good, but normal sex… yeah. I'll be nice today. Maybe I'll get to go to his backseat today instead of Mike's!

He nods. He just nods. I sigh. Oh, well. No sexy Volvo backseat for me today!

And, suddenly, Meyer decides to skip a month – or maybe two – until I get over stalking Edward-the-beastly-guy and start to worry about the prom. My author is the best. She's so spontaneous! You never know what she'll do next! Maybe I should ask her to get me pregnant with an evil vamp baby…

"So. Jess asked me to the Spring Dance" Mike says one day in Biology.

"That's cool. Are you fucking her, too?" I ask innocently. I really don't mind, but I wish he'd told me. Threesomes really turn me on.

"No. I told her I had to think about it" He answers.

"Why? Do you wanna go to the cabin and play doctor again or should I wear the schoolgirl costume?" I like that costume. It's barely there.

"No. I want to go to the dance with you" Mike comments.

"Sorry, Mikey, that's where I draw the line."I tell him "Anyway, I'll be in Seattle that day"

"Bella… please! Oh, God, please, don't leave me!" Mike yells, falling to the floor and clutching my leg. Heads turn "Come with me! I love you! Bella, please…"

His screams fade as Mr. What's-his-name drags him out of the room with the help of some jocks needing extra credit. I sigh and see Edward watching.


"Are we talking again?" Cause if we are, you should know that my Jazz-player costume's at the drycleaner's.

"Not really" He answers.

"What do you want, then, Edward?" An orgy? I don't do those. Though Emmett looks really cute… And Jasper's muscles are dee-lishious.

"You actually own a nurse costume?" He asks.

"Of course I do! It's a basic requirement. So's the schoolgirl thingy" I add.

"A basic requirement for a what?"

"A… slut, I guess" I shrug "I dunno"

Edward looked appalled. I giggled.

"Right… Anyway, it's better if we're not friends. Trust me" No duh. What kind of hooker befriends her clients anyway? Or potential clients. Not that I get paid, but that'd be nice… And he meant it as an insult, anyway.

"You should've saved yourself all this regret" I told him bitterly.


"Yeah, for not letting that stupid van squish me" I added. Emoward frowned, looking furious.

"You think I regret saving you?" He asks. He actually looks pretty cute when he's all confuzzled. I just wanna take him home and give him milk and cookies. Or let him rip off the schoolgirl disguise. He can pick.

"I know you do" I answer, because, well, what else was I supposed to say?

"You don't know anything" Hon, I know how to make you grovel at my feet and beg for more, so we shall sonclude that I actually know plenty, OK? I mean, ouch.

I turned around and sweeped out of the room before "accidentally" dropping all my books. Oops. Klutsy ole me! I guess I'll just have to bend over and let Hunkward get a glimpse of my new sapphire thong – not from Victoria's Secret. Couldn't afford one of those.

But suddenly he's right there, picking them up. Damn that boy! I have not had this much trouble seducing anyone since I decided to practice on John Guse back in Arizona, and everyone knows it only took so long because he was gay. Oh, well. I got him to drop his boyfriend, at least, so even Gayward shouldn't be a problem.

"Thank you" I say, mad that he had unconsciously foiled my attempt at seduction. Hey, a girl can dream, right?

"You're welcome" I straighten up once more, ignoring the guys staring at my ass and stalk off for another session with my phone in the girl's bathroom. What? It's not like I'm cheating on him.

All's fair in love and war, after all.

Guys, I know you're all tired of my pitiful excuses but I just started a blog called Diary of a not-so-popular fanfiction author (.com), started school again (ewww) and kinda sorta lost my Twilight book. Yeah. So.

If you guys could check out my blog and/or Best Served Cold (my one-shot) and actually REVIEW I would really appreciate it. In the case of the blog, though, a simple PM would suffice if you can't comment.