Life Without Oxygen

Major long ranting A/Ns: Oh my holy stoats, and other small and deified furry animals. That took me from 4:00AM to 8:45AM thinking it up, and then from 8:45AM to 2:00 on the dot writing. And golly, my brain is dead. Which definitely isn't helped by the fact that I stayed awake ALL FUCKING NIGHT thinking it up. I've been up for 24 hours and counting, fucking hell my god I'm going to go die now.

Maybe.

Or I'll drink some tea with too much honey and fry my brain for a further too many hours on the computer.

That sounds more likely.

You know, the one serious problem that comes with four in the morning inspiration; it's fucking screwed to hell. Both literally and figuratively, in this case.

Oh, and the grammar (especially in the first chapter) is, excuse me while I repeat myself, screwed to hell. I have openly and bloodily butchered the English language, and you have my apologies. I had no particular reason for doing it (apart from, as I've mentioned, the four in the morning thing) other than that was how it was in my head (only there were a lot more 'and's and even more absurdly long sentences) and Naruto is rather drunk at the time. Not that that's much of an excuse, because it wasn't really meant to be because of that. I DUNNO! It was freaking four to nearly nine in the morning - my sanity is not exactly exemplary at the best of times, and I really don't think that this can be qualified as that.

Also, I am a hypocrite. I will freely admit to that. I have a habit of claiming noisy dislike of something (in this particular case: sniffling girly ukes) and then writing about them. To be fair, I don't usually end up writing twenty pages of the stuff. Quite frankly, I did not ever picture myself overcoming this particular violent anti-bias. Sadly (or not - you decide), I was wrong. Otherwise, I have no excuses. It happened. My brain is evil.

Warnings: NarutoPOV, weird writing style, yaoi, extreme gayness, cross-dressing (specifically Sasuke), uke Sasuke (seeing as that bothers some people, and it's not so very mild), underage sex, angsty sex, drunken sex, other sex and general unearthly hours of the morning weirdness. Consider yourself warned.

Disclaimer: Much as I am a firm believer that the purple butt bow and accompanying outfit is gay as anal sex, I have yet to see Sasuke himself in full out drag in the series Naruto. So I think we can safely say that I do not own the series; Kishimoto does.


1: Girl Sasuke

Age 15

There are three Sasukes. The first one is school Sasuke. He's the only one anyone else knows about. He's an asshole, and he doesn't talk much. I don't know him very well, he's too distant. We used to fight all the time, but we slowly grew out of that, and now he mostly just ignores me, so I do the same.

Then there's home Sasuke, or secret Sasuke, or girl Sasuke, whatever I feel like calling her at the time.

The two Sasukes live in the same house; I've seen school Sasuke's file, and it gives girl Sasuke's address, so I know. He's school Sasuke until he goes inside the house, and then he isn't there anymore. The only Sasuke inside that house is girl Sasuke.

Girl Sasuke is beautiful. I know her a lot better. I don't even remember when I first started going to see her, or why. I just do. I go there pretty much every day after school, and after school Sasuke has gone home. Girl Sasuke looks very like school Sasuke; they both have shoulder length black hair, and a heart shaped face and the most amazing, deep dark eyes and creamy skin. But girl Sasuke wears calf length dresses in dark colours like black and purple, and she always wears perfect makeup and pretty, delicate earrings (school Sasuke has his ears pierced too, but he never wears earrings, they're against school rules) and black see-through stockings without shoes.

Girl Sasuke has beautiful feet. She laughs at me when I say that (she has a beautiful laugh, too, but her voice is just the same as school Sasuke's, it's sort of confusing sometimes), and says that feet are meant for walking on, not for being beautiful. But her feet are beautiful and small and elegant, and she walks like she's dancing, and doesn't touch the ground. Of course, because angels fly, and anyone can see that girl Sasuke is an angel.

There's always alcohol around her house, here and there (I don't know where her parents are, or school Sasuke's, or if they even have any, or where they get the alcohol, it's just around), so of course it's inevitable that we'll end up drinking it. Alcohol is made to be drunk, anyway, that's what its for. So we drink it and get rather tipsy or maybe mildly plastered, and girl Sasuke dances around the living room on the ivory coloured carpet without touching the ground and laughs when she falls over because she can't stand up straight. I can't either, so I just sit on the sofa and laugh with her and watch her because she's an angel.

(Sometimes I think about it for too long and remember that girl Sasuke isn't really a girl, because she doesn't have breasts and I know she doesn't have the right parts down there even though I haven't actually seen it, but I can't think about it for too long or I get scared and forget that there are two Sasukes, even if other people don't know it.)

She crawls across the floor because she's too dizzy to stand up and clambers onto the sofa and sits next to me with her legs crossed, and one of her beautiful feet hanging gently over the edge of the sofa and bouncing up and down a little as she taps it to the music. She steals the bottle out of my hand and finishes what was left in it and then dumps it over the back of the sofa and we laugh at one another again because anything and everything is funny when you're drunk.

I tell her about her pretty feet again and she laughs at me and puts them in my lap and I stroke them because I feel like it and her toes curl when I do and it's cute, especially when she laughs and says it tickles. I tell her she's pretty all over and she blushes a bit and looks away and says thanks, and then I tell her about how she dances instead of walking or flies I mean, she never actually walks on the ground it'd look too dull and angels can fly like her because she's an angel.

She blushes again and looks at her hands but she doesn't look happy for some reason, and I want to know why, it makes me sad when she isn't happy, but she takes her feet out of my lap and tries to stand up properly, and she does even though it takes a few tries. She says she's not an angel, because angels don't lie. I tell her grumpily that neither does she and she half smiles wryly and says how do I know, if she's lying then how exactly would I know that? I mumble that maybe I don't know but I wouldn't care anyway because she'd only lie if she had to and she is so an angel.

Then she starts to cry so I get up and I manage it faster than her because I'm more desperate. I hug her really tightly and she hugs me back and puts her head on my shoulder and stays there for a bit while she just cries. Once she's calmed down a bit she raises her head and cups my face in her hands and kisses me on the lips and I kiss her back and she starts crying again but she doesn't stop kissing me. She sort of pushes me back until I fall back sitting on the sofa again and she climbs into my lap with her knees among the cushions on either side of my waist and keeps kissing me.

Her hands fumble down pulling my shirt open and then my trousers and inside my pants and she strokes my cock. It feels weird and unbelievably good and I just keep kissing her. I sort of shove the straps of her dress down off her shoulders and I know I should be thinking about that she doesn't have breasts because I like breasts they're really nice but she's an angel and angels don't need breasts to be beautiful right? I try not to think about the other reason why she doesn't have them. Her back curves under my hands and that feels wonderful too, and she's so gorgeous and she looks so vulnerable all of a sudden with wet cheeks from crying and her dress slipping off her shoulders and her hair messed up and her lips a little open moaning softly. She has the hand she's not touching me with under her skirt and I can feel it moving and see it and I can't think why it's moving like that because that's scary so I try not to.

She kisses me again and then I don't have to think anymore so I kiss back as hard as I can.

Her other hand leaves my manhood and slides under her skirt as well and if I didn't have my hands holding her in my lap she'd probably fall on the floor. She jolts and moans a lot and twists like she's in pain or maybe pleasure, I don't know, both. The folds of fabric above her crotch are pushing up too far and there's a dark patch of wet and I can't think about that I just can't. My cock is twitching on its own and I think about touching it but I don't partly because I'm pretty sure girl Sasuke would fall over if I moved my hands and partly because she's holding it again with both hands now and moving over it and sitting down hard so that she cries out and bites her lip in pain.

Her hole is so tight around me it hurts and she's breathing so hard and trembling and it must hurt her as well, I don't know. She's so burning hot and impossibly infernally tight and I can't breathe for a second especially when she bends her head to kiss me with all her might. She moans my name again and again Naruto Naruto Naruto, god, Naruto, and then lifts herself and thrusts back down on me like she's trying to pin me to the couch. It's working, because I couldn't move if you paid me, not away anyway, although my hips jerk up to meet her without me telling them to, I'm certain it must hurt her but she doesn't seem to care.

She tangles her hands in my hair and jerks on it hard, that hurts but I don't mind I just kiss her and dig my fingers into her shoulder blades, they move under my hands sliding back and forth as she rises and falls and her skin is so smooth and hot and slick with sweat. Her nipples are dark pink and pert on her flat boyish chest and they distract me from kissing her so I lick them and suck on them and she throws her head back and cries my name. Her hole clenches around me and I know she's nearly coming - I'm so scared - and so am I. Her hand grabs at mine desperately and shoves it down between her thighs and I'm touching her cock. The one I'm so scared of, that she shouldn't have and I'm scared shitless but I take it anyway because I know how much need she must be in right now and besides it feels like hot wet crushed silk because its slick with precum and velvety soft and suddenly even though it's scary I love it.

She grips my upper arms which are bare because she's pushed my shirt half off and leans down to kiss me and then comes into my hand and screams Naruto into my mouth. Her muscles tense around me and I come too groaning Sasuke against her gasping open lips. Her hands are in my hair and her thumbs are on my cheekbones because she was running them over my scars but now she's stopped.

Everything that was going fast, like us and our heartbeats and our breathing, begins to relax and slow down, apart from us, because we've stopped moving and are just sitting there, panting. I'm still inside her, and I still have her cock in my hand, and she doesn't seem to be moving anytime soon so I'm not letting go either, if she wants me inside her then I want to keep holding it too (god we're so drunk), besides its mine now I can if I want.

Shit she's crying again, falling with her head on my shoulder and crying that she's sorry why's she sorry didn't she want that? I did so why is she sorry?

She lifts her head and looks at me and her eyes are glimmering and a little puffy and red and her cheeks are wet because she's been crying most of the time while we were having sex as well. I lick the wetness off although I guess it doesn't really work (drunk we're so drunk damn it) it tastes salty and nice and she closes her eyes and rests her forehead against mine and whispers she's sorry again and again and again until I tell her to stop saying it because why is she sorry and she shouldn't be.

She says she isn't an angel she isn't anything she's a liar and a stupid sick faggot boy.

And then I find out about the third Sasuke who's called my Sasuke.

So I tell him so.

And I kiss the side of his mouth and his jaw and his neck and run my free hand up and down his back (I can feel his backbone he's too thin every vertebrae under my fingers) and then lick and suck and bite at the part of his neck where it meets his shoulder and there's a tendon and it makes him moan and bite his lip and his cock twitch in my hand so I leave a hickey and then I leave more of them all over his throat and shoulders and neck because I can because he's mine now.

And while I'm doing that I growl and mutter that he is an angel and he's not a liar and I'm the stupid one not him and he's not sick or a faggot he's perfect and I love that he's a boy.

Because that's true all of a sudden I don't care and I'm not scared anymore.

And he cries and makes his hands into fists in my hair and says shit Naruto shit thank you only he stutters and stumbles on it and then he says he loves me. So I lift my head and kiss him on the mouth and hold the back of his neck while we're kissing and I can feel the muscles move there as his jaw moves I guess and I say I love him too and he's mine.

So now I don't really see girl Sasuke very often and school Sasuke doesn't matter because my Sasuke is sort of both of them at once and sometimes he wears dresses and sometimes he doesn't but I don't care what he wears so long as he loves me and floats on air because he's an angel. I go to his house after school and my Sasuke is there and he kisses me and I kiss him and I love him.

After a while my Sasuke comes to school wearing a dress instead of school Sasuke one time and everyone stares and whispers. It pisses me off but my Sasuke just smiles and ignores them and dances on his beautiful feet. Some people stare at him the other way and like what they see, which pisses me off even more so I kiss my Sasuke in front of everyone so they know he's mine. He kisses back, so they know I'm his too. Later some guys from the upper classes come and call my Sasuke a faggot/cocksucker/butt pirate/anything else they can come up with, so I punch one of them in the face and break his nose. I get suspended for a week, which could be a whole lot worse (I could have to go to school for that week instead).

Sasuke skips school for the week that I'm suspended and we spend the whole time at his house with the phone unplugged because nothing else in the world matters but the two of us and each other and that we're together. The first night he wears a dress because he likes doing that and we go to his bed. I start to try to take it off him because I want him to be naked but he stops me and won't look at my face for some reason. I ask why and he won't say which annoys me so I try again and he yells at me and tries to get away. I pin him down by lying on top of him and kiss his neck and shoulders and ask why because I want to look at him. He says that he won't let me look at him. I ask why again, why, why, he yells at me to shut up he doesn't want me to see that he's not a girl.

I growl at him for being a dumbass I already know he's not a girl I want to see him because he's beautiful, damn it. He starts to cry which is a little scary because he doesn't usually cry when he's not being girl Sasuke or drunk and he curls up underneath me with his face buried in the mattress and says he's not a girl, he can't be a girl for me damn it. I roll him over and kiss his face and whisper that I don't want him to be for god's sake I love him as a boy not as a pretend girl so he should shut up and love me back. He says he does but he doesn't look at me so I lick his tears again and run my fingers through his hair, it's really soft.

He lets me take his dress off after that although he won't open his eyes and so I tell him the truth that he's even more beautiful than I thought and it makes him blush. I leave the stockings on and tease him because he isn't wearing any panties - he wasn't last time either - and does he ever under the dress? He says no and smirks at me and I ask is he trying to kill me and he says no he's trying to seduce me now shut up and screw him. I laugh at him and then kiss him and say shan't, but I'll make love to him if he wants. He blushes again and says yes, so we have sex and then he takes off the stockings and we go to sleep.

The next night he gets naked himself and I kiss him all over his body and tell him how beautiful he is and I even kiss his beautiful dancing feet and he laughs and says it tickles.

On Saturday we don't have sex, which I don't mind about I just notice since we have been every day until then. When we go to bed I figure we're just going to go to sleep and I snuggle up against Sasuke's chest for a bit because he's nice and warm and mine. After a while, though, before I start going to sleep he starts dropping soft kisses all over my neck and shoulder blades, so I realise he was waiting till then for some reason. I kiss him back and then he asks me sort of nervously if he can be inside me. At first I'm kind of scared but after a couple seconds thinking I think about shit how good it feels being in him so of course he wants that too, and he obviously loves it when he lets me, so it must be good, so I say sure. I don't say out loud but I think it I trust him completely, if he says it'll be good then I know it will be he isn't gonna lie about something dumb like that.

He says that it'll hurt at first but get much, much better. He sucks my cock first and then rolls me over onto my front and licks my hole. It feels weird but not bad, kind of tingly and strange, especially when he pushes his tongue inside. My body doesn't seem to want it there and tries to push him out, but it still feels amazing. Then he puts his fingers into my mouth for me to suck on, and I do because it feels good to wrap my tongue around something like he's doing for me, and my mouth is full of saliva for some reason anyway.

When his fingers are really wet he takes them out and presses one of them inside my hole instead of his tongue. It stings a little and feels weird because I'm not used to having anything in there but when he starts moving it in and out slowly it feels nice and my ass actually starts trying to pull his finger deeper, like it wants more wants his whole hand maybe all of him inside me every part of him so we're one person, so that we share every thought and feeling and part of each other. I think that I should try to find a better way of putting that so it makes even some sort of sense so I can tell him but then I forget.

When he touches something inside me my arms stop being able to hold me up and I land on my face like an idiot and just moan. It feels so weird but so fucking good I can't breathe. He does it again and I can't help it I just come from the rush and the newness of it. He adds another finger without stopping and strokes that part of me and prods it and pushes at it and it feels like I'm on fire. I get hard again faster than I thought was possible and my back arches and I start pushing back on his fingers trying to fuck myself on them.

Another finger makes it hurt and he moves all three of them inside me stretching me inside and out, it feels really odd but still not bad. The fourth finger makes me feel really full, and I'm certain there isn't room for any more than that up there, but when I think about the size of his cock it must be bigger than that, and I feel a little scared again. But he keeps touching the thing inside me and I can't help shoving back on his fingers even more and pleading for more, so I don't think about that I'm scared so much. It isn't enough, even though I'm sure that anything else will be too much, and it's confusing, so I just beg Sasuke Sasuke please fuck Sasuke shit even though I don't know what I want or what I'm asking for.

He takes his hand away and I growl at him in disappointment but he only laughs softly and says I have to be patient or it'll only hurt and I'll kill him for it later. I grumble and then feel the tip of his cock against my hole and try to consciously relax, because I remember from somewhere not sure where that that's what you're supposed to do. Then he's inside me and it does hurt, fucking hell it does, but he's kissing my shoulders and he takes my cock in his hand and strokes perfectly and all I can focus on is how good that feels not that my ass is on fire and there's something too big in there that shouldn't be.

He presses hard against the fire thing in me and I make a weird strangled noise. It's different from his fingers, way, way different, way better, a million times over, and my brain is dying I swear and I've never been so alive before. If it's always like this then I almost envy him. Only I want both because damn I love being inside him as well.

I come again with a cry over his fingers and the sheets and I feel my insides clench in a way I recognise, only it feels so weird and different being on the other side of it. He moans into my neck and I feel him inside me. It's the weirdest feeling, wet and hot and bursting deep in me where it really shouldn't be according to all sorts of laws of nature. But it feels good.

I'm lying in my come, two times worth as a matter of fact. But I can't be bothered to move, and apparently neither can Sasuke. Lucky he's not heavy. He whispers he loves me, and I say it too. After we've cleaned up we go to sleep literally wrapped up in each other, with our arms and legs tangled together so that we're inseparable.