AN: Yes, I'm posting another story before finishing ISFC. I will go back to it. Eventually =)
Enjoy and review!
Please . . . Think about the children. *serious nod*
Summary: The Cullens leave on a hunting trip, leaving Alice and Emmett behind for a whole weekend. Will the house survive?
"So . . . " Esme eyes me as though doubting my sanity. "You, my vampire husband with nineteen degrees in medicine and doctoring, deem it safe to take our family on a weekend hunting trip while leaving our two most mentally unbalanced children, Alice and Emmett, behind? Alice because she won't be able to drag her entire closet to Yellowstone, and Emmett because we don't want him getting arrested by rangers for attacking reservation bears?"
I gave her a sheepish smile. "It does sound pretty crazy."
"Don't you remember the last time we did exactly that?" Esme hissed, all traces of her smile vanishing.
"How could I not?" I'd come home to an office splattered in ketchup and nail polish, my emergency surgery tools replaced with vibrators in different sizes, and the word "buttocks" inserted randomly throughout the report I had spent an entire week working on.
"We did cancel the credit cards and have Edward drive over Emmett's weight set," I reminded her. "That might save us from a repeat."
"Let's hope," Esme sighed. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her waist, brushing my lips against her forehead.
"But if we do return to a half-demolished house . . . " Esme looked up at me from beneath her lashes coyly, and I swallowed. "You're paying for new doors. And windows. And furniture, for that matter. That poor Persian rug . . . " she lamented quietly.
"Wasn't that the one they made pudding on?" I couldn't help asking.
She glared at me.
"Emmett!" I squealed, flying down the staircase and smacking into my bear of a brother, who was just returning from another wrestling match with Bella. He just doesn't know when to throw in the towel and admit defeat. "Guess what?"
Edward groaned. "Carlisle and Esme are taking us on a hunting trip this weekend and leaving you and Alice behind, since Alice can't survive without her full wardrobe and they don't want to have to bail you out of jail for attacking protected bears . . . Again."
"Hey, that was once," Emmett protested as Bella, Nessie, and Jasper appeared behind them in the doorway.
"Jazzy!" I bounded into his arms. "Will you disassemble Edward for me? He's such a party pooper."
"I am not a party pooper," Edward pouted, before realizing what he'd said. Nessie was giggling hysterically. Bella laughed and touched his pouting lips before running her fingers through his hair.
"Whoa," Jasper said, kissing my cheek. "Emotion overload. Edward is more embarrassed than I have felt from him in decades, Bella is getting a little-ah, I don't want to say it out loud-lusty, Emmett is indignant and wants a rematch, Nessie will never look at her father the same way, and my beautiful wife is more excited than she is on Barney's delivery day."
"You guys are going on a hunting trip this weekend and me and Emmett will be home alone!" I beamed, then frowned. "But I won't be able to see you."
"Are you bipolar?" Jasper teased. "It's just two days, darlin'. I'll miss you too, though." I shivered upon hearing his old Texan accent.
Rosalie glided down the stairs, having heard the conversation. "Emmett?"
"Yes, Rose?" Emmett said like a docile puppy.
"If you lay a single muscular finger on my makeup, I'm burning the Batman and Catwoman costumes."
"Noo," Emmett moaned just as Esme and Carlisle entered the room. "Catwoman?" Esme asked with arched eyebrows.
"Nothing," Emmett and Rosalie instantly said in unison.
Carlisle inclined his head toward Edward, who winced as I giggled at his response. "I'd rather not explain."
"Well, children, as I expect Edward and Alice have told you, we will be leaving for a hunting trip this weekend to show Nessie Yellowstone National Park, hunting around that area. For their own personal sanity and criminal records, we are leaving Alice and Emmett behind."
I made a humph noise and turned up my nose. Emmett looked pained yet excited, eager for pranking but probably imagining a weekend without sex. Edward snickered, so I guessed I was right.
"Carlisle, the last time we did that-" Bella said warily.
"I'm sure they've learned their lessons," Carlisle said, sending Emmett and me a skeptical glance. "Everyone, go prepare for the trip. And it might be wise to lock up your possessions."
Sorry . . . I know that was short! Just an introduction, the next chapter will be longer. Any suggestions?