A/N: Neither of us Own Twilight or the characters, if we did we would be very rich. If you think we do own them, then there is a special place for you with padded cells.

A special thank you to Shantel who was more than happy to help inspire the gremlin in this mix to write, although it wasn't always on topic. Big hugs darling!

We promise smut in the next chapter, so please keep tuned. Oh and remember, reviews are love, and we all need love....Especially us if you want some smut.

It had been a stressful week at work, but finally Carlisle was home and had three days of peace before he was back on duty at the hospital. Although he adored his job, he still treasured these little breaks where he didn't have to worry about anything but his family. Today had been particularly difficult. It had started with him telling a seven year old girl that she had inoperable cancer and would die within the year, and it went downhill from there. He was very thankful that he was free for three days and could relax.

Entering the living room, he immediately noticed Edward pacing worriedly by the open fireplace, Esme had insisted on putting in on their last refurbishment. It was obvious something was bothering him and Carlisle wasn't sure whether he should enquire or leave his son to think over his problems and come to him if he required help. Opting to leave him to his thoughts, Carlisle made his way into his office and closed the door to the world. Pulling a copy of Hard Times out of his bookcase, he sat behind his desk and began reading, allowing Charles Dickens's prose to relax him and drive the demons of the day out of his head.

As he reached chapter four, there was a rap at his office door. Putting the book down, not bothering with a bookmark, he looked up and smiled.

"Come in Edward." He called, knowing his son had finally decided to come to him for help on whatever problem he was thinking so hard about. The door opened slowly, and as expected Edward was on the other side. Stepping in, he sat in one of the seats dotted around the room, and rubbed his temples in a nervous fashion. Carlisle's curiosity was spiked by this, but he didn't let it get the better of him. Instead he leant back in his seat, regarding his son and waiting for him to divulge what had been bothering him.

"I don't even know how to say this," he slowly admitted, raising his eyes to meet Carlisle's, "I'm probably being paranoid anyway."

"You know you can tell me anything." Carlisle soothed, keeping his eyes locked on Edward's face, "Even if it is paranoid, nothing you say will leave this room, and I can at least try to help."

Edward stared at him, probably reading his thoughts to ensure he meant what he had said, or perhaps he was just thinking about how to word his next statement.

"I don't think Bella is satisfied with Me." He finally announced, looking down at his hands again, seeming very embarrassed by what he had confessed. Carlisle couldn't help the smile which crossed his face at this confession. Ever since their marriage Edward had been paranoid about every little thing. Carlisle put his paranoia down to the fact that he couldn't read Bella's thoughts, but the silly boy was learning, so these little talks were getting rarer as Edward began discussing his fears with Bella.

"Edward, Bella loves you," Carlisle soothed, leaning over his desk and fixing Edward with a very fatherly expression, "She's so happy with you, you're not going to lose her, so don't worry"

"No!" he murmured, fixing Carlisle with a firm look, "I mean, not Satisfying her." Gesturing with his hands as he spoke, Carlisle suddenly got a very good idea of what his son was talking about.

"Oh," he breathed, thinking over the correct response to hearing that his son wasn't able to keep his wife happy in the bedroom department, although it didn't necessarily need to be in a bedroom. "So why do you think that?" He finally asked, praying that it was just Edward's paranoia which was causing him to feel this way.

"Because she told me so." He stated flatly. Ok, so it wasn't just paranoia this time.

"HA EDWARD CAN'T GET IT UP!" Jumping, the pair both turned to the open office door, to see Emmett with a shit eating grin on his face, and Jasper a couple of paces behind, fighting a smile. "If you needed help bro, you just had to ask." He continued with a grin, "I'll show her what a real man is like!"

"I don't think he said that." Jasper said quietly, the edge of his lip twitching with amusement, "He just said that he's not enough for Bella!" Fighting a smile himself, Carlisle, sent a disapproving look at the pair.

"Shut up!" Edward growled, before letting an evil grin grace his face, "It's not like either of you have any idea how to keep your wives happy. At least I'm trying to get advice to help me."

"Rose is really happy." Emmett spat out, his jovial face instantly twisting into an enraged glare at Edward's comment, "I'm a fucking animal in the sack, and I'm enough man to keep her begging for more!"

"That's not what her thoughts say!" Edward shot back.

"Boys!" Carlisle snapped, trying to stop a fight from starting. There was no way his office would survive if Emmett and Edward decided to duke it out. He wouldn't be lucky enough to escape with everything intact, not like the last 9 times.

"Rose loves our sex life," Emmett growled, "We're fucking great together, and no one can beat us at how great we are at fucking"

"Of course you are Em." Jasper soothed, joining Carlisle between the pair, "But surely listening to some tips wouldn't hurt? You might get some ideas." Edward snorted with laughter, looking over at Jasper as he read the Texan vampires thoughts.

"Don't pretend to be so high and mighty." Edward chuckled, "Alice is the least satisfied out of all the girls. She's bored with your activities. So don't think it's only Emmett who should listen to some advice."

"Edward, that is enough!" Carlisle snapped, placing a hand on Edward's chest and pushing him back into his seat, "There was no need for that, Jasper was just trying to help me keep my office in one piece." Sighing, he turned to look at his other two sons. Emmett looked extremely pacified by Jasper's words, but Jasper wasn't so calm. On the contrary, he looked like a kicked puppy. "Edward, apologize to your brother." He muttered, moving to sit behind his desk as he spoke. This little discussion was definitely going to take some time, and probably wouldn't be that little any more. Not with all of his sons in different stages of paranoia or in Emmett's case, denial.

"I'm sorry Jazz." Edward sighed, keeping his gaze locked with Jasper's as he spoke, "I didn't mean it, well not all of it. She is a bit bored, but she isn't that upset." Looking back at Carlisle, he smiled apologetically.

"Thank you." Carlisle replied, before looking at his other two sons, "You are welcome to pull up a chair, if you want to talk about it or just listen to any advice I might be able to give your other brothers." Jasper was quick to take his offer, sitting beside Edward and still looking broken hearted from Edward's words. Emmett was a little slower. "It's not going to harm you," Carlisle soothed, "Just think of it as a way to spice up your love life."

"I'll stay," Emmett conceded, sitting beside Jasper slowly, "Just as long as everyone knows that mine and Rose's sex lives are fucking brilliant." There was a murmur of agreement from the three men, pacifying Emmett. "Ok, so what do we need to know?" That was the question.

"Well why don't you all tell me first just where you think your problems lay" Carlisle said, before sending a look at Emmett as he opened his mouth, "I know you have no problem Emmett, so just be quiet" Turning towards his other two sons, Carlisle waited for their answers.

"Bella said that I'm not original." Edward stated quietly.

"Well if Alice is bored, then I guess that might be my problem too." Jasper agreed, "Although, it's not like we only do it in one place or anything!"

"You actually do it somewhere other than the bedroom?" Edward gasped softly, his face looking shocked, "Isn't that a bit…unhygienic?" Carlisle shook his head at this. He wasn't surprised to hear this though; it was just like Edward to be concerned by something as stupid as Hygiene.

"That's stupid!" Emmett roared with laughter, "No wonder she's not happy with you, at least Jasper tries other places. You just need to bend her over and take her, whenever you want her!"

"Enough." Carlisle interrupted before another argument ensued, "I think I have a good idea where all of your problems lie," Fixing Emmett with another look, he managed to silence him again. "I know Emmett," He said, rolling his eyes, "Your sex life is brilliant, I still think I can suggest something to spice it up if you will just stay quiet and listen." Emmett seemed to consider Carlisle's words, before nodding and grinning wickedly.

"My lips are sealed," he chuckled, pretending to zip his lips, "Now what do you suggest Father dearest?" Smirking at Emmett's stupidity, Carlisle, leant back in his seat, thinking over how to word his suggestions.

"Firstly, Edward, I think you need to at least try and do it somewhere other than the bedroom." He said slowly, giving Edward a look which said that this was the obvious answer, "It isn't unhygienic, and even if it was, we're vampires, it's not going to kill us. If you're worried about it, then do it somewhere which is easy to clean or doesn't matter if it gets a bit messy!"

Rubbing his temples, he thought of the first place he had made love to Esme outside of the bedroom, and couldn't help his body's natural reaction. The moment he managed to get his sons to leave, he would be pulling Esme inside, and bending her over his desk.

A gasp from Edward pulled him back to reality, reminding him of his son's mind reading abilities. Perhaps he had been a little too detailed, but it would help give him some ideas, if not inspire him a little. Instead of feeling embarrassed, he turned his attention to his other two sons.

"Sex doesn't just have to be the same simple act." He told them, knowing Edward was probably not up to this little lesson yet, "You can easily make it into a game, bringing in toys, actions, or just simple commands to help spice things up a bit."

"I don't understand." Jasper admitted quietly, letting a wave of confusion hit Carlisle, before he regained control over his powers again, "Surely sex is only the one simple act? There can't be that many ways to change it." Chuckling, Carlisle smiled reassuringly at Jasper.

"In the most basic sense, there are only a limited number of ways to have sex." He agreed, "But each way has hundreds of different variations if you are willing to experiment."

"Yeah!" Emmett agreed, "You should have seen me and Rose this one time. She had this dildo and was…."

"EMMETT" Edward and Jasper both bellowed, looking horrified at what Emmett was just about to share.

"Too much info?" He asked, raising his eyebrow, "I told you that our sex life was…."

"Fucking brilliant?" Edward completed, "Yeah we know!"

"As long as you know." Emmett stated, looking proud of him self. It was obvious that he was sure that everyone believed his words, and not Edward's previous comments about Rose not being happy.

"Ok." Carlisle said, hoping that the little side conversation was over. With every word that he was saying and hearing, he was growing more and more desperate for Esme, and it was getting more difficult to stop his imagination running away with him. "Like Emmett was saying, there are toys which can be used such as Dildos." He said quietly, hoping he wouldn't be asked to go into detail about them, "I suggest you do some research on the different toys on the market before attempting to use any. There are also clothes which can be worn."

Jasper was nodding slowly, seeming to be memorizing Carlisle's every word, whilst Edward looked horrified and Emmett seemed bored. It was amazing how different in experience his three sons were. Obviously a sign of the society they had been born into.

"Corsets, Boots, crotchless knickers." He listed, "The list goes on, and it all depends on the couple, what you go for. I've even seen a pair of thigh length boots, with a bit at the side to hold a matching whip." He decided not to inform them that he had seen this exact pair of boots on Esme the previous evening. "That's another thing you could try." He continued, his attention slowly turning onto Emmett, "Whipping, spanking, or punishing your partner can be a very erotic experience, but I recommend you get your other half's agreement before doing it because some people find it a little demeaning."

"You mean like I'd hold Rose down and spank her?" Emmett asked, his jaw dropping and an excited glint appearing in his eyes, "And she would stay put whilst I did it?"

"Not exactly" Carlisle sighed, knowing he might have to be a bit more detailed with explaining this, "I mean you could just hold her down if you wanted to, or you could try bondage." He could hear Edward muttering in disgust at this. Honestly, that boy could be such a prude sometimes. "You could handcuff her to something, or use ropes to hold her still." He informed Emmett in a level voice, before turning to look at Jasper, "When she is restrained you could use toys to tease her if you wanted, or she could do it to you. The options are endless when you think about it."

"I can't listen to this!" Edward finally announced, standing up, and leaving the room quickly. If it hadn't been for his obvious arousal, Carlisle would have thought his youngest son was completely disgusted by what they had discussed.

"So I can just tie her up and do whatever I want to her?" Emmett asked, pulling Carlisle's attention away from the office door, "And she'll enjoy it? That's cool!" Jasper and Carlisle just chuckled at this.

"Why don't you go and try it out Emmett?" Jasper suggested, "I'm sure you'll be letting us all know how it goes. Seeing as our discomfort has never stopped you from discussing it before."

"Good Idea!" Emmett crowed, not seeming to pick up on the insult in Jasper's words. He was far too eager to go and try out a little bondage. Without another word, Emmett was sprinting out of the room, yelling for Rosalie as he ran around the house in excitement.

"I think I'm going to0." Jasper said quietly, "Thank you for the suggestions. I'll look them up online or something, before giving them a try." Rising from his chair, Jasper nodded a bow towards Carlisle before leaving the room, and closing the door behind him.

Finally Carlisle was alone again, and stuck with a rather big problem. As if reading his mind, the door opened a crack and Esme's head poked through the gap.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly, slinking into the room, and closing the door behind her, "You were in here with the boys for a while, talk about anything interesting?" His prayers were definitely answered.