A/N: I know I have taken ages to update and that is my fault (Taloolah) and not the Gremlin's but I have no excuse for you. I am simply a very bad girl who needs punishing! Anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter even though it is only short. The next chapter will be much quicker I promise.
Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight and if you think we do then you need the number of a good therapist!
Rosalie had been sitting on the sofa for what seemed like hours, although it was actually only a few minutes. She didn't know where the others were apart from Jasper. She'd seen him looking pleased with himself as she made her way to the house. In fact he was so happy that he hadn't even noticed that Rosalie looked ready to kill. He simply smiled and carried on his way. Rosalie had thought it odd that he hadn't noticed her emotions but she was in no mood to ask him what had made him so happy.
She had walked into the lounge and sat on the couch, ready to rip Emmett's head off if he even dared to come near her. She could hear noise upstairs although she wasn't entirely sure who it was. Whoever it was sounded to be having a bit of solo fun. That just made Rosalie even angrier. Why hadn't she thought of that instead of getting annoyed and tense? She sat there waiting for someone to arrive. She really needed one of the girls to come so she could talk through what had gone wrong. Actually she just needed to vent her frustrations to anyone who would listen.
A short while later Rosalie heard footsteps lightly descending the stairs. As she turned, a flushed looking Alice appeared. "Oh so it was you up there and you were doing what I thought!" Rosalie couldn't help but glare at the satisfied look on Alice's face.
"Don't get me started! I was left with no choice!" moaned Alice.
"You and Jasper are always fully satisfied. Don't pretend you're not!" Rosalie was beginning to let her temper take over.
"It's not funny. He tried to use toys on me and when I was starting to enjoy it he put these horrible nipple clamps on me and then didn't even realise that I wasn't enjoying it! In fact he was so happy with himself that he went to tell the others I think. So a girl had to do what was necessary!" Alice walked over and sat on the couch next to Rosalie. "What's wrong with you anyway? You usually enjoy your sordid little games."
"Well I should have known that you'd have seen what he was going to do! You could have warned me you know!" Rosalie leaned her head on Alice's shoulder as she filled in the missing information. "Oh yeah it's usually great except he didn't even care whether or not I was enjoying it! He tied me up then pounded away at me like there was no tomorrow. He had the stupidest idea of a safe word and then when I used the safe word he completely ignored it. The stupid oaf then had the cheek to assume that I had enjoyed it. He promised me pleasure and all I got was frustration!" Alice listened as Rosalie relayed the details to her.
"Something is wrong but I can't work out what. Jasper is usually so tender and gentle when we make love."
"Yeah and Emmett usually wants to give me pleasure on top of pleasure."
Alice thought for a moment. "It seems to me that they've been getting advice from somewhere and I sure as hell would like to know where. Whoever they've been speaking to is not capable of giving good advice!"
"Well when I get my hands on them I will tear them limb from limb!" As she said this Rosalie tore a scatter cushion into bits and threw it on the floor.
"I've just had a thought…" said Alice, "What if Edward got advice too? I mean we can cope with that but Bella always seems to take things seriously. Bad sex may put her off for ever!" The two girls giggled at the thought of Bella telling Edward she never wants sex again. Rosalie began to calm down as she and Alice shared the full details of their disastrous couplings.
In the distance they could hear footsteps. Bella stalked her way up the path towards the house. Her beautiful pale skin looked even paler against her wet hair. Her clothes stuck to her damp skin and she looked angry. She ran through the open door of the house and saw Rosalie and Alice sitting on the couch. They seemed deep in conversation.
Bella sat down and sighed deeply!
"What's wrong?" asked Rosalie as she turned to face Bella.
Bella sighed then tried to explain her predicament to the others. "Well, you see, I've been a bit bored lately. You know, in the… bedroom." She hesitated to allow her sisters to take in what she had said. "Erm, so anyway I told Edward."
"I'm guessing that he wasn't all too pleased with that."
"No Rosalie he wasn't. He brooded over it for a while and I thought he would be okay but he kind of went a little odd. He's convinced that I'm going to leave him because we have boring sex. I told him I wouldn't ever leave but I don't think he believed me. Anyway he came home today with this idea of how to improve our sex life," Alice smiled at Bella and started to chuckle to herself. "So I guess you know what I'm going to tell you already Alice so I really don't need to put myself through the embarrassment of telling you do I?"
Alice let out a giggle before she replied to Bella.
"It's not that bad and anyway Rosalie doesn't know yet and as much as I would delight in telling her I think that it's up to you."
"Oh come on you have to tell me now Alice has said that!" Rosalie simpered as Bella took a deep and unnecessary breath.
"Well I had told him that I was bored so he came up with the idea of having sex somewhere other than the bedroom. Except you know what he's like when it comes to hygiene so Edward decided we should try it in the bathroom."
Rosalie squealed with delight. "Ooh I remember this the time that me and Emmett…"
"I don't need to know thanks Rosalie," interrupted Bella. "So we went into the bathroom and it was going quite well when suddenly Edward seemed to get a bit carried away and, well I ended up in the bath after the sink totally broke. The worst thing is that Edward didn't even realise. I was just about to… you know… climax when I felt it break so it kind of put me off. Anyway the short version is Edward was fully satisfied and left me about to plummet into the bath while he ran off hunting with Emmett."
Alice and Rosalie began to laugh, much to Bella's annoyance. Alice explained that when you thought about it, there was quite a lot to laugh about.
Rosalie filled Bella in on what had happened to her and Alice and the girls sat and chatted for a while longer.
"Someone has been giving them seriously crappy advice!" Bella was angry now. "Who could it have been?"
Alice tried to remember anything that she had seen earlier on but nothing came to mind. "Well we know it wasn't one of our men because they all got it so wrong. Which leaves Esme, Carlisle or Jacob?"
Bella and Rosalie thought for a moment. Rosalie was the first to speak. "Well Esme would not have given sex advice to the guys I'm sure and Carlisle may have but he would not have given crap advice surely. Which leaves Jacob but I know for sure that Edward would not take advice from that dog. It must have been someone else."
"There isn't anyone else," argued Bella. "It must have been Carlisle. Maybe they didn't listen to him properly or something."
"We could ask Esme, she'll be here in a couple of minutes." said Alice. A couple of minutes later Esme arrived home, and was greeted by her three daughters.
"Well this looks ominous" she giggled, sitting down across from the girls and gazing at them in a motherly fashion, "What happened and who did it?". Smiling weakly, the girls explained their predicament, relaying what had happened to them as their mother sat and listened.
"I remember seeing them slipping into Carlisle's office before I went shopping" Esme recalled softly, "But I'm sure he wouldn't of given them such bad advice as that." Looking down at her hands she thought of their words. "I think you need to talk with him before jumping to any conclusions" she finally declared, "It might just be that the boys didn't fully listen to what Carlisle suggested". Bella found it hard to believe that Edward hadn't listened properly but the evidence was there right in front of her.
"When should we go and talk to him?" Bella asked softly, having calmed down a little thanks to talking things through with Esme. The only one of the girls who seemed to still be on the verge of homicide was Rosalie, and that was only because she didn't like her sex life being bad.
"He's in the woods right now" Alice announced, "Alone, so now would be a good time". As one, the three slender and sleek, slightly annoyed, vampires ran towards the woods, desperate for their answers. They were followed by a very amused Esme who was just as keen as they were to find out exactly what advice her husband had been giving to their sons.
A/N: Okay so I did warn you it was short but fear not for part two is coming soon.