Invisible Showy Lift

A Torchwood General/Humor Fanfic

As the leader of Torchwood 3, Jack suddenly realizes what it's been missing.

Rated K for lack of anything.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. All I have of it to my name is one book, which is currently at a friend's house.

A/N: I was going to flesh this idea out into something full-length and whatnot, but then decided against it. This is a conversation between Jack and someone else, haven't really decided who. I never say either of their names, so it could really be anyone. Maybe Suzie, if she came to Torchwood right after Jack was made leader, like I think she did.

I don't know how much time elapses at each of the breaks, and it's not the same, but some amount of time elapses at each one.

(373 words)

"We need a lift."


"You know, a lift. Machine that goes up and down and takes you with it."

"We have a lift!"

"We need a showy one."

"A showy lift?!"


"What on Earth do we need a showy lift for?"


"You are absolutely ridiculous."

"Thank you."


"Where would you plan on putting this showy lift, anyway?"



"Right in the middle of everything? Well..."

"Too showy?"

"No, it's fine on the showy scale."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing's the problem. Well, not with having it here, anyway. I just think there could be a better place for it."

"A showier place for it."

"Actually, no, a less showy place for it."

"A less showy place for your showy lift?!"


"You are completely ridiculous."

"I believe you already told me that, but thanks. Compliments are always appreciated."

"You are just – ugh!"

"I thought I was ridiculous."

"I'm leaving."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Then why are you headed away from our not-showy lift?"

"Shut up!"


"You still haven't left yet?"


"Why not?"


"Come on, I told I wouldn't report you if you wanted to leave. You didn't exactly opt to brought to Cardiff."

"It's not that."

"So what is it then?"

"The bloody lift's not working."

"Oh, so you're stuck here!"

"Don't sound so delighted."

"But you have to see it! The lift just happens to jam on the day I start planning my invisible lift."

"Invisible lift? I thought you said 'showy lift.'"

"Invisible, showy, same thing, really."

"Not exactly."

"For all intents and purposes of this conversation, yes, they are."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Wait a second..."


"I never said the lift was jammed."


"And, as you said, 'The lift just happens to jam on the day I start planning my invisible lift.'"


"So, everything's lining up a little too nicely for my liking."

"And your point is?"

"The lift breaking is your fault."

"Hmm, really? Well now, what are you going to do about this?"

"Fine, you can have your showy lift."

"Invisible showy lift!"


"You know, I didn't need to wait for your permission."

"So why did you?"

"I didn't. I just wanted to bug you."

A/N: Was it fun? Stupid? Pointless? Entertaining? None of the above? Well, review – otherwise, I won't know what you think!