Another one of my character unit fics (to newbies: my other unit fics are The User's Guide to THE JOKER and BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN and forgive this shameless fic pimping).
Disclaimer: I don't own Jonahan Crane/Scarecrow. I don't own Robert Capa. I don't own the idea for character units. I'm not making any money from this. Unfortunately.
THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR
JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW
TORMENTED PAST INC.
Ruining People's Lives and Turning Them Insane Since 1939
CHIEF TECHNICAL ADMINISTRATOR: AMADEUS ARKHAM
Congratulations on your purchase of a JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit!
You are now the proud owner of a brand new, life-size JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more BATMAN units from us near the future. To obtain maximum enjoyment from your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit please follow the instructions we have included below.
Name: Jonathan Crane
Alter Ego: The Scarecrow
Type: Human Male
Weight: 130 lbs
Manufacturer: Psychos R Us & Co.
Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit comes with:
One SCARECROW mask (made from 100 percent Burlap!)
Four spray cans of FEAR TOXIN (refillable canisters sold separately)
THUG Units and HORSE Unit sold separately
Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit has been designed to be both easy and fun to use. His controls are voice activated, and if you hold enough clout –e.g. you happen to be the leader of a shadowy league of assassins, immortal baddie, etc.– he will follow any of your orders. If you don't, he can be manipulated, slightly.
Besides being a really, really cute doctor fella and the Master of Fear, your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit can also perform various other functions.
Feeling down and depressed? Need to talk to someone? Afraid you're going crazy? Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit will help you through your troubles! With a Masters in Psychology, your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit can help you get your old life back – or make it even crazier.
Note: Tormented Past Inc. is not responsible for any accidents that take place if the nut takes over the nuthouse.
Partner in Crime
Have you recently been accused of criminal activity? Do you want to escape a jail sentence? Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit can help declare you insane and move you to his asylum instead, since the work offered by organized crime must have an attraction to the insane.
Need a reliable proxy to help settle and prepare everything that is required to destroy your designated target? Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit can take care of everything for you while you train the man who will end up ruining your plan.
Note: He's probably not very frightening to some guys, but the crazies... they can't stand it. And while he's more than aware that many are not intimidated by him, they know who he's working for, and when you get there...
So the key to your Master Plan is a weaponized hallucinogen that will make everyone relive their greatest fears. But how do you develop this dangerous biological weapon? Your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW is the man for the job! With a doctorate in Chemistry, he can create the terrifyingly potent fear toxin, guaranteed to give people complete psychotic breakdowns and to clear their heads.
Note: Tormented Past Inc. is not responsible for any fatalities caused due to misuse of the fear toxin.
Please clean your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit regularly, especially after using or producing any fear toxin, in order to prevent any unpleasant odours from developing and to prevent poisoning which may lead to hallucinations, psychosis and eventually, death.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: Before I unleash mass chaos upon my city, I'd like to know what exactly my JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit's fear toxin does.
A: Read the packaging. It forces people to relive their greatest fears. Those with no history of mental illness will suddenly have complete psychotic breakdowns. They scream and they cry. And if you give them a concentrated dose they haven't got long because the mind can only take so much.
Q: I want to create my own fear toxin. What are the materials I need?
A: The key ingredient for the toxin is the rare blue flower that grows only in the Tibetan Mountains. There are other chemicals required of course, but for your own safety, we suggest that you simply buy Tormented Past Inc.'s certified safe and trans-fats free Fear Toxin®.
Q: When I tried to poison my BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit with my JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit's fear toxin, nothing happened. Why?
A: In what form did you administer the toxin? The effects aren't felt if administered orally or through injections. It's a compound that must be inhaled through the lungs.
Problem: My JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit is leaving me! He claims to be an astronaut-physicist on a mission to reactivate the sun by launching a nuclear bomb into it in order to save the earth from certain doom! What shall I do?
Solution: You have accidentally been sent a ROBERT CAPA Unit from the SUNSHINE line of Units. If you wish to exchange the unit for a JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit, please fill in the form provided and we will be glad to send you a JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit in exchange.
Note: If you do wish to keep your ROBERT CAPA Unit, we strongly caution you not to buy a PINBACKER Unit as it may lead to the eventual deactivation of your ROBERT CAPA Unit.
Problem: My JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit poisoned me with his fear toxin, splashed me with alcohol and set me on fire!
Solution: Calm down. Relax. Chill. Take a seat. Have a drink. You look like you take yourself far too seriously. Do you want our opinion? You need to lighten up.
Problem: My JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit sold me drugs that completely screwed up my customers!
Solution: Buyer beware. He did tell you his compound would take them places. He never said they'd be places they'd want to go. If you don't like what he has to offer, you can buy from someone else. Assuming the BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit left anyone to buy from.
Note: Honestly, why are you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack over his head in the first place?
Problem: My JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit poisoned my RACHEL DAWES Unit with his fear toxin!
Solution: Unless you have a LUCIUS FOX Unit (sold separately) who can synthesize an antidote, she hasn't got long. He gave her a concentrated dose. The mind can only take so much.
Tormented Past Inc. is in no way responsible for any nightmares awakened, hallucinations experienced, extreme cases of psychosis suffered or fatalities caused due to the misuse of your JONATHAN CRANE/THE SCARECROW Unit or his fear toxin. We hope you have lots of fun psychoanalyzing people, turning them insane, poisoning them and terrorizing your city (we claim no responsibility if you are arrested and turned mad too).
You know, DC should really produce these units. They'll make tons of money.
Have a nice day!