Disclaimer: I am not Marvel, do not own X-Men or their characters (and the characters I add are inspired by, but still have a touch of my originality). I am not making money off of this. And this is going to count as my disclaimer for the rest of this story/series of one-shots/drabbles.
A/N: This is told from Bobby's perspective. If a chapter switches into another perspective, I'll tell you. It will be most linear in time line, but I may skip back every once in a while if I get inspired. If you have any requests for a little one shot (some inspired idea or something you want to know, like what happened with whatever) then leave it in a review or send me a message. Enjoy!
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There are few things quite like forgetting. This is what I felt like I had done. I had nearly no memories of the past year. What's worse than not having the memories is hearing stories about what a terrible person I had been during the time I had no memory. Dr. Roan explained it truly wasn't me, it was like I was a different person. On the outside I was Bobby, but on the inside, I was Drake and all my actions reflected what he wanted, not what I had wanted.
Kitty told me some of what I had done. She told me about Marie and how I had hurt her. One memory I do have is wondering where Marie had went. She normally at lunch with me, and one day she wasn't there. I didn't bother asking Kitty, who was sitting next to me for some reason, because this was Marie and if I didn't know where she was, probably no one but Logan would. I didn't remember hurting Marie, breaking up with her, or her running away with Logan. I didn't remember her returning either. I just remember that for a thirty minute lunch, I was there and she wasn't.
My first most recent memory was of waking up on the jet with Kitty holding my hand. She was nearly crying. She told me I hadn't been myself and I saw that this had hurt her, so I told her the only thing I could think of. "I'm sorry." And I was. I was sorry for hurting my friend even if I didn't know how.
The year spent with Dr. Roan had helped me greatly. I figured out what was wrong with me. Apparently the events of Alcatraz had caused some post traumatic stress disorder which had weakened my normal ego. When I withdrew, my alter ego, who I call Drake had surfaced. This alter ego was thanks to me having dissociative identity disorder. Dr. Roan thought this may be more common in the mutant population than in rest of the population. Jean Grey, Hank McCoy, and Logan all were affected to some degree Considering I know of three people who had some form of it and all of them were mutants, I believe the doctor's theory. Jean's was the worst though. Hank's took place before I ever met him, and Logan was at least in touch with The Wolverine.
I wasn't so lucky.
I was not aware of Drake. And for some reason he just consumed nearly a year of my life. Through hypnosis and a lot of psychotherapy as well as anti-depressants for the post traumatic stress disorder, Drake was pushed into the back of my mind and I knew about his every move. During my last month at the hospital, Drake did little more than make a comment every now and then. But I was in control once again.
"Welcome back." Emma greeted as I made my way through the front doors and into the entry way of the mansion.
"Thanks. Where is everyone?" I asked her, noting the seemingly empty mansion.
"Those who aren't in class here are in their college classes."
"Okay. Is it alright if I get some rest? It's been a long trip."
"This is fine. I will show you…"
"Bobby!" Jimmy said as he came running down the halls.
"Hey, Jimmy." I said as he hugged me.
"I will let Jimmy show you to your room then." Emma said. He grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to a floor I didn't know existed. It probably hadn't. He showed me my room on the new floor and came in with me as I put my things down.
"Piotr's room is next door. He is at the college right now. Do you really feel better?" He asked me.
"Yeah. I'm back to the old me."
"Good. I don't think any of us liked the way you were acting when you were left."
"Jimmy." I said before Jimmy was able to leave the room. "Thank you. For everything you did."
"We'll call it even. After all, you did save me once." Jimmy said and shut the door. A nap had sounded good, so I laid down on the bed with the intentions of closing my eyes and going to sleep, but my stomach had other plans. It's loud groal made me realize two things. One, I was hungrier than I had thought and two, I wasn't going to be able to get any sleep until I made it hush. I made my way down to the kitchen, hoping it was still in the same place. Luckily it was and as usual, there were a few people in there.
"Logan, could you reach me the oatmeal." Marie said from her position a couple of feet from the stove. It looked kind of odd her giving the stove so much girth. Last time I checked, she wasn't afraid of fire. She turned around and before I even noticed the all too familiar white streaks in her hair, I noticed the reason for the space between her and the stove. She was pregnant.
"Bobby? Is that you?" She asked, her smile slightly fading.
"Yeah, it's me. The real me."
"So I don't have to gut ya?" Logan asked me. If he had looked at me much longer with that look, the gutting wouldn't have been needed even if he was going to kill me.
"It won't be necessary." I told him. I was different than the person who had left. I looked around the room, trying to find anything to divert my attention from Logan's glare. My eyes settled on a sweet toddler with brown hair and blue eyes sitting in a high chair. "Is this James?" I asked Marie.
"Yeah. He has grown so much." Marie told me. Obviously still gushing over the idea of her son.
"He is beautiful. Takes after his mother." I told her, hoping the subject of his father wouldn't be brought up.
"Listen, bub, I think we need to talk." Logan said as he grabbed my arm and led me out of the kitchen.
"Logan, if you're worried about me hurting Marie or James, I'm not going to. That wasn't really me."
"Marie can take care of herself."
"I know she can. But I want you to realize I am different. The Drake that did those terrible things is no longer in control." He went quite for a minute, looking down at the ground and then back to James. I saw his eyes feel with someone which seemed out of place at first. Love. I knew he was capable of it, but it was rare for Logan, at least the one I knew before I left, to show an emotion other than anger and disinterest. It looked natural.
"James is yours. I want what is best for him and I love him, but…" I didn't know how to explain it. Saying James wasn't biologically mine felt like I was disowning him as both being related to me and denying the part I, my body had played in his conception. Drake was in control, but it was technically still my body. "You're his father. What Drake did made me related to James, I won't deny that, but what is best for him is for him to think of me as just another person, and you as his father."
"Good, we agree on something." Logan told me.
"Yeah. Maybe one day he will find out the rest of the story, we all should know where we come from, but it isn't what is important." I just hope he doesn't hate me.
"You know it's going to take me a while to even remotely trust you. After all, you tried to kill about three of us."
"From what I hear though, you cut me into pieces."
"Maybe." He said with a slight smirk.
"I guess I deserved it."
"Yeah." He said and went quite.
"Since you realize I mean no harm, can I ate least grab a slice of bread? I haven't ate in about 8 hours and it is possible for me to die of starvation."
"Sure thing. Just don't upset Marie or the kid."
"I don't intend to." We walked back into the kitchen where Marie had finished fixing the oatmeal and was bringing bowls of it to the table. I headed over the cabinets to grab some peanut butter in order to fix a sandwich, but my search was interrupted.
"Bobby, there's some extra oatmeal if you want some." Marie said. I smiled back at her.
"Thanks." I grabbed a bowl and ladled out some oatmeal and headed back to my room. The last thing I saw before I left the kitchen was Logan helping Marie down to her chair. She had to be due any time now. He was the best thing for her, two halves to a whole. While my heart ached knowing she had moved on, I was happy for her. What is it they say about if you truly love someone, you have to be willing to let them go? I let her go and she found comfort and a love which everyone already knew was there, with Logan. Knowing they were happy helped to heal a part of my heart that was hurting, and made me realize love is something amazing. The love we intend is not always as sweet as the love we stumble across, and never as strong.
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The days seemed to pass by fast. I called my parents to tell them I was back in the mansion. Our relationship had been strained ever since they found out I was a mutant, but we still talked. Kitty dropped by with Piotr when she found out I was back. She seemed happy as well. I didn't blame her for moving on even though she didn't admit it. I saw the look in Piotr's eyes as he looked down on the girl he surpassed by over a foot. She looked at him the same way; a mix between uncertainty, caring, and the hope of something more. I gave it two weeks before they finally admitted it to one another.
Jimmy and I became closer. We somehow bonded. He always felt out of place here, like he was unwanted. Knowing he was a mutant who could disable mutant powers in a house full of those who valued their mutations, I could understand why he would feel unwanted, mainly because I felt unwanted too.
It wasn't that people weren't supportive, they were. They seemed glad to see me back. But the wide girth the kept, the personal bubble they put up when they were around me, made me wonder if I would be better off at home. I stayed because I knew this place had become home to me. The smell of the wood and the way the light came through the windows made this place as much a part of me as ice. It was cold and seemed unnatural at times, but it was still me.
In time I would adjust and I only hoped everyone else would as well.