Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?
JxE Slash AH
So this is my first attempt at fanfiction, thank you for reading!
All suggestions, help and comments are welcome. Hope you enjoy it!
(Thank you so much CajunMomma for editing this chapter!)
DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.
Open the Door
Oh, God, I can't believe I kissed him!
What the hell was I thinking?
I'm now standing behind my closed door, almost panting, my heart beating wildly, and my eyes are now watery… Fuck! I NEVER cry! What the hell is wrong with me? How could I be so reckless, so impulsive?
I mean, I'm always the impulsive, tough, cocky bastard kind of guy, but not about him, NEVER about him. I slowly let my body slide along the door until I'm sitting on the floor, with my knees held tightly to my chest, silently sobbing.
I can hear him now, approaching the door, pacing in the hallway. I can almost see his hand running through his beautiful hair, his eyes closed, his breathing labored, desperately trying to figure out what happened.
He's been my best friend since Junior High; we've grown up together, always together. Best of friends, partners, accomplices, and we've been sharing an apartment for about 5 years from College to now in the real world.
I'm a detective here in New York at the young age of 23. Yeah, my charismatic skills and southern charm proved to be really good career boosters. Detective Jasper Whitlock. I'm a profiler, I just know how these bastards minds work, what makes them tick. I'm a strategist, and yeah, I like to take part in the action too, and I'm damn good at it. Well, not that good lately.
Edward, my best friend, is a theater director. He started his company two years ago with some of his grandmother inheritance, and recently he's been having a lot of attention from the media, much to his dislike. He loves the fact that his company is doing so well, it's his passion; he's just more the quiet "working behind the lights" kind of guy.
I'm not gay. And I've really been thinking about this A LOT for the past year. I just fell in love with Edward. I've always had this theory, about everybody having this sort of bisexual part deep inside, stronger in some, weaker in others, but there nonetheless. Maybe that's why I didn't freak out that much when I found out I was in love with Edward. Yeah, not THAT much. I've felt attracted to a lot of girls, and few, but to some guys too. But I've never felt this way before about anyone.
I can't exactly place how or when it happened. We've known each other for so long, that we developed these subtle details in our close friendship. They just became natural. Like the back massages we would give each other every other weekend, me making breakfast Sunday mornings, him fixing my tie before work, they just became routine. I never read anything in them. It was just how we were, the bonds and trust between us.
One day, I noticed them.
How my neck tingles when he would push back a lock of hair behind my ear, how graceful he is pacing through the stage in the company rehearsals, how badly I looked forward to those back massages, how bad I wanted to touch him. Until I realized how deep I feel for him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to jump, I wanted to scream, but most of all, I just wanted to kiss him, the day I realized I love him.
I remember well one of those transitional days, from best friend to best friend in love.
We just finished having dinner. Edward took the bottle of wine and our wineglasses to the living room and set the music while I cleaned up the table. I fell heavily into the couch with a big sigh while he filled our glasses. It had been a long week.
"Hey, you seem so tired. Is everything OK at work?" He asked giving me my wineglass, his brow furrowed in concern.
"Yeah, it's just been a long week, you know? I feel like I could sleep the whole weekend!"
"Come here, I have a better idea." He smiled softly and extended his hand to me.
I quickly complied because, really, I was dying for a massage, but was just too shy to actually ask for it. So I moved the center table and just laid face down on the soft carpet. I swear Edward is obsessed with interior design!!! Not that I'm complaining, really. I love what he's done with the apartment; it has this feel of intellectual, classic, home feeling. The small details are what really make it special, like that damn table he loves so much, his books, my old armchair by the window where I can read all day and this deliciously soft white carpet.
The moment Edward's fingers touched my back, my eyes immediately closed. He's just so fucking good at it! But while Edward was working on my neck, I had this tingling sensation that ran through my whole body making me shiver.
"Are you cold?" whispered Edward.
Am I? "Just a little."
He continued down my back kneading all the knots with his slender fingers. When he arrived to my lower back though, suddenly everything seemed so hot! I felt his warm hands spreading the heat to both poles: first I felt it reaching my cheeks in what I assume was a very obvious and unusual blush, and then I felt it reaching my South Pole, in what was an unmistakable and very disturbing erection.
What the hell is happening to me?
Edward continued, completely oblivious to all these disturbing facts, and my breathing started to accelerate. His hands reached a little lower, to where the back ends and the buttocks begins - and this was not unusual in our massages, I mean, we trust each other, we're friends, and there's nothing to be afraid of- but I moaned! I actually moaned!
"What was that?" He asked amused. "Am I that good?" He asked teasing.
I awkwardly laughed, while desperately trying to figure in my mind what the hell all these reactions mean. And suddenly, I was hyperaware of his scent, musky and sweet all around me, and his slow and deep breathing and the warmth of his hands against my body. And I wanted to feel those hands on other parts of my body as well, and I wanted to feel his breath over my face, and everything turned so confusing, because really, it was not the first time Edward was giving me a massage, but I have never had these responses and sudden urges before!
So I ran. I just stood up claiming I was too relaxed and wanted to jump in bed before I fell asleep. And with hurried thanks I left him there, in the floor, with a shocked and confused expression on his gorgeous face.
That was over a year ago. And I kept my mouth shut, because really, he's never treated me like more than his best friend. Yes, he would do all these gestures, but it really was just the way we were with each other. He's had some girlfriends in all these years together, and so did I, until the day I realized my feelings for him. He is sweet and caring and just great towards me, but just because he loves me as his best friend. I KNOW he's not gay, and I would NEVER compromise our friendship. Well, that's what I thought.
God! I really fucked this up.
I smash my head back into the door, one, two, tree times. How can this be undone? Can I turn time backwards, just a few minutes? Maybe five years? A lifetime? NO. I wouldn't change anything about my life, and Edward least of all. The best friendship anyone could ask for. He's such a great, caring, passionate soul. I could never find a better love. And I can't fucking believe all this is happening now, as if I haven't enough in my life right now!
Love. How completely those four letters change everything. One day I'm this clueless, happy guy, and the next one I'm hopeless and heartbroken. But the thing that makes me angry is that I WAS ok.
I decided a year ago to just be the hopelessly in love best friend. And I was content with my life. Accepting the little gifts of life in the shape of Edward's fingers kneading my back, the subtle brushes of our fingers when passing the salt, the glorious view of a shirtless Edward Sunday mornings, and the delicious cock hardening sound of Edward's moans over my food. Yeah, I was happy receiving anything life could give me. But I'm greedy, and I knew someday my body would shut down my mind and just try to get something more.
Well, congratulations asshole!
I've been denying myself for the last year. Never easy, but I made it ok, focusing on work: a great cover as to why I don't date anymore. I know Edward worries about me, thinking that I work too much, and that I don't take good care of myself. It's true. But the thing is, is better to distract myself with a lot of work, than spending my days moping around the house. And the last month has been crazy, trying to catch this James bastard.
So how do I fix this? I need to think straight, I need to focus. Focus Jasper, fucking focus!
"Jasper?" he softly knocks the door.
"Jasper, please, open the door. We need to talk."
So that was the first taste. Did you like it? I have a lot of plans for these two. Hope you enjoyed it and please review!